WHAT IS THE PERFECT AGE GAP?

Andrea - posted on 03/05/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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HI I HAVE A 15 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER AND I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE ANOUTHER CHILD BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT WOULD BE THE APPROPRIATE AGE GAP, ME AND MY BOYFRIEND (NOT MY DAUGHTERS FATHER) WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A CHILD OF OUR OWN BUT I DONT WANT MY DAUGHTER TO FEEL PUSHED ASIDE I WANT HER TO BE PART OF THE PREGNANCY, IM A BIT CONSERNED THAT TRYING FOR ONE NOW SHE WILL NOT UNDERSTAND AND FEEL PUSHED ASIDE AND NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I CANT PICK HER UP OR STILL BREST FEED HER, IM JUST SO CONFUSED, I DONT WANT HER TO BE LONELY. ALSO HOW DO PEOPLE COPE WITH TWO KIDS SOMETIME I THINK I WOULD END UP SPREADING MYSELF JUST TO THIN AND MY DAUGHTER WONT GET THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF LOVE AND ATTENTION SHE NEEDS!

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Kristal - posted on 03/08/2012

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I got pregnant with my son when my daughter was 1 1/2, and when he was born she was just over 2 years old. I took her to all the doctors appointments (even the ones when the doc checked me out), she went to the ultrasound, even to the appointments for blood work...everything! I included her in every part of the pregnancy. When he did arrive she was pretty excited to meet her Brother because she new he was coming, She did get little jealous because this new person was taking a lot of Mommy's time but I included her in everything and we even went out on Mommy/Daughter dates. She is 3 years old now and is soo in love with her brother who turns 1 next month! He still needs me a fair amount and I still take the time to have some one on one with my Daughter. If you are ready for another baby now, go for it!! Your Daughter will be fine! All of us first kids turned out okay, so will ours! Good Luck!

Louise - posted on 03/05/2012

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I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect age gap. But it is down to when you feel ready to look after two. I had a gap of 2.5 years between my first two and this worked well because one was out of nappies and a bit more independent as he went to playgroup three mornings a week to give me a break. Looking after two takes a lot of time management to make sure they both get an equal amount of your time and feel cheerished and loved. I have to say as babies they are fine as they grow up they do vie for your attention and fights will break out this is natural. I then had an age of 15 years and had another and this works out well too.



I have a son at uni and one at full time work and baby sitters coming out of my ears for my three year old. So you see there is never a perfect time, it is purely down to when you are ready. xx

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Andrea - posted on 03/09/2012

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thanks so much Kristal that makes me feel alot better (thanks to the other mommies aswell) taking my minni me with will be a good idea i hope she understands though..

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I know what you mean. I have a 5 year old son and I think it's about time my FH and I start trying again. It all depends on you. If you feel you are ready to try again

Brianna - posted on 03/06/2012

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i like a 2-3 year age gap. im expecting baby #2 and my kids will be 2 years and 10months apart which i thinkis perfect because my daughter will be old enough to understand better when baby arrives and will be my lil helper. I try to keep her very involed in the pregnancy and shes very excited.

Lacey - posted on 03/06/2012

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okay...i agree with everyone that has posted a reply. there definitely is no perfect age gap. it is most definitely what you and you boyfriend are comfortable with. my daughter wasnt even 1 yet when i found out i was pregnant with my son. he was born in june 2010 and my daughter turned 2 that november. so they are just about 18 months or so apart and it was a little difficult at first, but it worked out just fine. the first few months when the youngest sleeps most of the time, thats when i spent most of my time with my daughter. she was lucky to have an older brother, a cousin, and gma n gpa livin with us at the time...i think that helped out alot, she didnt feel so unwanted. you two just have to figure out what you are comfortable with and make 100% sure thats what you want.

Tosha - posted on 03/06/2012

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@teresa aka the queen. Good point about breast feeding.and it is easier when the other child is more independent. Great advice

Tosha - posted on 03/06/2012

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Personally I love my gap. My son just turned one and a month later my other son will be four. He loves to help with his brother and starts school in the fall so that gives me a break. I encouraged him to help with his brother and got him excited about being a big brother so he is not jealous.

Janice - posted on 03/06/2012

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My second child, son, came sooner than expected. My daughter was 16 months when we conceived. I really wasn't sure how I was going to handle 2 little ones but it has been pretty great. I stopped breastfeeding my daughter @ 17 months right before I learned I was pregnant. Once I had a belly we started telling her all about the baby in my belly. My daughter would often kiss my belly and place blankets on my belly for her brother. She turned 2 1 month before his birth and we weren't sure how much she really understood, but she completely got it! When she came to the hospital she was happy to see him and said "baby out belly". She brought me blankets and even put the stuffed animal my mother gave her into his hospital "crib".

My son is 3 months now and overall there has been very little jealousy and I have been able to give both children enough attention. There have been some crazy moments for sure and leaving the house with 2 is tough at first. It has worked out better than expected.



Of course every family is different so its hard to say it worked out for me therefore it will for you too, but If another baby is what you really want then take the plunge. I doubt you will regret it. :)

Candice - posted on 03/06/2012

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I had my 2nd daughter 2 days before my 1st daughter turned 5. I think the age gap was perfect. She had a month to spend with me and the baby getting adjusted to her and then started kindergarten which was nice for me cause then i had most of the day to rest up or get stuff done before having to divide my attention between two children. But at 3 you can also start pre-school. So i guess around 3 or so if your worried about the attention problem.

Bonnie - posted on 03/05/2012

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Different kids react differently. Some show jealousy others don't. I got pregnant with my second when my first was 13 months. My first and second are 21 months apart. There was never any issues. There is no right age gap, it's what you and your boyfriend are most comfortable with.



Having two close in age can be trying at first, but you just have to build a routine and get use to it. Personally, I didn't find it difficult, but that's me.

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There is no such thing as a perfect age gap. I know people w/ a year or less between kids and people w/ 6+ years between kids. All different age gaps have their own set of positives and negatives.



For ME, personally... if I had a single baby first I wanted about a 3 year age difference between #1 and #2. I had twins though and wanted a 4.5-5 year age difference between them and #3. God had other plans for us and my girls are 6.25 years older than their little brother.



Attention can be a tough one, but there is ALWAYS enough love. If you are still breastfeeding and don't want to risk force weaning her (since some babies quit nursing when mom is pregnant... or mom loses milk supply) then I would, personally, wait until you are ready for her to be weaned before contemplating pregnancy.



Good luck whatever you decide!!

Andrea - posted on 03/05/2012

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Thank you i am just so worried about my daughter feeling neglected she is my life! and she will always be my number 1

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