what to tell grandmas when thats not okay!

Margo - posted on 02/06/2010

Honesty is the best policy! Even if you are shy or dont want to cause problems, this is YOUR child and what YOU say goes!!! I have had several issues with my mother-in-law. When my son was 4 months old and he was full and not taking his bottle, she pinned him down and tried to force him to drink it. That time, i raised my voice at her. I think there are definately ways to do it so that you aren't "attacking" them but you need to be honest and bring all this stuff to their attention because otherwise how will they know? :) good luck!

Jessica - posted on 02/01/2010

I've had similar issues with the in-laws doing things old school - honestly, I've found just coming out and saying "that isn't ok..." is the best way. Mommy knows best! Their feelings may be hurt initially, but they'll get over it!

Iysha - posted on 02/01/2010

get pictures of things that coul happen ( children in car accidents, decayed teeth...everything) and show them. Let them know that it is very unacceptable and if the keep diong it they won't be able to have your baby around them without supervision.

Erica - posted on 02/01/2010

I have had similar issues with my inlaws,doing things Me and my husband do not approve of. I have made the decission after leaving him a couple of times and asking them not to do certain things with him or not to give and and they have any how.. I am a MOM and will find out..... at this point I will NOT leave my child alone with her at all b/c I know she will do something I dont approve of either b/.c she thinks its ok or she knows I dont approve of it. If you feel comfortable leaving him/her with them then you need to explain that this is your cjhild not theres and this is how u guys are doing thinkgs whether they like it or not and about the whole carseat thing I would be like he MUST be in a car seat in the car its not only the law but whats safest and if I find out that he has been with you and not in the car i will no longer leave him, I will not risk lossing my child....... My mother in law tried the same thing when the cops where right down the road from her house of course I gave it to her....... I did try to work with her and talked to my husband about it and he tried as well but as soon as he wasnt around she would pull her crap so there is no talking about it with her ..... LIKE I said its your kid not theirs.....sorry your having these prob hope things turn out better for u

Melissa - posted on 02/01/2010

First thing you should do is sit down and have a talk with them. Then, the next 6 or so times they take him out/watch him, insist that you or your husband put his carrier in the car for them. Also, try sending him off with foods that he would normally eat. This one worked really well for me. Just let them know that this is what is in his normal diet and you would appreciate it if they would stick to it.
If they REALLY want to give him candy type snacks, Gerber has fruit snacks that are made with pectin and start to dissolve the minute they touch saliva. The key is to work with them so there are no hurt feelings on either side.

Mallory - posted on 02/01/2010

I have a 3 1/2 year old step-son and his grandpa loves him VERY much, so much so that he tends to be timid with him sometimes. Aaron (step-son) wanted pizza for dinner, seeing that that is all he eats, I decided he was going to try something new... corn dogs. For almost two hours Aaron curled up on the floor and cried, fighting his dad and I about eating these corn dogs. His grandpa wanted to just give in, and let him have his pizza. Our whole argument was, if we keep allowing him to eat just fruit roll-ups and pasta and pizza, he'll never be healthy! He needs to try things that are different, and he needs to know who is in control; dad and step-mom!

We set our foot down with his grandpa and said no to both Aaron and him, because we love them both and know it's what was best for both of them. I hope that helps you, and good luck!!!

TeSs - posted on 02/01/2010

no matter how you handle the situaion they are your inlaws and therefore your family and they will get over it if you have to get mad when they dont listen to you

Latoya - posted on 01/31/2010

U should sit down and talk to them. Cause ur childs life is ur responsibility and u have to let them knw how important it is to keep him safe

Arrica - posted on 01/31/2010

Well, if your inlaws are anything like mine, I would suggest telling them that your doctor told you about the dangers of feeding children honey too soon and other foods. My mother in law told me I should mix my son's rice cereal with apple juice at 5 months. Although that might seem ok to some people I hadn't even started him on veg. yet so apples was a no no. I had to tell her the truth, the doctor said start with all the veg. first.

The car seat thing is just unbelievable! I would be livid! I'm sure you were too but oh my goodness. You have to tell them how important it is to buckle them up. My grandparents tried to do that with my older sister when she was a baby and my mom literally had my dad pull up beside them on the highway and give them a carseat and he buckled her in. I would let them know that you know that they're good drivers but there are a lot of people out there that aren't. They can't control what other people do, like drive drunk. And getting into an accident with your baby and god forbid, not making it through the crash is something they can never take back.

Beth Ann - posted on 01/30/2010

You should tell them that if they want to spend time with your son then they have to treat him how you do. He is YOUR son afterall and you have the right to tell your in laws how to care for him. I dont know from experience but i've heard that honey can be harmful to babies. it has a bacteria in it that they dont have an immunity for. and not strapping in the car seat, now thats just scary! Confront them, this is your baby's life your talking about.

My mother used to come pick up my daughter to spend time with her... she would say something like "i'll be back in two hours" then she wouldnt be back for 5 hours. I had to put a stop to this. My mom wasnt respecting me by taking off with my daughter and bringing her back whenever she felt like it. so i told her that shes allowed to spend time with my daughter, as long as she came to my house. I dont let her take my little girl out with her anymore unless i'm there too.

Tiffany - posted on 01/30/2010

My parents are pretty old-fashioned and since my mom had 8 kids she thinks she knows everything, and we have had the water problem too. Luckily, it only happened once so it wasn't an issue because my son threw it all up after she gave it to him. If you can place blame elsewhere, like your doctor, then it won't make you sound like the bad guy. I would also just try to sit her down and say that you want your baby to have a relationship with her, and that you think she does a good job, but there are a few rules that must be followed. Let her know that she has control over pretty much all other decisions, but there are some things that you won't tolerate because it's dangerous. When it comes to the law, there should be no excuses.

Lisa - posted on 01/30/2010

I have the same problem Brandy..except my mother in law...once payed all the attention to my older son, and my younger son got no attention, she didnt even talk to him or acknoldge his presence...adn then when we were leaving gave my older son a kiss but completely walked right past the younger one....and since then i have not let my children go anywhere near her until she appologises for the way she mistreated my younger one and realizes that it was unacceptable...plus my bf is on my side with this and he totally agrees....so it is hard because they dont get to see their grandpa/grandma but she brought this onto herself...i've been having problems with the inlaws since my older son was born...so i have given up on so many things but this one im putting my foot down. As for the carseat issue...you make sure as a parent that they are strapping the car seat in properly...my inlaws didnt know how to do it at first until i had showed them which way the car seat goes and how to strap him in without a base...

Brandy - posted on 01/30/2010

I have similar problems with my family. No matter what I have told them they just blow it off and do what they want anyway. SO FRUSTRATING!! I have had to resort to removing myself and my son from the situations, talking to them hasn't done anything to help, but when I threaten to not let them have Xan any more it helps for a day or so.

Good Luck, hopefully, they are more receptive than my family is.

Amber - posted on 01/30/2010

we had to write the rules out for my parents to follow and if they cant follow them then my child wont be in their presence... i wouldnt leave him alone with them forawhile bc that would be bad parenting skills for you to adopt.. stick your ground you wouldnt want anything to happen to him...

Julie - posted on 01/30/2010

You need to talk to them especially about the car seat, that is way to dangerous. If you don't feel comfortable doing it maybe get your partner to do it. Just maybe sit down with them and your partner and have a casual talk about what things you do and don't want to be done. But it is hard especially when they are old school, my Dad can be a bit like that at times, especially with the honey, they don't realise that it can start to effect them even before they have their teeth.

Jacy - posted on 01/30/2010

wow yeah. umm lay down the law. 1- its illegal for them not to strap his carseat down. old school or not!. 2- honey and syrups can cause botulism! (print out info on this for them). candy!? omg you have to be kidding me!. i would tell them that they need to respect your rules as a mother and not do these things or risk only having visits in your home. that is one thing as a mother i cant stand is when inlaws and family feel they have the right to as they wish with my child. be firm but gentle and tell them that you do not think these things are acceptable if they value your opinion they will listen and stop. prepare for tension.

Alexis - posted on 01/29/2010

my in laws always do stuff that me and my husband dont approve of so my husband told them to stop and then they would do it behind our backs they always say our kids turned out fine but my kids arent yours so you shouldnt give them what ever you please and my sis in law always offers my boys candy and sweets everytime she sees them you cant buy love.

Jessica - posted on 01/29/2010

I had issues with my mother in law as well. I just sat her down and told her that we do things differently with our child and would appricate if she did the same. She was upset at first but it worked out.

Daisey - posted on 01/29/2010

I have the same problems too with Grandparents. You need to stand up and tell them what your child can have to eat or drink. Your the mother and you know how you want your child to be brought up in life. The whole care seat issue is a must top priority!!!!! Your child needs to be in the carseat at all times when in the car. That is just crazy! If they dont follow with you then don't let them watch your child.

Sheree - posted on 01/29/2010

They are putting your son's life in danger and you still let them do it? If you cant talk to them about it I would be getting your husband to do it ASAP before you leave your child with them again.

Carolee - posted on 01/29/2010

I would just say something like : "I would rather he not have that quite yet. How about this?" And just take a stand about the car seat thing.

Dashanda - posted on 01/29/2010

I would have to kill them behind my child that is why I always have him.

Holly - posted on 01/29/2010

Ive had a few problems and things i didnt like about the in laws. Ive mentioned it to them but they just wouldnt listen 2 me at all. It got to the point where i almost thought they would do stuff on purpose infront of me just to piss me off.So i told my boyfriend about it and asked him to talk to them about it and now they listen a little bit more and dont do the things that they know would make me mad. Just because they may have done these things or have givin their son these foods that you dont agree with in the past when they were raising children doesnt mean that they have to go against what is right or isnt right in your eyes. They really need to respect your decisions and requests. My advice to you would be to do the same tell your boyfriend/husband what bothers you and make him have a talk with them to really get it across that these things arent ok.

Anna - posted on 01/29/2010

I haven't had any safety issues with my parents when it comes to my kids, or them feeding age-inappropriate foods, or anything like that, BUT my mom admitted to feeding my daughter meat (we were vegetarians at the time, and she had never had meat in her life!) I was pretty pissed off, and explained that I really couldn't believe the blatant disrespect for our choices. That was the last time I had any issue with that.

Now, as far as safety hazards, like the car seat thing, are concerned, that's an easy fix. Just print off the instructions for safe car seat use, AND make sure YOU install your car seat in their car before you leave the kids with them. As for the feeding thing, that can be dealt with by explaining that the pediatrician said the baby is not ready for the food in question. I find, when all else fails, cite experts.

Stacey - posted on 01/29/2010

I think since they are your inlaws you should tell your husband the issues and if he doesnt already know explain to him the reasons why you are uncomfortable and mayeb go online and show him a few articles explaining how important it is NOT to do all these things and have him talk to them. It just seems like they are common sense though and I would not feel comfortable with them watching my baby alone that is for sure

Ashley - posted on 01/29/2010

i think you are going to have to sit them down and have a talk... letting them know that you do not approve of this i mean this is your child.. and a grandparent at some point has to respect that..

Jill - posted on 01/29/2010

i havent let them take the baby since realizing they dont strap him in.. way to dangerous and i know honey is too!!!!!!! thats why im here asking what others do! it honestly shocked me because i never realized people actually supplemented there milk with other things and not putting them in a carseat strapped in was scary! i have never heard of these things

Melissa - posted on 01/29/2010

The car seat thing is a big safety issue...depending on where you live...here it is illegal to not have a child in the appropriate restraint system in a vehicle and you can be ticketed for it, there are age and weight limits before children can sit without a booster in the car as well. Do they understand how the car seat should be installed and how the child needs to be strapped in safely? if not maybe you or even your local fire department (they aren't all certified anymore so you would have to check) could help get them set up...as for the food part can you tell them what your doctor is recommending and that you would really like to try to follow their direction??? hope this helps...good luck

Rachel - posted on 01/29/2010

maybe instead of attacking them, attack the rules to show them, for one tell them its illegal for them not to strap a carseat down and they could get fined and jail time for it, and also bring up stuff like, "did you hear about how bad honey is for a child? theyve had all these accidents that have resorted to this!" because yes, honey is dangerous for a child under 1. they just need to get accross to go by your rules or maybe they shouldnt care for him unsupervised anymore

Lindsay - posted on 01/29/2010

i would simply tell them that some of these things would put your baby in danger... obviously the car seat needs to be strapped in and they should realize that .... but maybe they don't know how dangerous it is for babies to eat honey. if they don't listen to you then there is not much you can do .... unfortunately that generation have the "my way is the right way" frame of mind and in most cases there is no changing them. i don't even know what to say about the suckers :( thats unbelievable !