What would you do if you found condoms in your husband's work bag?
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Karen - posted on 06/01/2011
I would keep in mind that it could of been a co worker playing a prank on him. Maybe do like jenifer said and count them everyday for a little while. I would want the proof like that. I wouldn't want to leave him and wander the rest of my life if i had been overreacting or not.
Tah - posted on 06/01/2011
Synquis..fine next time one of his co-workers plays that game..find out which one, get his number and call his house sobbing when his wife answers and say.."YOU SAID YOU WERE LEAVING HER, WHAT ABOUT US..WHAT ABOUT THE TWINS, THEY ARE DUE ANYDAY AND THEY NEED THEIR FATHER JONNY(Whatever his name is..turn it in to a nickname to add an intimate touch)..then get really quiet ans almost say in a whisper.."o my goodness...what was that..i think my water just broke" then hang up...Jokes on him now..lol
Tah - posted on 06/01/2011
fill them with bleach water and pelt him with them as he came through the door..save the last one, blow it up, write your clothes that way with an arrow pointing to the left and hang it from the celing so when he gets up from the pelting he can see it...but thats just me...
edited to add: i just read my husband's job provides him with them...LMBO...now if he works for magnum or works in adult film, then yes..by all means....anything else..no thanks. My husband is military and even if his ship said hey guys take some condoms and be safe since there are single people who serve as well and get depolyed, go out on liberty etc. he better not dig his hand in the bowl or he will go back to work with that hand in a cast....LMBO..his job...okay...
now if he does work in some industry such as that then fine, but if he builds computers or something, id re-evaluate
Let him find the condoms in your purse, lol. Just kidding, these questions still make my heart race, remembering when I had to ask these questions. If he says no the condoms aren't his, you will second guess him, if he says yes, it make the conversation longer than you anticipated. My ex-husband lied like a rug & I don't know why, it was more difficult to accept the lie, than the truth. I will pray for your decision to inquire & his full response.
Tarina - posted on 05/31/2011
Here's the thing, NOTHING is going to change the reason they are there... what you need to do is not assume the worst. He's your husband, he deserves your trust and the benefit of the doubt. Just ask him. If you cant be open and honest with him, then you should find a way to start - counseling, whatever. Dont accuse him. Just ask. And dont spend the next 6 months trying to prove that he is/was lying to you either. That alone will break up your marriage, and he may have been telling the truth all along. Hes your husband. Trust him and just ask. To everyone saying just divorce him, dont give him time to explain, dont believe him? That attitude is the reason that half the kids in my son's school live with single parents or grandparents. If you dont trust your partner completely, dont get married. The ones that cheat are far outnumbered by the ones who dont, and paranoia only feeds into what you are so afraid of. Self fulfilling prophecies. If you show him no trust even when he is being faithful, and honest, then why SHOULDNT he atleast get the good part of whatever youre accusing him of? Thats what happens when you jump to conclusions.
Another thing I dont see the details on - was the package open? If its an empty wrapper, thats entirely different than if its an unopen box. But again, just ask,
Patrice - posted on 05/31/2011
To answer that question, I would need more information about the circumstances surrounding your husband's situation and your relationship. You say it was your husband's work bag. What kind of job does he do? Because of the influx of STD's and what not going around, many work places and clinic simply throw condoms at people like it is candy. But if that is not the case...what kind of relationship do you have with your husband? How long had you dated before you got married...how long have you been married...do you have any children together?? You don't have to answer those questions online, but chances are if you both simply rushed into marriage on the fly...he may have not been absolutely sure he was ready to settle down with just one woman yet. How you both been arguing about it other's needs but neither of you came to a resolution on how to fix the problem? But like all the other women replying to your question, it is no excuse for infidelity. But I still think you should take those things into consideration before you come up and say "he's no good...he's a dog...etc. Do you have trust issues with him...? Has he given you a reason to mistrust him before? I would ask him and myself all of those questions and seriously ponder the answers to those and you both need to make an honest decision on whether you want to continue on with the relationship or just call it quits. Be honest with him and yourself and jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts.
Lashundra - posted on 05/31/2011
He's hiding something know matter what it was there are secrets.Did you know that the condoms would be in his bag? Nope! Yall are married not just boyfriend and boyfriend! What about vows? There is know excuse good enough for hiding in a marriage. When u hiding things how can your partner trust you? Its not acceptable! Maybe yall should go to counseling because their are some type of other things going on too. I personally think you should say something, for you all can get to the bottom of it. Before its to late for this marriage. Not acknowledging it will do no good for you or your family!! You shouldn't feel bad that you suspect something! Your gut feelings could be right! You never know
Ana Paula - posted on 05/31/2011
my reaction is let him go ..you can do so much better.....i am thinkn of you....maybe you should conversate with him and understand why it is happing...maybe he is missing somethn or he is stressed and its not u..give somethought b4 u make a big change.
Ashley - posted on 05/31/2011
Need a few answers first what does he do is he gone for extended amounts of time or normal shifts. How many condoms a full box or a hand full, Do you use them at home. Does he ever see you at work, is there any resone you can think of as to why he would have them if not confront him but you most likely will not receive an answer he probably will just go into a rant about trust issues, definitely check his computer and cell before you talk to him so that he wont erase everything right after. And if his phone has a lock or is empty that is bad and i would guess he is cheating. Im sorry this must be driving you crazy but i hope that its all a big misunderstanding.
Shannintipton - posted on 05/31/2011
poke holes in them. sorry. There was one post that was really good. Something about being a lady about the whole thing. Brittany Thompson made the post. I think you should do that. Good luck, he's gonna need it.
Ricki - posted on 05/31/2011
Brittany is right! be a lady about it. if you just freak out then he will get defencive and it will just turn into a screaming match. men shut down when confronted with anger, but remember you did nothing wrong going through his bag. i go through my husbands bag all the time, and have found some strange things, he always has a valid excuse for everything. go in with an open mind but dont let him get away without explaining himself.
Teresa - posted on 05/31/2011
when my husband started looking at nasty internet stuff he started talking differently and acting differently. he would want to try all sorts of new things out in bed. his comments about my looks changed. then i saw his search history and asked him and he lied then i showed him and he was speechless. i threatened his marriage and time with the kids if i ever caught him again. its been a couple years now and i havn't had much for reasons to expect it right now.... so maybe if your husband comes home and speaks differently or all the sudden has a lack of interest or a huge growth of interest and trying all new things i would be a little cautious on it. good luck! i hope things work out the best for you!
Beth - posted on 05/31/2011
i would start asking questions, just kind of beating around the bush a little. U don't want to assume anything without the proofs. If he starts coming home later and later, don't take any kind of interest in you and the family, if his phone calls become more private, brief and short, if you wash his clothes and find makeup that ain't yours. Than there is a problem.
This is a very scary situation. My son likes to pull stuff out of things. Drawers, purses and even my husband's gym bag. Recently, he went to town and pulled everything out of Daddy's gym bag. Low and behold there was a bag of condoms. Not a box, not a few ... a bag of them. I quietly put them back and have never said a word.
Why? Because I'm afraid of what bullshit answer I'm going to get. There isn't any reason for him to have them in there, but I'm sure he'll come up with something brilliant designed to make me feel stupid.
I hope you've more courage than I do and can sit down and have a rational conversation. Just ask him why? And maybe opt for counseling if he's up to it.
There is never a good reason for hiding something from your spouse. I hope the best for you. Good luck.
Amanda - posted on 05/31/2011
If the husband is mad she went through his bag then he is hiding something. He should not have condoms in his work bag to begin with and I would ask him why he has condoms in his bag. If he tells you they are for a friend or whatever bull crap he thinks you will buy, tell him to get out. Spend some time away from each other. You can go to your cellphone provider (I have verizon and can check all incoming, outgoing and see who hubby or others (we have his parents and brother on our plan) are texting.) Get the records and if you see a weird number, call it. Be your own investigator.
Melly - posted on 05/30/2011
When my friends husband announced at work that they were expecting another baby, the guys put condoms everywhere, in his bag, on his car, in his coffee mug etc etc. guys can and will do stupid things, without more info from the OP most everyone is jumping to say the hubby is cheating. Im not saying he isnt, im saying that it is possible there is a legitimate reason.
Maybe another guy at work is cheating on his partner, and asked your husband to look after them for him.
You know what the only way you are going to know is ask him what they are in his bag for...but act calmly and rationally, going in all guns blazing is going to set the mood for an argument.
Savona - posted on 05/30/2011
I would take a picture of them in his bag, which clearly shows the date and time, then I would bring him his bag and ask him about them.. he could still possibly say youre making it up, but then it just makes him seem like hes hiding something.
I would probably be crying while I do this, but it would probably be best to be strong and firm on this situation. *nodnod*
Melissa - posted on 05/30/2011
lorena bobbit had the right idea, i think! i can't think of any valid or logical excuse for any husband carrying condoms, especially in a work bag, outside of extramarital affairs. if they were for the two of you, they'd be at home, or in a shopping bag, not his work bag. some married couples do use condoms as opposed to birth control, so i don't know, but i doubt that's the case with the two of you. it's a very difficult situation, because i've "forgiven" cheaters in the past, but ultimately the inner disgust of them touching another while being promised to me is just too much to bear and i later break things off anyways. being the father of your children, that obviously makes things that much more difficult and heartbreaking. in all honesty, though, it's VERY rare that a man rebound from his cheating ways. i've seen it happen for short periods of time, with myself, friends, family members, where the man gets back on track, but after not too long he strays again. that's not fair to you or your children. it puts you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases (which 1 in 4 people carry, and most don't even know, and condoms are not 100% safe!!), it sets a bad example for your children (they're a lot smarter than we realize, and they understand a lot more than we expect them to). You don't want your daughters to think that infidelity is to be expected OR accepted. at the same time, he's the father of your kids, your husband, the man you promised to spend the rest of your life with ... i wish you nothing but the best. maybe marital counseling? i don't know anything about it, really, and i don't know anyone who's used it, but it's an option. my heart goes out to you and i hope you have the brightest outcome possible!!
Mommy - posted on 05/30/2011
So I just asked my husband about this, and his exact words were "If it was me? Well we don't use them, so there really is no explanation. Anything that guy says is bull****." The only reason I asked is because I tend to have a temper and wanted to know if there is a legit reason for it, and to make sure I wasn't being a crazy wife lol.
Sorry to say it girl, but your man is doing something sneaky. That is, of course, assuming you don't use condoms at home. I'm not saying leave him, because that's not always the answer, but definitly confront him.
Brittany - posted on 05/30/2011
IF you are still having doubts check-in on him. Go to his job with lunch one day. Show up randomly at his work. Check on him to make sure he is doing what he tells you. Check your credit card statements for hotel expenses. Do not hide any of this and should you catch him in the act DO NOT MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF. Be professional, be a lady.
EX: You show up at his work and his boss tells you he went to lunch. You track him down to a hotel and you catch him. Politely say "Sorry did not mean to interrupt just wanted to remind you that little Johnny has a baseball game at 4 p.m. tonight and I have a roast cooking for after the game. See you then." Turn around and walk out. Go home gather all of his stuff, pack it in a trash bag, set it on the front porch with a note and your wedding bands taped to the note. In the note write something like "We left early for the game because, we needed to pick up some drinks for the team. We will be at the ball field around 4."
Remember you need to be in control. Do not make yourself into an ass. Do not embarrass yourself or air your laundry for everyone to hear or see. Have respect for yourself and for your children. Do the right thing.
I can promise you I know this is easier said then done.
Brittany - posted on 05/30/2011
Reacting like a mad woman would not be the answer. Men shut down when they are yelled at. Assuming that he is a lying scumbag because, he has a penis is not right either. Do not be a man basher.
Ask him about it. For all you know some of his guy friends at work put them in there as a joke. Men do that. If you do not like the answer he gave you then make him prove to you he is not cheating. Ask to see his cell phone or email account (s). There is no problem with that. IF he is not doing anything wrong he has nothing to hide.
Alison - posted on 05/30/2011
its her husband she can go thru wutever she wants if u ask me,i agree maybe she helps him with certain things,u can have trust all day long until u find something like that jsut cuz she found it doesnt mean she was tryin to look for somethin like that
Cynthia - posted on 05/30/2011
in a marriage, you can go through anything you want. the way i see it it is our work bag.LOL i guess not really but i'm with nichole ( god help me) on this one. who cares why she found them. Hello CONDOMS!!!
i wouldn't even ask the question i'd just start packing his shit. Bates, i'm just kidding here dont get all pissy on me/LOL. hows pregnancy going for you. i'm freakin huge. only 2 weeks for me!!!!!
âv^âv^ââ¥ - posted on 05/30/2011
Who cares why? She found condoms...... bigger issue at hand! Maybe it's as simple as her normal routine of sorting his paperwork out for hiim.... who cares anyway. When you are suspicious, either your husband is hiding very stupid things to you making you weary of him or it's a vital suspicion. Either way, they play too closely to trust issues and you just cannot have trust issues in a healthy relationship.. and it needs to be fixed so there is no more suspicion
Jennifer - posted on 05/30/2011
Why would you go through your husbands work bag? Did you think you would find something suspicious in his bag? I find it weird that you would search his bag in the first place!!! But, You can asked him why he carries condoms in his bag! But dont get mad if he asks you why you went through his bag!! You have to have trust in your husband!!!
Jenni - posted on 05/30/2011
Confront. Catch him totally off gaurd and drill him like a professional interrogator. If we don't use condoms there would be little valid excuses for it especially considering they're in his work bag red flag.
If you really want to catch him in the act. Leave them there and keep checking his bag for the next month... write down the exp date/serial # and see if he uses them and replaces them with new ones. Underhanded, I know... but it would be helpful in gathering all evidence to prosecute.
If he had nothing but sad lame excuses that didn't add up or make sense.... I would seperate.
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