Whats is your opinions in letting your child meeting their fathers new partner?

Carly - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 116 moms have responded )

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My ex has a new partner, who maybe a part of my daughters life in the future.....what are your opinions in your child meeting their fathers new partner???

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Anna - posted on 01/29/2010

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I think it really depends on how old your daughter is, and whether she understands what is going on. If your ex is going to be a big part of your daughter's life, and his partner is going to be a big part of his life, then its probably a good idea for her to meet your ex's partner once their relationship is set in stone and really long-term committed.

Bobbie - posted on 02/04/2010

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I personally coming from both ends of this question, think it's kind of a personal descision but all in the same .. it's not your descision to make. My son's father introduced him to every one of the girls he dated, and did it make me mad.. You bet it did. Because I thought it game him instability in his life. At the time he was under the age of 3. I had to come to realize it wasn't MY descision on whether my son met the women he dated or not.. if they weren't posing any harm, and I trusted his father enough to know he wasn't going to let someone hurt my son, then it was none of my business.. Which was a hard pill to swallow. Now as far as being on the other end of it. My step daughter was introduced to me the second day I had even known her father. Her mother wasn't around when I met her, that is a completely uncomfortable unrealistic thing to ask to happen. I didn't want to hang out with his ex, and I'm sure she wouldn't have been to comfortable hanging out with me. As things progressed it was bad for my step daughter because of the jealousy issues with her mom, who was also an unstable person. Three years later, we have custody of her and she lives with us. Point is, you really have no idea of how this girl is going to treat your child.. You have to trust your ex to pass judgement on that.. I mean is he really going to let someone be horrible to his own child? I doubt it.. and it sucks, but "letting him introduce her to your child" isn't really your descision.. it's his. Hard reality of being a parent when the relationship doesn't work

Ashley - posted on 02/04/2010

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I agree that is your kid and if i was u i would not let her go to there house i would welcome them to yours for visits and let it go from there if he was violent towards u im not shure i would even give him a chance as far as her caring when she gets older sometimes we have to do things are kids dont like to protect them end of story. When she gets older tell her the story let her make that choice when shes big anough to protect her self.

Betty - posted on 02/01/2010

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A step mom is never a second mom or a replacement for the real mom. A step mom is simply a step mom. You should not feel intimidated by her. Your daughter will always know who her mommy is. YOU. I treat my step daughter as my own(like I should) and I love her dearly(like I should) but her mom is still #1 in her eyes. I'm fine with that because I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. Just try to understand that part of leaving a relationship is expecting that someone else will eventually come along. Your daughter will be fine no matter what you decide to do and you will not be ruining her life. Just enjoy being a mom.

Carly - posted on 02/01/2010

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Well you have just stated there that it is a new partner. I would wait unitl you know it's a serious relationship & she will be a permanent perosn in your childs life as children become attached very quickly & you don't want your child upset over them leaving. They also need stability & Your Ex having some one new all the time wouldnt be teahcing your child this. You are also within your rights to sit down and discuss with them about your child as they will be at some point with her on there own. You definetly need to know more about her before she is allowed to have any responsibility for your child.

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Karly - posted on 02/07/2010

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I have a 7 month ols son with my paretner but i also have a 2 yr old and 3 yr old step daughters that he had with his ex. Ur ex should introduce his new gf as daddys girlfriend as we did with my step daughters. wen my oldest step daughter was about 18 months she went thru a phase of calling me mummy...as lovely as it was i did always tell her no, im karly it took a wjhile but yeah. if ur ex's new gf is a decent chick, she would do the same...also its so much easier to be friends with the ex rather than hating them i found..hope it goes ok for you!

Sarah - posted on 02/07/2010

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I think it depends on the situation. Are they committed? because if theyre not and hes giong to have a new partner evey month that could get confuzing for her. Also is she the kind of person you would want your daughter with? I dont men do you personally like her I mean is she into drugs or bad company? if shes an ok sort and thryre comited I dont see why not, Shes going to be a part of your daughters dads life and therfore part of her life. I have a six year old step daughter and it would be very akward if she wasnt allowed around me! we get on great-and I even kinda act as a go between with her mum and dad as they dont get on too well. I dont know your situation but maybe it could prove to be an advantge. Time will tell. good luck

Tasha - posted on 02/07/2010

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ok, i may be repeating some things b/c i didn't read EVERY thread, but um im n that situation, however i am on the other end. No matter if you allow him to see his own child or not, his life is going to be going on, ya'll are gonna have a bad relationship, and his daughter will drift farther and farther from his reality. (out of sight, out of mind) Not saying he don't care, but it sounds like you are being resentful. She is half him still. However in my case i got pregnant by him.So what if she gets pregnant? Me and his other Bm are cool. We respect eachother no drama. I wouldn't want him taking my daughter around a whole bunch of different girls, but if she is indeed with him and in a relationship, i feel it would be the grown up thing to allow her to be around I know you want it to be just your daughter and her father, perhaps you, but men are different. Especially if he don't know much about a baby, he may want a girl's help. Maybe you should see if you can get a feel of thingsat first before you just drop her off. But just imagine if you had a boyfriend, after awhile you gonna allow him around your baby. (i think) but my Child father and i did split and i felt mad, but we got back together 3 months later. So i see your side and possibly the other side. Don't take away his child. And since me ad my bd have a child together, it's not that he dont love his other child less, it's just that his other baby mother has her issues with him and he doesn't see his other child like that... so who gets spoiled, who gets daddy's attention, who is making daddy man up and giving him responsibility? Im sure he wants to see his daughter, so please don't take that away from him, b/c your daughter is going to grow up and resent you, possibly... (hope this helps)

Tisha - posted on 02/06/2010

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I think it all depends on your relationship with dad. If it is open maybe everyone should go out to pizza with new girlfriend including mom. lol If not then it should at least be a couple of months before dad introduces new girlfriend to make sure its not just a fling.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2010

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I think dont do anything until its serious, there is nothing worse then a child meeting a string of boyfriends and girlfriends, if and when it becomes serious then insist on meeting this girlfriend first before your daughter does, you need to be able to trust her and feel she will work along side you not against you

Julie - posted on 02/05/2010

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My sons father isnt in the picture because he's violent and just doenst care. He tried to introduce his girlfriend to our son but I wouldnt let it happen. I know I made the right decision because they broke up already and now he's got a new one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marili - posted on 02/04/2010

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I've also got a stepdaughter living with us. At first it was very uncomfortable and her mom made her up against me. I just stood my ground and gave her all the love and attention she needed, not to spite her mother, because Chanel really needed it. She was torn between her 2 parents and her mom and granny didn't make it easy for us.

Her mom made her choice because money, her work and her new boyfriend is more important than Chanel. I dont regret one single day, we love each other very much. I'm the mom she'll never have... I know it's difficult for her mom to see that we love each other but I also know that she (the mom) is at peace now, she knows I wont hurt Chanel.

Make sure that they are in a steady relationship, if you ex still wants to see her let them go to a park or somewhere they will all be comfortable and take it from there. If your daughter enjoys it make another appointment, if she doesnt like it take it slowly. It will get better I promise you.

Brittany - posted on 02/04/2010

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I would discourage it until you know their relationship is going to last. Unfortunately, you may not have that much of a say. It depends on his visitation. My husband and his ex have been divorced for 4 years and she has introduced her kids to well over 50 "boyfriends", including taking the kids to prison to see her latest. Hopefully he is smarter than that. It can be damaging for kids to develop a relationship with someone that will disappear from their life just as quickly as they came. Your ex needs to understand that. I didn't meet my step kids until we knew we were going to get married.

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Don't let the partner meet the kids until you are sure there is a future in the relationship. But don't spring marriage on them. Like daddy is going to be married! They need to be eased into it, slowly and for short time spans. They also still need their Daddy time, when the partner is not around. Bunt don't bring them in too soon

Samantha - posted on 02/04/2010

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I am completely against it until he knows for sure if she's gonna stick around or not. My sons donor[[dad]] has girls in and out of his life constantly and it really confuses my son, which is only 2 and a half. You and your ex really need to sit and talk about it and maybe you meet her first or something. Depending on how serious they are.

Kaisha - posted on 02/04/2010

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i think it completely depends on how long your ex has been with this new partner. does he go through alot of partners? let him get to truly know who she is and if they can manage to stay together for a long enough period of time then it would be time for your daughter to meet his new partner but take it slow, let her meet her and hang out for a little bit of time and let your daughter make the decision on whether or not she feels comfortable around your ex new partner. just remember that no matter what decision you make your daughter will understand that it was hard for you and you tried your best your her mom she will love you no matter what!!

Laurie - posted on 02/04/2010

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not sure if every state is the same on this one, but Michigan does not matter what you want, he is the father and as long as he allows her around your daughter it is fine. (well unless your daughter is being hurt.) And any one who the child knows with a valid license can pick her up. He does not have to tall you anything about what they are doing or what they did. I hope you and the father have a good relationship because that is truely the only way to know what is going on when she is there.

Teri - posted on 02/04/2010

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I would say wait to see if it gets serious, and let him know that you want to meet her too, you have a right to meet anyone that is gonna be in your childs life i couldnt imagine how hard it is to be in your position i am dreading the day i have to be in that position.

Jamia - posted on 02/04/2010

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I believe there are three things you need to consider. The first one is how well you feel you can handle it. You need to make sure you over him and that you guys are totally finished with eachother b/c of you guys are not then it can cause problem with everyone and your child doesn't need to be around that. The second thing is how serious they are. I mean man go through woman like running water thinking that everyone of them are the ONE. your child doesn't need to have woman running in and out of his life. He need stability from both house holds. The last one is definitely how she treats you child. She needs to know her place and your child's life and you need to be comfortable with it.. I hope everything works out and I help any..GOOD LUCK

Suzanne - posted on 02/04/2010

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as said before it depends on if their relationship is serious or not. i am in that situation. i separated frommy ex 3 yrs ago and i am ow living with my daughter and my boyfriend and she is absolutely fine, loves him to bits even calls him her second dad, please don´t take that badly, i´ll explain. her dad was never around for her, and my boyfriend has always been there for us since she was one, non stop, doctors, school etc. one thing i will say is make sure to never talk badly about ur ex or her infront of the child. i am suffering from that. as my ex bad mouths me and my boyfriend non stop and tries to put her against us, have her in pscologist cause of it, she has not got a good relationship with her dad, and would prefer not to go with him every second weekend, my daughter understands it all perfectly and wants to be a big sister and at this moment in time we are trying for a baby, so from my experience it all depends on ur ex and ur relationship with him if it a good or bad one, as the one who suffers in the end is the child, no matter what. hopefully i answered ur q, any other qs don´t hesitate in asking me.

Shannon - posted on 02/04/2010

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My fiance and I were friends before dating. When I first met him, he had his girls with him but I didn't meet his ex-wife until after we had been dating for 4 months. He only gets the girls every other weekend and he would bring them with him to my house for dinner and we'd watch kids movies with them. They never stayed the night or anything. Just visited for a few hours. He even told her right away about me. She wasn't bothered by it. She was a little upset when we moved in together but we hadn't told her about being engaged yet. After we told her, she was fine. The girls and I get along great and at this point she is engaged as well. The four of us all stay in contact and talk about all kinds of things. The four of us have a very good relationship. I don't know if this helps or not...

Julie - posted on 02/04/2010

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I think you need to get to know this person yourself first,even if it is hard for you!I've been on both ends,with my ex.his daughter and my son ! find out as much as you can about them.try a few meetings,with all of you together at a park or something like that before letting them just leave with her!that way you can get to know them the best you can,even if it hurt or as bad as you may hate it,think it's for your baby!!If they don't like it then just lay down the ground rules,this is your child.If the courts are involed, or you don't trust your ex ,try supervised visitation,then he can bring the new girl in on some visit's,until you fill o.k .with the situation.Sorry if I miss spelled but its 5am and I've been up all night!!LOL!! I hope some of this helps you and your child!!

Stephanie - posted on 02/03/2010

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I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have with your ex, Whether it is civil or not and what kind of relationship your ex has with his new partner. If they have only been together for a short time, I would pass. I am a firm believer that you don't bring multiple partners in and out of a childs life. But to each her own.

Nicole - posted on 02/03/2010

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let me say this from the more i read the more im like HELL NO for one main fact her safety. your ex and his girlfriend dont sound very responsible and if they get into i fight or are acting like idiots your daughter could get seriously hurt. and chances are they wouldnt tell you if she did. your her mommy and your job is to protect her and unfourtunatley sometimes you have to protect them from the choices of the other parent makes. you do what you feel is best and in the end your daughter will understand and love you for it maybe not at 15 but the day she holds her own child she will understand completely and you know what i grew up with a bullshit dad and i dont hold anything against my mom becuase i saw how my dad was kids are smart they understand alot more than we think sometimes and ultimatley its his choice and whatever choice he makes will be for him to deal with in the dark of the night he can either go by your rules or go the hell on i dont see why his girlfriend should have anything to do with it thats honestly none of her buisness and the best place for her is in her own damn lane she needs to stay out of it and if u think she will try and play mommy dont do it becuse that could cause major emotional issues and really mess with your daughter he can see her plenty with out his girlfriend around unless they are married forget it she can go play house with someone elses kid i have a 15 month old son and theres no way i could do it i would kill her

Nicole - posted on 02/03/2010

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my advice is dont do it. wait and see if this relationship will fade out. if it does u dont have to worry but if it doesnt well...cross that bridge when u get to it. but u dont want to bring significant others in and out of a childs life it will cause major security issues especially that young. and she sounds like a girl not a woman. girls should stick to babydolls and leave us women to raise our kids.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2010

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How long have they been dating? He shouldn't introduce any woman into his daughter's life unless their commited and serious about each other. That's what I would do before I intorduced my daughter. Not just any and all, thats confuses and messes with the children.

Erin - posted on 02/03/2010

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I believe what Erin Hopson said as when you partner has contact with her, it is up to him what he does. All you can really do is Make sure she is going to be safe in the peoples contact she will have, Like i saw you say he was physically violent towards you, What you have to make sure is that she doesn't experince the same side of her father as you did...

Nakeia - posted on 02/03/2010

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I think it is not only important that your child meet them but also that you meet them... Not saying that you have to become best friends with her but now a day you never know what people might do.... As long as he know that my child is to every call another women mom but ME.... in this case you!

Charley - posted on 02/03/2010

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myself and my ex have a 6month rule. Once he had been in a relationship for 6months I allowed my son to meet his patner and get to know her over a period of time. She has s son of a sililar age so that helped with the transition. My son Isaac now regularly sleeps over at his dads who now lives with the aforeentioned partner as they hav been together for 2 years now. I also hav a new partner whom I have been with for almost a year and it works really well as \Isaac has 2 supportive lovin homes and sets of parents. I think it can work really well as long as u have open comminication. I actually get on really well with my exes new partner and my son loves her. Hope this helps.x

Elizabeth - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hi, I had the same fears when my ex got a new partner, so we came to the agreement that he would introduce her slowly to my daughter. They took her for days out so my daughter and his girlfriend could get used to each other and progressed from there. She was never allowed to stay over with her dad if his girlfriend would be there until they had been together for about 6 months. Also it helped that he introduced her to me and she made the effort to talk to me, which put me at ease.....I figured if she could be reasonable enough to have a polite conversation with his ex (and you also get to see how she reacts to your child on her own turf where they tend to be more comfortable), then she wouldn't treat my little girl badly. As it turns out they have been toghether for 4 years now and my little girl enjoys having an extended family.

Terangi - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hmmmm,Well me & my ex have been apart for about 8years now & he had a few relationships through the years but were'nt really long ones & only now he is in another relationship with someone else,and my daughter has come home and told me.But she still has'nt met this other person.My opinion is,as long as the other partner does'nt get in the way of my daughter & her fathers relationship with each other and their bonding time together,then im ok with that.One thing i would'nt like tho is for the partner to be taking things out on my daughter only coz she see'z me in my daughter & knowing that she isnt her child.That is one thing i wouldnt appreciate.I can also relate both ways to this,as my partner i am with now has 2kidz to two different mothers.His daughter who is 13 my relationship with her is awesome.Her mother too i have spoken with and seems to be the more laid back & not at all worried about it.Shez happy with it.Now the other child is his son who is 10 he is to the ex before me,which he wasnt with for a whole year before i started dating him as she had another partner.Now this ex was one of those jealouse ex's."IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU,MY SON CAN'T"so when she found out he was in a relationship,she tried everything to get in the way of it,going as far as trying to restart a relationship with him again,She then got to the point.When she knew i was gonna be around she would say things like thats it you're never going to see him again,we are moving to another country.I myself knew he had a mother & never would try and take that place as i myself have a child of my own.All i wanted to be was a person who loved him & cared bout him as i would want someone treating my daughter.This happened for years,and only now has she come round the whole thing.Which now she is engaged has a child to her fiancee but still likes to play those stupid games sometimes.So as for your shild meeting the other partner i also agree with a few of the ladies on here. Thanks!

Lisa - posted on 02/03/2010

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I had this problem last year. My ex decided he wanted to see our son after not seeing him for 2 years and the visits before he stopped contact were rare too. When contact was reinstated it was at the local contact centre. However he wanted or son to spend time with him and his now wife, which I refused as I wanted my son to get to know his father before meeting his wife. He kicked up a fuss about it and after about 3 months I allowed his wife to come with my ex to spend time with our son for the 1st hour of contact and leave for the 2nd half so it will just be my ex spending time on his own with our son. This turned out to be a big mistake as my ex started showing off, and went against what I asked him to do (not pick our son up when he is having a typical temper tantrum cos he cant get his own way, as when this happens I dont give him attention for it and just ignore it so he can cry it out). So when my ex picked him up whilst having a tantrum I asked him nicely not to pick him up when having on and my ex and his wife got verbally abusive to me and upset my son and myself. SO in reply to your question i think it depends on the circumstances and depends on the child. Every person and every circumstance is different, if the child has regular contact with their father and knows who he is then he has the right to introduce his partner to his child, if the child doesnt know who his father is then I think it be wise to wait until the child establishes who their father is before taking it any further.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2010

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If he was/is violent towards you then that needs to be your concern. I would suggest getting someone involved. Have supervised visits, etc until it's for sure that he will not be like that with your child.

You aren't going to like anyone he's with - that's just common sense really. You wouldn't have slept with him in the first place if you didn't have feelings for him, so anyone taking that place is going to be your 'enemy'. It's completely great if it doesn't turn out like that, but way more often than not it will.

Be open and honest about your feelings in the situation. Talk to the new gf and your ex. Get everyone on the same page. The child is the number one concern; your feelings really have to be left out of it. You need to keep yourself in check and remain neutral and only think of your child's best interests. A girlfriend being clingy, isn't a good indicator on her personality with them as a couple and with her as a friend to your child.

But, I would wait it out a bit. Be honest with your ex about it and state your concerns, and set it up that you would like to talk when the time is right for your child to meet her. I would wait out to see the commitment level of the relationship.

Michelle - posted on 02/03/2010

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so i am considered the "other" women by my husbands ex and she is so crazy all i have to say is dont judge her without talking to her and make sure you keep being polite.you and him need to decide that she is gonna be a good influence and not write her off just cuz she is with your ex. through my experience i have found that no matter how hard i try i never seem to be able to get her to understand that im not there to take her place. so just keep the paths for conversation open. it will be better for your daughter and you if there isnt alot of friction. good luck!!

Nicole - posted on 02/03/2010

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I would try to make sure it's serious before getting your child involved. My husbands parents have never been together, and all through out his life his mother has brought home EVERY single guy she's dated acting as if they are getting married or something only to break up a week or two later. It really bothers and embarrasses him.

Adriana - posted on 02/02/2010

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I agree with Anna. My son is only a year and I wouldnt want him calling someone else mommy simply because his dad found someone else to be with. Another factor to consider is if your ex's new relationship will last or just be for a short period of time. I wouldnt want my son meeting his father new partner and then meeting a different one every so and so.

Alexsis - posted on 02/02/2010

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My ex was physically abusive towards me also, and I am going through the same thing. He is a great father to my daughter, but they seem to fight over her jealousy issues. I allow my daughter to see her father any time he comes over, with or without her. I do not allow my daughter to go on visits to his house at all.
My ex respects me for the decision I made, even though he does not like it.
Not only will your daughter will understand why things are the way they are, but will ultimately respect you for your decision!! As a mom, you have the choice of who you will allow your daughter to be around. It is your responsibility to keep her safe, and make sure she never gets hurt or is influenced in any way out of your control. Explain to your daughter that you love her, and your job is to protect her. Even if you trust your ex with his daughter, you may not be able to trust his girlfriend. Take alot of time to evaluate the situation and stay solid in your convictions. This is not about what you feel, or what your ex feels...this is about what is best for your daughter. You want to keep her from being exposed to the kind of behaviors that could possibly scar her for life. If you need anything, write anytime. I am always here for you, and your beautiful little daughter.

Brandi - posted on 02/02/2010

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I come from a family were my dad was phisical with my Real Mother and when she tried to leave his family had money so they made sure she didn't get me. Growing p I was told another lady was my mother and not by her by my father. They are no longer together and havent been since I was 8 but I still call her mom. As far as this woman trying to replace you your daughter is old enough to know who you are. You are the one that feeds her and takes care of her. I would strongly recomend your daughter not haveing any alone contact with this lady for a long time. Obviously your ex has some issues and she does to. I realy feal that she is young enough that if he realy wants to "replace" her she wont remember much about him, and you will be better off. I always tell my friend who is a single mom that the right guy for you and your child is out in the world waiting and the day will come when she will have a real Father. Any idiot can get someone pregnant and play the "Daddy" role when they want to but a Realy man is a Father and that is what your daughter needs. If he wants to run off and have another family then the best thing you can do is let him. One day he will have to look her in the eyes and explaine to her that he was childish and couldn't act like a man. It may hurt her for a bit but she will know that the person that realy loves her is you and your partner. I hope you have gotten some good advice from here it seams that alot of people had something to say on this. Like I said I went through this my self and looking back I know who loves me and who realy cared for me because my Mother and my Step-Mother both sat down and talked and my Step-Mother made sure that if my dad was at work my mom knew she was welcom to see me any time.

Jessica - posted on 02/02/2010

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I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is be very vigilant. If he was abusive to you there is always that possibility of him being abusive to her. As for the gf, your ex should be wise enough and choose someone who is going to love your daughter as much as he and you do. You are never going to be replaced don't worry. If their relationship goes that far you have to remember that our children usually do not like us 24/7. That is because we are the disciplinarians. They may go through periods when they say that they your mean etc. This woman would just basically be a big playmate for her. You will always be her mommy and no one can take that away from you. I know this bothers you, as it would me, but as long as she is good to your daughter I would try to create peace for your daughter's sake. Even as babies they can tell what emotions their mothers are experiencing and experience them too.

Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2010

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I know a lot of mom's have already commented - but if my husband and I split and he found himself with another woman there would be no way in HELL that this other lady would be a second mom to our child. So i would suggest waiting it out to see if your ex is serious about this new partner of his - if his is in it 4 the long haul or not. In the meantime, I would arrange your ex only seeing your baby when you are present or with just hum and no other partner. Then, if things don't work out between him and his new partner, your child will never know or be hurt. If your ex winds up marrying this new partner of his, then unfortunately she will have to be a part of your childs life - but again - in no way would she be replacing you or become a 2nd mom to your child - if your daughter is old enough to understand communicate to her that you are her one and only mom and this other lady in her dad's life is just that - another lady. So until you can gauge a better scope on ur ex's relationship - your daughter should have no contact with your ex's parnter. If your ex can't agree to that then play tough love - he can't see her either until you know he will be stable in your daughter's life.

Adriana - posted on 02/02/2010

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As the parent you should trust your instincts...better safe than sorry. If this woman wait to introduce them, you don't even know if your ex will be with her long enough.
I'm married someone who was divorced and had a daughter, before we married, his ex wanted to talk and set things straight about what my role was to be. I totally respect that she is the mother and I'm there to support her decisions, I wouldn't want someone telling me how to raise my child.

Emmylou - posted on 02/02/2010

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i think there's not much you can do about her meeting the new missus but you can protect yourself and your daughter by gaining full guardianship through family lawyer so that you have the upper hand when it comes to when she goes and where and who with, that would be the first thing to do especially if he was violent. I myself am with a guy who had a daughter to a previous relationship and she comes around whenever he decides to get her but i don't really influence her much at all and i dont act like a second mother i am merely a friend so i wouldn't worry about her being a second mother, chances are she's probably not interested

Ashley - posted on 02/02/2010

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does she see him?? if he is a part of her life then yes she should. i dont beleive thats fair for you to have a say whether or not she meets his gf. thats his decision. see the thing is if you were the one saying i have a bf and my ex doesnt want my daughter to meet him everyone would say he's beeing controlling. well if the gf is a part of your ex's wife then you are going to have to face it sooner or later that she will be a part of your daughters life..

Sarah - posted on 02/02/2010

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Hi if your ex was physically violent towards you and you believe he is trying to replace your daughter with another child I would keep your daughter well away from him

Hannah - posted on 02/02/2010

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my ex is a great guy i still love him however he is seeing someone else and from day one the other girl was stayin the night while my little girl was and i put my foot down.the girlfriend is not a good person i know her and have for years...but i realized yes i can say the girl cant be there when our daughter is and cant be around her but that means i have to follow by the same rules...i finally had to trust him cause that is her dad and i think he could make the right judgement on who n what to put er around and until he breaks the trust then i allow it...

Alisha - posted on 02/02/2010

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if he was violent with you then i dont think i would let him or the other women see her unless you have court involved

[deleted account]

So long as your there in your daughter's life and are as honest with your lo as she asks any questions she's bound to ask she won't be upset with you. Go with your gut instinct on this one. If you feel they are stable and will be there for your baby as you would wish then by all means if you have doubts then perhaps wait until she is older and they are more settled. Hope this helps. gd luck x

Annalisse - posted on 02/02/2010

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this can be kind of hard. My fiance's brother has new girlsfriends pretty often and he has a son from a past relationship. I feel bad when his son meets these girls and ends up calling her "mom" and then they break up. Just in my opinion, i'd wait untill they've made a commitment to eachother.

Erin - posted on 02/02/2010

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I hate to say this, but what ever your spouse decides to do with his child is up to him. Would you want him telling you that you couldn't introduce your child to someone. My daughter has met three different "girlfriends" from her father and she is only six. The one thing that she has learned is that it is ok when people breakup, it happens, and it is not the end of the world.

Kaylee - posted on 02/02/2010

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It is up to how you feel and your daughter and if you Ex and his new partner had any common sense they would talk to you about it 1st and wouldnt say anything until it was deffinately official they would be staying together. As it wouldnt be fair on the young one to meet someone and then a week later be told she was never going to see her again. I have always said if me and my partner split up if i dont like the person he is with my kids are not going anywhere near her. if he wants to seee the boys he comes on his own. and my children will never call her mum!

Felicia - posted on 02/02/2010

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I agree with Anna...My daughter is 5 and my ex is getting married now.She goes to her fathers every 2 weekend and she seems to like his girl.but before i would let her go i had to make sure his girl was going to be good to her.in my opion She's a better father to my daughter then her own.But you have to decide for yourself if you or your child is comfortable with the whole situation.I hope everything works out for you!

Lori - posted on 02/02/2010

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My husband has gone through this many times with his ex wife. He has full custody of his 4 year old and has since she was 18 months. The mother was married then divorced then with a married man who was not a good influence then they split now she is with another married man who has a criminal record. It drives us crazy that she can introduce the daughter to so many different guys. We think its very unhealthy and confusing for the child. We would rather her meet them after a marraige because of the moms history with men. Of course she is 27 and divorced 3 times so I guess there is no comitment in the marraige relationships either. She now sneeks behind his back when she had the daughter to take her to her boyfriends house. Its a very stressfull situation. My advice, would be it definetly depends on the father. Is he this irresponsible or is he doing things in the best interest of the child.

Leanne - posted on 02/02/2010

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i had to go through this with my 4 and 1/2 year old her dad and i had split when i was 6 months pregnant so we new that we would at some point meet someone els and he did after she was 6 months old i was fine that he had met someone new after a few months i could see that he was trying for long term buy then he had gotten custerday but he aloud me to have a say about her meeting the new woman and seeing we had an agrement that even if we met someone thy would never be mummy or daddy thy have now been together for over 3 years and daughter love this person and calls her mum yes i know it is hard at times but i cant be there all the time so i can handle it i have been married now for a year and i have been with my hubby for 3 years in march and my girls dad had a choice he came up over night after me and hubby had been togther for just over 3 months and stayed at our flat wich yes was odd but hubby and ex got to meet and ex got to see how daughter and my hubby got a long and it has been fine since she was even my flower girl she now calls my hubby daddy chris and has done for so long but me and ex are happy about it on both sides as it was going to happen eventerly now we never told her what to call them she just started to do it though when she called my hubby daddy i spoke to my ex because i didnt fill a 100% about it and we decided on the daddy chris bit wich has helped us deal with it better

there is no right or wonge on this it my have been some what esy for us but i know its not always like that but i hope this make sense because i didnt wont to tell you what to do but i wonted to give you an idea on how i did it

Terra - posted on 02/02/2010

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Don't let it happen. They need to be really serious about there relationship befor you allow that to happen. Children are like sponges they will get attached then what if it does not work out. that leaves them hurt because they lost a friend. granted they will get over it sooner or later it is still hurful. give it 5 or 6 months till you say its ok. then you know that they are some what commited to keeping their relationship.

Sylvie - posted on 02/02/2010

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In my personal experince If this new partner is a long term or short term no matter what the situation maybe the child should come first and that partner must have an understanding of the relationships that may continue because a child bonds u the that other person for life in making the best decisions for your child in the future. And if she is old enough give her choices and included her in what happens in both relationships. a Father should not choose his partner over his child. If she execept his daughter then i guess it would be good to introduce them.

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