Whats your opinion on spanking?

Corrie - posted on 02/24/2009

the way i see it, by spanking a child, you are showing them that the bigger person can hit someone if they don't like the actions of the other person. parent or not, how do you teach your child it's wrong to hit when you hit them? there are other ways of dealing with issue, such as taking away priviledges or favourite toys, time outs, ect.  i feel like spanking is done in anger and is not a way to teach your child to deal with problems. i remember watching my parents spank my brother, and then i thought it was ok to hit when i didn't like what someone was doing. it instills fear, not respect.

Kate CP - posted on 02/24/2009

I don't spank my daughter and here is a perfect situation why not: I was at Wal-Mart yesterday with my 3 year old and we were doing just fine...until we got to the check out and she saw those games you can ride. She really wanted to ride one and I told her now because my hands were full and I knew she was getting tired. And that is where the fit began. Most embarrassing experience of my life, honestly. I could feel every single eye on me and my daughter and I have never wanted to spank her butt so much before in my life. But, I didn't spank her. Why? I knew it would just make the whole situation worse because she was tired and cranky and hitting her wouldn't get her to stop her tantrum. So, I got a cart, wheeled her butt outside and we sat down on the sidewalk near the building and I held her until she calmed down. Then we went home. She had a meltdown because of me-I kept her out too long and she was just too tired and stressed out. While beating the tar out of her was REALLY tempting, I knew it wouldn't help the situation at all. I took her out of the overly-stimulating environment, calmed her down, and took her home. The only person who got a spanking was me-I kicked myself for keeping her out too long.
I *have* spanked her in the past-just a swift swat on the butt- and it didn't help at all. She was so distraught over the fact that I hit her that the original offense that "deserved" the spanking was totally forgotten. Some children just can't handle a spanking.

Margo - posted on 02/23/2009

Quoting Melissa:

For all those who believe in spanking...If you wouldn't do it in public, why do it in private? If you truly believed spanking was okay you wouldn't have to wait until you got home, you'd do it wherever, whenever! If there were naysayers all you would have to reply, well I was spanked and I turned out fine...Spanking is not okay anyplace, anytime!

I WOULD do it in public if the situation happened. Like i said previously, there is a fine line between spanking and abuse. And if you dont know that line then you should NEVER use spanking as a punishment. I dont think its a good idea to use spanking as an everyday thing but as a very last resort if nothing else is working.

Melissa - posted on 02/23/2009

I am so tired of this contraversary, but yet I cannot keep myself away from it. LOL. Every child is different and respond to different froms of dicipline. My oldest for example who is 6 she used to receive swats on the bum and hand when she was younger and she was spanked once when she was about 4. Now when she misbehaves she will ask to be spanked rather than sent to her room without video games and TV. I mean seriously she will ask me to spank her instead. So obviously that form of punishment has no meaning to her so she always gets sent to her room with no TV or games. (although I do let her read, that is one thing that I won't take away)

My youngest on the other hand she is 22 months and responds to nothing but a swat on the bum or hand. And I have tried everything. I can't send her to her room cause I did that once and all she did was tear apart her dresser and bookshelf which was fun for her and more of a punishment for me. She thinks time-outs are funny and as soon as she is off she goes rigt back to what she was told not to do. alking to her doesn't work. Taking her away from the situation is a joke cause she will find some way to get back into it. For example she LOVES to climb on my kitchen chairs and from there onto the kitchen table. I have gone as far as to move my kitchen chairs into another room.  But she will drag them from that room back to the kitchen table and up she goes again. And even though I know that a swat on the bum or hand is the only thing she listens to. (And she is not even swatted hard enough to cry, just enough to know that mom now means business) I still only use it as a last resort.

And as for the people who keep saying that spankings only teach kids that hitting is okay. I completely disagree with that. There is a difference between a swat on the bum and hitting another child or adult. I used to know a girl who was COMPLETELY against spanking her kids but yet her son had no problem smacking my daughter if she was plaing with a toy that he wanted. My girls on the other hand have never smacked another child for any reason. As a matter of fact my oldest has been hit by a couple of kids in school and all she has done is told the teacher. And they never hit each other either.

Oh ya did I mention that they also have 2 uncles who wrestle with them all the time, but yet they don't try to wrestle with other kids either. Although they do wrestle with me and my husband. LOL.

Ronelle - posted on 02/23/2009

I too was raised with being spanked. However I don't think I received any once I turned 6. My mum and dad would just have to warn and I'd be quick to comply. I chose to take this approach with my kids. You 'disobey' a direct instruction - you get a smack. If it is a 'tantrum', in the sense that i can see that it is an emotional issue of frustration or the like. I use the restraining method. This is holding them firmly in your lap - which escalates the screams, but I have always found that once they settle I never have a repeat in the same day and they are reassured by a cuddle afterward. I ALWAYS get my way. After the tantrum is over they still have to comply with what had started it in the first place.
I think the greatest controversy with smacking is the manner with which the smack is given. I cringe when I see someone yelling at a child and then following it through with a good ol' whack. I think when a smack is done out of anger - it sends the message that one can hit when they are angry. But when the smack is delivered out of instruction then you send the message that there are consequences for ones actions. I have found both methods very effective with my 4 kids. I have never had a situation where my children have hit another in anger. In fact I have heard them use the same words that I use when I'm angry which is simply. 'I'm angry with you right now and need some time to settle.' Very cute coming from a 4 year old.
All the best with you're quest to find what is best for you. Stick with it and you'll get the best results.

Caylyn - posted on 02/23/2009

Thank you for everyone's opinions...i would NEVER smack my child but i do a light butt pop. Everyone has their own opinion and i appreciate all the input. =)

Holly - posted on 02/23/2009

My cousin who spanks her kids does see terrific results in their IMMEDIATE behavior. However, watching these kids you can see that they are scared of their parents. Just as disturbing, I have seen them engage in some pretty vicious violence against each other.

Melissa - posted on 02/23/2009

For all those who believe in spanking...If you wouldn't do it in public, why do it in private? If you truly believed spanking was okay you wouldn't have to wait until you got home, you'd do it wherever, whenever! If there were naysayers all you would have to reply, well I was spanked and I turned out fine...Spanking is not okay anyplace, anytime!

LaQuisha - posted on 02/23/2009

I dont believe in spanking girls, however I am not opposed to a stern pop..

Holly - posted on 02/23/2009

I really truly don't understand the comment I keep reading about kids "deserving" a spanking. No one ever deserves to be hit. You wouldn't think it was ok for your child to hit another child even if they told you that the other kid did something to "deserve" it.

Misty - posted on 02/23/2009

My opinion is it teaches that hurting other people is okay and also just don't get caught.  In my opinon consquences should fit the crime.  I know a kindergarden who is terror and gotten a referral.  He gets spanked all the time.  So it doesn't work.  Also I think parents need to realize that kids need something to do in a store a job or task to keep them calm.  Like helping with the lists.  I could go on, but I think you get my view.

Stacie - posted on 02/23/2009

My dad spanked me a a child and at the time I was like you are horrible I will never hit my kids. But as I got older I realized that I NEVER got a spanking for something I didnt deserve it for. I spank Ryan when he steps out of line. We try a warning, then time out, then taking a penny, then if he is still misbehaving I will spank him.

Loretta - posted on 02/23/2009

I just want to say that I think most of the mothers here have posted very intelligent and helpful advice.  Go mothers!  LOL

Courtney - posted on 02/23/2009

I have never been spanked myself, I was the good child :)    but my mom would grab my ear and Id stop if I were to start acting up. My brothers got spanked A LOT their 17 and 18 now and their little hoodlums... ones in jail. I'm sure spanking them taught them nothing. My first child I  spanked a few times until I learned other methods. I go by the hands off policy. Why would you put your hands on your child and at the same time tell them hitting is bad? It makes no sense and is confusing to a child. I do a warning and then time out. My 5 boys aged 9, 8, 7, 7, and 5 are well behaved. I just think you need to stick to the rules and be consistent. I couldn't even imagine spanking my kids I'm sur no good will come from it.

Margo - posted on 02/23/2009

I have to add as well that when i was spanked...i was sent to my room first and the spanking didnt comence until about 10 min later which gave my parents time to calm down a bit so it wasnt done out of anger. Sometimes just the anticipation of being spanked was enough to make me smarten up!

Margo - posted on 02/23/2009

 I was raised with spankings as well. I only got them when i really deserved it. I think the reason why it is such a sensitive subject is because there is a fine line between "spanking" and "abuse" and alot of people dont really know where that line is. I also think that alot of times the abuse side of it happens because parents punish out of anger. I personally will be giving my children spankings if they deserve it. If you are giving your child one or two good smacks on the bum its not a big deal, but if you are giving them a good 15 smacks on the bum...thats getting rediculous and thats abuse. So i believe that as long as you can stop yourself from crossing that line then there is nothing wrong with it!

Loretta - posted on 02/23/2009

I think this depends on both the parent and the child.  For example, I was raised in a bit of a violent home and became violent with my brothers when I was about 12.  My violent reactions have caused a lot of problems in relationships, and it's taken me a long time to train myself not to hit when angry.  Now that I have myself under control, I won't risk getting back into that behavior by spanking my two-year old.

Also, when anyone spanks my son, he starts hitting people.  If he's spanked for hitting, I believe it confuses him even more.  I don't think it makes any sense to teach someone not to hit by hitting them.  It may be an instinct, but where's the sense?  Seriously...

I've also seen a child who was previously abused being spanked...it's a horrible thing to witness.

However, I believe a pat on the butt can be good for some kids, as long as it doesn't violate them (such as taking off their underwear) and it's not done in anger.  It can just remind them who is in charge.

So, basically, my view on this issue is that some parents should NOT hit, and some children should not BE hit.  I believe many factors should dictate the decision to spank or not to spank, and thinking before reacting is the best thing to remember.  :-)

Timmi - posted on 02/23/2009

I was a spanked kid but for really naughty things. I also have tried other methods before a spanking. Timeouts work awesome right now, my husband completely disagrees with this but does the time out thing. I think my almost 3 year old has been swatted like 3 or 4 times. Most of time she was about the hurt herself or was hurting someone else so we swatted her to see if she liked it. I have also seen where spanking too much does not work also, (but then again all forms of punishment aren't working for them). My sister's kids thought spankings were funny. My sister finally switched Dr's and they are now being tested for behavioral problems, which our entire family has long suspected but no one would help her to diagnose anything.

Melissa - posted on 02/23/2009

I agree with Holly, for those saying I was spanked and turned out fine is, in my opinion, ridiclous. Spanking may affect one child more severely than another, but regardless it does have an affect. Perhaps you are 'fine', but the fact that you think since you were spanked that spanking is okay is a problem. Spanking is a fear tactic and who wants their child to fear them? I don't! How can you tell you child not to hit when spanking is in fact hitting! We need to teach by example, take the time to understand why your child behaved the way they did and what can be done to prevent it from happening again.

Cheryl - posted on 02/23/2009

i was raised with spankings also, i turned out just fine..... i think! lol..... i was never spanked in anger, i never feared my father when it came time for my spanking. thats where i think some people go wrong, when they spank out of anger. i know when the time come if the crime deserves a spanking by golly he'll get one!

Carrie - posted on 02/23/2009

Spanking works! I was spanked and so was my husband. neither of us has ever done drugs, been to jail or any of that. spanking is not the first thing i will jump to but if that is what it takes.

Anika - posted on 02/23/2009

I was beaten with wooden spoons, forks, anything to hand by my father. He used to tell us if we flinched we would get another one, so you learn not to flinch. He hit me with a fork so hard on my hand once that it left a purple fork-shaped bruise, and when he was being prosecuted for abuse, the court were shown photographs of my bum so they could see the marks he had left. To a six-year old, having photos taken of your backside because your dad has beat you is not a nice experience, well to anyone that would not be a nice experience.



Having said that, however, I am not one of these mother's who will not EVER smack their child. Neither of my daughters push me to smack them that often. And when they do its a light tap on the back of their bum or leg.



Saying "No, don't do that," is sometimes not enough, and a light tap is purely to demonstrate that you mean what you say, and their actions have consequences etc.



I would never do what my Father did to me, but being too Politically Correct about these things doesn't get you anywhere! Most of the time, I use "Time out" but sometimes thats not enough.

Leah - posted on 02/23/2009

Ok. I have a past where spanking was abuse. My mom would hit me in my face and would hit me until I was in tears. My mom had no self-control. Today, in spite of the abuse, I am doing well in life.

I do spank my children when it is an immediate danger to my children or someone else. If my children are misbehaving and not in immediate danger AND if I'm angry, I walk away and take a moment for myself to calm down. Then, I go back and deal with situation. My favorite way to "discipline" my children is to tell them natural conquences.

By the way, discipline does not mean punishment. It means training.

Vicki - posted on 02/23/2009

Hi there i agree,i woz bought up wif smacks its not done me any harm.lol.Yea i smack my 18 mth old little boy when needed just on the hand he understands that he's been naughty.Theres nothing wrong wif it at all.These people who dont beleive in smacking....well? x

Kerry - posted on 02/23/2009

Smacking is nothing but an impulsive, unthinking way to discipline children in my opinion. Before I continue...yes i have smacked my child, even though i promised myself i wouldn't and yes there can be occasions like when the child is in danger when a smack may just make the child stop and take notice. i don't know many parents that haven't smacked at some stage, but i don't think anyone could rely on it as a form of discipline and I don't think it should even be called discipline.

Smacking is all about the parents emotions and not the childs. To all those paents who say "i was smacked and i turned out fine" how do you know that and how do you gauge "turning out fine' if you mean you are alive, then well done, it must be ok then lol

Kerry - posted on 02/23/2009

Smacking is nothing but an impulsive, unthinking way to discipline children in my opinion. Before I continue...yes i have smacked my child, even though i promised myself i wouldn't and yes there can be occasions like when the child is in danger when a smack may just make the child stop and take notice. i don't know many parents that haven't smacked at some stage, but i don't think anyone could rely on it as a form of discipline and I don't think it should even be called discipline.

Smacking is all about the parents emotions and not the childs. To all those paents who say "i was smacked and i turned out fine" how do you know that and how do you gauge "turning out fine' if you mean you are alive, then well done, it must be ok then lol

Bulelwa - posted on 02/22/2009

I have so much to say about this topic I hardly know where to start. I hope my offering makes sense and resonates with someone out there. I am against spanking. I believe that it's an easy way out when we don't want to look for creative solutions to interacting with children or when we want to just control them. Ultimately, I think that it teaches children that they can use violence or physical force to get their way or control those who are "weaker" than them. In my observation, children's behaviour is usually a manifestation of how they are feeling. It also depends on age. My boy is 18 months old and is at a stage where he is just exploring his environment. If I take him to the mall, I know i must have time to just follow him around as he walks from shop to shop or shelf to shelf. If it looks like he's going to mess something up or put himself in danger, I just pick him up and distract his attention with something else. My advise is, don't take your child to the mall if you don't have time to entertain his/her exploring the environment, which is a natural stage of development. I think that we should rather learn to talk to children and listen to them, from birth. That way we may avoid resorting to violence or physical force and we set an example of how to deal with conflict. Also, what people call naughty behaviour is usually play or expression of feeling, or exploring for the child, usually the child's intention is not to be bad or do something bad. If we learn to question and find out why the child is behaving the way they are, we might come to better solutions than spanking.

I was spanked by my father when I was younger and I hated it. In retrospect, I realise that I became resentful towards him and I feared him instead of respect him. I avoided "bad" behaviour to avoid a spanking, not because I had the conviction that something was "wrong" and if I thought I could get away with it, I would do it anyway, so spanking didn't work for me. If we see children as human beings in their own right and ourselves as people who are there to teach, guide, support and love them in their journey of life, I think that we'll treat them with more respect. Less spanking and more talking and listening...

Angel - posted on 02/22/2009

My thoughts are...I only like to do it when my son is in danger.  I use to do it more often that I do now because when I was younger we were spanked. It wasn't "wrong." But I got a phone call from school one day (my son is 5) and they told me he hit another boy for no reason (which I knew wasn't true) so when he came home I asked him why he hit him as he said because he was laughing at him cause he feel off his seat.  He was "disciplining" the child like he has been getting disciplined.  I did explain to him we do not hit to teach or lesson or because we are mad.  So no the rule in our how is we only spank when he is in danger. 

Holly - posted on 02/22/2009

Saying that you were spanked & you turned out fine is like pointing to someone who smoked but lived to 80 to prove that smoking doesn't cause cancer. You might be fine but all the studies strongly show that children who are spanking are more likely to have a wide variety of problems than children who are not spanked. Since this is your children's emotional/psychological healthy we are talking about why risk it. I would reccoment the Positive Discipline series for those who need some ideas for effective discipline that does not harm your children.

Jen - posted on 02/22/2009

I know spanking is so contoversial these days. I've taken classes in child development and they say that spanking can be very tramatic to young children. I think of it  this way: I was spanked and popped with a belt and I turned out just fine. I do plan on using spanking as a form of discipline, but not the primary source. We do use time outs and we spank if it's something concerning immediate correction or danger. Our daughter is 15 months so we spank sometimes, but she usually goes to time out. When she gets a little older we'll implement the counting to 3 scenario, but she doesn;t understand yet. We're also teaching her that if we give her a stern look that it;s time to stop and behave. It works about 50% of the time so far.

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2009

I believe this is one of those situations that is like tickling. They say it is phycilogially (sp) harmful...but if your child puts their foot in your face and says tickle and then keeps coming back for more how is that harmful? It's how you look at it. It works for some and not others.

Holly - posted on 02/22/2009

I researched the effects of spanking for a paper in college. Spanking causes many negative long-term effects such as a higher risk for depression. In addition, studies have shown that while spanking might convince kids to stop a behavior in the short-term it does not stop them from doing that behavior again any more than another type of discipline such as a time-out. Reasoning is the most effective way to get your kids to stop a behavior in the long-term.

Kimberley - posted on 02/22/2009

I was also raised with spankings.... i dont see nothing wrong with a spanking if the child really deserves it... no offense but a good spanking never did me wrong as a child... i learned right from wrong and i knew when i did wrong and got that spanking, never to do whatever it was again......

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2009

We don't believe in spanking to hurt, but yes, we do believe that every so often our son needs a tap. It works; he doesn't know it as spanking though. If he does something that would deserve a 'bop' he will say 'no hit mommy, no hit'. We explain to him that it is a bop and we do it because we know he can be better about(fill in the blank). Many times it ends in more of a case of laughter. He knows when the hand goes up there will be a tap and life goes on. As long as it is not done to harm but as a reminder who is in charge, a child may need it. That's our thought anyway.

Shandal - posted on 02/22/2009

I count to 3 and if he doesn't stop doing whatever he's doing then I'll spank him and then make him sit in a chair for a min or two.  It works!  He won't do it again... for the rest of that day... tomorrow is a whole new day and we might have to do it again.  :) 

Caylyn - posted on 02/22/2009

Quoting Jaclyn:

I believe that if it needs to be done then do it. I was spanked when I got out of line. and there was nothing more that my parents could do. when I was a younger. I plan on spanking my daughter if she gets out of line. When time outs or telling them no or putting them in there room to think about what they did doesn't help what is the next thing you can do; But tap them on the butt. Its not bad to do it. Its bad when you beat them to the point where they can't sit down or your leaving marks on them. That is not right at all. There are some kids out there that need to be spanked but those parents don't believe it at all so they do have kids that get out of hand. A tap on the butt once in a while will not hurt your child.

Exactly...I think thats why it became such an issue because people started smaking their kids or it started as a spanking but they got so mad at the kid that it turned into beating...Like the Caylee Anthony incident...i think her mom might have went over board and killed her on accident and tried to cover it up.  But spanking is a tap on the butt letting them know they did wrong and it hurts their feelings more than anything else.

Caylyn - posted on 02/22/2009

Quoting RaeLynn:

I was raised with spankings and think they are fine.... My mom used the wait till we get home and if my dad was with us nothing stopped him from doing right there in the store..and my husband and I spank our girls... its what works in my opinion...I also think alot of people need to spank their children....

I agree, like i said she was to be acting horrible to get a spanking, but she rarely pushes me that far.  Just telling her if she doesnt stop acting bad and start behaving then she will get time out stops her because that means no TV lol she loves Sprout...

Jaclyn - posted on 02/22/2009

I believe that if it needs to be done then do it. I was spanked when I got out of line. and there was nothing more that my parents could do. when I was a younger. I plan on spanking my daughter if she gets out of line. When time outs or telling them no or putting them in there room to think about what they did doesn't help what is the next thing you can do; But tap them on the butt. Its not bad to do it. Its bad when you beat them to the point where they can't sit down or your leaving marks on them. That is not right at all. There are some kids out there that need to be spanked but those parents don't believe it at all so they do have kids that get out of hand. A tap on the butt once in a while will not hurt your child.

RaeLynn - posted on 02/22/2009

I was raised with spankings and think they are fine.... My mom used the wait till we get home and if my dad was with us nothing stopped him from doing right there in the store..and my husband and I spank our girls... its what works in my opinion...I also think alot of people need to spank their children....