When should I not let my son see me 'changing'?

Lauren - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 40 moms have responded )

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My son just turned 1 a couple weeks ago. I feel silly asking this question, but when should he not see me naked anymore? When does it become inappropriate? I figured it would be when he points at me and says, 'What's that?' Lol. But I'm just not sure...

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Jeanine - posted on 08/05/2009

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I agree with Lindsay and Shelly. You should be open with you kids obviously age appropriate open . But they need to know its nothing to be ashamed of and eventually they will get uncomfortable thats when ithe time to stop is i think ??..as mom's we ALL know you cant shower or go to the bathroom alone or with the door closed anymore haha thats a right we give up when we become parents haha .. I have 2 girls so i geuss with a boy it would be different ? but i would not want to make a big issue of it anytime in the near future ... Its better he learn about these types of things from you then the neighbor hood kids.. Good luck

Ashley - posted on 08/05/2009

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I don't believe that you should leave a decision of this matter up to a child. They should not have to feel uncomfortable in anyway....they're your children...I think we should make them feel as comfortable as we can in the household by setting specific limits starting at a young age.

Lindsay - posted on 08/05/2009

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My son will be 3 next week and though I don't intentionally change or shower in front of him, if he comes in the room I don't make a big deal of it. My daughter is the same way. They will grow out of it and stop on their own when it becomes uncomfortable for them. I honestly don't think it's that big of an issue.

Amanda - posted on 10/12/2010

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I wondered the same thing a few months ago(my son is almost 3). After doing some reading and thinking, I decided that he wouldn't be able to see me naked when he feels uncomfortable with other people seeing him naked. He sees me breastfeeding his little brother everyday, and never asks any questions or anything.

[deleted account]

It's definitely up to you and how comfortable you are being naked in front of your child, as well as what you want to teach them about it. Kids start thinking of nudity as "dirty" only if you teach them it's "dirty".

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Betty - posted on 10/15/2010

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As soon as expecting a little privacy is realistic you should put an end to openly allowing them see you naked. When my 5 year old walks in on me I just quickly cover up and say, "I'm sorry you had to see me like that sweetie". I don't think a child will be emotionaly damaged buy seeing your goods no matter how old he or she is. It's just our job to teach bounderies, that's all.

Brittanie - posted on 10/14/2010

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My son is almost 2 and throws a huge fit when I shut the bathroom door when I shower or use the washroom. He gets scared when he can't get to me. So, I deal with the lack of privacy, or try to shower when he has his nap if i don't work that day - so i can leave the door open to hear him but he isn't trying to climb in. lol. It makes me slightly uncomfy, but he just wants to know what i'm doing so i let him in. It's getting to the point he is coming in less and less, I just think he'll lose interest in what i'm doing before it matters.

Shellie - posted on 10/13/2010

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I agree with Jessica... My son is six, and while I do make a point of going into my room and closing the door to change and go to the toilet etc he just bursts in if he feels the need to ask me a question or something happens.. my partners hates it, but i cover myself quickly and he talks to me just like I have clothes on anyway, I figure once he clicks he just wont come in anymore, I'm trying to get him to knock more because I think its annoying being asked whats for dinner or when is some cartoon on while i'm trying to dress on answear a call of nature...

on saying that my mother was very open about being naked, and even when i was 17 she couldnt understand y i wanted to wait until she got dressed b4 i came in the room, and i guess becasue of her open way of thinking she would walk in on me in the toilet/shower/dressing and i hated it, she still expects me to walk into the toilet after her to have a conversation!!

and i have a one year old also who is obsessed with nipples if she sees them, but other than shes one and she doesnt understand what shes seeing, i dont like her attcking my chest so i cover up in front of her lol...

Roxanne - posted on 10/13/2010

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Its different for everybody, if you are feeling uncomfortable now then don't change infront of him. Make it your own decision on how you are feeling. I personally don't care if my son sees me naked, he came from my body and he feeds at my breast. My hubby on the other hand is only naked around my son in the bathroom (they shower together) or in public changing rooms. In the room he keeps a towel around himself until he has his undies on. Its the difference of where he is and what the purpose is to if hes comfortable being naked around our son.
My only discomfort is going to the loo infront of our son (you have to in public restrooms) but its only because my son starts giggling at the sounds lol.
By the way my bright lil monkey is only 6months

Jessica - posted on 10/12/2010

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Well I think everyone makes valid points. I don't know where to draw the line to be honest. I cannot go to the bathroom without my son needing something. When he was younger it was just me and him and I didn't shut doors EVER b/c well I didn't. My family was always extremely prude!! and I just don't feel the same way. I think it is all up to you and what you are comfortable with. Your child isn't going to be uncomfortable when he is 2 or 3 and he sees you getting changed! Everyone is right in their own way and I respect everyone's opinions! With my son he is EXTREMELY curious! and so I try VERY hard to get dressed quickly and to be in the shower as short as possible and BE CLEAN and not to take long in the bathroom...there is no such thing as privacy and my son is just way to curious about the difference between mine and his body! He is now 5 and a half and I can't say that he never sees me naked! I am sorry but I dont' lock the bathroom door and I am not ever going to lock my bedroom door just so that I can get dressed...if I am in the shower and he needs to go to the bathroom then he is more then welcome to come in...if I am getting dressed and he needs something then he is more then welcome to come in. When he is old enough...he will set his own boundaries....that is just what I believe! Ne way good luck and I hope that you find the advice that you are looking for. In the end it is up to you what you do and he is YOUR child so you don't have to worry about what other people think!

Kristen - posted on 10/12/2010

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GOOD question! My fiance and I have been having this discussion for months now! I really never thought about it with my daughter, I dont think there is anything to hide from her, she is going to mature into a young woman anyways and will have what I have someday. Then there is my son......will I harm him lol He will be 2 in December, I stopped showering with him at 1, Daddy still does when were in a hurry to get ready. Daddy makes him leave the room when I change, but not so much my daughter, she thinks its normal for Mommy to run from the potty to her room in the buff and get ready the way I do, but maaaan does he throw a fit when he's changing and she walks in. Im glad I read this, it helped me feel alot better about how I should go about doing things. I still pee with the door open........ =p

Lorin - posted on 10/12/2010

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I remember taking baths with my dad, and it was a special quiet time together. I saw what a penis looked like, and it was just reality. My parents were always very open with their bodies, and I am with my children as well. I want them to be proud of what God gave us, and not ashamed. With 4 children, it is hard to find privacy, but if they come into the room when I am taking a shower to ask me a question, I will answer them, and then they are on their way. It's only natural for us. :-)

[deleted account]

My daughter is 10 months and my husband hasn't changed in front of her since she was 3 months old and I was breastfeeding in the room.

I don't change in front of my daughter except at the gym after swim lessons where obviously I have to. I still keep myself mostly covered (this is behind a dressing curtain).

Do what every you feel comfortable with.

[deleted account]

I am a very modest person. I don't even let my husband see me change very often. When the baby starts toddling around, I'm keeping the door closed. I'm sorry, but it's just my preference and I don't think my child should see his or her mother or father naked at any time. Don't want to scar the poor child for life, do we? xD

Lady Heather - posted on 10/11/2010

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I'll stop being naked in front of my kids whenever it is that I feel comfortable leaving them outside of my stall at a public washroom. Don't know when that will be yet, but until then it's kind of unavoidable. My daughter is 16 months though so I don't think it's close to a big deal yet. My husband feels uncomfortable being naked in front of her however, so he avoids it.

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2010

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OMG Laura, she is 6 months old.....and she looks at you with sour looks when you are naked? You don't think perhaps you are both imagining things?

[deleted account]

Thats a good question. Me and my boyfriend feel wierd letting our baby girl see either of us naked. lol. she just looks at us with a sour look. lol

Rochelle - posted on 10/10/2010

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my child is 20 months I still change in front him and even sometime put his in the tub w/me if we r in a hurry. He never points r try to touch me when my cloths or off, it when they are on. LOL!!! But I think u will know when the time comes. Watch him and without thinking he will do something where you say okat this is the time!!!

Lisa - posted on 10/10/2010

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Thats true........... we are their moms............ but every mom and every family have a culture that's to their comfort zone.

Kaylene - posted on 10/09/2010

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My step son is 3 1/2 and if im in the bath and he comes in I dont make him leave for the pure fact he isnt there trying to sneak a peak at my body. He is in there to talk to me. He doesn`t care about my body he just wants to be near me and spend time with me. We have him every weekend and he truely just wants all the time he can get with me. And now that his little brother is born i dont see a reason to leave the room when i breast feed him. I dont want him to think that breast feeding is a disgusting thing. or its a bad thing. and I will be the same way with my son.

My Aunts sons she made them quit coming in the room at four. Because she says at that age its just weird. We will see how i feel though E will quit coming in the room when he feels uncomfortable. When I lived with my Aunt he boys did. I think until the child is uncomfortable there is no problem

Melanie - posted on 10/09/2010

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i have nearly 7 kids,,, Im their mother my boys are 11 8 and 4, and my girls are 10,5 and 17 months and so what if they see my boobies,,,, I showered with my eldest till he was 6 and my ex hubby nan whom i just met put me down for it so i stopped, I never felt uncomfortable, to me he was just my little boy, My son...... She just had a sick putrid head....... to this day i still get my 4 yr old in the shower with me and also have 2 little girls in there as well, and when im getting out my 8 year old son is getting undressed to get in..... WE ARE THEIR MUMS....

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2010

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It's good your daughter does not bathe with her father and never should. it's good for them to know their body parts.

Megan - posted on 10/09/2010

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My daughter is two. She knows ALL of her body parts and she knows they are girl body parts. She will dress and undress her barbies and point to their body and will tell me what part it is. Yes she says boob and no we have never made a big deal of it but rather are proud that she is aware of it. She does get in the shower with me sometimes but never with her dad. He is just not comfortable with that which I completely understand.
If she were a boy then I definitely wouldn't be showering with him.
As for changing if it is just one pair of pants to another or a different shirt then that is not such a big deal but more then that yes.
Probably at age 2 depending on how well he understands the different body parts, however that being said if you feel uncomfortable before then, then follow your instincts and stop at that point.

Alana - posted on 10/09/2010

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my son is nearly five and he is just learning about privacy really. he wants me to stay in the bathroom while he bathes so i know he isnt self concious, he would walk around thee house naked if he could and he has no concept that being naked around people is seen as taboo. i dont want him to feel uncomfortable either. we have told him he needs to nock before coming into our bedroom because he will walk right in while i am changing but if he does i dont make a big deal i just finish getting dressed quickly. he walks in the bathroom without notice sometimes too (mostly he knocks) and when he does i just ask him if he can wait outside while i finish up. I dont know what age is really normal i think every child is different. but i have definately set some ground rules down for privacy (nocking etc) xx

Mary Renee - posted on 10/09/2010

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Children rarely have memories prior to the age of three so I would say age 3. It's not like they have any concept of "naked is naughty" or shameful. It's not like it's bad if they know mommy has boobs, they've been drinking from them for months.

I'd say when they're three and starting preschool and developing memories that would be a good time to stop and while you're at it, explain that boys have boy parts and girls have girl parts.

My mom never stopped changing in front of my sister and I but we're both girls. I can't remember my dad ever changing in front of us, but I can remember him having a midnight snack in his underwear a few times when I came home late as a teenager!!!!

Jackie - posted on 10/09/2010

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Dont make a big deal about it. I have a 3 year old son and when hes stopped up I put him in the shower with me. This way I can get the water hot enough to make steam to loosen up the secretions but I can also keep him in the shower. He hates water in his face. I have stopped changing in front of him because he is starting to notice that he and mommy have different parts and since hes small he wants to explore and touch. I do feel that touching moms parts is WAY inappropriate. He does have every right to know the difference between a boy and a girl but I do feel that he doesnt need to be seeing mom like that. I know that this does sound conflicting but when hes congested in the morning I will get his congestion loosened up without all the chemicals that are out there. I believe in doing things as naturally as possible and theres nothing more natural to break up his secretions so he can cough them up as steam. As soon as he can stay in the shower by hisself I wont shower with him anymore.

[deleted account]

I think you are right. When he starts asking questions its probably not ok anymore. If you feel uncomfortable before that then don't change in front of him anymore. I try to avoid it even though my son is only 1.

Stifler's - posted on 10/09/2010

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I like my privacy. I don't feel like I'll ever shower with my son, he showers with his dad sometimes and he's showered with me before but often there's no need especially when he likes playing in the bath alone. He can wait 5 minutes for me to use the toilet uninterrupted.

Lisa - posted on 10/08/2010

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Well closer to two yrs is when I stopped changing in front my son. Some children develop faster than others so start with what feels comfortable for you and your family. By two should be ok. By two yrs I also gave my son his own towel to wrap with when leaving the bathroom just as I would wrap with a towel.

Britni - posted on 08/06/2009

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Id stop doing it when u ask a question like this.. you know.. if u are wondering then id stop i really dont know I am having a girl..lol

Stefanie - posted on 08/05/2009

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For me, it would be around 2. My Dh stopped when my DD asked him who his friend was. LOL

Jen - posted on 08/05/2009

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My daughter is 20 months and she gets in the shower with me and goes in the bathroom with me so that she can sit on her potty too. I don't see a problem with it until they're about 3 or 4 and can actually remember it. My daughter does talk very well and she can say "boob," which I don't care to hear coming from a 1 year old, but I said it and she repeated it. We're trying to turn it into something more appropriate by saying "chest" instead, but we don't laugh as much as when she first started saying it.

Anyway if you are uncomfortable with your child seeing you naked then close and lock the door. They'll probably stand at the other side screaming the whole time, but they'll be ok in the end. Like some of the other moms have said, just don't make a big deal out of it and everything will be fine.

Ashley - posted on 08/05/2009

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Lindsay, Maybe I did misunderstand what you wrote...I do agree with you about not making a big deal. My 5 year old doesn't know privacy at all right now and I'm probably thinking of it in that perspective. We are teaching him about privacy and I also do as you do with regards to my children walking in. There are some parents who walk around naked and don't care, not accusing you in anyway. I guess trying to teach my son privacy has led us to behave differently for our 1 year old as well to keep everything 'equal'.

Lindsay - posted on 08/05/2009

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Posted by Ashley Mullins (2:53 pm)

I don't believe that you should leave a decision of this matter up to a child. They should not have to feel uncomfortable in anyway....they're your children...I think we should make them feel as comfortable as we can in the household by setting specific limits starting at a young age.



Ashley, I totally respect that opinion but I feel that making a big deal out of them not seeing you may also be a negative thing. I wouldn't go running around my house naked and don't making them feel uncomfortable. I change and shower and use the restroom with the door closed but if they choose to walk in, I won't force them to leave. I'll just finish up changing or whatever without it being a big deal. Maybe I worded it incorrectly but basically what I mean is that there will be a time when they feel they would like more privacy and also give me mine. It's just a natural transition in my opinion. Sorry, I was just trying to clarify.

Shelly - posted on 08/05/2009

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I think it is different for everyone. My family has always been open about everything. I don't see they big deal right now. I think I would stop when he is in school for sure but I will tell him why in ways he will understand.

Carmen - posted on 08/05/2009

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Honestly, I think the same way as you do! Now I don’t think it would hurt either if you don’t want to be put in that awkward position (being asked what’s that?) to stop getting dressed or showering in his presence.

Ashley - posted on 08/05/2009

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I feel that when a baby starts talking...saying little words...if he can say words like ball or cup then he knows what a ball or cup is and therefore can begin to try and understand things on his own. He's beginning to know his own body and will definately recognize the differences pretty quickly. My son is now 14 months old and I've made him leave the room since he was about 11 months b/c that was when his first words started coming about. They learn more than we know. I also have a 5 year old that I have to wonder where he gets the things he says or does so whether you realize it or not....he knows.

Stephanie - posted on 08/05/2009

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Our son is almost 2 and I'm wondering the same thing. Right now I feel like it's whatever if he's around he's around, but it definitely can't be like that forever.

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