Why do friends stop talking to you after you get married and have a baby?

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Nicole - posted on 04/15/2009

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i found the same happened to us. I think it was due to being at different stages in our lives compared with friends. Your priorities change, but your still the same person. Also think sometimes they could be jealous as you have moved onto a different 'phase' of your life and they haven't. All but one of my friends is married and have children. The one who isn't i sometimes find it hard to find things to talk to her about. I tend to be her sounding board for her difficulties with boyfriends. But she also helps me feel like the 'old' Nicole - before having babies. We have loads of fun gossiping and going out shopping. She loves hanging ith me and the girls too.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/13/2009

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lol yes i agree!  we do talk about our kids alot :P



but when i had my first son i found out who my true friends were, and who my bar friends were, so the bar friends are seen on occasion, but its the true friends that are aunty and uncle to my kids :)

Shaye - posted on 04/13/2009

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Also we tend to talk ALOT about our kids haha. They dont have children so cant relate to how exciting it is to see them roll over for the first time and stuff. Im just waiting for my friends to have kids then we'll have loads to talk about again :) Dont take it personally :)

Angela - posted on 04/13/2009

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I know for me it's just your life style changes when you have a baby.  I don't have the time, energy or money to hangout all the time any more.   Your friendships don't need to end but they will change.  Give your friends some time to see that although you may not have time to hang out with them as often that you will from time to time.  In time you do make new friends who have more in comon with you and most of your old friends will come around



I have a tough time making friends so it's been hard for me.  It's even harder when you are so busy at home with a new baby.  I would try to go out and meet other moms at play groups and mom's groups.

Ariel - posted on 04/13/2009

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I know the feeling, I had a baby young and found out who my true friends were at the time, alot looked at me as if i was foolish and like it would ruin my life. Come to find out that i am married now with a 15mth old daughter and im the happiest i have been in a long time. The people that stop talking to you are still living the single or child free life when they finally have kids they will understand. Hang in there and know that alot of people are going through the same thing, just be thankful for everything you have and enjoy it :)

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Ashley - posted on 04/16/2009

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Quoting Kati:

My best friend got married and had her first child pretty young. I was there for her, went to her baby shower, cuddled the baby. When it was my turn, she was there for me when I took the test, and in the hospital and helped me with my breathing. We talk about our kids a lot now :D I have lost some friends, but others are understanding either because they have kids or because they have nieces and nephews. And some are just cool like that!! One couple of friends loved my babies so much they decided to have one of their own!!



Thank you for that! Make sure you two never loss thouch because it sounds like you to were mean't to be great friends!!

Ashley - posted on 04/16/2009

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Quoting Maria:

There can be several reasons depending on the person. Most likely they feel that they have nothing in common with you anymore and that you are no fun because you don't want to do the same things that you used to. Likely you prefer to spend more time hanging with your family rather than your friends. You probably also feel that your interests are different from hers as well. I think this is kind of normal between friends when your lives become very different. It's okay to not be friends forever. Then there are also the friends who are jealous. You just have to leave them to work out their issues and they might come around.



Thank you that was very helpful!!

Rebecca - posted on 04/16/2009

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I agree with everyone else, you get to a different stage of your life that they can't understand. Or if they're competitive that throws a spanner in the works too. I've gone a bit the opposite way, there are people that I choose to have less to do with now that I have a child because I don't need their negiative influences in my life. I have enough to deal with without their crap. And I'm totally fine with it, your true friends will be there no matter what, having a baby is a good time to weed out the emotional suckers we sometimes call friends. Hehe!!

Rhiannon - posted on 04/15/2009

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I had the same issue. I was the first of all my friends, and so they did not realise that I needed more notice to organise things so I could spend time with friends, but I couldn't just come out all the time.



Some even accused me of being a bad friend and not caring about others etc. I pretty much told that one that my family was the most important thing in my life, and if she couldn't handle that, pretty much her problem.



One friend was awesome though. She has no intention of ever having kids, and so I think she was more prepared for the time when her friends would have kids and she still wouldn't. And as sad as this is, so much of my time is taken up with my kids and partner, having less friends is not such an issue anyway, as I couldn't fit in everyone from my "before I became a mum" life! And the fact that it was my closest two friends who are still around makes it all that much better, as they are a joy to share it with, even if they haven't been there themselves yet.

Rhiannon - posted on 04/15/2009

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I had the same issue. I was the first of all my friends, and so they did not realise that I needed more notice to organise things so I could spend time with friends, but I couldn't just come out all the time.



Some even accused me of being a bad friend and not caring about others etc. I pretty much told that one that my family was the most important thing in my life, and if she couldn't handle that, pretty much her problem.



One friend was awesome though. She has no intention of ever having kids, and so I think she was more prepared for the time when her friends would have kids and she still wouldn't. And as sad as this is, so much of my time is taken up with my kids and partner, having less friends is not such an issue anyway, as I couldn't fit in everyone from my "before I became a mum" life! And the fact that it was my closest two friends who are still around makes it all that much better, as they are a joy to share it with, even if they haven't been there themselves yet.

Kati - posted on 04/15/2009

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My best friend got married and had her first child pretty young. I was there for her, went to her baby shower, cuddled the baby. When it was my turn, she was there for me when I took the test, and in the hospital and helped me with my breathing. We talk about our kids a lot now :D I have lost some friends, but others are understanding either because they have kids or because they have nieces and nephews. And some are just cool like that!! One couple of friends loved my babies so much they decided to have one of their own!!

Gabrielle - posted on 04/15/2009

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because they are selfish arses!!! lol but it all changes again when they settle down n become parents they soon realise what they've done then!! x

Alichia - posted on 04/13/2009

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I lost every last one of my friends, even the ones who already had a child. I think maybe I changed, and they may not have liked the new mommy person.

Kate - posted on 04/13/2009

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when i got pregnant my first year in college, all of the friends I had made while i was there were completely supportive, but it seemed like the minute the baby popped out they began seeing me as a different person.  even the friends who i had my whole like seemed to be disappearing.  i still consider them all friends, even though i haven't spoken to some of them in months, but it's just something that happens to mos everyone.  it will happen to them all too, eventually, but probably all around the same time, so they won't fully realize what we went through as young moms.

Vanessa - posted on 04/13/2009

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my experience as i am a young mum, is that i now longer go out like i use too so when i had my first child i would speak to them but never actually catch up then later on down the track just lost contact. i think as we are now mature mothers things change and so do people. when all the old friends start to have babies they will realise what its like 

Joy - posted on 04/13/2009

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My best friend had a baby a few years before I did and it was hard to find some common ground. We fell out of touch for a little while. It wasn't anything personal and I still loved her to death but our lives were in very different places. Now that I've had a baby and we're both pregnant at the same time, we've gotten back in touch and have so much to talk about.

Sara - posted on 04/13/2009

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Being a parent is such an intense experience, I don't think that anyone can understand until they have a child of their own. I think that's the problem when it comes to friends that don't have kids. I have found that I just don't have much in common with my childless friends anymore. Not that they are not still my friends, but things are different. Just hang in there!

Ashley - posted on 04/13/2009

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Ya thats how I feel! And it said because I've been friends with one of my friends since grade school and she won't talk to me because i can't jump up every time she want to do something now or stay up all hours of the night! I'm just upset that you know when it there time to have children they'll call you everyday to come over and hang out with the kids! So what do you think we should do when that time happens?

Roxanne - posted on 04/13/2009

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The first time my (and my husband's) best friend came over to see our new little baby girl, he asked 10 minutes into the conversation... "So, you guys wanna go out and get something to eat?" This question, while probably normal to him as we went out to eat often enough before the baby- was LUDICROUS to me. My daughter's first week in the world was not exactly the optimal time to take her out to a loud, germ-infested, and otherwise over-stimulating restaurant! Also, I am a young mother and had her at 20, and on my 21st birthday she was about 5 months- he had wanted to take me out drinking.. which is a definite no-no for me as I am breastfeeding and do not want to drink- I would rather be a responsible and stable mother. How could I choose drinking over being there to put my baby to sleep at night? Thankfully, our relationship is a good one and he has slowly learned that with a baby come more at-home visits and mild outings. This is only one of my relationships, but most people realize that they have to grow and adjust to the changes or they won't have the same place in your life they once did. The changes are difficult for everyone, but the rewards of having a little one are absolutely amazing, and so very worth it. Just think, how could they not want to be a part of that perfect little baby's life? :)

Sherri - posted on 04/13/2009

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I agree with Maria Montgomery, my friends that are still single dont feel they have anything in common with me. So they found other single friends to go party with. Single friends feel the need to keep partying, because I am a wife and a mother of 2 I feel the need to be with my family and do the responsible stuff. Of course I do like to have fun but just not like I used to.

Janell - posted on 04/13/2009

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this is probably because your a mommy and a wifey now......and theyre more than likely still single and partying, thats what i have experienced, although i dont leave them out, theyre always invited to my girls bday parties, and they usually show up! but your just in different places in your life at the moment, but as soon as they get where you are.......youll be there for them. just dont take it personal if they dont really come around any more. but youll know who your true friends are....i have a couplle friends that still come by all the time, and they dont have kids.....so there ya go!

Janell - posted on 04/13/2009

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this is probably because your a mommy and a wifey now......and theyre more than likely still single and partying, thats what i have experienced, although i dont leave them out, theyre always invited to my girls bday parties, and they usually show up! but your just in different places in your life at the moment, but as soon as they get where you are.......youll be there for them. just dont take it personal if they dont really come around any more. but youll know who your true friends are....i have a couplle friends that still come by all the time, and they dont have kids.....so there ya go!

Brittany - posted on 04/13/2009

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I too have lost touch with my friends that aren't married and don't have kids. I believe that it does have to do with having less in common, your lifestyles aren't the same anymore. While they were out partying at 2 a.m. you were having a feeding frenzy. Your lives are totally different. I also know of a few people that have stopped talking to me out of jealousy. Some are actually jealous of what you have. It's sad that we loose touch but I have made many new friends. You will too.

Barbara - posted on 04/13/2009

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Because you just don't have much in common anymore. Think about it, why would somebody who has no kids want to hear about how nasty your baby's poop was?

Lacee - posted on 04/13/2009

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Our friends were the same way I think that it is because your life has changed and they are afraid that since they don't have kids or aren't married that they somehow don't fit into your life anymore.  Just hang in there you will get through it.

[deleted account]

I know for my husband and I, after we had our daughter all our relationships with friends changed.  Half of our friends had kids and the other half did not.  The half that had kids we have gotten now actually beccause they understand that we cannot just drop everything at a moments notice.  We now have get togethers of the families.  We will get together at their house or ours, let the kids play, put them to bed and the adults get to have adult time.  Our single friends have quit calling to see if we want to do things because they now we have to have time to find a babysitter, or we have to do something where we can bring our daughter.  It really stinks feeling like we have lost some of our friends but, we are at different places in our life.  My husband and I try evey once in a while to get a babysitter and play the non-parent role for a night.  Our old friends are always happy to see us when they have the chance.



I know the other big difference now is, as a parent, everything around me reminds me somehow about my child.  Wether I am out and see something I have been wanting to buy her or a tune comes on the radio that she was dancing to the other day.  Someone who isn't a parent has a hard time understanding how much your whole life changes and how much a child can consume you.



Hopefully with a little time things will get better with your friends!

Marie - posted on 04/13/2009

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I think that they are afraid that you will change.  But instead of confronting you they just run.  We do not change as a friend we just grow in to being a mother.  I wish my friends would have not run instead of just coming to me and talking about it.  I have not changed as a person, just a mother now and I love it so much.  I wish I could share it with my them.

Maria - posted on 04/13/2009

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There can be several reasons depending on the person. Most likely they feel that they have nothing in common with you anymore and that you are no fun because you don't want to do the same things that you used to. Likely you prefer to spend more time hanging with your family rather than your friends. You probably also feel that your interests are different from hers as well. I think this is kind of normal between friends when your lives become very different. It's okay to not be friends forever. Then there are also the friends who are jealous. You just have to leave them to work out their issues and they might come around.

Maria - posted on 04/13/2009

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There can be several reasons depending on the person. Most likely they feel that they have nothing in common with you anymore and that you are no fun because you don't want to do the same things that you used to. Likely you prefer to spend more time hanging with your family rather than your friends. You probably also feel that your interests are different from hers as well. I think this is kind of normal between friends when your lives become very different. It's okay to not be friends forever. Then there are also the friends who are jealous. You just have to leave them to work out their issues and they might come around.

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