Why do I feel like I'm always doing something wrong?

Vanika - posted on 06/23/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My husband and I got married the beginning of last year. I have a daughter from a previous relationship (not a marriage) and we now have a son who will be one in the next few months. My husband had been PCS'd overseas about 7 months before we got here alone because I was pregnant and couldn't fly. Since I've gotten here, he's been off and on with me. We'll have good weeks and bad days. We'll be lovey dovey, laughing with eachother and having a good time, and then there are days where we wake up and I feel like I've done something wrong! I don't know what it is, but at times I feel like I'm walking on egg shells and I feel as if he's going to say he wants a divorce and kick me out again. A brief summary of our past too is this: When I first met him in '08, I was in an abusive relationship with my daughters father, and he kind of 'saved me' from it and allowed me to move in with him. After about a month of staying with him, he came home one day from work and told me I needed to leave. I did and moved in with a friend I didnt really know because I dont really have family, and the family I do have live very far away. A week went by and he asked me to move back in with him, and I agreed to do so. After about a month, I was home cleaning up one day, and he did the same thing and asked me to leave. Hurt, I did, told the girl I moved in with the first time what happened and she allowed me to stay with her yet again. Another week went by and he asked me back. A month went by and I was still hurt about this off and on thing we were going through and I went on vacation to another state to visit a friend. While we were out one night I met someone and ended up having a one night stand with him (that I didnt finish, because I felt bad). I was really drunk, and I felt as if I was getting back at him for kicking me out and sleeping with other girls inbetween our relationship and I told this guy what happened and he was consoling me. He found out about it a few days from me being back. To this day, I find him looking this guys information up, asking me if our son is really his, and it really hurts. Ive found NUMEROUS of dating,single,one-night-stand sites that he has accounts for that were in recent activity a month before we came here. I ask him all the time if we can talk about everything thats happened, and he says he's ok and forgives me, but I feel as if this is the reason why he's acting that way towards me, but at the same time, he would act that way before the marriage and before the deceiving. I dont know what Im doing wrong and how to make it right- Hes about to go back to the states next month for a few months, come back for 30 days, and leave again for 5 months. I dont know anyone out here, Im in a foreign country and I feel alone and have two babys that I ll be taking care of by myself. He works 12 hr days every four or five days and I always feel lonely. On his days off, he doesnt really like to do anything or go anywhere and I feel like hes obligated to because I always initiate the outings. Same thing in the bedroom, I feel as if he's not attracted to me as he was before, because Ive seen the type of womens he's dated in the past and Im the total opposite. I love this man with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I dont feel he wants the same. Also I just turned 23 in may and hell be 32 in a few months...Please help!!!

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Katie - posted on 06/23/2010

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I'm sorry that you're going through this it must be very hard especially with two little ones.
I would try to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him ask him if there is anything wrong if he still has problems with that night you were with that other guy. If both of you really love each other and want to save this marriage then try counseling. If he doesn't want to save your marriage or refuses to talk to you about your marriage then i say leave him. He isn't worth your time or effort and by the sounds of it you've tried and have made an effort. Honestly, if a man tells you to leave one day and does it over and over again then theres something wrong and its not worth your time or energy to fight over. I hope things get better for you and your family.

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