Why do parents let children make the decisions?

Kristen - posted on 08/24/2010 ( 101 moms have responded )

175

22

20

Im not talking about the little things, like what to wear, what do you want for snack. I do beleive little choices like that should be offered, but when it comes to things like bedtime, taking the nuk or bottle away, potty training (yes to some point that is up to the child) and things like this where do you draw the line?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 08/24/2010

555

25

44

I completely disagree with Jenee. No, I don't put my daughter down when she's not ready, but we have a schedule and that is when we do things, period. I took the paci from my daugter at 4 months, I put her to sleep in her own bed, I decide what she eats, etc. I'm not a dictator, but I try to keep in line with AAP guidelines. SO far she is a very happy, well rested, well fed and adorable child. :)

Juliana - posted on 08/24/2010

203

73

80

What I think Kristen was getting at is some parents dont really parent. They leave everything up to a child to decide, and how is a child to decide anything if they havent been guided. There are certain guidelines for doing everything like with bottles, nuks and potty training. But what about those parents who dont follow any of them? I know some kids take longer to do things but a 3 year old who still has a nuk? Thats bad for their teeth. As for the nap or bedtime, I dont know about putting kids to bed when they arent tired but I dont want mine up past 9 or 10 and if they dont have at least some downtime during the day, it makes for a long miserable afternoon.

September - posted on 08/24/2010

5,233

15

691

I think that baby/toddler lead weaning can be a good thing when it comes to the bottle and the pacifier so as long as my three year old is not walking around with a bottle or pacifier in his mouth. Luckily our son self weaned from his bottle at 11 months and has not touched one since. This lead us to believe that he would do the same with his pacifier and we're ok with that. As far as bed time goes our son has naturally created his own bed time which is between 8 and 8:30 every night so that's what we stick to. He never seems to want to stay up past 8:30 and that has been consistent since he was about 8 months old. So when you have a child that's been as easy as ours it works to let our son make those types of choices. We draw the line when safety or health becomes an issue which we have not had a problem with thus far. Every family is different and what's most important is that we are all doing what's best for our families.

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2010

8

20

0

my 4 year old asked me if he coukld have 5 tim-tams for brekkie today, i told him that it was silly and offered him weet-bix in stead, he of course chose the cerial, but he knows when there is certain foods in the house (snoops and climbs cant hide anything from him, not even the top of the fridge is safe) so he asks if he can have the "junk" option, to see if one day he can get away with it, there is always "junk" in my house as i was always forced to eat fruit and vegetable, made to sit at the table untill 1 am if it was still on my plate, so have grown up with a strong dislike to most "healthy" food as it was always assosiated with punishment as a child, i hate the way i eat, so always make sure there is fresh fruit and healthy snacks in the house, and if the kids ask for chocolate or chips for a meal ect (as they always ask for that first) i ask them if they would like something else first and encourage them to have say fruit over chocolate, i then tell them that if they finnish they are most welcome to have the junk after, most likely there so full from the healthy option they for get about the other!! i dont want them to grow up like me thinking the better thing is a evil form of punishment!! but rather the better option!

Lisa - posted on 08/28/2010

34

53

0

I definitely read my childrens cues. My oldest who is almost 7 yrs. was off of bottles when he was 10 1/2 months old., but my youngest, who is only 11 months isn't ready for any change like that only because of how I see how he is with things, not saying I haven't introduced it to him or let him try it, I did and I knew he want ready. When my children become interested in certain things or do certain things, all I do is read their body language. I'm am not perfect mother, and I don't let my kids run the roost, I make most major decisions and compromise on certain other things. I feel this is how my children learn to cooperate well and learn how to make certain decision making in the future. I can't say for anyone else's children because only a mother can REALLy know her child's needs and what they are ready for but for my children, I have them on a routine, and introduce new things a little at a time, and from there I'll know when they are ready.

As far as the paci goes, I have not really had much of a problem getting my kids off of them before thier teeth came in. Both my kids didnt really want it after 3 months of age. But with potty training, I had a hard time. My son was almost 4 before he was fully potty trained, and to tell you the truth, one day it just happened, I was trying different things tho since he was 2 yrs old. It was my first potty-training gig, so I didn't really know what I was doing I admit, but it's all the experience you get with your first child you can sorta have a better guess with the second on what to do and when to do certain things like that.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

101 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

@ Ashlea, as far as a baby using the potty at 5 months, it's more common than you might think. Take a look at this link. http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/index.php?...

This method was practiced for almost all of humanity and is still commonly practiced in Asia (and probably other places). Not for everyone, but totally possible!

Betty - posted on 08/28/2010

1,061

7

90

It sounds like you are talking about kids in the 2 to 4 year age range here. Yes it would be silly to ask a 3 year old if she thinks she's had enough candy for the day or if she's ready for bed. Parents should be the ones deciding if their child is tired enough for bed. People need to be more realistic. It's good for kids to be able to decide things but some people take it too far and they end up with a diabetic 5 year old. Kids that get to decide everything will also be unsatisfied and unhappy in the real world where they have less control.

Ashlea - posted on 08/28/2010

189

13

11

Pooping on the potty at 5 months?! What...did you hold your baby up there...that seems a little far fetched to me.

Susie - posted on 08/28/2010

6

4

0

Okay so I have read most of the posts here. And as for age I do believe when your child is ready to change things (potty,nuk,bottle ect.) But there is a time for parents to start helping them change things.

As for the person objecting to starting a transition early. My daughter was 5 months old and pooping on the potty. She is now 1 year old and she is almost totally potty trained in a week!!! I introduced the sippy cup at 9 months and she gave her bot up on her own after I started only giving her a bot at naptime and bedtime. The nuk I would only let her have at bedtime since she was 3 months old.
My son was fully potty trained at 16months old. If we left these choices soly to our children they would be 5 or 6 years old with a nuk. I know a women who left the her daughter have all the choices on her own and she's now 4 years old in pullups and drinks from a bottle. And also has a nuk.
If that's what you want more power to you. I'm not one to judge. As for bedtime. My children are in bed by 830pm everynight. No questions asked. Tired or not they need to be in bed.

Ashlea - posted on 08/28/2010

189

13

11

Junk food eating is a definite no go in my house. I can see where you are coming from if you do know the parents and they have agreed to it being them who lets her rule them.

Stacy - posted on 08/28/2010

43

15

6

Ashlea, we have had this child for almost a year, she chooses when she eats, and when she doesnt. and i know its her parents, and they agree it is, but they dont want to deny her the chance to choose her own food, so if she wants 5 cupcakes when she gets home, they dont mind letting her have them. They told me "children know what their body;s need" thats a load of crap, children would eat poison if you let them,

Ashlea - posted on 08/28/2010

189

13

11

There is a fine line between being strict and just being plain mean to your children though. Having a routine is one thing but you have to learn to pick your battles. No, babies do not yet know what is best for them...however, some parents who claim they do know best are often the ones who get their children taken from them. If a child doesn't feel like eating at daycare there may be another reason for it than just the parent doesn't do THEIR part. My brother NEVER ate at daycare but, he ate when we got home. He did that because he wasn't comfortable with other people feeding him his food...nor was I. People really need to investigate and look into things before passing the judgment of Parents not being Parents.

Stacy - posted on 08/28/2010

43

15

6

i do think too many parents let the childrn take the reins. I think you should PARENT. I am not here to be by baby's best friend, but to teach her how to grow properly with the right habits, I had a child in my daycare, we were worried about her eating habits, and her parents were too. She would ask for food and not eat it, or only ask for bad food. We dont give options for lunch, you get what you get and you dont throw a fit. At age 2, she would just decide not to eat, We let it go until the parents told us they were worried about her eating habits, and we all discussed it. THEY are letting her eat cookies or candy or whatever she can reach at home if she wants it, she can have it. Well duh, she isnt hungry for dinner. And no, she doesnt mind missing lunch, she knos she can pig out when she gets home. I think that is rediculous.,
I set a feeding and nap time schedule for my daughter. She is a baby, she does not know whats best for her. Yes it would be easier on me not to have to be strict, and let her have a snack every time she is fussy, because i know it will make her be quiet, but i do whats best for her, not what is easiest for me. Too many parents take the east way out.

Samantha - posted on 08/28/2010

51

18

3

As for the decision making I have tried to be fair but strict at the same time. When it came to her nuk...I took that away when she was a little over 12 months old....and I started introducing a sippy cup to her when she was 6 months old so that when she hit 12 months she would know how to use one and I could take her off the bottle right away because children who have their bottles to long have a higher risk of messing up their teeth. As for potty training I tried that a few months ago when she started pulling of her pants and her diaper right after she would go potty so introduced the potty but she didnt like it very much and wasnt grasping the concept because she just wasnt ready and wasnt telling me when she had to go, so I put that on hold. So I believe to a point a child has to ready for some things. As for bedtime I have always been very strict about bedtime. I lay her down every night at 8:30 and she wakes up every morning around 8am. Peyton has been sleeping through the night since she was about 3 weeks old so her routine has really almost stayed the same since then. When she started sleeping through the night I ask her doctor if that was okay because I know babies are suppose to be fed every 3-4 hours but he said as long as she is sleeping it wouldnt hurt her...she would wake up if she was hungry. When she got older though, even if she didn't seem tired I would put her down for bed and check on her in 15 min. 99% she was asleep by then. I think its important to put your child on a routine, so they have some kind of structure because when you think about toddlers should not be up at all hours of the night simply because their not tired...chances are if you lay them down for bed at a specific time they will fall asleep, it may take some time but they will get use to it.. I think things like bedtime, bottles, and nuks are a littel bit of both. I took away the nuk because she was getting to old for it....those are more for much younger babies as a form of comfort.

Roni - posted on 08/28/2010

18

18

1

I dont let my daughter decid on nap or bed time! Dont really have an issue with potty training since she has always gone in a potty from birth and so has my son aswell! But I think it is more of a security thing on the bottle and such! Kindof like my daughter is about to turn 3 and if she asks which is not very often usually if she is sick or having a really hard day I let her nurse. But i do feel that kids have to be ready for things to happen and though they might protest a little at first with change it will eventually not matter to much! But if i see a kid at 4 or so with a bottle or in diapers I do feel that the parents have taken it a bit far and should really help the kids in getting them to decid it is time to change that and find something that is better than a diaper or bottle at that stage in life.

[deleted account]

There is a big difference between child led parenting and no discipline. BIG difference.

I was just "discussing" this with a mom in another community. I let my two year old decide if she wants to ride in the buggy in the grocery store or follow behind me. I let her wonder around the farmer's market without a child leash (never owned one), but mine or my husband's eyes are always on her. Yet, when the time comes for her to hold my hand, she always does. Rarely a fight. Why? Because we don't fight her on the stuff that doesn't matter just because, "I'm the big bad adult and I know all." So because she's allowed appropriate freedom, she knows that when I ask her to do something there is a reason.

Same with bedtime. I don't have a set bedtime for her. Yet she always goes to bed by 8:00 (8:30) at the latest. No tears. No fight. Why force a time on her and fight her when I know she'll go down on her own at 8:00? One day if she refuses to go down at a reasonable time, I'll put my foot down, because sleep is important.

Point is, she has a routine. I didn't necessarily have to set it. As I parent, I guide her and discipline her if needed. Bedtime is not the only way to train and discipline a child. There are countless other opportunities in the day to do that. But why make an issue out of a non-issue?

Amanda - posted on 08/28/2010

180

18

6

Ok i agree with the OP on a lot of this....

@Jenee "not going to put my toddler to bed when he isn't tired" the point of bedtime is to give the child routine and also they are a CHILD they aren't supposed to choose when or when they don't go to bed. Yes my kids at first screamed and fought it but you ignore that because they aren't hurt or anything your being a parent which is what your supposed to do and be. As for potty training there is a difference between being ready and deciding. Yes potty training should wait until the child is ready but it it not their final decision to potty train. Also, when it comes to nuks and bottles, I've had a speech therapist tell me that once a child starts talking that the pacifier and such needs to be taken in order to help to help develop the child's speech. There are just some things you need to step up and be the parent and do what is needed for your child not what they say is right. Seriously when your child is 15 or 16 and decides he or she wants to have sex are you just going to let them because you aren't going to say "sorry hun but that's not a good decision...". I mean seriously we need to be adults and be parents. As such it's our responsibility to make educated decisions for our children not let them make those decisions when they aren't capable of doing so.
Also, as far as the being specific with age you should have been more specific with that as well. Most of us have toddlers or at least specify how old our children are. You make it sound like you will never make decisions for your child and that you will always let them walk all over you.

@Sarah Clemente I soooo agree with your comment.

Ashlea - posted on 08/28/2010

189

13

11

There is not way in this world that I would ever use a squirt bottle on my daughter! She isn't an animal and if you ask me..or any one of my friends that work for child services it's child abuse!

Holly - posted on 08/28/2010

74

36

1

my husband does that to our 2 yr old son.. when he acts up i used to spank his butt and didn't like it, then one day i grabbed the squirt bottle and squirted him a few times and he did not like it! because of the squirt bottle he listens to me, all i have to do now is give him that strait face and stair down of "dont you dear!" and he stops right where he is at and does what i say! he runs his daddy over because his dad lets him make the decision! also i believe its because he is the only boy. i try to give him advice of what he should try and he gives me a thousand miles of excuses.. i see where the line is with not just us but with all parents that lets there child do the decisions.. its not hard but some are scared because of child services or what there child will turn out, or my child will hate me and choose to go with someone else in the family or with the other parent! you cant let them run you over, no matter what you have to put the foot down!! and let them know who is the parent and who is the child!!! i have 3 and it took me to figure this out with child number 2 lol... also from babysitting friends kids and i have 3 aunts who are wise and i listening and watching other parents with there children..

Celissa - posted on 08/28/2010

45

17

1

I can see where it's ok to a certain point, but I also feel like it's best for kids to have routines when it comes to times. I'm a stay at home mom and I devote all of my time to our son, within reason. He turned five months old on the 26th, and he is a very good baby.. He goes to bed at 7. I decided that. And he will continue to do so until I change it. I do this because I'm the adult and I know that he needs sleep and how much sleep he does need. At first he didn't do good at bedtime but now he's tired around 6 clock and he wants his bath and to go to bed, if not he's cranky. Although he started out not sleepy then, now he is, he also gets up at about the same time every morning. I was getting very little sleep when I was putting him to bed at night when ever he decided he was tired (which was usually around midnight with him up around 6).

With that said, I did start my son on solids when he was ready for them. I don't really have a problem with his nukki, because he won't take one. As far as his bottle is concerned, I'm not worried about taking it from him until he's around a year old, at which point I will take it, if he hasn't already ditched it for a sippy on his own. I really don't know about his potty training. My mother said I potty trained myself. I plan on starting him as soon as he's able to let me know when he's wet his diaper (he doesn't even cry when he does right now) at which point I think is a good time to try teach him to go to the potty instead.

I think everyone is different and no two families raise their children the same. I also think there's not really a 'wrong' way to do things. I'm very schedule oriented, and that's the way my family thrives best. For those that aren't, letting their children choose more things works fine. As long as the children are comfortable and well taken care of, regardless of the manner in which they are given choices, I think either way works fine.

Christa - posted on 08/28/2010

17

22

2

Unfortunately I am one of those parrents who allows my 14month old to rule my life... and realy having a tough time getting her into a routine, getting her to behave and listen. Problem is with the type of person I am... since her birth I didn't want her to cry, as if the neighbours were gonna complain. I was told that if a baby cries, it is eather a nappy, hunger/thirst or temperature. so when she cries, I check her nappy, offer her something to eat and her non-spill sippy cup(as when she isnt hungry or thirsty, she throughs everything around and hits food out of the plate or from my hands) she throughs tantrums when not getting what she wants, she constantly cries to be picked up when she sees me or my husband. She is quite social though, unlike me (more like her dad there) so she plays with any1. as long as she plays and stays entertained, she is happy. she loves music and gets up to dance wich is so cute. just wish i can get her to sleep without nursing her to sleep. I tried some ones advice and put her in the cot and let her cry (wich I hated) and she climbed out of the cot. she's now starting to climb onto everything and into everything. I know I can only blame myself, but I dont know what to do to get her into a routing without having to listen to her cry and shout...?

[deleted account]

I don't put my 9 month old to bed at a certain time i let him determine when he's ready for bed (usually no later than 7pm anyway) he only uses sippie cup for water (cos he won't drink it out of a bottle) but he really makes the decisions as to what happens (after all he's only 9 months old) he doesn't really get a choice in what he eats for a snack because lets be honest he doesn't really care so long as it's food.

Ashlea - posted on 08/28/2010

189

13

11

Yes every child is very different...and parenting styles are very different. I'm not talking about the little things like what to eat for lunch or what to wear as I do give my daughter a choice in the matter...I hold two outfits up and she chooses which one to wear. I'm talking about the bigger decisions like potty training..most kids won't do it unless they are encouraged to do it...and I'm not saying to "force" them to do it either...I am experimenting with my daughter and the potty now and she is 18 months...if she picks up on it...great and if not..I will try again in six months. Or what time to go to bed..as an infant..they choose when they sleep. But, once they hit a certain age a routine would be a lot better than if you were to let your child stay up until midnight. I know parents who let their 3 year old twins stay up until daybreak if they want...and it over runs them...I have a friend over here where I live (for now) as we are a military family...and she is having the most terrible time getting her toddler to sleep in her own bed..and it's all because she isn't consistent with her and make her stay in bed. Even if your families may not have a "routine"..as long as you are consistent with what you do I think it's fine.

As I have stated before...we have a strict routine in our house...and it works for us...but, my daughter thrives on routine..and she is our only child so that is all we know to deal with. If there is anything out of place or something we did yesterday and didn't do today she gets very cranky...and she is NOT autistic either. But, she just thrives on routine. And, my daughter has her own potty chair and just wants to play with it..she doesn't want anything to do with going potty on it at this point. I would like to have her potty trained by her 2nd Birthday which is in February but, I don't see that happening any time soon.

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2010

8

20

0

My 2 boys are 19 months apart, they had dummies untill the youngest was 6n months, i tried to take my eldst off bottles, but as his brother was still having them, he would pinch them off him, so myeldest still had a bttle for bed untill i got his brother off them compleatly, it was just after his 3rd birthday. as for toilet training, my eldest is now almost 5 and has been 100% trained for almost 2.5 years, his brother however, just turned 3, i have been trying to train him for the past year, he still wears a nappy, no matter how many times i remind him to use the toilet he just dosent make the connection untill its to late, though he has picked up the past 2 weeks. as for bed, i have to have the whole house turned off tv and lights, theeldest goes to sleep in his bed, the younger one goes to sleep on the couch, this way there usualy out in 5 mins, if there both in there beds, it can take hours. my 6 month old daughter is much better at bed, dosent wake threw the night like my younger son either.

each child is different and does things whent they are capable, one thing for sure i am more structured now with 3 soon to be 4 then i was with 2!!

Shana - posted on 08/28/2010

144

46

18

lol I have 4 beautiful sons and like most post here have mentioned they are totally different...my second son craves rotuines and schedules - while my third son is a "dont sweat it"...incredibly laid back and go with the flow, both have their merits and problems...but to be honest I dont see the problem - if your kids go to bed when they are tired vs set bed time....most mums here seem to have resonsible answers to why they do things their way and it working for them, and who cares whether a child is 6months old or 18months old when they stop using bottles or pacifiers....My dentist RECOMMENDED we start using a dummy at 3yrs old for my third son to help his stop thumb sucking which is an even harder habit to break...it didnt work and we have now got expensive alternatives in play but its not really the point...the point is many here would have judge me a "lazy" or "non discplining Parent" when it was done with his best intrests at heart....the reality is we should all be slower to judge and more patient with others cause at the end of the day what works for us (or even one child) isnt going to work for others, for example my eldest 3 boys all learnt to stand to pee and sit to poo when I started toliet training at around 2 and where all out of nappies completly by two and a half, granted i had to buy a potty for my second son as he has unable to get up on the toliet (- long complex story) however my 4th son more-a-less trained himself to sit on the potty at 18months and was out of nappies at 19months....

I think at the end of the day - if your parenting style works for you, and your child isnt a spoilt cranky overly tired brat....what difference does it make??

Ashlea - posted on 08/28/2010

189

13

11

Children will not go potty by themselves...you think an 18 month old is going to go in the bathroom and sit on the toilet themselves and say...oh it's time for me to pee....NO...not unless you take them in there and encourage them to do it. Children at that age do not know what they need to make themselves grow...you as the PARENT are suppose to know. Take time out of your day to Teach your child...not let your child run you over!

Nohblee - posted on 08/28/2010

51

22

1

20 watching spongebob and still pooping in a diaper is not a common occurance! I believe they will learn to go to the toilet pretty much by themselves (with a little encouragement and advice). If your child hasnt developed toileting skills by the time hes 3 then worry but most will do it by themselves

Nohblee - posted on 08/28/2010

51

22

1

They only react to what you show them, if u introduce nothing they will not move foreward and if you have alsways had a good routine your child will be more likely to trust you and not make a fuss over little changes such as a sippy cup being introduced. Also remember never make a fuss if you can see your child is not happy with whatever change you are putting in place try it another time when things are relaxed if u make a big deal of things they become scary because your child trusts you to make decisions for them. Always reassure your child things are fine when introducing a new milestone.

Nohblee - posted on 08/28/2010

51

22

1

I think some parents have trouble letting go of the baby stage. I had a friend and her boy was 13 months and she was still giving him his bottle and formula whenever he was cranky or hurt. I offerd him a cup with a staw and waterand he guzzled it in minutesand also gave him a vegemite sandwich and it cheered him up just as good. I can understand bottle for sleep time but i think she was just trying to keep him baby-like. It can be hard to let go. I'd never condone a pacifier above the age of 12 months, its just pure laziness and lack of control on the parent's part not to mention it can damage thier bite line and cause future dental problems. I got my first son off the bottle at 11 months, as soon as he took any interest in a sports bottle. He also had milk from the carton at 12 months and no formula, he never had a paci but my now 8mnth old has one and i know i have a struggle ahead of me to get it off him in a couple months but its all part of parenting. A dummy should not be labelled as an essential but an option and much caution should be taken into consideration before deciding to in introducing it to your infant. There are many things associated with pacifiers including the fact that if you trying to breastfeed and its been difficult this can be a symptom of nipple confusion which a child develops when the pacifier is introduced too early before they get the hang of breast feeding.

Sommer - posted on 08/27/2010

34

3

1

There are times when it is appropriate to do some "child-led" methods and times when it is not. Times when it may be appropriate would be issues concerning when to begin solids and how much your child eats, when he goes to sleep (if your child is not tired, you can't force them to sleep but you can make it easier for them by keeping a better schedule), when to begin potty training, and the like, because these things are more of a developmental progression. As far as allowing a child to decide events he will participate in and at what time, I believe some parents do this to maintain a more friendly relationship with their children when in fact it does them a lot more harm than good. Small children are not truly capable of making all of the decisions, and if you give them too much free reign they generally will become confused and act out. They need a parent to tell them what is right and wrong, what they can and can't do and what is appropriate at any given time. If you approach parenting as more of a partner or friend and less as a teacher your child may be missing out on the leadership and discipline (not the same as punishment) they desperately need to eventually become successful adults. I have four younger siblings and two children of my own, and I have made my share of mistakes, and this is what I have learned from my experiences. Is it hard to stick to? Oh, yes, very hard. Especially when it is your sweet little baby or child who is pleading and begging with you to stay up five more minutes past bedtime, or can she please have just one tiny candy before supper. Things like this seem so harmless and really most of the time they may be, but it can easily get out of hand and once you are inconsistent with your parenting you have lost a lot of credibility with your child. You will lose their respect and their trust in you to be the leader, their parent, the one who teaches them how to become their own person. They always start out as tiny babies, but everything you do throughout their childhood has some impact on their future so you have to try your best to make sure it is a good impact. Regardless of anything else, every child is different and there are no hard and fast rules. Sorry for the book...just my opinion on the matter.

Kristen - posted on 08/27/2010

175

22

20

I have nothing against SAHM's, nothing at all! I know they have a more flexible schedules, if your children arent in school yet. If you got to get up at 6 AM and get the house ready and kids fed and out the door to all be at the same place by 8, then letting them go to bed when they are ready just is not a good solution for me. Its all good =)

Sherilyn - posted on 08/27/2010

40

9

4

If you start at a very young age you will notice on everything your child will be a VERY INDEPNDENT child and ask for help. I f you teach your child or children questions like where did that or who go?? or ask what happened tothe toy? if it broke, and you start this at around 6 months or even before ..... sure they dont understand butafter their birthday they will talk more if something broke they might hold out there hands and shrug or give what object if it is somthing they see everyday.

You have to remember "Youare the teacher!!" when they cant walk talk do things on them own and when they figure things out it ends up being a puzzle. Giving them a cup EG: they might not want the sippy cup but want yours so sneak the sippy cup in at breakfast time or supper when she wants a drink.
A happy Baby makes happy parents!!!

Sarah - posted on 08/27/2010

296

5

21

Children have to have a bedtime, they need a schedule. When they start going to school they will need that schedule or they will have a hard time with going to sleep early and then they will have a hard time learning in school because they are so tired. I took the bottle away from my son at about a year old. My first daughter was even younger because she saw her big brother using a sippy cup. My dughter was drinking out of a plastic cup at about 1 1/2 My kids were not upset about it they were happy to be like everyone else. If I didn't try to get my son to use the potty he still would not be potty trained he had no interest in it. It took me til he was three years old. It is unfortunate that some parent slet their children do whatever they want. They are olny hurting the child. The bottle is bad for the childs teeth. I let my kids make chioces on some things though too but there are situation you as a parent need to make decsions for your child.

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2010

1

0

0

I am very strict with potty training!same time same place!but if my daughter says she's finish eventhough she did not take a pee.Stop toilet training for the meantime when your child refuses to cooperate,listen or obey.
Toilet training tips:
!. stay with you child in the bathroom.If the attempt is unsuccessful,praise him for trying and encourage him to try again later
2. Have consistent rulesand make sure all youyr child's caregivers know your potty training routines.
3.Never compete with other moms and their babies even if your child is the last one his age who is still in diapers.
4.Keep in mind that your ultimate goal is to help your child achieve a healthy attitude on elimination.Don't mesure good parenting by how fast you can toilet train your child.
5. Do not force your child to remain seated on the toilet for more than five to seven minutes.Doing so may foster unpleasant associations with the bathroom or potty seat.
If your child is a late napper,
1. Wake her up early in the morning- Do it gradually until she gets up at what you consider to be reasonable time.
2.Get him to take afternoon nap earlier-Schedule lunch fifteen to thirty minutes of her usual time,then do calming activities.Wake her up if she is been napping for morethan two hours.
3.Don't let her nap at all- Some days, a few toddlers can actually go through the entire day without some shut-eye.In this case,expect her to fall asleep by 7 0r 7:30 pm.
Toddler years is when the child is showing authority and independence,if you think that your child is crossing the line,talk to him firmly,if he cries,don't comfort him and give what he wants.He will stop crying eventually!

Andreina - posted on 08/27/2010

43

15

2

discipline starts with the decisions u make for your child like bedtime, potty training and so on. my child has an 8:30pm bedtime.. not because its convinient for me but because she wakes up early for school the next day, kids react better with routine.. the know what to expect so there for they dont act out when something is thrown at them.

Kristen - posted on 08/27/2010

175

22

20

Did anyone see tonights wifeswap? THAT is too much of each =/ Proves there has to be a middle somewhere! Whoa!

Julie - posted on 08/27/2010

90

42

1

Bed time is on the schedule around here and we stick to it! I took my son's pacifier away when he was over the put everything in his mouth stage....not that he liked that we took it away but i feel we did it when he was ready. The potty we encouraged and never forced and around 2 & 1/2 he made the decision to do it 100% of the time including overnight. Everything else mommy and daddy have the final say but we like to give him choices between 2 or 3 things several times a day from food choices to activities to do etc. We follow lots of the recommended guidlines of the AAP and when in doubt just do what feels right. My hope is that our son and baby daughter are finding comfort in their structured environment but have enough personal freedom to know that what they think and how they feel Always matters.

Jennifer - posted on 08/27/2010

36

30

2

I am a stay at home mom and my 15 month old son takes two naps and goes to bed at the same time every day. He did not choose these, I put him to bed when I see signs of tiredness. I took the bottle away as soon as he turned 1. Gave him milk right away in a sippy cup and he took right away to it. Potty training and taking the nuk away will probably start around 18 months. If 18 months is too early for potty training, then we will try again later. Anyways, please dont act as if every stay at home mom just lets their child be the boss, because thats not the case.

Courtney - posted on 08/27/2010

2

35

0

I believe that bedtime depends on how much of a routine most parents have, both my boys are in bed by 8:30 and can watch tv for 30 mintues and i have a 5yr, and 18 months but they are both on a routine, supper, bath, brush teeth then movie then bed even if they are tired or not, the tv goes off at 9. As for taking bottle and nuk away i did slowing like just at sleep time then just at bed time then nothing at all. Depends on your routine and how you were raised.

Alyssa - posted on 08/27/2010

90

23

3

I let my son "make decisions" for the first month and then slowly got him into a routine. The only thing he really "dictated" was what time he woke up in the morning. I don't wake him even now (15 months later). He has a set lunch time, set nap time, set dinner time and a set bed time. Everything else through out the day is pretty much a free for all. We go grocery shopping or to the park or just roam the neighborhood when its cool enough.

As for the pacifier, I didn't have a problem with that. He gave it up on his own. His thumb however took its place. That ended very quickly and entirely against his will. I let him out of my sight for a moment and he got into one of the drawers in the bathroom and found daddy's razor! Which sliced his sucking thumb open. Had to keep it dry and bandaged so he didn't get much choice in the matter but he hasn't put his thumb in his mouth since then (almost 2 weeks ago). His bottle I started weening him off of after his first birthday. He was already weened to whole milk and was using a sippy cup throughout the day. Eventually the cup replaced the bottle completely and he never fussed about it. He's happy with his cup and has since ventured into the use of straws, water bottles, and whatever happens to be in our hands.

I gave him free reign for the most part when it came to food, pacifier, drink, etc but when it came to a routine, I set it in stone and he got used to it. As for being put to bed when he's not tired, he plays with his dog or listens to his music and he's fine. He has no problem entertaining himself to sleep. His bed time is between 8:30 and 9pm. Sometimes he's not tired when I put him down and sometimes he is but it doesn't matter either way. Its bed time. End of story. I am not going to put up with bed time problems later on so I took care of the problem before it ever had a chance to come about. But, to each his own. That's just what I did.

Josephine - posted on 08/27/2010

78

22

3

I ask my kids what they want all the time but child appropriate. I am still the adult, and just as long as you set the ground rules there won't be an option to cross the line! Because kids will only do what you allow them to do.

Jenna - posted on 08/27/2010

12

10

0

I learned my mistakes from my first, and now that I have my second, I am understanding the importance of bedtimes and milestones. My took his Nuk away at about 4 months, when he started growing teeth. He takes a nap and goes to bed at the same time everyday. It was hard at first, but he is in the routine now, and he knows that he goes to sleep when I put him in his crib. I lay him down at 8:30 every night, and he says night-night and goes right to sleep. I also started him on the cup at 6 months, with anything other than milk, and at 1 year he was great at it, and I switched him solely to the cup with no more bottles. The big-boy bed and potty training are a bit different. That is something that a kid has to be ready for. They all do those things at different ages. I have a feeling the bed will be easier for me since I have the crib thing down so well... with my first, sleeping on her own was HELL!

I say the best way to go is to follow cues, but not let them make decisions. Introduce it, and let them tell you when they are ready to conquer it. :)

Starr - posted on 08/27/2010

372

37

10

Kristin Im here with you on this one. We are PARENTS we have to lead our children. I can think of all the things I would have done if my parents let me make all the decisions trust me Im sure I turned out a lot better. People just dont grasp the idea that we are te parent and they are the children. WE must teach and lead them. they dont know any better. If not, they could be 20 still pooping in diaper wanting a boob for lunch while watching sponge bob instead of getting a job. REALLY!

[deleted account]

@Kassy, you made some very good points and I generally agree with most of what you said. Just want to point out something that maybe you haven't experienced yet, being your precious daughter is only 6 months old. When we go out to eat and order my 2 year old her own meal, she really only eats one chicken finger. She's just not a big eater. We stopped buying her her own meal because it was kind of a waste of money. We just let her eat off our plates when we eat out. My husband and I each chose a side dish we know she'll eat, order an extra bread, and she's happy and full. =)

Linzi - posted on 08/27/2010

7

65

0

We have a routine in my family as it was me and my son only and i started as i meant to go on. We had a set bedtime and stuck to it it was half past 7 and he is now 6 and half and it is still that time unless he is at rugby training otherwise he is a cranky little so and so. I stopped his dummy at 3 months he didnt enjoy it and i wasnt going to let him get used to it. I put my child onto a "sippy cup" as you call it at 9 months he never had a bottle and i also started to toilet train him at 18 month it was well worth my patience and his he was trained at day by 2 years of age and totally dry at 2 and half i guess i was very lucky.
Im not a pushy mum but a good routine is what they need as i work 2 jobs and he had to fit round them it is entirly the parents choice but i wouldnt like to see a child with a dummy or bottle at 3 or 4 years of age as i know a few aquaintences do it is child abuse as a friends children have had to go under a general to have 8 teeth removed and her daughter will be the same and not much difference with her youngest child either.

[deleted account]

Well, my daughter decided on her own that she was no longer interested in her pacifier (well before age 1). She also never wanted a bottle again after she tried a sippy cup. So, in that way, I've let her make some of the "big" decisions.

Potty training - we're not really there yet. She shows some interest, and I know I could push her into it, but I'm 22 weeks pregnant, and it's just not worth the hassle for me. I'm saving the serious potty-training until after little brother is born.

We're about to transition her to a toddler bed, and for that, I think we will put the bed in her room for a few days next to the crib before we start insisting that's where she sleeps. I don't think it will be a problem, though - she might want to use it the very first night!

Heather - posted on 08/27/2010

69

12

6

Both my sons go to bed between 8-9 my oldest choses whether he wants a story or not at bed time. When they had bottles I weaned them off at 1 yr. My second son choose when he was done with his sippy cup, he would throw it in the garabage whenever I gave it too him because he wanted to be a big boy he was only 14 months old and after he chose not to use it I haven't forced it on him, but he and his brother both have "special cups" for the car. I think making desicion making is important for children, to an extend. My mom works in a school and at one conference she went to she heard this story about this couple who were splitting up, when asked if they wanted to split they said no, but there daughter thought it would be best for her. This is an extreme but still it's kinda freaky to think that something like this would actually happen.

Kaete - posted on 08/27/2010

29

11

2

Bedtime: Between 7:30 and 8:30. If she says she's tired, she can decide to go to bed earlier, and I praise her good choice (i.e., deciding to go to bed because she is tired).

Bottles: I breastfed at home, but she didn't have bottles anywhere else after a year old. She liked her sippy cups just fine.

Potty training: Rewards aren't the same as bribery. My daughter got an M&M for going potty when we first started. Then I started giving them less consistently, so she never knew if going potty would get her a treat or not. Then she stopped getting them altogether and stopped asking for them. Rewards are a good way to enforce positive behavior.

There's a delicate balance between letting your child make decisions and letting your child walk all over you. My daughter thrives on routine and schedule, so I need to keep our schedule pretty consistent. But I pretty much let her decide when to stop nursing, which sounds crazy to some people, but it worked for us.

Katarina - posted on 08/27/2010

3

7

0

i think no loving mum would allow her child to eat anything dangerous to his health or let the little person do anything would would harm him in any way. But i think if we let the child to make his decisions from early age he'll get great practise so when he'll grow up it will be natural for him. i don't agree with parents who says to their kids do what you want or with the "do this, cos i said so" good relationship is all about good communication and i don't mean only verbal one.

Kassi - posted on 08/27/2010

26

12

1

My 6 month old does pretty much what she wants, but when I feel like she's got something down, I'll give her something new to try. Like she got sitting under control, so I gave her a sippy. She figured out her teething rattle, so we got her some books. Its all about being in tune with where your kid is. I make it a point to put aside one full day for her a week so we can hang out and I can see what she's been learning while I've been working and I can see what new things she might be into. I've noticed A LOT of lazy parents now that I'm a mom and I pay attention. I work in a restaurant and you wouldn't believe the number of older kids with pacis. I saw a boy that had to be around 6 with one just a couple of days ago. I'm not sure which is worse, that the companies make them bigger and bigger so that's even possible, or that the parents keep buying them for him. Another one that gets me is parents that don't control their kids in public. I can't count how many times I've almost seriously hurt a kid that comes running around a corner unattended while I'm running food or drinks out. These parents don't have any concern what-so-ever for their kids! There are hundreds of ways a kid can get hurt or even stolen when you're letting them run wild while you're out. Another thing is the selfish parents that demand to sit in a booth with their baby in a high chair. That's not in the least bit safe! Things get dropped and people bump into them, especially other kids that are running around unattended not watching where they're going. Its almost like any bit of common sense that parents have goes out the window when they take their kids out to eat. When I'm out with a child I make sure we sit at a table (not a booth!) with the highchair against a wall if possible. That way I know no one's going to bump into it or spill anything on the baby. The couple that come out with like 3 kids all under the age of 4 and make them share one meal bother me, too. If you can't afford to feed your kids out, then cook for them at home. I understand that little kids don't eat a lot, but I'm pretty sure that a single chicken tender and a couple of fries isn't very satisfying. Right now I'm making mental notes of things I'm not going to do or that I'm going to do differently from other parents that I've seen because at 6 months Lucy isn't really old enough for me to make her do things, but I can guarantee that she won't be one of those 4 year olds sitting in a high chair with a paci throwing things on the ground when we take her out. As for trying to enforce a bedtime with a toddler, if that works for you, more power to you. We start our bedtime routine (which is cereal, a bath and then a bottle) an hour or so before we want her to go to bed, or when she starts acting tired. We've never had any luck with just laying her down when we feel like it. Until they're about 4, things like bedtime, meals and potty are kind of up the child. Its up to us to guide them and not let them get overtired or too hungry, but they let us know when they need something and that's when they should have, not when a schedule dictates. You can't put a deadline on milestones. I can't go wake my baby up right now and tell her she's gonna use the potty when she's not even walking yet, but I can start putting her milk into her sippy cup instead of a bottle. I think that there are some things you can control, but most things you can't and its insensitive and ignorant to think that you just abruptly change something and expect a child to just deal with it.

Josephine - posted on 08/27/2010

5

17

0

Every individual has a right which stops where the other person's right begins. if you allow your child/toddler to make some decisions simply because he/she is still a child, then the result might not be palatable. we need this children to grow up properly following established rules and regulations. it creates room for discipline. if you don't potty train a child, he will definitely get to mess up some day. little things we do or don;t do, tell people the kind of mothers we are.in the Holy Bible, it is said, "train up a child in the way he should go and when h grows he will not depart from it". there is time for everything.we need to mould these children properly.a time will come for them to make their own decisions. would you allow your child to eat what is dangerous to his health simply because that is what he wants to do?

Katarina - posted on 08/27/2010

3

7

0

my son will be four in october. we doing things our way, so many people try to say this should be done like this or this has to be done now and all those "clever books" around... The most important thing is relationship and for that you need to know your child help him to learn, have fun, do things together.

Ashlea - posted on 08/27/2010

189

13

11

@Jessica-maybe try taking him every thirty minutes whether he has to go potty or not. At age three it is not uncommon for children to not be potty trained and boys are harder than girls because they have to learn to stand to potty. Set a timer that goes off every thirty minutes and tell him it's time to go potty. If he doesn't go when it's time and he goes in his pants...take him right back to the potty and repeat it up to 9 times...when you have finally drawn your line---tell him he's sitting on the potty until he goes..and if he still doesn't go while your in there...and goes in his pants again...sit him on his bed and tell him when he is ready to go potty he can get up and come out. ~My brother was a very stubborn child when it came to the potty...and we did exactly as I just told you and with in a couple months after trying this new method he was completely potty trained...except he still went poop in his pants out in public as he didn't like going in public places when he was little.~ But, if you do let him run around naked and he potties on the floor...just get some disinfectant spray and clean where ever he went...your daughter will be fine. Just make sure you dry it with a paper towel after cleaning it up. I HOPE THIS HELPS A LITTLE. IT'S WORTH A TRY AT LEAST.

Ashlea - posted on 08/27/2010

189

13

11

I really do not think "bribing" your child is right. What are you going to do when they grow up? Gonna tell them..if you go to bed early tonight you can have a piece of candy?! Children are sponges and learn everything that we TEACH them...and teaching them how to do bribes is not the way to go. You may have a stubborn child that doesn't want to do things right away but, that doesn't mean you need to practice making them do what you want by bribing them. When they're 25 are you going to say "if you call it off now with your boyfriend/girlfriend I'll take you on a cruise?" I doubt it...yes I am blunt with this post and I am sorry if you take offense to it. But, bribing doesn't teach children good habits at all. I don't want my daughter to learn how to use the potty because she'll get a piece of candy when she goes...and really don't want a fuss at age 4-5 asking why she can't have candy when she has been getting it for so long to use the potty!!

Lisa - posted on 08/26/2010

1

4

0

I think that the parents are just being lazy if they let their child have everything they want and they just don't want to be bothered by the crying I took my sons nuk a 6 months and bottle at one year ready or not and it was a fight but it worked out and now he is 6 and a angel

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms