why do people like to give unsolicited advice?

Chelsea Ann - posted on 07/06/2012

ooo i feel yah especially them m-i-l people and omgoodness do you wanna rip there heads off

Bess - posted on 06/25/2012

When I became pregnant with our first of two children eight years ago, I began to receive advice immediately from every mother I came into contact with. At first it was overwhelming, as I was honestly trying to keep all the information in my mind, until I started to notice all of the differences in opinion. After our first was born, I quickly began to see that I was perfectly capable of being a great mother in my own way, and that for every circumstance, I was able to come up with a safe, healthy solution. And that other mothers had completely different solutions that worked equally well. In fact, there are as many ways to be a good mother as there are mothers.

I now have only one objection to unsolicited advice: if you're not a parent, please keep your opinions to yourself. Being a good parent to me implies that you understand exactly who your child is and what method will work best to care for him or her at that moment. Non-parents will not understand the logic of this apparent disorder, unless of course they have extensive experience caring for someone else's children (e.g., nanny, doctor, teacher, social worker, etc...) Most single people I know have only had experience caring for themselves and being cared for - hardly a perspective with much value to me in regards to mothering. Still, the saying goes something like: the fool cannot learn anything even from the wisest woman; the wise woman can learn something even from a fool.

Lori - posted on 10/24/2009

jackie, no, not even close to a doctor! thanks guys. tina, i think you're right. come to think of it she was so sure i was having a boy bc how much bigger i was than her at the particular weeks! it must be the 'i'm a better than you" theory!

Tina - posted on 10/23/2009

It's part of the "I'm a better mom than you" contest that we apparently all unknowingly joined the second we found out we were pregnant. No matter who you are or what you do someone out there can do it cheaper, greener, with more ease, and tell you all about it. It's more about THEM than YOU; they are only looking for validation of their superior mothering skills and knowledge.

Jackie - posted on 10/23/2009

Everybody has their own views on raising children. There is no right or wrong way. If your family is happy and healthy (dogs included!) that is all that matters. It's wrong for anyone to push their beliefs on anybody. I find it a little ignorant that anybody can say that an emergency csection was wrong. Is this person a doctor? Seriously, try not to take it personally (easier said than done).

Lori - posted on 10/23/2009

you guys are right!..my story is that i had an emergency csection after 12 hrs of labor, she said this was wrong and my body was made to have the baby vaginally. i breastfed my son for 3 months but he was supplimented bc my milk took a few days to really come in, she said this was wrong and all he needed was the breastmilk (he wasnt getting it if i didnt have any!). i make my baby food and juice, she comments on where i buy the fruits and veggies from. and i believe vaccinations have cured many of the common illness that once killed children in our country so yes, i vaccinate my son. she tells me it is "so rare your son sleeps" bc he has been sleeping through the night (12 hrs) since 8 weeks old. and she tells me im nuts for having dogs when i have a baby. my dogs were my first babies and i wont now nor will i ever push them aside bc ive had a baby. my heart is big enough to love everybody in my home, not just the humans. and my husband picks up the extra slack with the pups when im not able to do it. it just makes me so mad when people push their opinions and ways on others when they have in no way asked them for any advice! what works for me may not work for another but to each their own. my family is well loved and cared for and thats all that should matter!

Becky - posted on 10/23/2009

Sadly you will never get away from people like that. Once you think you get away from them you meet someone else who is the same way. It's tough but I normally just let them talk, say what they want, then go one how you want to do things not worrying about it. You are the mother. You make the choices. All they can do is talk.

I wonder if they complain about "All the people who just don't listen to them! They have so much wisdom!" ;-) Hope you feel better and don't worry about "them"

Danielle - posted on 10/23/2009

I have actually wondered the same thing myself and you are very right! I firmly agree that unless someone asks you for a specific way of doing something...don't push your opinion on them. I completely understand why you're frustrated because I feel the same way and honestly I feel like it's a personal choice when, how much, and what you feed your children and how you parent them. As long as you aren't doing them any harm and you are looking out for their best and loving them along the way, I say, you're a great mom and absolutely no mom or dad is perfect. I don't understand why people feel the need to judge! Hang in there b/c I'm sure there are hundreds of other moms that feel exactly the same way we do :)