why does daddy always "need" help?

Jaclyn - posted on 07/22/2011

My husband used to be that way, my trick... I ask him to help with our two young girls: 21 and 4 mths. And I dont get mad or yell when he doesn't, but when he does, reward him with positive feedback. Go over to him and wrap you arms around him and say thank you, grab his behind or kiss him quickly like u did b4 kids, or after kids go to bed offer massage, my husband is senior chef in CPK restaurant so he is on his feet around 10-12 hours a day 5 days a week. I keep myself positive when he doesn't help by reminding myself that he works hard so I can stay home with our girls!!! : ) goodluck

Megan - posted on 07/22/2011

most men suck.

Allison - posted on 07/18/2011

I told my hubby to go tell harley to come here that we needed to get her shoes on a minute he returns with "she said no"
In other words its because their more helpless then they think lol

Christina - posted on 07/03/2011

It's normal. Most men are not baby people. My son's father couldn't handle the baby thing, and didn't do anything until our son was 2.5yrs old. Our son is almost 11 now and he is the most amazing dad in the world!

Melissa - posted on 07/03/2011

My boyfriend does the same thing to me and I've learned to just ignore him. I think I've come to his "rescue" so much that he's become reliant on me. Lol. It got to the point where my boyfriend didn't give our son a bath without my assistance until Jax (my son) was about 18-months old! Sometimes the BF gets grumpy, but what I always tell him is that he NEEDS to help me by taking care of our son by himself at times because I didn't make him (our son) alone. Lol.

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2011

My husband does this most of the time and I say no I am not stupid you know how to do it. We have three kids so this is not his first time doing this. He has told me in the past though that he has told me before he can't do something or needs help just so I will come do it for him. He admitted he knows how but just does not want to. Maybe that is what your husband is doing too. Maybe he knows how but he knows iff he says "Sarah Help" you will come do it for him and he won't have to.. Just a thought .. maybe call him out on it.

Rebecca - posted on 06/23/2011

My husband is amazing. He normally volunteers to change our kiddo when we're both home and initiates bath time. Now we only have 1 child but he helps out a lot. As far as housework goes, he's pretty much useless but he is a very good daddy. I know though that he does get frustrated because our daughter prefers me. Could this be happening with you husband, and maybe he's getting discouraged? If not I would talk to him about it, because it's not fair for you to have to do all the dirty work while he gets all the play time as many dads try to pull.

Cori - posted on 06/22/2011

Ask him if he NEEDS help or just WANTS help. My husband used to do that with dirty diapers. It was always, "Hon, I may need your help on this one." I started asking him if he needed the help or just wanted it. The lecture went on to include "He still poops when I'm not here and you manage just fine. So what it is about this particular diaper that requires help?" That stopped it pretty fast. At the time we worked different shifts and he was alone with the baby for a couple hours each day before dropping him at my mom's and going to work. I know he was capable of doing it. If you go about it in a way that makes them feel confidant and capable, they are more likely to actually start helping without whining. Next time tell him, "I have full confidence in your ability to wipe a kid's face by yourself. I know you can do it honey."

Jessy - posted on 06/21/2011

lol my bf does the same thing, he is 25.
It get's me really frustrated and I usually get suckered into helping him but there are times I straight refuse to

They are fully capable of doing everything themselves

Tanya - posted on 06/21/2011

my husband does the same thing. i show him a couple of times, then start walking him through without actually helping. eventually he picks up on what to do, though not always... some things he does but not exactly as i want them done, but better than nothing right? my first son is 22 months and we're still working on properly putting away his clothes... but he's great about diaper laundry and diaper changes.

Chanda - posted on 06/21/2011

Sadly enough, many guys are like that. Remember that most of us were raised with dolls and did the baby sitting thing, so we're familiar with a lot of situations that men just are not typically exposed to at an earlier age. At this point, I'm sure he's competent enough not to get the kids hurt or anything. Take a day off. Leave him alone for a day with the littles. It might be just easier for him to call on you when you're there, but maybe if left alone he'll gain confidence that he CAN do it himself. Of course, he may still call on you for those nasty diapers. LOL Good luck. God bless. = )

Toni - posted on 06/21/2011

Tosha, I agree. You find a reason to leave them alone and they do rise to the occasion. I went to a WOF conference last year and was gone for 2 days and one night. The house was clean, the boys were well taken care of, and the baby was still alive. ;) Clearly he can do it and survive, but as soon as I was home, help me I can't do this. WHat!??! really!? You just done it all by yourself for 48 hours. UGH! MEN!!!!! :D

Sky - posted on 06/21/2011

lol I think all men must be this way. I just say I need help too. haha

Kylie - posted on 06/20/2011

my husband is exactly the same! remember it's human nature to get away with what ever you can. I tell my husband "what do you think i do when you are not here!"

Lauryn - posted on 06/20/2011

lol..mines like that too. Its frustrating I think definitely a man/guy/boy thing. I think a lot of their mommies or daddies did everything for them so thats what there used to/never grown up?? Im def teaching my boys to be independent! And they say were the weaker sex! lol

Tosha - posted on 06/20/2011

I've often wondered that myself. My husband seems to think all the parenting responsibility should fall on me just because I am the stay at home parent, yet any time I ask him to do the simplest task for me when he's home, I get the "I work 50 hours a week" speech.
I understand that he works hard, but he needs to understand that so do I and I work 24-7. Maybe my work is not as hard as his, but it is very draining..
Anyway, sorry about my little rant.
If you really want to teach him a lesson, find a reason to leave him alone with the kids for a while, even just a couple of hours. He'll have to rise to the occasion.

Christina - posted on 06/20/2011

My husband has told me on a number of occasions that he is not built to multi-task... so when it's his turn to do things (like bath time) I just remind him this is the routine. Then i go make tea.. and let him go at it.

Toni - posted on 06/20/2011

My hubby works 12 hour shifts 3 or 4 days a week, and so he is around the kids and sees how I do it, never lends a hand if it looks like I need it, but when it comes to him doing something, HELP!!!! drives me crazy. I tell him, if I can do it alone, there is no reason you can't. He still needs help, and out oldest is almost 8.....

Keri - posted on 06/20/2011

If it's stuff he doesn't normally do, he probably does need help. Be a Mom about it to him: show him 3 or 4 times and then let him deal with it. No one ever learns if they know someone else will do it for them. If he gets grumpy, politely remind him (remind is kind of a bad word, but it's all that comes to mind now) that you gladly care for the kids when he is working or in school so he can concentrate on those tasks and not worry.

Ashley - posted on 06/19/2011

I don't know if your husbands behavior is "normal" but it is different than my husbands (who may or may not be the abnormal one). My husband is superdad he helps out a lot with the kids and since I am pregnant with our third he now is helping out with dishes, laundry and cooking for me until I get over the morning sickness. He just spent today (Father's Day) caring for two sick kids and a sick wife which included; dishes, laundry, making lunch, changing diapers, playing with the kids, making bottles and feedings, as well as cleaning up a vomitty child. Does this mean your husband could do all this, maybe, but everyone is different and has different strengths.

Constance - posted on 06/19/2011

Iwould make plans or a day with friends and leave him alone with the kids. No matter how much he may call just make sure the kids aren't hurt or anything like that. If he calls and says I need help just say well I will be home later. He will figure it out.
A friend of my mom's did that with her husband a little differently but she did it. Everytime he would keep an eye on their son with in about 10 minutes he would be yelling that he couldn't find him. he was about 18 mon. at the time. After about the 30th time of he doing something for herself and being interupted she finally said to herself next time he will learn. Soo the next time she drew a nice hot bath, locked the door and put a headset on turne up the music.Sure enough he was freaking out and yelling for to come help find him. It took everything she had not go help. She pretty much did know were he was next door in the backyard with his friend she did check to make sure. He looked for him for an hour and a half. He never took his eyes off him after that day.

Samantha - posted on 06/19/2011

he need's to grow a back bone and stand on his own 2 feet and actually take an interest in your kids, sounds to me like your together out of habit and not out of love. that's not to offend you either make him pull his weight. tell him he's either got to help you with the kids or give up somethings he likes doing to help u all the time, maybe he should weight on you hand a foot for a few day's then he will see how tough it really is x

Katherine - posted on 06/18/2011

My hubby does this and I tell him to get over it, I don't ask for help... figure it out! lol

Good Day! - posted on 06/18/2011

Poor guy at least he's trying...lol. Take a step back and let him figure it out. It's okay if he makes a mistake. When he calls, "Sarah Help!" answer back, "Sorry hun, my hands are full!" Encourage and show you trust that he can do it. Don't be mean or degrading. And say things like, "Hun you're a good dad." Encouragement and trust go a long way in building someone's confidence.

Melanie - posted on 06/18/2011

You and I seem to be leading the same life! I can manage a complete diaper change, bath or meal all by myself. As soon as my husband 'attempts' it, it's "Babe, can you grab me his towel? Babe, can you bring me the wipes? Can you put him in the highchair?" I don't understand how I can carry out and complete a task, but he "needs" help. lol Frustrating but you gotta laugh, right?

Louise - posted on 06/18/2011

to be honest i think alot of men dont feel confident to do what we do with the kids.Its not that they dont want to more like there scared they will do it wrong, cause we always see to the kids.We have 6 and 1 due in oct and ive never asked my hubby to get up in the night to do night feeds with any of them,or bath ,change them or feed them during weaning.As they get to 12/13 months ish he feels better handling them as there not delicate/fragile anymore.He worrys to much about choking when they feed ect.I think maybe let him have an hour with your daughter every now and again, then up it to 2-3 hours.Even if your upstairs or in the garden to build up his confidence.Prove he can do it on his own.

KAZ - posted on 06/18/2011

When my boy was 6 months old, I got in the car one sat morning and told hubby that the two of them are getting much needed bonding time. I was around the corner when he phoned, baby screaming in background and asked how long i'll be. I told him 2-3 hours and put the phone down. When I got back he had a much better idea and respect for what we do and now he takes his son out every sat or sunday morning (even during potty training time, without diaper).

Danielle - posted on 06/18/2011

I do that sometimes.
My husband is always very helpful...but if our son has trashed his room, really fussy, or covered in crap we will always call each other for help.

I do that probably more than my husband.
It just makes sense to work together to get it out of the way instead of letting stress get the best of us.

Sometimes it can be annoying, but I'd rather help to get over the issue, than hope he can handle it (usually get really stressed out and grumpy) and then take twice as long.

Jessica - posted on 06/18/2011

My husband can take care of the kids I do not like the results sometimes but he will do it . my house will be destroyed and the kids a mess and have ate nothing but junk food but at least they are alive and un harmed. it is not that he can not do better then that he chose not to. if i say anything about it we fight over it. I keep telling myself at least my kids are unharmed. So it is not just yours that is that way it seems to be most of them . Granted I do know one man that is nothing like the rest his wife says she never has a problem out of him and the kiddo lucky her lol.

Amber - posted on 06/17/2011

yeah i have the same problem

Amanda - posted on 06/17/2011

It's a boy thing. My husband still has to ask when my birthday is (we've been married neaarly 6 years) and if me and his sister have been together like xmas or birthdays I get called by her name

Karen - posted on 06/17/2011

Yeah he just needs to do it. Without help. I'd just instruct him. I'd stand there and tell him "well first you need to do this...." Only when he calls for you. Tell him, no one taught you. Poop isn't poisonouse. It washes off very easily. Tell him to use a changing pad or something.

Nancy - posted on 06/17/2011

When I had my daughter, I hemorrhaged and needed 2 blood transfusions. I couldn't sit up, couldn't walk...basically I was useless. My hubby who had never changed a diaper in his life knew our daughter needed him and he stepped up. I never had the chance to tell him if he was doing something wrong or not the way I wanted it done. As a control freak this was the best situation to allow my hubby to become the awesome dad he is almost 3 years later with another on the way.

Step back and let him figure it out. If he doesn't do things the way you do, let it go and keep telling him what a great daddy he is with the kids. The more you tell him that, hopefully the more he'll believe it about himself and do more. Daddies need to know that they are very, very important in the lives of their kids.

Carly - posted on 06/17/2011

It's a man thing. I work in a medical facility and the dudes can't even fill out their own paperwork, they have to hand it to the missus. One guy couldn't even spell his wife's name (Catherine, not hard!) on the paperwork and when I tried to joke with him he told me "W.I.F.E.". Thats men for you.
I think a lot of the time, they think we are going to tell them they are doing something wrong, so they ask for help to avoid us being critical.

Brittany - posted on 06/17/2011

They don't know the routine nor do they know all that needs to be done. They aren't there enough to learn it and have it be the same next time. That doesn't mean that there aren't those who just want to get out of it.

It can be overwhelming when you aren't used to it.

September - posted on 06/17/2011

I don't think it's normal for all men because my husband is an awesome helper with our 2.5 year old son. However I do think some men do tend to be the type you’re describing unfortunately. I would suggest that you ignore him and let him figure it out for himself, if you help him every time he'll never get the hang of things.

Charlene - posted on 06/17/2011

I think he just wants to get out of it. from personal experience, my DS needs help changing diapers to bathtime. She's 14 months old and he has never given her a bath on his own, not once. I wonder how he thinks I managed doing it by myself with no one teaching me when our girl was just a newborn? It's just easier for him to ask for help than do it on his own, I know, it's not fair that he can claim credit for whatever he's doing because he technically did it- even though you helped.

Amelia - posted on 06/17/2011

Haha. I actually have to say I'm the one that askes for help a lot of the time. My husband can multi-task like no tomorrow and I'm grateful he does because it's kinda crazy. Our first son is 3 now though and love "helping" with everything. It will be interesting to see what happens when our second baby comes later this year.

Stifler's - posted on 06/17/2011

You tell me! It annoys me so much that I can't sleep in without him coming in at 7 o'clock and going BABE... HOW DO I DO THIS? to the most simple tasks like making breakfast, changing a nappy, making a bottle which has instructions on the fucking formula tin!! Or bringing the baby in to me because Logan has made a mess or something. I wonder what they think happens when they aren't here lol do we have fairies that magically turn up when there's a disaster to look after the other kid.

Jodi - posted on 06/17/2011

Chances are he probably does need help if he is trying to do more than one thing at a time :P

Helen - posted on 06/16/2011

haha women are very multi-talented if they saw how many things that we do at once i think they would faint haha

Lady Heather - posted on 06/16/2011

He's just going to have to do it on his own and if something gets effed up, well so be it. That's the only way anyone learns. I wasn't born knowing how to change a diaper. ha.

My husband is really good at all the home and child-related tasks, but he can only do one thing at a time. So if he has to cook and watch the kid, he basically has a meltdown. I kind of find that funny. Or he'll be vacuuming and I'm cleaning the bathroom and he'll yell out that it's impossible to vacuum with the kid around. Ummm...do you think I never vacuum when you're not home? Haha.

Melinda - posted on 06/16/2011

Mine is that way too! It is very frustrating... I mean I want at least one more child and don't want it to be this way until they go to college! I feel your pain... :(

Helen - posted on 06/16/2011

tell him to get over it then and grow up lol

Ashley - posted on 06/16/2011

This drives me nuts the only resone they want help is because they want out of it, i snap when mine does this but thats just me lol i tell him to figure it out

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2011

haha i have showed him. my son is 3.5 yrs and my daughter is 18 months. this has been going on for...3.5 years lol

Helen - posted on 06/16/2011

lol guys are hopeless.. just show him how to do it and say u need to learn incase im not here