Why is it so hard to put my kids to sleep? They fight me all the time about bed time?

Elisha - posted on 01/09/2010

mine do the same thing. My oldest is three and she always says she needs to potty at least 5 times when I lay her down for bed, and then she needs her back scratched constantly and then she always wants me to read about 10 books before she goes nightnight. it never fails. ive been putting her to bed about 30 minutes earlier than usual and its actually helping, she doesnt put up as much of a fight.

Megan - posted on 01/09/2010

Yea, that's definately helpful..having a strict routine. It really helps break it in.

Megan - posted on 01/09/2010

Mine use to do that too. Every child is different. My method has been effective for almost 3 years now, with my daughter. Bedtime is something they seem to prolong because it isn't something they enjoy and they don't want to miss anything, or time with their parents. So, I read my daughter 2 books. Then we cuddle and I sing to her and rub her forehead until she's asleep. This makes bedtime a bonding time, and she looks forward to it. It also takes less time to put her to sleep because I'm soothing her. I may need to try different methods soon though, I don't want her to be totally dependant on someone else soothing her to sleep, she needs to be able to do it herself as well.

Tash - posted on 01/08/2010

I had the bedtime fights with my lil boy when he was about 3 years old, and i found the best way to combat the screaming and tears was a strict bedtime routine. After tea i give him 1/2 hour to play outside or with toys (i wont allow tv for this as he wont cooperate while its on or the tears start when it goes off) then ill bath him. as soon as his bath is over i ask him to tidy his toys (as a reward for this i give him a glass of flvoured milk), then he goes to the toilet and we brush his teeth then we cuddle up in bed and read a story. it took awhile to get it to run smoothly, but i figured he has just eaten, had a drink and been to the toilet, so there is no need for anything else. i used the bribe of "ill be back in a minute to see you" which kept him in bed, and praised him on how well he was doing when i went back, if he was misbehaving though i would give him as little attention as possible. Just remember to be firm, giving in or getting angry will only reinforce the bad behaviour.

Heather - posted on 01/08/2010

I am having the same problem with my 19 month old. We lay her down every night by 830 or 9 and it is the same thing every night. During the day I put her down for her nap at the same time and sometimes she goes right on to sleep but a lot of time if she is not gone to sleep before 4 I will not let her go to sleep. She is also starting to tell my husband and I "no" at everything. We are almost at the end of our line with all of this and I really would love to know a answer for this to. Thank you!!!

Callie - posted on 01/08/2010

First of all, take a look at other parts of your life! If you "give in" a lot when it comes to other areas of parenting, then you are setting yourself up for a difficult bedtime. Your children will expect that you are going to give in at bedtime also. The big key here is to be consistent!! If you say in bed by 8p, then the kids are in bed by 8p, no exceptions. You are the parent and must set clear expectations and have set boundaries.

Something that is really helpful is to have a very consistent bed time routine.When a child knows what to expect and can be part of the process then they have less anxiety. Every night is the same...what ever works for you and your family but stick to it.
For example we eat dinner, take the dog for a walk, then it is in the bath by 7..pj's and a book at 7:30 and in bed by 8pm every night. When your child is used to this routine then there can be room for exceptions, like when you have dinner at a friends and don't get home until after bedtime.

I would advise calm activities before bed. Preferably no tv or movies that can be over stimulating for little ones.

Morgan - posted on 01/08/2010

I have the same problem with my children. I have tried many things. Bedtime at our house is between 830 and 900. But we start getting ready at 730. This past week has gone smoothly so hopefully it continues. We have bath time at 730 for my older two. Typically my youngest (7months) is in bed by then or just settleing down. i am a single mom and I live with my parents so i can typically get the boys to bed while someone else tends to her. After bath it is game(board games or the wii) or tv time and snack. I try to get them upstairs by 8:00 to do storytime, one book and then time to sleep. My boys share a room so they are in bunk beds. I lay with my 3 year old and he is out in a matter of minutes along with my 6 year old. You have to let your children know your expectations and you need to set limits like only one snack or one book. And you need to follow through. If they can't agree on a book then it will be no book at all. Your children need to know that you are in charge whether they want to go to bed or not. Also I know that the weekend is a time to relax for everyone but stick to routine even on the weekends. If you break it even for 2 days then it starts to go down hill. I know that from experience.

Julie - posted on 01/08/2010

i feel ur pain..my 2 are the same way every night there is alway crying and why do i have to go to bed.. and eventually my husband goes and lays down with them till they fall asleep.. and its crazy.. so if you come up with anything let me know.. good luck..

Amy - posted on 01/08/2010

I have twins who are now six and let me tell you I learned the hard way about sleeping time. Let me start by saying at one point I layed in their room on there floor begging and crying myself to make them sleep. I than took my mom's advice. My twins bedtime is now 8pm. At 645 I tell them its almost time to start bedtime routine....7pm Bath time starts one at a time less splashing way...By 720 they are dressed in pj's...kitchen to snack till 735 than brushing teeth and bedtime potty than a dixie cup for water...(cover all the reasons they need to get up after they are in bed) 745 one book reading than 755 I rub there backs lightly and than make them snug as a bug in a rug tucked in tight...8pm no exceptions....At first I used reward boards but after 2 years now they know what the drill is....Hope this helps!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 01/08/2010

I so understand I have the same thing with my 3, they just dont want to miss out on anything. When they go to bed thats when the really fun starts, for moms and dads, It is so fun its call relaxing. but they dont think that. I tell them if they dont go to bed now they wont be able to get up in time to see daddy off to work, they in joy seeing him off. or when they have to get up for school. if that dosent work you Tell them it is time for bed you put them back one or two times dont say a word to them. but most of the time it works getting up to see daddy off or school.

Samantha - posted on 01/08/2010

I don't know your evening ritual but if what your doing now isn't working then try other things. Reading a book or watching a movie. You can always wear them out as well. I find that if my 3 year old is not just occupied but either playing Wii or her smart cycle she gets tired quicker. Or you can do what a friend of mine does and just put them in a chair till they are ready for bed. Honesty if they have had all the play time and still fight, that might be the best way. It does work and eventually they won't fight anymore. But this all depends on the ages of your kids.

Holly - posted on 01/08/2010

Actually I have the same problem and then once I finally do get them in bed they dont go to sleep for hrs. They will keep getting up and getting toys that they can play with in their beds. I kinda need some help with what to do also. I try to put n a movie tha they really enjoy and sometimes they will laydown and watch it till they fall asleep and sometimes I have to turn their tvs off to get them to finally go to sleep

Stacy - posted on 01/08/2010

You have to ignore them when they cry, and everytime they get up put them back.....all night, until they just fall asleep. Dont say anything after the 2nd time!