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will separating from my kids dad effect my kids?

Sara - posted on 12/30/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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i been with my kids father for 5 yrs now. he is 12 yrs older than me. im 22 yrs old. i am getting restless and annoyed by the same things that he points out to me. i feel like we are arguing more than being a couple. he doesnt kiss me anymore or try to hold my hand. ive asked him if he doesnt want me around anymore and he just says nothing. is that a clue? i still try to be there for him so my kids wouldnt feel like they arent loved if mommy and daddy dont live with each other anymore. im so afraid that if i leave him how would my kids react if they are at daddys house these days and at mommy house these days. i dont want them depressed that mom and dad arent together that they feel like its their fault.

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4 Comments

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Sherena - posted on 12/30/2009

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I agree with what everyone else has said. Splitting up will effect your kids. But (being a child of divorced parents) staying to together for the sake of the kids effects them more. My parents didn't split until I was almost 16. They waited way too long and I blamed myself for them being miserable. It hurt when my dad left, but everyone was better off ESPECIALLY us kids. All the fighting and silent treatments (them) were horrible for us.

Christina - posted on 12/30/2009

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i would talk to your kid or kids and explain that no matter what happens even if mommy and daddy arnt together that you both love them

Tiffany - posted on 12/30/2009

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Yes it will affect your children if you seperate BUT being around parents that fight all the time affects them more. If parents can seperate and be adults about it: know what's best for the children and act accordingly instead of using them as pawns to hurt one another then that is much more healthy for the children than living with both parents that are always at each others throats and are never happy.

Carolee - posted on 12/30/2009

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As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you a couple of things. First, splitting up will effect your kids. Second, staying together will effect your kids.



It all depends on what type of relationship you want your kids to immulate. If you are not happy in your relationship, try counseling. If counseling doesn't work, or if there's any type of abuse, then it's okay to split up! As long as you give it your absolute best shot at staying together, that's all you can do. But, don't stay in an unhappy marriage "for the kids". Believe me, as the arguments get worse and worse, that will most likely have the biggest effect on the kids. My parent's fights got so bad, that I was THANKFUL when they split up. Don't let it get quite that bad, if you can help it. I've had to leave my son's biological father, and I ended up finding someone who makes me SO much happier. Believe me, having an unhappy mom and dad who stay together is worse than having a happy mom and happy dad who live apart.



You can help your kids see the brighter side of it, too. One of the major things (at least for little kids) is that you generally get two birthday parties, Christmases, Thanksgivings, all holidays and celebrations! And, please, be age-appropriately honest with them! Tell them the truth of why you're splitting, but in a way that won't make them think they have to like one parent more than the other one. That's a hard line to walk, but it is possible. Anyways, this is long enough... Good luck, and everything will turn out for the best.

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