with partners(that arnt the kid father) how is the situation with yours?do you feel single ?

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Sarah - posted on 12/06/2009

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it took my son so long to like my boyfriend... i never introduced im to anyone i was dating so it wasbrand new for him to see me kissing my boyfriend or even jst him hugging me was a problem for my son. after about 6months he started liking him, now after a year and a half my son loves him like a dad..just gotta take it slow in the beginning and let the children get used to the new guy being around!

Maya Fisher - posted on 12/06/2009

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When I met my husband, I was a single mother of 2 children. I had a 3-year-old daughter, and a new-born infant son. Kevin was a 21-year-old single guy, no kids, no responsibilities. He lived on his own, worked, and did whatever he wanted. We became friends, started hanging out, and he was so good to my children. They loved him! He always tells people he fell in love with my newborn son first. We moved in together and from that moment on he has been the best father I could have dreamed of for my children. My middle son does not even know that Kevin is not his biological father (because he was a baby when we got together). My daughter knows that she has a biological father, but she chose (on her own) to call Kevin Daddy and she recognizes that Kevin is her Daddy because of the things he does for her. We eventually had a third child together, and I was a little worried that when Kevin had a child that was biologically his, he would treat my two older children differently. I should have known better! He has never for a second treated them differently. The only people who know that he is not the father of all three children are people who knew me before we got together. You would never be able to tell otherwise. I have always been so amazed and grateful that he gave up the freedom and excitement of being a young single guy at age 21, to become a husband and father. He has always worked extremely hard to provide for all of us and done all the things that a father should do - both material and emotional. With him, I have never for a moment felt like a single parent or felt like our two older children were "mine" or solely my responsibility. There ARE men out there who have the desire to be a father, who can love your child as much as you, and are willing to be an equal parent with you! You should accept no less. You deserve it and so does your child! If a man really loves you, then he will love EVERY part of you - and that includes your child. If he really loves you, he will want to be in an equal partnership and he will want to be a father to your child. I'm not saying this to sound like a know-it-all or give unsolicited advice, I just know what it is like to be a single parent and meet guys that were not right for my children and I. At one time I myself didn't realize that there are men out there that are willing to be a father to children not biologically their own. I hope the best for you. Never settle - you and your child deserve only the best!

Jennifer - posted on 12/06/2009

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I think it all depends on the person you are with. Do they let you know that they are committed to you and really loving you? Are they actively and WILLINGLY involved in your life and in return: Do they openly include you in yours? Is he a man after YOUR heart? Does he show he cares? Is he there for YOU in times when you truly need him? I know that there are men out there that truly can be these things.. these are questions to ask yourself about the guy that you are with.. I am not sharing this because I am "know it all" but really because I just got out of a relationship with a guy for a year and I have been taking some healthy steps back and in the relationship and have been asking myself these things and sadly could answer "no" to most of these and indeed I did feel single and still on my own through it all... true he may not have been in a place where he was ready for what being with me would require.. and I was foolish to let it go on too long. Its important to ask yourself why you still feel single? Alone? A real man would make you feel otherwise as much as humanly possible if he is the right one... I made a grave mistake and well.. now I am picking up the pieces that he carelessly broke... now he is off and well.. doing what he wants and the reality in my life remains.. I am here and responsible for another life and have twice the mountain he will ever have.. its not fair but its the reality.. if I can spare you that than great! ALWAYS take it slow with him.. he does need to show his heart is with you and a real man would understand. I did feel single and alone through it all and yet I still had a boyfriend.. he was too wrapped up in himself at that time in his life and was not anywhere NEAR ready to take on me and my son.. so please, though it can be lonely at times do NOT do what I did and take it slow.. you are worth the effort.. do you know that? I know I struggle with that.. but I am. Its hard to stick to standards when everyone around us is settling and when you struggle feeling worth those standards yourself.. thats why taking time on you and your child is best so that you can grow into the standards you set for yourself. I hope this is encouraging. If he does show himself true to you.. then slowly let him into your life with your son.. I wish more than anything I would of trusted my instincts and stuck to my standards.. but well, I am starting again and hope the best for you.. Blessings over your family and your heart!

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Hannah - posted on 12/08/2009

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I broke up with Valerie's biological dad or sperm donor as my family calls it, before I even knew I was pregnant. He knew I was pregnant because I told him, and we worked together.

Then I met Brett, when I was about 4-5 months pregnant. He was totally fine with it, and things just went from there. Valerie is now going to be 1 on Christmas, and Brett and I are VERY happy and talking about marriage. Valerie adores him, and he adores her as well. Brett has two teenage children that visit during the summer, and his son already considers Valerie his baby sister. Brett's teen daughter loves Valerie, but is still warming up to the whole situation. I am so blessed to have a man who looked past my pregnancy, and accepted me and my daughter. Thanks to him, I get to stay home with Valerie and always have time for him and not be too tired.

As for Valerie's "sperm donor".... he has yet to contact me or try to see Valerie. He actually saw a picture of Valerie online and said she wasn't his, because she didn't look like his other kids (who just so happen to be Filipino... I'm white!).

Oh well, Valerie has a great father in Brett, and hopefully she will always know that.

Maya Fisher - posted on 12/08/2009

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Jenita - I am so glad that my story could give you some hope. It is a scary situation to be in when you find yourself alone with a child. Not only because you have to take on all the parenting, but I think we all wonder "Will I find someone to accept me and my child?" I got so lucky, and I like to pass on the hope because I KNOW my husband is not the only good man out there! They are there, it just takes time and patience to find the right one for you. Just keep reminding yourself that not only does your child deserve the best, but SO DO YOU!

Jenita - posted on 12/06/2009

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Quoting Maya:

When I met my husband, I was a single mother of 2 children. I had a 3-year-old daughter, and a new-born infant son. Kevin was a 21-year-old single guy, no kids, no responsibilities. He lived on his own, worked, and did whatever he wanted. We became friends, started hanging out, and he was so good to my children. They loved him! He always tells people he fell in love with my newborn son first. We moved in together and from that moment on he has been the best father I could have dreamed of for my children. My middle son does not even know that Kevin is not his biological father (because he was a baby when we got together). My daughter knows that she has a biological father, but she chose (on her own) to call Kevin Daddy and she recognizes that Kevin is her Daddy because of the things he does for her. We eventually had a third child together, and I was a little worried that when Kevin had a child that was biologically his, he would treat my two older children differently. I should have known better! He has never for a second treated them differently. The only people who know that he is not the father of all three children are people who knew me before we got together. You would never be able to tell otherwise. I have always been so amazed and grateful that he gave up the freedom and excitement of being a young single guy at age 21, to become a husband and father. He has always worked extremely hard to provide for all of us and done all the things that a father should do - both material and emotional. With him, I have never for a moment felt like a single parent or felt like our two older children were "mine" or solely my responsibility. There ARE men out there who have the desire to be a father, who can love your child as much as you, and are willing to be an equal parent with you! You should accept no less. You deserve it and so does your child! If a man really loves you, then he will love EVERY part of you - and that includes your child. If he really loves you, he will want to be in an equal partnership and he will want to be a father to your child. I'm not saying this to sound like a know-it-all or give unsolicited advice, I just know what it is like to be a single parent and meet guys that were not right for my children and I. At one time I myself didn't realize that there are men out there that are willing to be a father to children not biologically their own. I hope the best for you. Never settle - you and your child deserve only the best!


Wow i was feeling a little down since i have split with my daughter father but your story has given me some hope. Thanx! Hopefully I will find someone that special.

Brandi - posted on 12/06/2009

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My husband left me when I was 3 months pregnant, so for the first two years of my son's life, I WAS single. When Jayson, a friend I hadn't seen in four or five years, came back into my life, I knew I was interested in having a relationship with him, but also knew that if he wasn't all about my kid, he wasn't anything. Fortunately, the first night we got together, I had my son with me in the car to meet J. (he drives a truck and was working in my town) Darien was being very shy and wouldn't get out of the car, so J (who is 6'3 and about 240) climbed into the back seat of my subaru outback sport (VERY little room in the back seat!) and sat there talking to Darien until he got him to laugh. I knew then that Jayson would be great with my son, and to this day, I have no complaints. He treats him like his own child, and Darien will call him Daddy. We have been together for one year and eight months now. If I still felt like a single mom, I would be moving on. But I don't. Jayson is the best dad that Darien could have. My advice to you is this: If you still feel like a single mom, move on. Because if your boyfriend isn't treating your child like part of the 'family' now, he never will.

Ursula - posted on 12/06/2009

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No. I had 2 kids before i met my fiancee and he had 1. They are really close, like a real faher-child relationship, its nice. It helps also that he had a child too, i knew her and the mum before i knew him. Then one of his old friends that he fooled around with gave birth to his 2nd daughter. All of our kids are great and I think sharing the 'step' role helps us to bond better. I have had a partner that just acted like the kids were play things, like pets. I could never sense any real connection between them and in the end it resulted in an unstable relationship that i jumped ship on. It was probably easier for me, i only had to accept one person but he had to accept 3. Oh well.

Rica - posted on 12/06/2009

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Ms. Roberts, if you feel single with the man your with then your going to need to rethink your relationship. I have been with my husband for a while now but when we got together I had a child. My child had to first like him before the relationship went past friendship. I have not ever felt single with my husband and he has never failed as a father to our children. Once you develop a relationship with a person then you all must come together as a unit when you have kids in the picture. So just think over were you think the relationship is headed and start to discuss this with your partner. I just might be he thinks that it's not his palce to help you. Let him know that you would like more of him "parenting" with you. And see wherer that leads you to.

Krystl - posted on 12/06/2009

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When my fiancee and I first started dating, we were seeing each other for quit sometime before my daughter knew that he was my "boyfriend". He was a little bit unsure when we first started seeing each other but that was because of his previous relationship with a girl who had a baby and a very bad "baby daddy" situation!! Once he was ready, we all became a family! I NEVER have the feeling of being a single mom anymore, my fiancee is there for my daughter more than her own father, and like previous mom's have stated, he is now just a sperm donor!! My daughter, on her own, has begun calling my fiancee dad!! It's up to the child who they feel to be their father figure in their lives! If your boyfriend is not good for your child, then he is not good for you!! Give him a chance though because it's not an easy adjusment for a man to make! If after time, things don't start to look up, then you should reconsider if he is worth it or not!! Good luck and always remember that a man should love you and your child!!

Nia - posted on 12/06/2009

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Actually, I agree with Cleo. That's what I look for before I decide that me and another person are partners-I look for them to not only care about me but to care about who and what comes along with me. My daughters father has been with me since my son was 6 mos and now he is 2 and my daughter is 5 mos. He is the only daddy that he knows. His biological father moved to another state when he was 3 wks old. you should never feel alone-if u do then u need to bounce.

Cleo - posted on 12/06/2009

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I don't really understand how I could be with the man I'm with now with my child and feel single. If I felt single being with my husband then we wouldn't have gotten married in th first place. He's not biologically my daughters dad but he's her father in all of our hearts because she's grown up with him since she was a baby seeing him as her dad and the very day he stepped into the picture he took up the father role with ease. As far as the whole family's concerned the previous person I was with was just the donor and my husband is and will always be her real dad.

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