Would you send her away?

Marixa - posted on 04/25/2012 ( 28 moms have responded )

10

0

0

I have a 12 year old girl.soon she will be in middle school. the schools in our area are not to great so my mom and dad offered to take her to school in their area. I know she will be fine with them,but its 2 hours away and i wont see her all week only on weekends.I don't like the idea and she want to go too.I don't know what to do.Please any advise will help..What would you mothers do if you were in my shoes?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Erin - posted on 04/30/2012

132

14

15

Honestly, I wouldn't send her. That is just me though. I mean I want the best for my girl, but at the same time, all that time away from mom would draw a line in the sand I think. We want to have good relationships with our daughters, but how can we do that when we only see them on weekends? She would have a whole other life outside of you that you know nothing of, other than what you are told. That is just a scary thought to me, I want to be in the middle of everything happening with my girl.



But, maybe there are some other options for extracurricular activities or programs she can do? Check out all the options. I don't judge you if you do decide to send her, I just...ack....I just couldn't.

Terina - posted on 05/11/2012

120

23

5

mixed feelings with this one i see why its so hard of course as her mum you want the best for her but its your role as mother to make sure those descisions are right. if she really wants to then let her , your not `sending her away' your simply guiding her and her the chance she wants to have the future she deserves. i too would find it hard and im not saying i would or could do that with my kids but at 12 she does have her own mind although not an adult she knows what she wants and probably wants to know people know this . its pretty brave for a kid of her age to do this and if you think she is emotionally strong enough.....
although making the choice keeping her with you could turn out great just because the schools not great i strongly believ if the foundations are strong enough in the 1st place she will do well regardless specially if she has the thirst for it and by the sounds of it she does.sounds like she has a great home support network and your trying to be supportive but letting understandably letting your own emotions come into play and so they should your her mum and shes only 12 id be the same . what ever the descission i wish you both luck :-)

Sheelah - posted on 05/11/2012

84

54

2

I would probably just move myself i wouldnt just send kids away as i have a teenage step son that was mostly raised by his grandmother and has caused HUGE problems with him and his dad and such but just do what you think is best if thats best for your child then do it but if your not sure then maybe think about it more and do what your gut tells you

Christy - posted on 05/09/2012

8

16

1

well You have to think about what is best for her! will she get better education with you parents at the better school? Im kinda mixed b/c i would hate to have my child away from me all week , but then again I would want her to get well educated also! you can always see her every weekend correct? ... Middle school is a very tough time for kids its like a turning point in thier lives so maybe you could try it and if she decided she didn't like being away with you , you canalways pull her out after transfer her back! good luck !

Maja - posted on 04/30/2012

23

28

3

I would keep her home if i were you. This is a very critical time for her, she's entering her teens, and if you are not around God knows what may happen. Kids get all kind of ideas, and then someone might presure her into drugs or anything that crazy. If she's with you , you can keep and close eye on her and if something is buggung her you are right there to offer advice and such... So I would decide to keep her home. Hope this helps. have a good one!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

28 Comments

View replies by

Samantha - posted on 04/27/2012

2

16

0

I would not send my daughter away. And by the schools in your area not being real great, you mean what? You dont see any way of encouraging your daughter, supporting her, playing a large role in the school system to make changes, perhaps your daughter would see you as a positive role model in that aspect. And when would you bring her back home? After middle school? Would you let her stay with the people that she has made friends with that has become her peers and close friends? Have you asked how she feels? I think you need to explore all options before you make sending your daughter away one of them. I dont even think, even though, they have lent a helping hand and an outlet, that would be fair to your parents.

Michelle - posted on 04/27/2012

2,191

23

1087

Marixa
I see my son every night except when he goes to visit his dad I put him on the bus to school in the morning and then drive in and pick him up or he takes the bus home and we pick him up from there. Both of my children will not go to school in the district where we live because the class sizes are way to big and my son needs a smaller class size and a school with other boys like him as he is a dancer and it is not a cool thing for a boy in a small town. I totally agree with the poster that says to look into a charter school as that is what we are going to and it is the best decision we ever made. Hopefully there is one close to your home. We had a young lady come live with us for 2 years in order to go to my sons school she was in grade 5 when she first came now that she is in grade 7 her parents have moved close enough for her to be back home with them.

September - posted on 04/27/2012

5,233

15

688

Personally I would not. There is no way I could be away from my child all week while allowing someone else to raise him during the week. I would move closer to a better school or home school before I would ever send my child away. I don't think you're being selfish at all, I think the feelings you're having are completely normal. Good luck!

Janessa - posted on 04/27/2012

289

10

0

That's a hard call, I would probably do anything to keep my child with me though, I think sending them elsewhere can cause confusion, but I understand wanting them to have a better education. You can look into charter schools, or you could event supplement what she is learning in school. I know any kind of homeschooling is a hard option and not ideal for many, I don't know that I would do it, but I might in that situation. I just couldn't bear the though of anyone but me raising my kids.

Candice - posted on 04/27/2012

246

1

11

Homeschool! Even working parents can do it. I saw a thing the other day that I still need to check out . k12.com is the site.

Tracy - posted on 04/27/2012

207

5

2

I know you said you've made up your mind, and I think it's to keep her home with you. I just wanted to say that I think you keeping her home is the better idea and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. My husband allowed his son (from a previous marriage) to go live with his mother 15 minutes away to go to a better school. His mother always had good intentions, but mothered him very differently than my husband was raising him. This child is now 27 and still refuses to speak to his father except at family gatherings because he feels his dad has no part in his life. I agree with others who said you can supplement education at home. I know of another child who was allowed to go live with grandma and grandpa for better schooling reasons and she is kind of a terror now (at 15). If your daughter is insisting on the better education at this school, you could always talk to the school and see what some of the things are that interest your daughter and try to provide a similar experience either at her current school or at home. At 16, I changed schools too because a neighbor school had much more funding and was all around AWESOME compared to my school (one step above juvenile hall). Once I got there, I realized that I just completely did not fit in there. I was there two weeks and transferred back. But I loved that they had astronomy classes and C++ programming classes (ok, this was 17 years ago...) My mom, if she had been one to promote education, could have turned that into a great thing for her and I to share by taking the time for the two of us to learn about those things together. Maybe you can do something like that with your daughter? :)

Alejandra - posted on 04/27/2012

14

10

0

Have you talked it over with her? Asked what she would like? I think that any school is fine. There are kids that succeed no matter what school they went to. She is at that delicate age that a big change away from the familiar and her mom might affect her in a negative way. Talk to her and both decide what is best for you two. Good Luck.

TINA - posted on 04/27/2012

63

10

4

I have to say if you get the chance send her there and then try to move halfway closer that way its only an hour and she can be driven to school by you. I know about rough neighborhodds and if you can get her out all the better. I know its hard but as a mom we need to think what is best for the child not what is best for ourselves.

Ashley - posted on 04/26/2012

863

2

155

Umm hell no as important as school is your more important and if you get involved in her school work there is no reson why u should worry.

Jessica - posted on 04/26/2012

42

17

1

It is a very difficult choice to make. I would opt for the better school because it would be better chances for socialization and better education. It will hurt being away from your kid, but he will get a much better education and jump on life.

Marixa - posted on 04/26/2012

10

0

0

Hi Lacey,

yes i try to stay very involved but my daughter is so naive that i am afraid to even try to send her to the school near us.and on top of that she is very social.thanks for you r advise at least i know that i am doing the right things with her

Lacey - posted on 04/26/2012

9

10

0

I would supplement her education at home. Even if the school is terrible you can influence your daughter. If you are strong and have strict rules she will be fine at whatever school she goes to. Just stay involved.

Kelly - posted on 04/26/2012

281

0

39

Well be selfish! Although I wouldn't call it selfishness. Hold on to what you feel is right. This is stuff that can impact a child for the rest of their lives. Kids pull away as teenagers anyways and I think this could make it worse or she uses grandparents and how they parent against you when she returns for the summer. They are always far more lenient and rightfully so but 24/7 is far more different. If you do not want to let your kid go then don't. That is an issue worth fighting for.

Marixa - posted on 04/26/2012

10

0

0

Kelly I totally agree..and that is an argument I been having with my husband and parents and they tell me that all I am doing is finding excuses for her not to go..that i am being selfish

Kelly - posted on 04/26/2012

281

0

39

Personally I would not allow anyone to raise my kids but me. Kind of just like giving them away for the school year. I just think it will weaken your relationship. If the schools were that bad I would homeschool or find a private school. I would even consider moving. If you have more kids they will reach an age where they would require the same situation. If the schools are that bad I would find a better more permanent solution that keeps my family together. Quality time with grandparents is important but not as a substitute parent if the real ones are available.

Marixa - posted on 04/25/2012

10

0

0

I will do some more research and try to get in her in closer to me :) thanks windy

Marixa - posted on 04/25/2012

10

0

0

how often do you see your son? I am afraid that she will change with us. The kids where my mom lives are wealthy and I am scared that she will ask me for things I will not be able to give her.

WINDY - posted on 04/25/2012

3

12

0

thats a hard thing to chose bc you want the best for your child ..it is your child .. where i live the schools are not great but there are some schools who draw names every year and depending on the childs grades they can join or not ..like Creative Performing Arts schools we have a few in are area . its public but they dont put up with lots of trouble or bad grades maybe you can find one?

Michelle - posted on 04/25/2012

2,191

23

1087

I would totally do it if it meant a better education for my child my son goes to school in a city an hour away from our home because it offers him programs in dance, drama and music which are where his interests lie he has been doing this since he was 7 as it has allowed him to be surrounded by other children who are like him.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms