WOW some people have nerve

Ashley - posted on 02/14/2009 ( 85 moms have responded )

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Well today I went to the all famous Wal-Mart and you would think I robbed the place judging from some of the looks I got. I am 21 years old and I have a 9 month old daughter. Yes I may be young but she is well taken care of! I guess it does not help that I look younger than I am. But I guess I am tired of people saying how old are you? and stuff like that. How do I just shrug off these remarks?

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Ashley - posted on 02/16/2009

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Thank You to everyone! I knew that someone or a lot of someones out there could relate to my feelings of anger and frustration. But I guess my goal right now is to not raise my daughter to be one of those people!

[deleted account]

Ha! Well, just think of it this way. When your daughter graduates from High School you won't be ready for the nursing home just yet. :) You're young and full of energy to keep up with your little one. Who cares what these people say anyway, if you love your daughter that is all that matters.

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Tara - posted on 02/21/2009

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The problem isnt us its society. We live in a society where the norm is to finish high school, go to college get our degrees, hit the work force work for three to four years, marry and then and only then have kids. Any deviation from this norm is considered taboo.I mean how dare we have the audacity to choose an alternative path in life?My sarcasm not withstanding I don't really care about the looks and withering comments I get from strangers , its the ones I recieve from my own family that are the most scathing.Do you ladies seem to get more comments from family or just strangers?

Julie - posted on 02/21/2009

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People are people everyone has an opinion or a comment doesn't mean you have to listen to them. They are probably closed minded individuals who are ignorant. You know you are a good mom and that is all the counts sometimes listening to what people say only makes things worse. They are probably jealous you look so good!! The heck with them!!

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i was 18 when i had my daughter and you just have to give up or when somebody asks straight up tell them to bugger off. i got soooooo sick of people going awww look at your belly how old are you! and so finally i just started flipping people off and threatening to break the next person who asked to touch my belly's finger lol. its hard but people are rude and as long as you are happy just ignore them.

Heather - posted on 02/21/2009

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I am 23 and have a 5 week old son...and I get people doing the same thing to me.  And I am NOT  a judging person so when I see people doing that to me it's somewhat frustrating.  I was out with my husband today...and a lady came up and asked if I was the mom....I'm standing there like "uh yea"  You just kinda have to put the comments on the back burner...everyone has there own opinions.

Jessica - posted on 02/21/2009

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i often get mistaken for 15 lol i'm turning 23 this year and i have 3 sons.I figure people who look are either wishing theyhadmy cuties as thier kids or my pram or trying to work out how old i am lol.Just ignore it dont let it get you down.

Stacy - posted on 02/19/2009

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Ashley~

I know the feeling. I am 25 with a 3 year old son and a 7mos old daughter. My son has a speech disorder called Apraxia and ADHD. So when we are in public people look at us like we did something wrong. It is their fault not ours. So try to ignore them, I know it will be hard. But just think about what kind of people it makes them by judgeing you and not knowing the whole story.

Kristie - posted on 02/19/2009

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I know you posted a few days ago but I have to say I've learned that people are incredibly rude. No one thinks before they talk. I was 22 had a 16 month old and pregnant again with my son and the looks! The comments! I'm 27 now but still look young I guess so when I carry around my 3 small children and people start to talk these are my personal favorite responses...



them: " How old ARE you?" 



me: "40."



them: "Were they all planned?"



me: "No, but they come in sets of 3."



and my personal favorite...



them: "Boy I bet you have your hands full!"



me: "Yea, I have 7 more back home."



That usually scares everyone off.

Mellissa - posted on 02/19/2009

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I know how you feel i had my 1st when i was 18yrs old and 2 by the time i was 21. I was on the bus 1 day with my double buggie when some woman started kicking off saying that i was a bad mum and that i probably didn't know the farthers. but what she didn't know was that my kids had the same farther(and just for the record we're still together). But don't let it get to you coz you know that your baby is well cared for and loved and that is all that matters. I still get strange looks walking around with my 3 kids coz she is nearly 8 and people keep mistaking her for my sister. But hay they are well loved and cared for and tha is all that matters.

Vanessa - posted on 02/19/2009

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i just say walk with your head up high.. why cares what ppll think they don't know you, i too was and still is a young mum i'm now 23 and have 2 kids 4 and 7 months i i too look younger then what i look and i get stares on time i blew tem a kiss lol..just try and show you don't care it will soon go away

Jamie - posted on 02/19/2009

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OMG!!! i feel exactly where you are coming from!! i am also 21 and i have a 19 month old son and we have another on the way...i don't know how many times i've heard people remark about how young i am and how could i already have 2 kids...you know what...we love each other and wanted a family...that's why!! i've learned to just ignore it...i'm a good mother and that's all that matters...as long as you are too...who cares what those jerks think

Emily - posted on 02/19/2009

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I've even had family say things like that to me! My mother-in-law asked if I was too young to have her son's baby (after we were married) and I was 23! The funny part was that her own daughter, my sister-in-law had a baby when she was 16! I just looked at her and said "actually, I was planning on having one at 16 but missed my chance" That shut her up real quick.....

Jane - posted on 02/19/2009

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there jelous at the end of the day either that or very narrow minded i was 19 when i fell pregnant with my first and had him when i was 20 and i coped better than a lot of older mums. age doesnt matter as long as you are both happy and healthy ignore them. when people asked me if he was my first i used to turn round and say no i've got a whole football team at home and i've written a book on how to do it lol

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2009

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In all honesty I am guilty at times of thinking in my head to myself "wow they must have been so young when they had their baby", but I don't feel it is my place ever to criticize or tell anyone else how to run or raise their children. I say more power to you, and your little one is adorable. I am looking at this title of this circle of moms and it is making me feel old, because I just had my first child 10 months ago and I will be 30 on December 25th this year. So enjoy being young with your kids. Don't sweat the small stuff. It is never worth the bother.

Desiree - posted on 02/18/2009

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I understand this all too well. I am a 25 year old mother of two. My daughter is 7 and my son is 2 1/2.  Yes, if you do the math I had just turned 18 when my daughter was born. and to make matters worse I look very young for my age. I am always asked if I am my childrens sister or babysitter. I know how hard it can be to get the looks from the other moms in my daughters class at school (most of them are near 40). and not that any of us should have to but the best thing to do is prove how great a mother you are. I recently volunteered to be my daughters girl scout troop leader, something that none of those older aged moms had the guts to do. Now they look at me with a little more respect because I am a good mom instead of judging me merely by my age (plus all of their daughters tell them how cool and fun Mikayla's mom is). Just because we are young doesn't mean that we aren't good parents.

Rebecca - posted on 02/18/2009

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ok im no way saying this is wat any1 should do, but at 19 i had a 2yo and was 7mo pregnant with my 2nd i was grocery shopping n my little boy was getting bored and restless so he started playing up shouting at the top of his voice kicking the trolley n trying to get out i was getting hot n stressed id forgot the list of stuff i needed and was having a hard time concentrating i was with a friend at the time and she offered to take him for a walk round the shop at the same time she was just about to take him this stuck up posh bitch in her early 40s decided i oviously needed her advice on the matter n told me that i could still go for an abortion shame its to late for the 1st but adoptions always the next best thing as theres hundreds of ppl out there who could cope better and give them a better life to say if it wasnt for my friend(who im still thanking nw for keeping me from being banged up) for getting me outta that shop so quick id probably still b inside for assult. im not sure who the hell gave ppl the rights to open there bloodymouths with there insults to other ppl im a lot less violent nw(think it was the hormones didnt help with the sterio-types though) n if any1 says anything to me i just laugh n say yea i am a bit aint i but least i get to play wid my kids in the comfort of my own back yard nt a retirement home (and n added so screw u if there really bitchy) yes im 24 got 3 kids 7,5,n2 n trying for our 4th im married my husband works fulltime i work parttime we claim no benefits we have our own car and going in for buyin our house quite a few 40-50yos are still wonderin where the hell there lives have gone while im enjoying the best of mine :b ha (funarel plans at the ready biddys)

Jacquelyn - posted on 02/18/2009

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I had my boy at 24 and i get looks and comments all the time ppl think that i look 16 so they just cant resist to comment but i m used to it now and i just shrug it off. Just smile at take it as a compliment!

Kiersten - posted on 02/18/2009

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Oh i get those all the time, I am 22 with a 5 year old, i got pregnant at 15 and gave birth at 16... I get called slut, whore and every name in the book, but i graduated on time, and have a stable job, schooling and going towards having my own house.. all without the help of a baby daddy.... Most of the people who stare are people that are 30 and over, who have husbands and are stuggling with one child who is a toddler or older.... I learned to shrug it off and go my own way, as long as you are doing what you have to as a responsible mother, dont worry about the jealousy, and judgements. Good Luck !

Emma - posted on 02/18/2009

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next time some1 askes how old you are tell them you are 16 and this is your 2nd your eldest is at school i used to find that so funny (i was 19 when i had my 1st and 20 when i had my 2nd) dont get annoyed just laugh at them lol you are beautiful so is you daughter.

Stephanie - posted on 02/18/2009

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yeah I get the,you're a id yourself, or are you sure you look like you're in high school.... you may be young but if you take care of your kids don't let other people's insecurities bother you.... they are looking from the outside in.....

Stacey - posted on 02/18/2009

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I had the same problem when I had my 1st daughter the differance was I was only 16. by the time I was 21 I was on my 2nd!! Some people re just to set in the old fshioned ways. It doesn't mean she is loved lessed cause your a young mum.

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2009

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Yeah, people can be pretty amazing sometimes. I'm 26 and my husband and I have 4 children between us. People do that all the time. I've given birth to 2 of them, 1 at 18 and 1 at 22. However, I claim them all as my own. I'm "Mommy" and when people start being nosy and tell me I am too young to have so many kids, I just say "Well thanks for the compliment." and completely leave it at that. It's NONE of their business!!!

Justine - posted on 02/18/2009

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I just turned 21, my son is just 3 weeks old, and I have gotten the same looks. At first when I started to show I would wear a ring just to ward off the looks, but eventually I realized that I don't have to justify my actions, or feel ashamed to be so young and becoming a mother. My son has 3 great-grandmas, a great-grandpa, 3 sets of grandparents (his fathers parents are divorced and each remarried) who all adore him and are young enough to be around for a long time. He is healthy, happy and very loved. Those people who are judging you can't see all of that, and it's unfortunate for them, but what they think doesn't change anything. Just ignore the looks, and answer the questions as politly as possible. Don't give them any reason to put you into a category. Be strong, and confident. You are a good mom, you know that, and that's all that matters.

Deidra - posted on 02/18/2009

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I have the same problem.I'm 24 and look alot younger.I have a 7 year old son that is almost as tall as I am and I have a 15 month old son also.I had my first son at 17 and I always got looks, but as long as you are giving your child all the love and everything else she needs then who cares what other people think! I always tell people I'm glad I look younger than I really am that way when I'm 40 I'll still look 30!

Claire - posted on 02/18/2009

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I was 20 when i fell pregnant, and thankfully I dont think I had any of the horrible glares or comments, only time i sis was when my morning sickness started when i was in the street and i had to resort to throwing up in bins, I was being gorped at like I was some kind of infectious disease.  I was unfortuantely in a realtionship that wasn't too supportive and it fell apart, I had a lot of support though, and when my daughter started school, I wasn't the youngest mum, nor the oldest.  I am now 28 with a daughter soon to be 8.  Please tend to think i'm younger now and how can i have a daughter as old as she is, as i dont look old enough, which really is a compliament.

Jessica - posted on 02/18/2009

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Hey there...Seriously, don't stress about it...I was 17 when I fell pregnant and 18 when I had my son. I know exactly what you mean by the way people look at you! It is hard to ignore, but just remember that as long as you little one is well looked after, nothing else really matters. I turned 26 yesterday. My son is now 7 years old (8 in June) and my little girl is 10 months old. I'm a single mom, as my husband passed away before I found out I was pregnant. People still don't believe me when I tell them that I have 2 kids. It is hard...but being young really does help. Any older and I don't think that I would have the energy. I hope this encourages you a bit. Just smile at them...

Jess :-)

Catia - posted on 02/17/2009

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I'm pregnant right now and even though I'm 25 I look like I'm about 19. I get those looks all the time. At first it made me feel really upset. Now, I just pay these small minded people no mind. Your baby is healthy and very cute so be happy. THe older generation have their own ways of doing things and we have ours

Victoria - posted on 02/17/2009

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In my opinion you should take things like that as compliment cause when you are older like 50/60 you may not look your age then as well. But if that thnking doesnt help just take those type of comments with a grain of salt.



Victoria

Penny - posted on 02/17/2009

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I had my first at 17 so if they ask say somthing like " yeah i'm young but concidering my friend had a child at 17..." and leave it hanging the focus will move away from you lol.

Monique - posted on 02/17/2009

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I look at it this way...who cares! I get the same looks. I am 24 and have two girls. I am happy, my husband and children are happy. And yeah it's true in 20 years when they are moving out you still have a good 20 years to live your life. You can take care of your children, they won't have to take care of you!!

[deleted account]

I am 21 as well and have a 10 1/2 month old daughter. I think the hardest part for me wasn't the strangers, but rather my family and my fiancee's family. Just because I was 20 when she was born, they all assumed I was stupid and didn't know what I was doing. They still feel the need to point out certain things that are outside of my control (like how slow her hair is growing) or stuff that is, to me, common sense.

I am slowly growing a thicker skin in regards to all the comments. I love the fact that I won't even be 40 when she graduates. My father was never at my graduation because he passed away when I was only 13. I don't want that for my childern. I also want to still be young enough when they grow up to still live and travel.

Kayla - posted on 02/17/2009

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Im just turned 20 with a one year old baby girl I also know what its like getting thoes look usually i ignore them cuz thats just stupid ppl and i hate the comments but some ppl are just crazy i had one lady on the bus calling me a crack head and saying i starved myself to feed my child and then walked up to me and said "i would kill u if i could" now i can deal with everything else but thats taking it a little to far anyone else have crazy ppl like that???

Kerry - posted on 02/17/2009

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Hi i am a 21 year old with a 2 and a half year old. so wen I was pregnat i was 19 and I have had the looks and coments ever since. At first i never wanted to go out but now I play it up. If someone commented I would just say to my son " come on hun we have to get back to your bothers and sisters. hahahahaha. It is hard i know and the best advise i can give is try to look at your child and see that its all worth it. You have something they dont. A love that cant compair to anything else. Be proud and stand tall.  

Jennifer - posted on 02/17/2009

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Seriously 21 isn't that young...how about those girls that are 16 and have kids...now thats young. As long as I know that i'm responsible mother that's all that matters to me, I don't care what others think...who the hell are they to judge anything!!!

Whitney - posted on 02/17/2009

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What I dont understand is that 100yrs ago, it was normal for girls to get married when they were 13 years old, and start having babies right away.  So why is it such a crime for people to start having babies at a younger age?  Im 19 years old and 37 wks pregnant.  My doctor said that he actually likes younger moms better because we tend to be more easy going, our bodies take it better, and there arent as many health complications for the baby. 



 



I get a lot of dirty looks and comments but I dont pay any attention to them.  At first it bothered me but my boyfriend and I are so excited to have a baby.  Ive been asked if I know who the father is before...yes! just because I'm younger doesnt mean that I sleep around! I think that was the worst question I've been asked.  Some people cant even conceive so we should just be happy that we are healthy and happy.  People are so judgemental.  Fuck 'em!

Mashell - posted on 02/17/2009

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Hah! I was 17 when I had my first, and it's amazing how people think it's their business! If I wasn't being talked about, I was being bombarded with 'sympathetic stories and tips'! Age doesn't determine the type of mother you are! Just because I wasn't 30 and married and had a career doesn't mean that I screwed my life and my baby's life up!!

Holly - posted on 02/17/2009

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It is hard, at 21 i had a 9 month old and was 8 months pregnant, talk about judging looks!  I don't know how to tell you to deal, but I got to blame my smart remarks on hormones.  Normally I would just smile a fake smile, laugh if off and say 21, but then i began to answer. When asked how old are you... i would reply old enought to reproduce, but young enough to keep up!  All I can say is smile and think of all these people who are in their 30's having babies, they will be 50 or older when their children are your age.  So who has the upper hand?!?!?!

Serena - posted on 02/17/2009

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Hey Emily I know how you feel not so much now (As I look older) but when I had our first at 19 my hubby was 28 and he was going grey back then so even though he was still young people always asked what our age difference was (9 - 10 years) but like you it never bothered us you cant help who you fall in love with! We are still together 11 years later and still just as much in love!

User - posted on 02/17/2009

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my husband gets the worst looks, im 24 hes 30 we have 2 boys. while i was pregnant with our first at 22 people used to glair at him cause i look younger then i am and him with his premature gray looks much older then he is. we just walked away holding hands just to make them madder lol

Marcia - posted on 02/17/2009

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I'm very sorry you are treated this way!...perhaps it is different in other parts of the world like Serena was saying...the place I'm in doesn't really seem to be that disrespectful either (though Canada is quite a big country, so perhaps other people have different experiences).
Perhaps when people negatively ask you how old you are you should say something like:
I'm 7x3 or I'm the odd number one less than 22 or maybe make it an algebraic equation. You could also say "I was born in the year that x happened." (x you would choose to put in something interesting such as something major politically). Usually I wouldn't encourage someone to make someone else feel stupid, but if they are going to flat out be rude (especially to insult you infront of your little one) it is funny sometimes to see people do math in their heads and try to remember when something actually happened that they really should remember due to their age. :)

Serena - posted on 02/17/2009

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Australia must be a little different from America I had my daughter the week after I turned 19 and I have never had a negative response to how young I was.. If anything people were more supportive because I was younger (even though I had a partner etc) Very interesting I would just tell them to go get stuffed its no business of theirs anyway!!



I am 28 now expecting my 3rd baby and I get treated like I am older! It shits me because I still feel very young having a 9 year old daughter helps I think!! Cant wait to get back on the exercise wagon after having this bub and feeling like me again!

Sam - posted on 02/17/2009

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sum woman was tellin me bout weanin n how 2 start, she was only sum1 servin me at my local shop, i simply told her i have a diploma in childcare n know my daughter beta thn any1, which soon shut her up n i walkd off leavin my mum to pay. my mum thn explaind that she also has many childcare qualifications and actually teaches mums about weanin so if i wantd advise i wudnt be takin it off a shop assistant!! that shut her up!! lol

Jennifer - posted on 02/17/2009

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I get the opposite reaction, I had my first when I was 26 and am now 28. I got the comment the other day from a woman that I work with about how our pregnancies were very planned well in advance and we waited to start careers before having children. (she is now in her mid-40's and I think she thinks that I am closer to her age). Well, I did wait 5 years to have a child after I got married, but mostly for economic reasons since my husband was in school for those years. But I think she assumes that I am in my mid to late 30's, which I get a lot. I am now 28. Oh well, at least I don't have to deal with stares at the grocery store for having a 2 year old in the cart, but still. I don't want to look that old already! LOL! I just hope that when I have #2 around age 30, I don't get stares about being too old to have kids!



It's probably because I dress like an old lady..... I occassionally try to work on the wardrobe to make it a little more in style, but I usually revert back to my old self of sweaters and suits at work and sweats at home.

Emily - posted on 02/17/2009

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I turned 24 a month before giving birth to my first baby. So many people think it's so young to have a child. I just look at it this way ... we are young & energetic ... it's the perfect time to be running around raising babies!! Plus, we'll be young, fun mommies & able to keep up with our babies as they grow into adults.

Brie - posted on 02/17/2009

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I still get that look and I am 29 with an 8, 5 and 2 year old.  Unfortunatly ignorance doesnt go away. :0(

Sarah-jayne - posted on 02/17/2009

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I've had problems too. I was 21 when i had my first child. When I picked her up from school on the first day the teacher asked me who I was in front of all the other "older" mothers. I said I was her mum and then you get all the whispers, must be a single mum, unmarried mother, must of been really young when she had her...etc. But now I just shrug it off and if they make a comment I just reply that I didn't want to be an old mum and that my family is more important than my career. I still get a few dirty looks but at least I don't look like I'll be claiming my pension before my daughters 18!! lol

Alicia - posted on 02/16/2009

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Gods i get that crap all the time too. I'm 22 not 16 and I take great care of my daughter, I'm a full grown, educated woman who knows how to cook, can support myself and my family, and knows not to leave my child unattended. Who knew! My baby girl is happy, healthy and well developed. She's very well loved by me and her father. I teach other moms and moms to be about how to foster healthy emotional development in their kids. I really don't see what my age has to do with anything.

Stacey - posted on 02/16/2009

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I totally understand! I'm 27 and am a very proud mother of an 11, 6, and 4 year old. I always get comments like "your sister this...." and " OMG how old were you when you had them" and "wow your life must be crazy".  I have done everything possible for 11 years to make sure all of my girls were taken care of and happy. And would not have it any other way.  So I do agree that people need to mind thier own buisness. But they never will.  So I guess you just get used to the fact that people are rude and ignorant. And after a while it doesn't bother you. Or make up something off the wall......Then it becomes funny!  Good Luck

Jami - posted on 02/16/2009

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Just dont worry about them think of those 13 year old KIDS that had a baby, i know it is hard i was 19 and 8 months pregant i only turn 20 just before my son was born. now he is one and pregnant again if it suits you and your life you are good mum and it doesn't matter what anyone elsew says

Lauren - posted on 02/16/2009

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If Keeley was my sister and not my daughter then that means my mum would have had her at age 50. How is that more acceptable than if i had her at age 21?

Emma - posted on 02/16/2009

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hey there i know exactly what you mean,i'm 24 and have 3 babes i had my first at 20.i know the looks you are talking about i still get them,little do people know i am married we are buying a house and are mosf of all great parents love our kids and would do anything for them.some people with attitudes like that should get there head out of there owm buts and not judge a book by its cover.you just ignore them you know your a goos mum who cares what other people think,they obviously have nothing better to do with themselves!i hope i have helped emma

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