Y is it that if ur a younge mum u get the old ppl stair at u
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Sharon - posted on 07/15/2010
I am 24, married, and my daughter is 4 months old, but I get the same look when I go somewhere by myself. Not sure if it is the whole 'why is the mother and child alone' attitude or 'is she too young to have a child' attitude (I do look a bit young for my age). Sometimes I just smile and continue and let the bewildered looks continue.
My only guess - since I agree with the above statements that early 20's is about average for a few years ago, but statistically, the age has risen - but at the whole society where teenage pregnancies are on the rise and maybe the older generation thinks that all people under 30 are immature and not ready to raise a family. Not sure, but that is a guess of mine.
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Shelly - posted on 07/18/2010
I agree, I had my first child when i was 18 and boy did i ever get stares. I do agree it was young but i am sure i was/am just as good of a mum than most. And now even though i am 26 with a 6 month old i still get looked at!!! So what if we wanna have our kids young and see more of their lives!!!!
Shaylee - posted on 07/18/2010
it's really rude how people judge. I was 19 when I had my eldest. i always had intentions of being a mummy growing up. my partner is an absolutely wonderful father who does more than i do at times. he's so hands on. so who is anyone to judge me and tell me that i should be married or older to have children. my life is perfect right no, i couldnt complain.
Alisha - posted on 07/18/2010
I am 20 and have a 4 1/2 month old and I am married and I still get those looks. I look alot older though but ppl still stare. I think it is cause they don't understand that we are human too and we really dont like being stared at. I love to say hi and say dont I have the most beautiful baby girl then I kiss my daughter and walk away laughing!!
Viki - posted on 07/18/2010
i know how you feel i had my first child at 16 and the looks and stares i got were unbelievable ppl said your fella wont stay around and you wont cope but i proved them all wrong i am 31 now with 3 kids now and all with the same man so i must have done something right. the way i look at it if you have them young at least then you can run around and get mucky with them lol. anytime you wanna chat im here lol.
Lori - posted on 07/18/2010
I was 23 when I got married, 24 when my son was born and am 25 expecting my second son in 2 weeks. I also have a 6 yr old step son...im at the point where I cant wear my wedding rings and the stares are horrible. Older people ask me all the time (mostly at the grocery store) how I'm managing..or didn't you know that would happen again?!!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? we planned our kids, thanks. i'm not that young, i will be 26 right after my second son is born and my husband is 32!! How much longer would be appropriate to wait?! I have even had people ask me if they were my little brothers when I'm out with my mom, who is 58!!!! Its nuts. I love it when my 16 month old son starts having a temper tantrum and people look at me like the unwed teen mother who is knocked up again and cant handle the kid i have...hello people, all toddlers have temper tantrums from time to time!
Sarah - posted on 07/18/2010
I'm 23, have three kids, and don't wear my wedding rings on my hand. I get the looks and the comments, but I don't know that they are always meant to be derogatory. If you have a baby or toddler with you, you are likely to get some curious glances because people love little kids! As for the comments, some people have a hard time accepting that the world is changing, and it sounds to me like their questions are aimed more at your marital status than your age. People like the classic nuclear family. One Dad, one Mom, and a kid or two. When society starts deviating from that classic image, its hard to swallow sometimes. Just hang in there, respond with a smile, and show the world what a great young mom you can be!
Amber - posted on 07/18/2010
I dealt with that also. I lived in a small town and I got pregnant when I was 15 and gave birth to my daughter when I was 16. I was also called a whore just because I got pregnant at such a young age even though I had only had one sexual partner(the father of my daughter). I think that the old people look at you and ask those question because back in the day, things like this wasn't allowed and lord only knows what they had done to the women that had sex before marriage none the less have a baby out of wedlock.
Amber - posted on 07/18/2010
They are just set in their ways. the funny thing is teen pregnancy has been going on forever. You just never heard about it much back thn like you do now. I got pregnant when i was 17 and I am 20 now and i still catch all that. it drives me crazy also but you just have to look past them. They are not perfect either.
Kat - posted on 07/18/2010
I'm 21 and I get the same reaction too sometimes. It sucks, but just remember that they're right (meaning, in their time, young motherhood, or unwed motherhood was far less common), and there's nothing wrong with being a young mom. Whenever that happens, store it away in a file in the back of your head and get right back to being the best mom you can be. Don't address them, don't pay attention to them, but show them by how you interact with your children that you're ready to be a good parent and that you feel like your children (no matter what kind of heck they're raising at the time) are the biggest blessings on the planet. Have confidence, a smile on your face, and show them that you are happiest being a mom. They'll get the picture.
Christine Marie - posted on 07/18/2010
when i was prengnet i was shopping and this old lady came up to me and said give ur baby to some one who will love it and wont tech it too take drugs and leve it at home to go too the pub it upset me a little..iam 21 now and i try to be the best mum for my lilttle men but there one thing that lady was wrong bout nobody could love my son as much as i dooo and always will
Roxanne - posted on 07/18/2010
Pamela - Have you never misspelled words in your life?? I do it all the time, and I am constantly going back over my blogs to correct things. You must know when you have kids that things you do for yourself are normally done in a rush.
Plus if your not a young Mum get off this blog site you clearly do not understand what we go through.
People, especially the older generation do accuse the younger, I get it all the time. Why aren't you enjoying your twentys? Why did you get married so young? Why did you choose to have a baby? Another thing you kinda put two and two together when you notice the stares then someone comes up to you criticizing your age.
PS txt language is becoming a worldwide sensation gt used 2 it!
Pamela - posted on 07/18/2010
Im not bothered that your a young mum, and I think you mostly likely just assume people are staring at you for that reason, I don't think people really give a shit how old you are. Do you walk around judging others? don't have tickets on yourself, people probably don't even notice you.
What bothers me is the way you spell is probably the same as the way you talk and to me it seems uneducated
Christy - posted on 07/18/2010
I get some stares sometimes but I don't care. I also live in Utah so they think something is wrong with you if you aren't married and having kids at 20. Im 24 so they think that I waited to long or at least in the Mormons eyes. I'm Greek Orthodox so I could care less about what the Mormons think about me! But I did get asked right before I was going in for my c-section if my husband was really my baby's dad. That pissed me off so bad some people especially that nurse was so mean I couldn't even believe someone would say that right before you have your baby! So ignore it or tell them off!
Amy - posted on 07/18/2010
Iam just about to turn 17 in 2 weeks, and ive not even gave birth yet, Im currently 5 days overdue, And geting induced tomorow morning, And i already know what your talking about, I get the "Look" off everyone everywere a go for having a baby belly, And its not asif i look very young, I often get asked if Im in my twentys ect, Dont know why its such a big deal and people look down at younger mums, Im dreading the looks when Im pushing my son's pram never mind just carrying the belly!
Desiree' - posted on 07/17/2010
i get that alot too...im 20 and ave a 4 month old daughter...it doesnt bother me cuz if they knew what i went through to have my daughter then they woudnt act like that...i had 2 miscarrages and oalmost lost ava twice once in the begining and end the end...
went to the doc for my 36 week check up and the placenta is measuring 39 weeks ( it has to much calcification and is starting to shut down) the baby was measuring 3 weeks to small so she wasnt getting the nutrients she needed...so i had to go to the doc and get nst's and ultrasounds don every other day to see how the baby was doin and to see if they could do an amnio so they could make sure her lungs were mature but at 27 1/2 weeks i went in for the nst and ultrasound and ava still hadnt grown any so he kept me and did a c-section...he showed my fiance the placenta and it was like a rock it looked like a slab of cement...the doc said if he wouldnt have delivered her she would have died from malnutricion and i would have had a still birth...so my daughter def is a miracle
Sara - posted on 07/17/2010
Iam 30 yrs old but hardly look even 17,old people constantly ttalk under their breath about how us young ones are creating babies when we are babies ourselves.i just stare them down shake my head and walk away.Its not how old u are that matters anyway,its how well u are adapting parenthood.if u are a good parent,it doesnt matter what they say.dont le them get to you .just smile and walk awayé
Amanda - posted on 07/17/2010
Yeah I really don't like that... I had my first son at almost 20 and i think it is ridolous when people ask if its your baby, like seriously he is mine who do u think it is... someone elses baby that i'm watching. So what if your not married.... I think if u love someone and wanna have a baby and your ready then so be it... no one should be judging anyone else... now i'm 22 and gunna be having my last son soon... so i think being a young mom is good because your still young to enjoy ur children being grow and get to see more of your grandchildren and get to enjoy it!
Sarah - posted on 07/17/2010
I know the feeling!! I am 21 years old and just had a daughter of my own a month ago. when i was pregnant with her i would get older people staring at me and give me dirty looks when they didnt see a ring on my finger. i figure it this way i love my daughter and i'm a good mother so that's all that matters. i dont need people looking down on me and passing judgement.
Jessi - posted on 07/17/2010
i like LaToya's comment.
i am 21 and my son is 1 1/2. his father is in iraq but has never been in the picture. i went to this bar we go to on a regular basis for lunch with my dad, brother, and son. my son was getting crabby when my brother walked away and some lady made the comment "oh what's the matter, you don't want daddy to leave?".....come on now, if my brother and i looked anymore alike you'd think we were twins. i looked at her and said "that's not his dad, that's his uncle. His dad chose not to be apart of his life." the lady shut up on the spot.
Terrie - posted on 07/17/2010
I'm young as well, I just turned 20 in March, & I have a 13 month old & a 3.5 yr old step-son... I get the "look" more when we all go somewhere because my hubby is 9yrs older then I am... some have actually mistaken us for brother/sister... I get funny looks when I'm with just my son & people as how old he is.... once I had an elderly couple tell me that I wasn't even old enough to know where babies came from... haha!
It drives me nuts too.. but I see the positives in being a young momma... like still having the energy to keep up with the little ones! :)
LaToya - posted on 07/17/2010
I've actually started to think that maybe my daughter notices it because it seems like every time I'm getting the salty looks (because of the whole pregnant with a 1yo thing) she starts saying "mama" and playing with me. I've actually had a few people ask me if her father is around and I just tell them he's in Afghanistan. That makes them feel bad, though. That stops the looks, though. The way I see it, as much as the looks bother me, I know I'm doing what's right for my babies and I feel lucky to have them. I love my babies, my husband loves our babies, and his mother and father love their grandkids. Nobody else really matters.
Meghan - posted on 07/17/2010
I got looks while I was pregnant...haven't gotten any that I have notcied lately. I am 23, my son is almost 2...warpping this up-who cares?? Let them look There was a time waay back when when 16 year old has kids with men 2 times their age and the was the norm. Do what you do, and enjoy your baby!
Amber - posted on 07/17/2010
that drives me nuts too. i was 20 when i gave birth. i waitress at the firehall in my home town and its full of old people and at first they were all like are you going to get married now. and i've heard comments about how they can't believe i would get pregnant before i was married. i live in a small town and a lot of old people are like is she really yours and i'm like yeah she looks exactly like me. i try to think of something to say that will blow their minds so they quit staring.
Emily - posted on 07/17/2010
just a thought... what are the chances they arent staring at you but at the baby? i was 24 when my son came into my life and if anyone was staring i would smile back and have Michael "wave" and say "hi" to them. it usually got them to smile back!!
Nicole - posted on 07/17/2010
It doesn't matter your age, someone is always going to have an issue with something (especially when you're a mom). I became a mother for the 1st time at 28 and people acted like I was so old. Unless you're still a teenager and in highschool, I wouldn't worry. Take all advice, comments and awkward glares with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with yourself, not them - so brush it off, I'm sure you're doing a great job.
Cinda - posted on 07/17/2010
I am 25 now with 3 boys. I had my first one 2 weeks before my 19th birthday. I do feel the stare of people. And I hate it. If I notice them staring at me and I walk by I usaually say something along the lines of "take a picture it lasts longer." I really get looks when I have my neice and my nephew with me,considering that they are all so close in age (my nephew aug 03 my oldest march 04 my neice may 05 my middle son september 05 and my youngest april 09). Some people ask me if i had 2 sets of twins cuz that is how close they look like each other. (but then again my niece and nephew are my twin sisters kids.)
Jennifer - posted on 07/17/2010
I work with children and know plenty of young moms, I actually have two friends that are under 20 and are moms and doing the best they can do. Pay no attention to what others think this generation is different than theirs and just keep give your child all the love they need
Tina - posted on 07/17/2010
i totally understand...i am a 19 year old mom to a twelve month old. i get all the judgementd all the time. one time i was walking in walmart and a lady told Gracie "your sister is so nice to bring you with her" i said "she is my daughter" she said " you would be better off telling people shes your sister because now i feel bad for her" i said "why do you feel bad for her she is my world and i would do anything for her, she is loved just as much as the next baby you see" she said "you teen moms think being moms is just playing house you have no clue how to raise children" i said "you can think what you want i know that everyday i do what is best for my baby, have a fabulous day" and i walked away. at the end of the day i know my daughter is healthy and happy and thats all that counts.. when i walk in her room in the morning ad pick her up out of bed annd she smiles at me i know i must be doing something right
Hayley - posted on 07/17/2010
Oh dear, I know what you mean :) I was 21 when I had my first but it was my partner who got most of the stick. He was waiting with our kids outside while I was in the bank and this middle aged woman come over to him and said "where's their Mummy?" so he told her I was in the bank....then she said " Are you looking after them are you" To which he angrily replied "No! they are MY children! I'm their father ok"
That was just one of many examples and to be honest I don't get angry any more....I like to wind them up and be a bit sarcastic. It makes it far more amusing to see the stuffy look on their interfering faces lol!
Aimee - posted on 07/17/2010
i was 18 when i had my 1st child and everyone usto look down the noses at me and i thought it was just me but people usto say to me u look 2 young to have a baby so i usto say if u dont like my age 4 havin a baby dont look at me and u will not know im not old enough im know 27 and have 5 children and i still get it so i know how it feels and it does your head in dont it
Christi - posted on 07/17/2010
i say screw em, lol. i married at 19 and had my son at 20 and wouldn't have it any other way. the way i see it, just because you are older does not make you a better mommy than me. yeah, there are some women that can't even spell their name and who neglect their children and party it up, but im not one of them. we seemed to get lumped into that worthless partier catagory, when most of the time it isn't so. i don't drink or smoke and im a stay at home mom, but still earn a living babysitting two children on different days. my husband works two jobs and looooves them both and we are extremely happy so who cares what anyone thinks.
Sarah - posted on 07/16/2010
I totally agree! You get a shame on you look over here and the other who nagg that you should be married and if not should be gettin married soon... it sucks but i see it as a chance to prove to them that as a young mother can accomplish just as much as a mother that is older...
Liz - posted on 07/16/2010
Because it is the way society has made people. Once people got married young and started families and people didn't think twice about it, now for some reason people that do the same or similar things that once were accepted now are looked down upon.
It doesn't make much sense to me either. I'm a 23 year old mom of a set of two year old b/g twins and a 4 day old little boy.
LaToya - posted on 07/16/2010
It happens to me, too. I have a 14mo and I'm 7 1/2m pregnant, my fingers are too fat for me to wear a wedding ring, and my husband is in Afghanistan so I'm always by myself so I get it really bad. I just ignore it because I tell myself they're just jealous because I'm still getting it and they aren't ;-)
Laura - posted on 07/16/2010
I know I don't look my age (I'm 25, look like I'm 17). I've been married almost 3 years and my daughter is almost 2. My MIL has been badgering for more grandchildren (she had 3 by her 3rd anniversary... yup one a year). I've had people think my daughters was my mothers (who's 53), I've had people ask when I plan on finishing school, about work blablabla. I have a double major, 3 minors and a diploma and I was working full time while finishing my degree and being 5 months pregnant! People think my husband is my boyfriend.. even though we always wear our wedding bands, and my engagement ring is massive. I seriously wish I could smack some people.
Katie - posted on 07/16/2010
i get that a lot am 21 and have a five week old plus i live in Columbus NE which is a medium sized town about 22,000 people and they are all old school. I find the best way to make them look away is to just smile and wave it makes them feel awkward
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