You are to young to be a mom!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/03/2009 ( 315 moms have responded )

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....Or are those children yours!! You must be their sister. I can't stand these comments! It's so belittling!! I guess when you are older maybe you might take it as a compliment, but theirs something about the way its said! A lot of older mothers also seem to not have the same respect for me because I'm a decade younger. Does anybody else get this?? It gets better if you have two kids I've realized. With my first child when I was 21 was the worst!! It's embarassing for my husband too. It makes him feel old!

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Tanya - posted on 09/07/2009

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I had my Emily at 21...my doctor told me early 20's are the best age to have a baby as your body can bounce back easier...so that's what I tell people when they think I'm too young!



I got really sick of people assuming she was an accident and when I told them I was pregnant they said 'Are you ok?' We planned her!

Rita - posted on 09/07/2009

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I had my first at 16.....and went into it with a take no prisoner attitude. And you know what respect is earned! And once they see you with your family and being a WONDERFUL mum there is no way that they can logically not respect you.You really need to gain more self confidence, who cares what they think!

I have many friends a decade older than me, we get a long great but they have seen me with my children. The ladies that just see me shopping with 3 tired cranky kids often give me dirty looks. You know there are 40yo mums who are horrid our age doesn't define us.

I have 3 children now and I am just 20 after 4 years of getting dirty looks and no the "twin comments" (I have 17 month old twins are you wouldn't believe what some people say!) I just don't care anymore. I love it when people stop me because I love thinking of things to say or politely being rude (being rude but in a way that seems polite) OR my favorite game is going to a coffee shop and when one of my kids cries seeing how many dirty looks I get...I try and count them all.

Daniela - posted on 09/07/2009

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I turn 30 on Wednesday and last week I needed to proof I´m 18 or older. That was not funny at all. I´m pretty small and look really young it seems, though I´ve tried almost everything to look older. It just doesn´t work. My sons are 3 and almost 2 and often people think I´m their older sister or their babysitter. I always answer that their my kids and then I turn around and walk away. That seems to embarass people and they usually flush.

Steph - posted on 09/07/2009

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i was 17 when i had my first baby and 23 when i had my 2nd 8 months ago i remember being on the bus just after i had my first and two old ladies were sitting behind me and one said how wrong it was that i was so young and had a baby and it was my parents fault i was so angry that i turned round and said do u want my mums number to tell her what you think!! she just looked at me funny and turned away. i dont really get coments made now i have had my second, people just need to mind their own buisness.

Jen - posted on 09/06/2009

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I got pregnant 3 months after my 18th birthday. I lost a lot of friends soon after. My now ex partner was also 18 and I always worried we were too young and that I'd be holding him back. I look very young for my age and when I put my daughter into play group I felt I was in high school all over. They all had their groups... and I was the new kid. I got out of there after a few months because I felt judged. No mother deserves to feel judged for doing what they do... we're all mums when it comes down to it.

[deleted account]

My son is starting 1st grade. He'll be 7 on Sept. 24 and I am 24. I am active within his school and volunteer for things for parents to do. I feel I get looked down upon or "she doesn't know anything" by majority of the parents. But, there is one parent who doesn't take any objection to me. She has 2 sons ages 18 & 22. Another set ages 3 & 6. The mom is in her early to mid 40's. Doing the math, I know she was a young parent, so she has more acceptance for me than some of the other moms.

I just look past the other parents who prejudge me. They don't know what I have done since having my son. Graduating high school early, have two degrees, hoping to start my MBA within 1 year. Those are the kind of people you don't need in your life. People need to accept others for who they are and the choices they made in the past. I love my son and know just as much as other parents who are in there 30's.

Jessica - posted on 09/06/2009

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It dosen't get any better with two kids!!! My son is 2, and my daughter is 7 months, and im only 24. I have had a few people tell me that my life is over, now that ive had kids! Ive also had people mistake my mum, as my kids mother because they think i am too young to have children...Try not to let it bother you, just think by the time were 38 or 40 those rude people will probably still have young children to look after, while ours are will be turning 20... :)

Stephanie - posted on 09/06/2009

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Some people just aren't meant to understand that being a mother isn't all about age, but more so your maturity level and what you are willing to trade in for the role of a caring and responsible mother. I always knew I wanted to be a young mother and I am proud to show the world that I am caring for another life and doing the best that I can. Always remember that they just don't know what it takes if they don't know how to show empathy.

Rachel - posted on 09/06/2009

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whats worse is when it's your new OBGYN saying "Arent you too young to be having a baby?"

Christy - posted on 09/06/2009

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I know the feeling. I gave birth to my son when I was 21...and then I was 23 when I had my twins. I had a lady actually ask me, "Do you know what birth control is!?" I mean, I am married, and my husband and I wanted kids so, we had them...why do people think you have to be 30 to have kids responsibly? All I can say is to smile and tell them, "At least I'll still be young when they are out of the house."

Lauren - posted on 09/06/2009

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I was 15 when I gave birth to my little girl who is now 4 and use to get them comments and still do but it only makes me a better mum I just ignore the silly little comments.

User - posted on 09/06/2009

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I'm 28, but I look a lot younger and I get those comments often. My "favorite" was, "oh my, you look like a child yourself, you can't possibly be old enough to have one!" Maybe some would take this as a compliment, but I hear it as, "You've no business giving birth and I'm sure you are a terrible mother." Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but some people just need to shut the heck up. What if I said, "oh my, you look like a grandmother, you can't possibly be young enough to have a child!" Come to think of it, that may be my new retort:)

Randi - posted on 09/06/2009

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i had my first son when i was 17 year old my daughter when i was 22 and my 3rd child while im 23 i will take my children to the doctor with my mother inlaw and they will look at her and talk to her and ill be like hmm excuse me i am the parent and they say really im sorry u look young.. lol

Rachael - posted on 09/06/2009

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iam 24 but i have always look alot younger for my age i had my daughter at 22. Most the mums i see around look alot older than i do and they never talk to me, they just look at me with a blank look. Most the time i just smile brightley and say how beautiful their child is. Most will just ignore me lol Ive never had anyone actually say i look too young but i can tell they think so. I dont think id be as nice as you guys tho coz i deff think that is really rude and if someone is rude to me id be rude back maybe they can tell that so dont actually say anything. Im proud to be a mum i always hold my head up high and i dont care if im judged by them it will never make me feel like less than a person. Great topic :)

Kaiden - posted on 09/06/2009

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I'm 30 weeks pregnant as of today. Lately, the bigger my stomach gets, the more attention I get. Most people seem to be polite with their "Oh someone's going to be a mommy" type comments. However, I've been getting a lot of older adults who ask me questions like, "Will you graduate high school before your baby is born?" "Is your mom going to babysit for you all the time?" Now I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but these questions make me furious!! I know I'm only 20 but, I graduated high-school at 17, graduated college at 19. My husband and I have lived on our own for 2 years. We both have steady, secure jobs that provide us with benefits. I feel very blessed and fortunate to have all of the above. Still, people look at me like I'm trash and surely have no idea what to do with a baby!!! I wish people would think before they passed judgement to others!

Valerie - posted on 09/06/2009

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I had my son at 17 and I used to work in a day care which my son went to and we used to take the train there and people on the train asked me almost everyday if he was my brother I look like im maybe 17 I'm 21 and still get that question and i also watch my nephew who is 6 months and people just give me the worst looks when I go to the park. also my sons friends parents dont treat me the same as they treat their other friends they treat me as a child but i know more about kids then some of them its crazy and belittleing

Jackie - posted on 09/06/2009

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Too young??? Goodness me then I must have been a baby when i had my first child! I was 18 when i had my daughter and 20 when i had my son! I am only 23 now... but i totally get what you are saying! I think it is rude to say things like that you ppl you dont know! Just ignore them ppl and think that you are their mother and that you are a damn good one too and that they are just jealous!! what is there supposed to be a set age for women to have children??? Females are in their prime to have children at the ages of 17 to 25!!! I am a proud young mother, i am able to keep up with my kids and are goin to see them grow up!!!!! I was treated like i kid when i had my second child that the midwife who was with me i told her she was a stupid b!@#$ because she tried to tell me that there is no way i was in labour and that i didnt know what i was talkin about... she should have known better... needless to say 18minutes later my son was born and he was 10lbs 5ozs!!!!! I just cant believe that ppl are so rude because you are young!!

Amanda - posted on 09/06/2009

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i get those looks alot too. im 21 and had twin boys 16 months ago. because i wheel a twin pram around people look at me as if i am way too young. i hate it too. but unfortunantly people will show their opinions whether we like it or not. it really sucks though.

Bridget - posted on 09/06/2009

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I get that alot. I am only 26 and have 4 children ages 10, 8, 5, and 3yrs. I feel the same way as you. I was 16 when I had my first.

Jessica - posted on 09/06/2009

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Oh gosh I get this all the time. I get the "young mom look" I call it. I had my son at 20 and he's 2 now. I will be walking along just minding my own business with my boy and people just give me that stare. It bugs me but I just look at it like, "hello, I am a good mother no matter what you think." I really just ignore them. And also, my mom always tells me its better to have children young in your 20's rather than your 50's because after your 40's it's unfair to the children... What do they want to be like dead by the time their child graduates college? =)

Amanda - posted on 09/06/2009

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I hate those comments. They make me feel so bad because I feel like they're condemning me for having a child. And now that I'm pregnant with my second, it seems like they are looking down on my even more because I'm only twenty-two and I'm in school. In the beginning I used to get really upset but just ignore it. And now....I don't get upset because I'm so sick of rude people that I've started making comments back. My SO hates when I do that, but I feel better and the person making snide remarks will stop.

[deleted account]

What is sad upsetting is that my OB treated me like I was 16 and having a baby! She seemed to want to leave me out of the decision making and seemed shocked when I was telling her exactly what I wanted and expected out of my labor and delivery process. Even when I was in labor she wasn't telling me what medications she was giving me... it was AWEFUL!!! I was 23! I could not believe that my doctor could be so assuming. I think I am at the perfect age to have a child... I finished my college education a few months before I had my daughter. But that is my personal preference. I wanted to have children a little earlier than some of my family so that I could have the time and energy to enjoy my child and someday grandchildren.

Rebecca - posted on 09/06/2009

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I had my first when I was 18 and my second at 21. I got those kind of rude remarks and looks all the time after I had my first. Majority of the time the comments came from the elderly which totally threw me off. I was under the impression that they had kids young back in their day. Right?! Ha!

Tiffany - posted on 09/06/2009

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I JUST HAD MY 3RD DAUGHTER AND I AM ONLY 22. i LOOK ABOUT O AT MOST 18. SO I GET THAT LOOK ALOT. AND PEOPLE ACT AS THOUGH I AM CRAZY WHEN THEY SEE JUST ME WITH ALL 3 OF MY GIRLS, THE OLDEST OF WHICH IS ONLY 27 MONTHS. I DO FEEL AS THOUGH I GET VERY LITTLE RESPECT FROM OLDER MOTHERS, BUT I AM MARRIED AND I AM JUST AS RESPONSIBLE AND CAPABLE AS ANY OF THEM. NO MATTER MY AGE OR MY APPEARANCE. =]

Nina - posted on 09/06/2009

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i am 21 and I had my son when i was 19 and i a m pregnant with my second and when i tell people that i am pregnant again with excitment they look at me with the asuming that i wont be able to handle two kids so close in age and it is kind of hurtful because the people that i tell are people that i care about and you would think that they would be happy for you not discuraging you

Melanie - posted on 09/06/2009

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I was barely 18 when i had my daughter, I know what u mean! and now just had my son at 22, but in utah people marry young and have children young nire iften so at 22 was no biggie at all. 18 was a bit harder though.

User - posted on 09/06/2009

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darling try being 17 when you fall pregnant, its not all fun and games the way the world makes it look but you know what im 23 now and i wouldent give it up for the world. ya i know every one is against you now one thinks you can do the right thing, are you feeding it right are you berping it right why you so strickt on your child its just a baby bla bla bla. i know iv ben their and you know what, yes they say to much but they just as worried as you are



i remember holding my daughter for the first time and not feeling anything, do you know how scary that is? forget about every one ealse, facing your child in 10 years and saying i have tryed to make you the best person i could posibley acompling. is alot more scart thaught than having to face other people about how you rase your child



so do what you think is best and see it will work out for the best

Ricky - posted on 09/06/2009

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ok im 21 but i look 16, so i get that "look" quite often. I had one cashier one day ask me if my son was my baby, when i said yes she looked shocked and asked how old i was.After that i decided just to go along with it when strangers ask, i ask them how old i look and go along with whatever age they say then walk away. my boyfriend also gets strange/dirty looks when we go out for walks together because he is 25 and looks 25.

Bethany - posted on 09/06/2009

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I had my first at 19 and am pregnant with #2 at 21...i get looks too but i don't mind them. comments about being "too young" is just people being judgemental and disrespectful. I think as long as you are being a good mother to your children people shouldn't care how old you are when you have them!

Nikki - posted on 09/06/2009

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I had my first when i was 18 and most ppl are just stupid. my best friend had her first at 15 and yes thats really young but shes is a great mom and does better than most older moms i have seen

Becky - posted on 09/06/2009

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I Get this from some of the old ladies in my area who THINK i am SUPER young mind you i am 30 and my son is 1. They give me these looks and make snide comments and i think it is stupid. as long as you are being a mother and taking care of your child/children who the heck cares how old you are... I am sorry that others treat you this way :(

Lorrie - posted on 09/06/2009

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I get the opposite, I'm 43 and my younger kids r 7 8 and 10 so I get "Wow, your kids r young". Yea, this old fart has 3 young kids, deal with it! LOL My question is...so what age do these people think is the "right" age?

Melanie - posted on 09/06/2009

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the worst one i got was ... are you happy do you wish you didnt have any kids??? ummm let me think NO!! i love my kids and i am very happy yes im 24 but i consider myself to be a better mother then some older moms out there.:)

User - posted on 09/06/2009

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i have three boys n im 25 i had my first at 20....i cant stand how people judge ive had alot of people say u hav thrown ur whole life away why didnt u do this or do that blah blah i shut them up by saying there is NUTHIN IN THIS WORLD THAT WOULD MAKE ME CHANGE MY LIFE MY HUSBAND N I PLANNED ALL OUR KIDS WE WANTED 2 START YOUNG SO JUST MIND UR OWN BUSINESS .... i neva had anybody say anything back either....who cares wat people say at the end of the day we knw in our hearts this is happiness

Sarah - posted on 09/06/2009

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I was 16 when I got pregant with my now 9year old daughter (I'm now 26). I never got those kind of coments, but I did til a few years ago get dirty looks not from older women but from people my age and Younger!! I wanted to tell those young teens that did it- hey it can happen to you.Oh my neightbors when I moved into a complex did say things like there goes the teen mom and teen slut, but they were just rude because I was going to college and not gossiping about the other neightbors!! I learned not to care what other people say or do- I know I'm a good mother- a better mother than some of the older women who have kids that I know. I think as long as your being the best mother you can be, take good care of your kids, and live your life right- then to hell with others and their rude coments!!

Danielle - posted on 09/06/2009

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I am 27 with a 14yo daughter. I am sure you can do the math. She is actually our niece that we adopted but she calls me mom and I am proud to be her mom. You should have seen the open house last week. I had to go to all of her classes and meet her teachers. Best part of it is I was on my own cause our sitter canceled last minuet so the hubbie stayed home with the rest of our brood. We have 5 kids total ages 14, 9 , 7 , 4, and almost 2. You should see the looks I get in the grocery store. LoL. But I don't worry about it. I work fulltime, have five kids, and still manage to make it to all of their school and extra ciricular activities. My kids are happy, well adjusted, and amazing. The proof is in the pudding honey. Next time you get a your too young comment, just say well my honor student says otherwise. Beside I have met lot of older women who have NO business reproducing. Look at my niece's mom.......she is 33, has three kids only one of whom lives with her, goes from guy to guy, and will sacrifice her kids for her own happiness. Being young isn't a crime it's a blessing and it makes life more fun.

Haley - posted on 09/06/2009

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i wos 21 whit my first she is 1y 9m and now a 6m old so yes thay look at u like u r to youn wen i go pregnant whit my 6m old i got think b4 u have her u r to youn 4 2 kids bot i wood never look back i love my kids and i wood do it agen and agen i am 23 now and it is up to u wen u whot a baby it is ur live

Christine - posted on 09/06/2009

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i was 17 when i had my son so people were more direct, i had everything from dirty looks to being called names on the street and every one was always surprised when they found out i was still with the dad.when my son is out with his gran she's always taking as being his mum im 23 now and we've just had our second child it was funny thinking of the difference this time. it really annoys me but you've got to try not to let it bother you and laugh it off. i have my wonderful kids and my gorgeous partner that's what matters.

Carla - posted on 09/06/2009

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hi I'm pregnant with my first so i don't really know how people will react when i actually have my son in a weeks time, but even know i get these disgusting looks from the older generation as I'm only 5ft2 and look about 12, I'm 21 but they don't know that, when me and my mum are out, we get comments like "she's way to young to be carrying a baby" the worst one was a few weeks back when a older lady walked up to me and actually had the nerve to say "accident was it? well i hope you will be more careful in the future, we already have enough children in care don't need anymore" well nether the less i flipped how dare someone say that to me, not only am i married and have tried for this baby but no one has the right to try and say your a bad mother before the kid is even born! it annoys me how so many people can be so naive

Kylie - posted on 09/06/2009

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LOL...You think you'v heard the bad ones try...are they all the same father..or...and how old are they(and i can see them work out my age in their head,and then their mouths nearly drop..i'v also had well your ambitious aren't you..i was 18 when i had my eldest then 20,21 and 26 i have 4 kids and ALL have the same dad we get marrried next year been together for 12 years and he is 2 years younger..not all other parents are the same some just except the fact and i prefer being young with my kids my husband also has a great job so i can stay home and NOT have to collect any welfare..just live and ignore what people because you'll usually find that they have some envy in their for you..

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I am 28 and still get those comments, I usually say "Oh thank you I must have good genes, I am actually 28". I had my first at 16, that was tough, but he turned out just fine. People look for the negative, just ignore them and get a laugh out of it, their just jealous that you have children and still look good.

Melissa - posted on 09/05/2009

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Ignore it, Ive certainly learned to. I have three kids age 11, 3, 18 months and people say I look 18 years old. I had my first one at 18. Im 29 and hate the stars but whatever when Im older I'll still look ok.

Tamika - posted on 09/05/2009

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I got the same thing and still do. I had my first at 19 and yes I was too young, but I can honestly say I am a better mother than the same mothers that look down at me. At 27 I have an 8 year old that is hyper yet well behaved and my two year old likes females so much he wont dare act a fool in public. I am more agravated at the fact that its 2009 and people still act its the end of the world when they see a young mother. Has any one ever thought that maybe some of us women look young for our age?



My favorite comment is your brother(my oldest son) is so cute. or Both of them are yours?! and then how old are you? is next. Make like a duck and let it roll of your back. At the end of the day you are your kids mother not them, as long as your kids think your awsome, thats all that matters. If it bothers you a lot, then next time someone has something to say, answer them and then say "why, is there a problem?" most people will back off.



I did have this one lady reply and say yes she thought i was too young to have a child. So I said I thought she was too old to not know how to mind her own business. That shut her up, Lol!!!

MANDY - posted on 09/05/2009

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well look at the bright side u only get it from the kid...i was 20 when my 1st was born...i was always asked if he was my brother and then my husband is 13 years older than me so we get asked if im his daughter...we r married with kids..but in ppls eyes hes my dad and our kid is his but my brother..lol. we actually just laugh about it cause ppl are iggnorant and we kno the deal. the odds of u ever seeing those ppl again are very slim so who cares what they think.

Debra - posted on 09/05/2009

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i am 23 with 3 kids and i look 12. it is embarassing but who cares of what people think of you. its what you think of yourself and your family.

Lily - posted on 09/05/2009

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i think it's funny!! i was 19 when i had my son, I'm now 27 and have three children and it's only gotten worse over the years. when people tell me that I'm not old enough to have three kids i just smile and say "I'm not" i love the look that they give you.

Esmeralda - posted on 09/05/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Haha it makes your husband feel old. People think my husband is my dad, and hes only 5 yrs older then me.



my husband is 7 years older than me and NO LIE,we were out with my daughter and my older sister at a restraunt and the waitress thought my husband and my sister were my daughter and my's parents!!



 



how weird and gross is that?!!?

Jamie - posted on 09/05/2009

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Haha it makes your husband feel old. People think my husband is my dad, and hes only 5 yrs older then me.

Melissa - posted on 09/05/2009

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i get the looks when i go and pick up my daughter at school its her first year so i like to be there when she finishes and we have to wait outside with the other moms and i could see them wisper and point at me i just hope its not gona affect my daughter when it comes to invite her friends over to play.

Esmeralda - posted on 09/05/2009

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i use to get that,but now im the one giving out advice!



i got pregnant and had my daughter when i was 19,but i look WAY YOUNGER than i am now.So people assume im 15 with a child.



a total stranger in an airport told me,"wow youre too young to have a child!"

WHAT! YOU DONT KNOW ME LADY!(of course i didnt say anything)but i get stuff like that ALLTHE TIME.



its annoying and belittling. especially since i work very hard to be a good mother.

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