welcome!

Christie - posted on 12/31/2008 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I started this group and in my head was hoping that no one would join, because I know how hard it is to lose your husband and do it alone. \r\nIf you want to tell me your story, I am here to listen. I lost my hubby May 29/07. I was 4 months pregnant. He died in a work accident and he knew we were expecting. I have since given birth to a baby girl who is now 13 months old. \r\nI wish you all the best!

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Christie - posted on 02/12/2009

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It has been almost 2 years for me since I lost my husband. My life is very different now. I have more good days now then before. I am learning to love my life again, and find my "new normal". In some ways, for me it makes it easier and harder to have our baby. I wanted to have a baby and was so exicted to learn that we were going to be parents but once I lost Cory, I in some ways resented the baby. I wanted to have her, and raise her WITH him. I feel so guilty for feeling that way sometimes. The days when she is sick, tired, won't sleep and keeps me up all night, I honestly have so much anger for him. I sometimes feel like he 'left' me. I know in my head that if he had the choice I know he would be here. But in some of the low times, I blame him. I love our baby and I thank God for her everyday, but it isn't always easy. I worry about things I never expected to worry about. I worry about finding someone else who will accept her into his life, and who will treat her as a father would treat his daughter.

I remember thinking it would never get better, I would never laugh, or be happy again. But I laugh, I smile, I am looking forward. It does and has gotten better. I still have bad days, and I allow myself to feel them. I cry and mope around. I give my daughter to my mom for a night and I allow myself to feel all the feelings. I don't deny them. I think it is part of healing. I hope you are dealing as well as possible. I just feel for all you women. I know how you feel and I know the fear, and anger. I'd like to hear from someone who is 5 yrs + into it. How are they doing?

Take it one day, minute at a time.........whatever it takes. We are all doing it too.

Christie

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Becky - posted on 04/23/2012

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Hi Christie:
I realize you wrote this post almost two years ago, but I'm compelled to reply. I lost my best friend & husband Dec/09 after a six-month battle with an aggressive cancer, when my son was two months old. My husband was not sick a day in his life until this cancer and the whole process was really quite a shock that I'm somewhat starting to wake up from...2.5 years later. Anyway, I read your 2/12/09 post and it was like you were writing from my head. I am now where you were then...and you've helped me to not feel so alone. There isn't a word of that post that I don't identify with...
I only now am beginning to face it all, have been having a lot of emotion of late, and am simultaneously looking forward to rebuild as, I know in my heart, my husband would want me to do. I'm figuring you're about 5 years into your "new normal" and would like to know how you're doing, as you also say in your post.
What is your relationship like with your husband's family? If you were one time close, are you still? These relationships are so complicated, but worth the work.
I'm thankful to have stumbled to this group. Thank you for giving us a place to connect.

[deleted account]

I just found this group from another widow Mom I know in the virtual world. My husband died in a motorcycle accident on October 10, 2009. I was 29, He was 30 and our son was just 3 months old. I was suddenly thrust into solo parenting of a baby. It's been 20 months and our son is turning 2 at the end of June. Sigh. I know you all understand. Glad to meet you though I am sorry we have to under our tragic circumstances.

Yara - posted on 07/08/2010

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I lost my husband in May of 2007. I was 23 years o ld and he was 29. My daughter had just turned 3. He had a heart failure unexpectedly and he just never woke up from his sleep. 3 years have passed and it is still hard for us. We have our good days and our bad days. I decided to go back to school and get involved in my church, this has helped both my daughter and I a lot. I talk to my daughter about her dad every single day because other than what we tell her she will not know a lot about her dad.

Malorie - posted on 07/05/2010

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I had my baby girl in February 2002, married in April 2002 and lost my husband in a car wreck October 2002. It has been almost 8 years and it does get easier but the pain is still there. I am usually a complete mess on our wedding anniversary and the whole month of October. I was only 19 when he died and it completely messed me up for a while and I was mad at the world but I must say that I am a lot better now. I now have a precious 6 month old and have been engaged for about 4 years now to an amazing man that raises my baby girl as if she was his. I guess you can say we aren't rushing into marriage but being that young losing my husband, I am absolutely terrified to go down that road again so that is just something else I have to deal with. I hate it for anyone else that has to go through this and pray that we all make it through!!

Danielle - posted on 10/05/2009

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I lost my husband May 28, 2009, he was a NYC police officer and was killed in a "friendly fire" shooting in East Harlem NY. We were married for 5 weeks and 6 days and my sons were 18 months and 7 months when he was killed. He was leaving work early that night because he had been working out a lot and was still sore. Somebody was breaking into his car and when he chasing the guy undercover cops saw him running with his gun drawn and thought he was a perp and shot him. It has only been 4 1/2 months but it still feels like just yesterday. He was only 25 yrs old and i am 22. My now 23 month old son wakes up crying asking for daddy and has done this ever since that night even before we knew what happened. I feel really lost and have no idea what to do.

Robin - posted on 09/20/2009

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Gabriela, my children & I seem to have different emotions on different given days too. Fortunately, the hardest days are usually only one child at a time. (thank God!) My husband's death on January 16, 2008 was also ruled suicide. I believe taht it probably was, but there is some room to question that because of the way he died (carbon monoxide poisoning, no note). Even at 2 years out, we still regularly have days when someone is missing daddy, or is angry at him. I think that's ok.

Gabriela - posted on 08/02/2009

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Hello everyone I hope this site helps. I also lost my husband to suicide this past January, it's so hard but it's comforting to know he's at mental peace; however, i feel horrible that my 2 year old will never really know "dad", my 7 year old is just sad bc she misses daddy and then my 10 year old isjust MAD for him leaving us.....so hard to have such a range of emotions from all my children

Christie - posted on 07/05/2009

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I think so far you are the first person I have come across that has lost her husband while pregnant. I was 4 months pregnant when I lost my husband. I always wished Cory could have been there to see and hold his daughter. Its a very lonley feeling but comforting because she looks so much like him. I am in the same boat. Take care. xoxo

[deleted account]

my husband committed suicide on the 8th March 2009. almost 3 moths ago. I have a 3 year old son.
My heart has been ripped from my chest. I will never get the vision of the viewing out of my head. It was one of the most horrible things I have ever done but I'm glad I did it.
The questions of why/what if/if only just run constantly through my head.
He wrote no note.
I feel guilty, angry, depressed, sad. (suicidal myself), lonely, any emotion, i have it.
the only reason I'm still here is for my beautiful son, who is a splitting image of his father.
I feel guilty for the fact I can get up every morning, I have laughed and smiled and gone out... its hard.

[deleted account]

I lost my fiance who I considered my husband Nov. 9, 2007. I was 9 weeks pregnant with our son. He died of a massive heart attack. He was 23. It is still very difficult for me now since I still dream what might have been if he would have lived to see our son born. He is 12 months old now. I am so glad of found a community of moms who have gone through what I have gone through. I don't feel so alone.

Jill - posted on 03/04/2009

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Hi Julie,



I am SO incredibly sorry for your loss. It is unbearable to think back to week 5 for me. I don't know if it helps that you aren't alone in being a young widow with a baby. My son started saying 'Dada' about 2 days after my husband died. It broke me down to tears. But now I'm excited that he can point to his daddy's picture and say 'Dada.' I have made it my goal to make sure he knows everything about his father. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.

Julie - posted on 03/03/2009

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The love of my life was hit by a truck and tragically lost his life 5 weeks ago...I have an 18month old baby...who constantly calls for his Dada....we weren't married but had dreams of it and I was wondering if anyone has experienced this? This is very painful

Jill - posted on 02/12/2009

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Hi Christie,



I am sad to say I am in your same boat. I have a 13 month old son. My husband, Chris was a stay-at-home dad until little Jacob was 6 months old. At that time Chris got sick with flu-like symptoms and within a week he died from it. He had caught coxsackie virus, which we didn't find out until after he was gone. That's the same virus that causes hand foot and mouth disease in babies. He caught a different strain of it though. How are you coping? I have good days and bad ones.

Christie - posted on 01/26/2009

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Thanks for sharing your story. I once read a book about a woman who had a very similar experience to yours. I can't remember then name of it at the moment, but when I do I'll let you know.

I know the saddness of knowing that my daughter will never know her father or have any memories of him. I am writing any and all memories I have of him in a book for her. I am including everything from the foods he loved, the cars he liked, the clothes he wore, how he laughed, the jokes he told. Anything and everything. I know that the day will come where she will wonder who her father was, and I hope that book will help her. I will be happy to share every memory I have of him with her, but I thought that this book could be something she could read on her own, when she wants as much as she wants. It has been hard but theraputic writing it for her. I am far from done, I do it before I go to sleep when I am in the right "mood" for it.

I hope you and your children are doing well. Take care!!

Jamie - posted on 01/22/2009

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Well, I lost my husband May 12, 2008 to a motorcycle accident.  He was on his way to work and didn't make it 2 miles from home.  Me and my children actually came up on the accident within minutes of it happening.  We have 2 children together, Baylee is 9 and Tatym is 2.  It helped Baylee to understand what happened when she realized he wasn't coming home, but at the same time, what did it do to her.  She has a hard time sleeping sometimes, but I have gotten her some medicine for that and hopefully it will work.  It breaks my heart to know that Tatym will never remember him, but she will know everything i can possibly tell her.   I am so sorry that not only did you lose your husband when you were pregnant, but you had to experience the greatest thing in life without him.  I hope you and your baby girl are doing well and i wish you all the best also.



 

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