boyfriend is too hard on my 16 y. son!!!! help

Kimberly - posted on 11/09/2010 ( no moms have responded yet )




Hi All,
I just earned my rights back to my 15.5 year old. he has been out of my care for the last 5 years. In the mean time I met, and now live with, a great man. He is a bit older and raised his family in the LDS church. We are from two different worlds. We have/had a great relationship, until my son moved back in close to a year ago. I have been with my BF for almost 4 years.
He has no experience with children of this day and age. In fact, his kids grew up on my ere. Times and parenting strategies have changed tremendously! I know his intentions are good, he wants to teach me what he already learned, raising four kids( all succeeding adults now). And i am jumping right into teen parenting with no experience , i have also been on my own since 13, so i have no clue! His morals are good morals and his advice seems good advice, if we were raising him from scratch and most of his personality traits hasnt already been embedded in him. Also, my son and I have both been recently diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and with him ODD on top of that.
I tried taking his advice about every thing , all the time , every circumstance, but alot of it seemed overbearing and controlling. Most importantly, does not work! I am grateful i found this sight. I have no one else to compare things too except for my boyfriend. we are new here and i am kinda a loner. My family, well, like i said earlier, i was on my own since 13. I really cant trust their advice as alot of them have failed with their efforts. i hear them out ... but i would much rather get feedback from people in the same ship i am in, or close to it.
Needless to say, My son and boyfriend cant stand each other at all. they dont yell at each other but they also dont talk to each other. Frankly, I am sick and tired of my boyfriend insisting i do things his way with my kid! For one, he is not even trying to bond with my son and certainly not trying to be an ACTIVE part of this family. I have discussed this issue in every way i can think of with my boyfriend. down to where i was downright blunt.
He still dont get it.
I love my child and want to make a positive impact on the rest of his teenage years. But, i am very in love with my boyfriend too. I have 2.5 years of raising him left. I would hate to lose what makes my life whole, before i got him back and after he moves out over this problem.
I told my boyfriend that i have found a web sight and i have been educating myself in all these areas , parenting, teens, adhd in adults and teens, step parent families!!! I asked him to educate himself too but he thinks because he has raised a family before, that he knows it all and doesn't need the education. He also works 12 hours a day and is working out of town 2 weeks out of the month.
I am going crazy just trying to handle the simplest things in parenthood. I have gone to 4 parenting classes..ect. I just started taking my son and i just started taking meds for our condition and i am hoping it helps both of us function better.
Any advise would be appreciated

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