Thinking about adoption...need any and all advice

Tina - posted on 02/14/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )




My husband and I have three beautiful boys. I still have the longing to have a girl of my own. We have lately been discussing adoption. We have no clue where to start. We would greatly appreciate any and all advice about how and where to begin the process.


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[deleted account]

hello! my name is jan hare. I have a son by my first marriage. my husband has a son. we have a daughter together. our baby girl we adopted. she just kinda came to us. go to your local social services apply to be a foster parent. you usually have to take a 6 week class (1 time a week) you will have a home study. they ask you everything they know more about you than you know about you . you may or may not get to adopt the foster child so make sure you are prepared to go this adoption route. you may have to give back a child you are in love with. then you can go for a private adoption which i do not know a whole lot about. but their are so many children that have no one... i am so blessed to have my tori...i love her the same i love my children and stepson...she was suppose to be with us...just pray about it and you will know what to do

Deb - posted on 05/16/2009




I would consider foster to adopt if I were you. I've adopted to girls that way. We didn't have any up front costs.

[deleted account]

Hi Tina,

Not sure of all the ins and outs for different avenues, but I do know that every state has a foster care system filled with family-less children. Every state is different of course, but where I live we had only to front the expense of the home study (I think it was approx. $1000). A home study is a universal requirement no matter how you go about adopting. Anyway, after a child is placed in the home there are 6 months of follow-up visits from Social Services to make sure that you and the child are meshing and to help you through the process, and then after the finalization court hearing happens the state refunds most of the $ you paid up front. We adopted a 16 month old boy in Fall of '07, and this past August we took in a "sibling group": 5 yr old boy and 4 yr old girl. If all goes according to plan they will be finalized in May.

It is true that foster kids can have unique and difficult issues (they give you a choice of what you can accept and not accept before ever beginning the placement process) , but you are doing for a child what someone else may not want or be able to do...

Christene - posted on 02/27/2009




This depends on you and your husband; first start with a simple list of domestic or international then get advice on here about agencies.  I found that a good agency makes all the difference in the world.

Amy - posted on 02/24/2009




I just want to let you know, that with children already, the tax credit is no a guarentee.  It's based on what you pay in, so if you don't pay or you recieve a complete refund already due to child deductions daycare expenses or mortgage interest etc, you might NOT get the tax credit.  It's a common misconseption that it's a guarenteed thing, and it's not.  Know what your tax liability typically is, and then subtract another dependant and see how much of the tax credit you can take. 


The tax credit is also set to expire in 2010, and so far new legislation has not passed to extend that.  So unless you finalize by Dec  2010, you might not be guarenteed the tax credit anyway.  I'm not sure how it works for those people that are taking the credit over multiple years, who have not taken the full credit by 2010. 


Beyond that, there are a lot of things to consider.  Gender specific matches typically take much longer.  The fact that you have other bio children could work against you with many expectant mothers as well.


If you go international, you would avoid the whole match process, but would then create a much larger difference.  She would be the only adopted child, and chances are good, it would be transracial also.  Having a black son, that's not a situation that I'm overly supportive of, and won't create in my family, but this is YOUR family, so you have to build it the way you are most comfortable.


Best of Luck.

Kasaundra - posted on 02/24/2009




We have 2 biological girl ages 8 and 6.  We just adopted our little boy last summer he is 8 months old.  Our girls were very involved with the adoption.  We talked a lot about it as a family.  My husband and I would try and answer any questions they had.  We also had a wonderful case worker that would also talk to the girls.  It has been a wonderful experience for all of us.  The girls love him just as much if not more then if I gave birth to him.

We did a lot of research to find the best agency for us.  The internet came in handy for this.  I requested information from several agencies before we choose one.  The agency you go with is one of the most important choose's you will make.  Follow your heart and your gut and you will be able to make the right choose for your famly.

Just remeber that it isn't just you and your husband that are adopting.  The more involved your children are the better they will feel about the decission.

User - posted on 02/21/2009




With two adopted boys, I understand how you feel. You need to start by just doing research! Do you want a domestic or international adoption? If domestic, do you want a closed or open adoption? Since you have bio boys, keeping in contact with birthfamily will definately be something new.

Adoption can be expensive, but there is an Adoption Tax Credit, so you will get some money back after the adoption is finalized. Neither one of our birthmoms found out the sex of the baby until after we met; I have heard that wanting a specific sex usually will make the wait longer. International adoption will allow you to choose the sex of the child, so that can help your decision. If you do decide on domestic, you and your husband will need to decide what to do if your bmom doesn't find out the sex right away. Good Luck!

Jessica - posted on 02/15/2009




I have two biological children, ages 10 and 8, and an adopted son who is 10 months. My children adjusted wonderfully (of course they are older). They love him just as much as we do and they dote on him! He has fit right into our family.

As far as advice, our adoption was not typical. We weren't looking to adopt, the situation sort of "found us". So I don't know how to actually go about seeking an adoption. Probably first research online and decide if you want a foreign or domestic adoption. Look closely at the state laws, too, if you go domestic. They vary from state to state-ours was an interstate adoption and there were different requirements for each state. Also, look closely at the fees. It can be VERY expensive! Ours was a designated adoption (we knew the birth mother), so we thought it would not be so expensive. In the end, though, we had to have lawyers in both states, legal fees in both states, home study fees, etc. Anyway, didn't mean to write a book, but there is much to consider. I would do a lot of research at home-you can do a lot on the computer!

By the way, I have a good friend who has four boys and is adopting a little girl from China. Where there's a will, there's a way! Good luck!

Keri - posted on 02/15/2009




As wonderful of an experience as adoption is, I would suggest you take a moment to consider how adoption would affect your 3 boys not just right now but in the future,  especially when girls can be easier to spoil sometimes:)  My husband and I have 3 adopted children, 2 boys and 1 girl, and I always wonder if sometihing happend and I got pregnant how would my children feel.

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