Im worried about my 8 yr old daughter whos gone back to her mom

Bongiwe - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I married my husband whi had a 7 yr old daughter and she lived with us. When i started living with her in a space of 2 weeks i could see that she had learning problems. She had been living with her mom previously. This year in jan I took her to a psycologist who confirmed my suspicions, said we were helding her up by taking her to a normal school, she is repeating a graade this year, Grade 2. We then discovered that she is not my husbands child. We couldnt find a special school close to us, we could only find 1 close to her mom, so we thought that it would be best that she goes to live with her mom who has refused that we see the child as she is not my husbands child. She says that there is nothnign wrong with her child, she was also slow, so she takes after her, the mothers highest grade passed is grade9, is that the future she wants for my daughter? Dispite the fact that i had registered her and paid the fees at the special school, she took her to a normal school. Im worried about her future. On Friday the mom called us to tell us that my daughter was sick. We were irritated by te fact that we are not allowed to see her but when our finantial help is needed the mother calls us. It apparantly got worse on saturday and shhe was sent to hospital with a suspicion of a mild stroke. We went to the hospital and the doctors said they are waiiting to do a CAT scan. I think this has got to do with the fact that she moved away from us and shes not allowed to see us, she is confused. Its a drastic change for her. Ehat can i do to help the child as the mother only thinks about herself and not the child????

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Sara - posted on 03/27/2014

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J M S please reread her post. She is not saying that the little girl lived with her for 2 weeks. She noticed within 2 weeks of living with her that she had learning problems. Spouting off advice on something you misread. And they had thought along that the husband was the father. And the bio mom is not acknowledging the fact that she has a learning disability. That the bio mom herself was a bit slow.....
If you feel that she is being neglected in anyway, call and talk to children services and let them know the situation and let them check into it. The bio mom might just not want to admit there is something wrong with the child. It's a parents worst fear that something is wrong. She may let you continue to see her if she has a cool down time. If it hadn't been done I'd get a paternity test done since it was just such a sudden thing to find out after she's upset cause you found out that her daughter has a learning disability. Make sure she's not saying it out of spite. If she's lying about your husband you will have much more that can be done...

Sybil - posted on 05/05/2013

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You have left out a lot of back ground concerning the child, was she fostered or state adoped,or just a child you cared for,this means a lot if your trying to help this child, what is your husband's roll in this situation. These are all question that you have to answer for yourself before you can help the child. I say this because I have been a foster adopt mom for years, I adopted three beautiful children I fostered them for 2 years the state gave all of their parents 18 months to get their act together they did'nt, their mine now, legally.It should not depend on whether or not the child is biologically yours you cared for the child if you feel that the child is not being cared for or abused in anyway report it, if I seem a little harsh I am not I am also a child advocate, and I believe the children comes first. Good luck to you, you are in my prayers.

S.Chester

J M - posted on 02/20/2013

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First no one should be judging here how the stroke" may of happened", strokes happen to both young and old alike and one does NOT need to be hit to have a stroke.


You then say you have also thought it BEST to give back the child to her right full mother, well really you had no choose not to, as she is not legally yours or your husbands.... and the Legal Mother knows the child best as she says she was " a bit slow as well when she was young" , you have only had the child for X2 weeks!

We think they are accusations and judgements with out facts of neglect, because it would be as much of neglect if you think she was neglecting the child and YOU did not bring it to the right Authorities attention yourself, so why did you not go to a Social worker first if any concerns of any neglect? As you say you only had the 7 yr old for 2 weeks when you got married.... the child is not yours, and only for x2 week you had her, "the child would not of had a proper bond with you", nor is the child your husbands, or is the 7 yr olds bio or Legal father?

Its just this woman who has known the child barely 14 days.... no mention what her husband thinks obviously he is not with his last relationship, and so to has no legal ties with the child.

2nd Any other health care concerns, You need to speak to a Social worker, and get legal aid if you feel you have any chance, but clear you are not legally her parent.

Now back to the Leal Facts of whose really the parents....

A)YOU QUOTE: (We then discovered that she is not my husbands child, ( then simply she is not his our yours, sad to say, you just may of been used as a long term Baby sitter foster type parent)

However after reading the facts you are placed out here......

B) If the Bio Mothers Childs father was not your husbands daughters all along , "and the Bio Mothers daughter you speak of here is still the Bio Mums legally thus C) she has all full rights to her, then not a lot you can do, if they was no prior legal visitation rights set after the child sent back to her Legal Mother.

So "with no concrete evidence of foul play with care and no Social worker involved you may only send a wedge further more between you and the legal bio Mums daughter. Because accusations with out facts "or calling in proper authorities to verify this persons accusations" here who is making these claims, would make any one stay clear of others making them.

If a child is born slow, this will take a life time to help, not any ones fault, and to judge a Mother like she does not care, is not fair at all. Easy to point the finger when the person you speak of cannot have their own say. :) thus no facts and this person gave back the child , may herself just be upset she never go tot keep the child herself, can be just placed down to gossip.

Louise - posted on 05/21/2012

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I would call in child protective services because this mother is neglecting her child, If this little girl has learning disabilities then it is up to the parent and school to get her the help she needs. If she has now had a stroke (which can not be set off by not seeing you) then she is going to need even more assistance. A stroke is a bleed to the brain and there is normally an underlying cause in a child so young. This is either a blow to the head, a fall hitting the head hard or there is something in the brain causeing a bleed. This needs to be looked into.

Maybe the mother can not comprehend the childs learning disabilities because she has them herself. If your husband is not the father there is absolutely nothing he can do. Your only choice is to ring the council and let them sort it out.

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