Taking my abuser to court

Janne Helen - posted on 09/20/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I got separated in Dec 2007 and divorced in nov 2008. I lived back in the hell house where the abuse happend. They all got to know, but didn't care to suport me or even go to the police with me. Replies after I turned him a year ago, was shoock. ??? Why? It was the truth and he admitted it... Still they choose to be around HIM? ... I do not understand them...

Anyway I am a mother to a 5 and half yr old boy that lives in England, UK with his father. It is best for him to protect him, I have to be strong for the court room. The count down is on. 23 days now. I live in Norway.

I am now at age of 30, he abused me from age of 4 to 23... He was 6 yrs older than me... I tried to tell when I was 6 yrs old to my mother and babysitter, then at 12 I til my mother after had about sexual relationships in school and discovered how bad it was what he was doing :-O But my mother told me to not tell and she would take care, by "telling him off"... Ya right he needed help and so did I! I was 13 and half and the worst part started taking part... At 22 I wasn't even allowed to seek help by my mother, I just ignored it anyway, but help given was pushed into a relationship instead that shouldn't happend... Now I can finally sort it out...

I am worn out, but I have no other choise than keep living on and on... Feel like want to sleeep and sleeep...

Okay 23 days left... Let me see the day ♥

11 Comments

View replies by

Lani - posted on 05/22/2013

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i actually wanted legal advise on and if i should take my abuser to court ot no...

Janne Helen - posted on 11/22/2010

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I am just trying to stand up for myself. It is my life and only I live it. Only I can fight for ME. I have been front page news in local newspaper and filling up two pages inside. Also on air on national radio. Fighting to get him punished harder.

Thank you Tianna and Tiffany for all the suport ♥

Tianna I replied you in an other message here so won't say it again. But hugs to you ♥

You are all amazing survivours ♥ Stay strong ♥

Tiffany - posted on 11/22/2010

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Tianna, I think your comment was actually directed at Janne. And I agree. She seems like an amazing and strong woman!

Tianna - posted on 11/21/2010

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WOW! Tiffany you are a very strong person to be able to speak up after so long!
I was raped by two individuals on seperate occasions but did not speak up about the first i was 14 and it was my first sexual experience with a guy.. and a month later my friend helped me speak up when the police showed up at my 15th birthday party after i was raped the second time. If it werent for my friend ar rhe time i may have still been holding it in..

I am sorry to hear about what you have been through you sound like such a strong woman! Keep fighting and i really hope justice is served. ♥

Janne Helen - posted on 11/08/2010

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... He is not off the streets... he has done an appeal and he won't go to jail straight away. He has to wait, because there is a que getting into jail...

Thanks ♥ I have to stay strong all over again, yet all I want is to fall apart into little pieces...

I am happy they believed in me. I am 30, why should I lie NOW??? ... It has been a though 24 years fighting and I am not giving into it! I stand in my truth and if they can't take it then they can go wherever the pepper grows!

Thank you Tiffany ♥ I don't always see me as for what I am worth...

Tiffany - posted on 11/08/2010

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Well I know its not much time but try to think of the positives. You did win! This is huge!! Most of the time we dont win in these cases because its all circumstancial evidence or what not. I for one am glad that he is off the streets and cant hurt anyone else for now.

You are very brave and I am very proud of you for what you did! It took strength, courage, and faith to do what you did. And you did it! So remember that next time you have to do it again! Its already in you!~ You have already done this and gotten through it and you have the strength you need to cope. Your amazing! Congratulations!

Janne Helen - posted on 11/08/2010

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I won the case just that he made an appeal... :-O

He was sentenced to jail for 1 1/2 yrs and set to pay me 250000 NOK in compensation. But what the hell only 1 1/2 yrs for all them years :-O

I have to do it all over again to a jury. ... This will happen next year sometime... And I hope for a stronger sentencing.

Janne Helen - posted on 09/21/2010

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Thank you Tiffany for hugs and comments ♥

He will get at least 4 yrs in jail. I hope for more though, depence on how they take it when I describe what he has done to me...

If he declines it will be word against word yes, that is what it makes it so hard. I honestly thought it would become a dismissed case, but when he had admitted it I couldn't belive my ears when the police told me! ... We were in the house and I was there to get my things and they told me while being IN the hell house :-O They show NO conserns what so ever, what is wrong with the world and people???

Hugs to you Tiffany. I know it hurt real bad, I have been there too. I cried so many times that I had no dry spot to sleep on literally... I was often sick afterwards and staied home from school for days/weeks...

Take your time and be strong, and turn him in if you feel like doing it will be right for you ♥ You ahve to look after yourself, that is your priority number one!

I am SOOO angered by my mother, but I have become as epmty as can be because of it all. I have turned her into the police for neglect and abuse (she used to hit me and didn't protect me from the abuser). Her case will be dismissed due to it is too old. :-S I have cut my "family" off from contact. I am all alone...

I am so sorry you had to experience this from your mother too! They are suposed to protcet and keep us safe from danger. Hugs ♥ We have to brake them circles of evil and stop this bad ways to treat and let down the children. We have lived so long and these days with all the information flowing it IS posible to STOP it! I believe ♥

"High fives" back and thank you for your reply Tiffany ♥ I will win the case and a chanse to have a life at last :-)

Tiffany - posted on 09/21/2010

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So sorry to hear it! I wish you all the best in the court case. That b@#$&*d needs to be in jail.

I wish I had the strength to take mine to court. When the police investigated though they told me that it would be his word vs mine becuase there was no physical evidence as I had not gotten a rape kit done at the hospital afterwards. All I did was go home and cry and cry and tell myself I cant believe I let it happen again. Anyway the DA told me it would be his word vs mine and he didnt think I had a chance at winning so I should probably drop the charges. So I listened to them and dropped the charges. I live with that regret and fear and guilt everyday. I feel like if I had just had the strength to go against what they said and take him to court anyways then he wouldnt be out there right now and he wouldnt be able to hurt anyone else. If I ever find out that he raped someone else (i'm sure he did actually-sadly I just dont have proof) that is on my head becuase I could have put him away and I didnt.

How does it make you feel that your mother acted that way... mine wouldnt believe me about my childhood stuff (told me it was just a bad dream and my uncle would never do that). She did believe me when I came to her in college and told her I had been raped (that one was repeatedly for about 9 months of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse). Problem is she gave me about 6 months of support with a therapist and then decided that I should be over it by now. She gets angry everytime I bring it up and that is what hurts the most I think. I feel like she let it happen sometimes with the childhood stuff and like she thinks it is my fault for the adult stuff. I'm sorry that you have had that same rejection from your mother. Its soooo hard without the support we need.

Just remember that you are strong and you did survive and you will get through this. No matter what happens in court you stood up and took control. He doesnt have that control over you anymore. *high five* and *safe hugs*

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