Anyone else scared to have another baby?

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Hi, I'm just curious if any one else faced this. When I was 7m pregnant my husband was away alot and in alot of pressure from his family about things they thot were wrong in our lives/family. It caused him to have a mental breakdown and was found by the cops very disoriented and they held him over the weekend (we couldn't get him released until monday and it was friday nite of course!) So I spent 3 lonely days by myself not knowing where he was or how he was doing. I wasn't even allowed to visit. After we got him back on Monday we could see that things weren't right, we brought him to the hospital on Tuesday and he was admitted to the mental/psych part of the hospital. He was there for over 2 wks. During that whole time I was only allowed to see him 1/2hr during the day and 1 hr in the evening. So fat ol' me had to climb into our truck and drive the snowy roads 30min twice a day to see him. When he was finally released he was on such sedating medication that it took over a year for him to return to normal. That was Jan/Feb. In April I was due, and was a few days late, and my doc induced me. I was already in labor all night long but it wasn't "regular" enough for them. When I was only 8cm my doc told me to start pushing and I pushed over 2 hrs without ever engaging my baby's head. So I ended up having an emergency c-section. I was so exhausted I could barely move. And the contractions were still so hard and painful. I had to straddle a bench so they could put in the drug that numbed me (ah blessed quietness!) But because of that, I started shaking and was so freezing cold. They piled my upper body with warm towels... Finally our little girl was born. The relief of hearing that first cry was overwhelming. It was finally over. We had to stay in the hospital for 3 days because I had a fever. During all this my poor hubby was still hardly himself. Once released we went home and the nurse called me about 2 hrs later and told me the baby's jaundice levels were up and we had to come back in. Our daughter had to be in a bili-bed thing, with nothing on but a diaper and eye covers. I could only hold her while I fed her. They came in a few times a day to prick her tiny feet for blood. I was in so much pain still from the c-section and I couldn't even relax. My legs swelled all the way to my knees. One night I actually was so exhausted I slept thru my next medication and woke up in the worst pain. I cried from 7am straight thru til noon when my parents came. My husband would sleep til about 1pm and he would be back out again about 7pm. It was just so much for me to handle and go through. When I think back on it and think about having another baby I just really get scared and terrified. I can't even fathom going thru that again. Our little girl is now 19m and we do want more kids eventually. I truly am scared to death to get pregnant again. My husband is really good with it and says that he is willing to wait until I'm ready. I'm just not sure I ever really will be. Has anyone else ever been scared and how did you get over it?


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Sarah - posted on 11/26/2009




Bless you, you have had a hard time !
I had problems during my pregnancy with my 19 month old. I bled at 6 weeks, lost a blood clot at 7 weeks, lost 2 stone through morning sickness, my spina bifida test came back and i had to be referred to the hospital for growth scans. At 25 weeks i got kidney stones and i was in agony (it felt worse than labour pains) For the rest of the pregnancy nothing else went wrong apart from i was exhausted all the time. He was 5 days late and i was 2cm dilated on friday afternoon but i didnt get any pain until sunday morning. At about 6.30pm the midwife came to my house (as i was havin a home birth) and she said i was only 3cm dilated. That worried me because i had been having pains all day and i thought 'all that pain for just 1cm in 2 days' So i thought that it was going to be a long time until my baby arrived. At about 10.30pm the midwife examined me again and i was 6cm dilated but as i was contracting my baby's heart rate dropped so i had to be rushed to hospital and within 20 minutes i had dilated 2 more centimetres. After that the labour was great. It was after the labour that i hated. I breastfed but my son used me as a dummy and i was very sore and he made me bleed. I cried everytime i fed him. He was born early monday morning and on tuesday evening i had to go back into hospital with a suspected deep vein thrombosis. The hospital made me walk to the ward i had to go on. And as i was breastfeeding, i needed my son with me. So my mum left me on my own and went to fetch my husband and my son. I told the nurses on the ward and they shouted at me because i was bringing my son into hospital ! So i was sat on my own, crying in the waiting area. I told the nurses if my son cant be with me then i'll go home. Once my mum arrived she was fuming and complained about the nurse who spoke to me. Thankfully i got transferred to the maternity ward where i could have my son with me. I asked for help with breastfeeding while i was in there as well. I felt comfortable with it for about a week but then i started resenting my son when he wanted feeding. I ended up becoming abit depressed and when i realised i was, i put my son on formula milk (he was a month old when he went on formula) and since then i felt more relaxed.
When my husband started talking about having another baby, i was abit weary because i thought what if everything that happened with my son, happens again. I felt like i couldn't go through with it. We waited until our son was 1 year old before we started trying. I was pregnant by mid june. My husband was excited but i felt apprehensive. I kept checking for bleeding constantly. I was very paranoid about losing the baby. Thankfully, i didn't bleed, i didn't have morning sickness as bad, all my test have come back fine and i am now 27 weeks pregnant and no kidney stones yet ! That's what i'm worried about at the moment.
Every pregnancy is different, as i've realised for myself. But you should have another baby when you feel ready to have another one. I won't feel completely at ease until my baby is here. I don't think i got over my experience with my son because i still worry now with this baby. It's completely up to you ! Hope this has helped you :)

Rebecca - posted on 11/25/2009




Well don't get pregnant again until you are ready and if you never are that should be just fine. I don't really know how to reply to your story, it's very overwhelming. But if your not comfortable, don't have another child...stress levels can really affect a pregnancy and until your prepared and can be calm just enjoy your daughter.

Shelly - posted on 11/24/2009




I have two boys. My first Pregnancy a delivery was perfect. And when he was 6 months old I started babysitting 2 others.... Not sure now how I did that. Any ways, I wanted my kids to be 3 years apart. So we got pregnant with #2. Man, was it diffrent. When he was 7 weeks old I had gall bladder surgery and then a week later I had a panic attack. I was diagnosed with PPD. I was doing good and a few weeks after that my husband had a panic attack. We took him to the ER. Depression runs in his family. So, he went to the hospital for 10 days and I moved in with my parents. I know how you feel. Every evening I would leave the kids so I could visit him. And lets just say it has been a long journey the past year to get both of our meds right. We both see at Therapist and that has been great. I wasn't scared to have a second. But, I had my it easy with the first. They say you always get one good child. And in reality no two pregnancies or children are the same. You really can't sit and worry about it until the time is here. I would say to get a support system in place when you do have another one. And I do recommend the 3 year thing. Mine are 3 1/2 years apart. I got the oldest one potty trained and able to dress and bath himself before the new one came. That was a big help. Send me a message if you ever need help dealing with a depressed Husband.

Ashleigh - posted on 11/24/2009




Im scared also to have another child, although my story is a bit different. I had a horrible horrible labour (I did do it all naturally though..why? who knows lol). It was all back labour, i dont even know what a "regular" contraction feels like. Things were great until that night when my son started to cry...and cry...and cry. He had colic until he was 7 months old, and would only sleep for 30 minutes at a time (i am not lying lol). Because of that i had PPD. I just suffered a miscarriage in May and do have to say I was a bit relieved ( i feel horrible for saying that) because I was sooo terrified of having another colicky baby. I want more kids too, but I just dont know. I dont think I can handle another baby like how my son was. He literally cried all the time and never slept. I worry if I have another one and it is like that, how would it affect my other child? I think I'll be ready in a couple of more months, once my son is a little bit older and since my miscarriage. Im scared of having another miscarriage too. Ahh, the joys of being a woman! Im not too sure if this could help you at all, but now you know that you arent the only one out there!

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