Talk to me about husband relationships?!?

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

Hello! DD was an April baby, and now we're TTC #2. Most days are great!

But DH and I stagger our schedules so one of us can be with DD every day. We only use a sitter once/week for about 3 hours when our work schedules overlap. About once/month we have a family member babysit so we can go out. We have one day/week as a family day, and, to be honest, it's usually not so good.



I'm not sure what to do.



I know I don't want to be one of those wives who don't know how to talk to their husband, but seriously, I can see going there. Tonight, for example, is our one night off together, and he passed out on the couch around 7pm while I got DD ready for bed and put her down @ 8pm. Now I'm on FB while he's asleep. In all fairness, he works night shift and I work days, but I feel like he should at least try to switch to days. It's not possible right now.



What should I do?!? I'm seriously at wits end. I don't know what to say to DH, b/c I feel like anything I would possibly say would turn out wrong.



Any advice?

9 Comments

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Naomi - posted on 09/03/2009

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Your baby is still so little that there is still a lot of changes going on! My hubby is working two full time jobs (7:30am till 11pm and weekends too) right now so I can stay home with the kids. We have two crazy boys and only my mom is our babysitter. She can only handle one of them at a time, so even on date nights (we have had 2 in the last year) we still have one of them with us! Sounds to me like your husband is really tired and doing his best. I would give it a few days before you mention anything, maybe after a few days of him resting he will act different and you will feel different. I'm sure he didn't fall asleep to purposely anger you. Everyone can only do so much and you don't want to talk to him right now if he's that tired! Just remember it's not you and this too will pass!

Dawn - posted on 09/02/2009

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Having your husband work the night shift is hard. My husband does and I'm a sahm but we still have a hard time on the weekend for spending some day time together. I would wait till he is well rested and you are too. Which could be hard with you working too, and let him know what you are feeling. Don't do the hinting, we are talking about men, they don't get the hinting. :-) But you do need to understand that working nights is really hard on the body than working day. If your bedroom isn't really dark that can have an effect on him getting rest too. Specially when its hot too. This is just what I've found with my husband so good luck.

Abbie - posted on 09/01/2009

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First question I have is : if you are at wits end............why are you TTC #2?? Another baby will only add more turmoil. So you feel neglected at home? Or just tonight? I have always gone by the rule, ifyou can't say it nicely then take the time and write it out for them. Some people are just not good talkers ( I am married to one)



Marriage is not easy ( as we all know) and it gets harder with babies, conflicting work schedules, lack of money, lack of sex, lack of fun! When we lack everyone does. You need to go back to basics and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Not every relationship is going to be sunshie and roses every day, but its the little things in marriages that ruin them. Its the day to day operations.



If you can't talk to him you'll never get to the bottom of the problem, and maybe he feels just as left out. They are men, but they too still have feelings.



Hope I helped!

Samantha - posted on 08/31/2009

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just be thankful you have date nights. My husband and I never have date nights and if we try to we always end up arguing. If I even try to talk to my husband about feelings he ignores me, changes the subject or we fight. He never helps with dinner or cleaning the house unless I make sure he knows I'm annoyed. I just wanted you to know that I'm not in the most perfect marriage either. :) good luck

Sherry - posted on 08/31/2009

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I also agree with Brandi, but you could also do a little hinting....like, I can't wait to watch a movie with you. Or, what are we doing tonight honey?, You could also try to plan something the day before, it's me and you..what are we going to do? Hope this helps...... About family outings, that sometimes happens to me also. I try to tell my husband before we go that we all need to have fun in sake of the kids so let’s try to get along and work together. Sometimes these tactics work, but now my husband has caught on so he knows when I’m hinting around about certain issues. Just know it happens in almost every relationship. It’s in our women gens to be the piece maker but when it doesn’t work out our way we get upset. I wish you luck.

Brandi - posted on 08/30/2009

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It's always better to talk then not. Most times, I think about it for a few days so that I can remove emotion from it. That way, for me, I tend to talk only about the real issue and not get caught up in extra baggage. It's hard and I just wish he could read my mind! Until that happens, we'll just have to keep working at it. Good luck!

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