"Cying It Out" causes brain damage

Erynne - posted on 01/12/2010 ( 66 moms have responded )




Even Dr. Ferber, who created the cry-it-out/controlled crying technique now decries his methods. He has said if he knew then what he knows now about it, he'd never have recommended it. Too bad so many people are still duped by it.




Shouldn't babies soothe themselves to sleep through crying? When can they be relied on to soothe themselves?


When will they sleep through the night, if I DON'T let them cry to sleep?


If you feel lost now, then you can educate yourself on proper parenting techniques: read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and "The Baby Sleep Book."

Please keep in mind, just because a technique has 'worked' for someone else doesn't mean there is no damage, o that you should blindly repeat it. If your gut tells you that letting a baby scream and cry alone in a room is in any way wrong, shouldn't you listen to it instead of people who keep insisting your baby is old enough to sleep without your help?

And if you have no qualms of conscience about your baby screaming alone, maybe it's time to reconnect with your infant. I think your parent-baby bond might need a little strengthening.

- E


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April - posted on 01/15/2010




I personally followed Dr Ferber's method with all 3 of my children when they were old enough... older than 6 mo.. to figure it out. They are all extremely well adjusted, smart, happy children who's face's light up when I come in a room. I do not believe for one second that I ever tortured my children by letting them cry for 5 minutes at a time. There is a huge difference between a hurt cry, a somethings wrong cry, a hungry cry or an I just want my way cry. If you truly know your kids, you will know thier different cries and how they communicate. The circ issue... well.. to each his own.. Little boys have been circed since Bible times.. does that make it right? who knows.. I myself circ'd my boys because I felt it was the right thing to do, not because I wanted to torture them. The minute mother's start turning on each other for the way we decide to raise our children is the minute that anarcy will rule... the fact it, each mother who is dedicated and involved in each childs life will instinctively know what it best for that child. So, lets try to get along :) this is supposed to be a support group.

Maggie - posted on 01/15/2010




I guess I'm a torturer. My daughter CedIO because she got to heavy to carry for 45 minutes (or more). She had to cry because I needed to sleep after months of responding to her every cry. She had to cry so I could stay sane and not spend more months as a sleepy zombie who didn't feel awake enough to drive.

I guess LauraBeth knows that I'm a bad mother even though I breastfed her for 14 months and carried her for most of her first year of life, I let her CIO so I just don't care about her well-being.

Oh and I tortured her in other ways. She used to scream in the car, but I still took her places. Oh, and I washed her hair too even though she screamed her head off.

How long are these "extended periods" Dr. Sears is talking about? 30 minutes with check-ins like Ferber suggests? Or is he talking about kids who are routinely not responded to in orphanages.

[deleted account]

I let my son cry sometimes....as long as it isn't a frantic screaming cry....he will cry/whine himself to sleep almost every time. I do not agree with letting a child scream their eyes out if they are in need of something. SOMETIMES the mom gets a child into a habit (they know you will come right away so they cry)......perhaps everyone has different techniques, but I must say a little crying never hurt my son. I find he does it to use up the last bit of energy he has so he can go to sleep. But then again I had him circumsized, so I guess I enjoy torturing my son.... COME ON PEOPLE!

Anna - posted on 01/15/2010




not true... my son has most often cried it out (when appropriate) and is very smart for his age, he says words and signs to me and he just turned 9 months. Babies are smarter than we give them credit for, and we are all willful and selfish people, your baby wants you do what he/she wants.. that is not what is always best for your baby. Parents know what is best for the baby.

LauraBeth - posted on 01/15/2010




Whats the point in being a MOTHER if you are going to sit there and let your child cry in till they are blue in the face. there is nothing wrong with letting them cry for a min. Yes a child needs to cry to help lung development, It is your JOB as a Mother to take care of your child. I just cant understand some peoples thought process in thinking it is okay for your child to be so upset, what message are you sending your child? My child is happy to see me or my husband, he know no matter what we are there to take care of him!! We are the ones that is going to make things all better. I am sorry if you don't understand that, but this is how we want to raise our child, in a loving enviroment, not one where he feel like his need are not meet. And Yes I do believe that circumcision is torture for a young baby boy, but I had it done because it was in his best intrest. And I don't believe that Crying out has been done for hundred of years unless they didn't have a heart or a mothers instinct. AGAIN I am saying it is okay to let them cry for a min maybe two but not in till they fall asleep or just cant cry any longer to me that is the ultimate form of torture for a small child!! I know baby cry sometimes everyday. I am only talking about EXTREME CASES only, CIO is not for me personally.

Polina - posted on 01/15/2010




The same websites claim that circumcision is a torture. For those who choose to circumcise, all that these sites are listing is a waste of time or "new-age" bull...And crying out has been done for hundreds of years without any scientific explanations. Wow, look around. Everybody is brain-damaged...

Erynne - posted on 01/14/2010




Amy: Actually, the articles collected are not written by one person - they are collected from a variety of sources at one Web site, something like reading a magazine with articles written by different people but all within the pages of one magazine. But if it would comfort you to read more anti-CIO on other Web sites, here are a few links:

http://awareparent.net/smf/index.php?top... (first post in the thread quotes an article)

- E

Erynne - posted on 01/14/2010




I rarely rock my son all the way to sleep. Once he's dozy, I lay him down. Generally, he'll sigh, peek his eyes open a bit to verify I'm still there, and settle in. I give him a minute or two before I stand up.

- E

Elisabeth - posted on 01/14/2010




I let my daughter cry it out, although she rarely cries longer than 5 min. if even that. If I were to rock her all the way to sleep, it would take her a couple of hours.

LauraBeth - posted on 01/14/2010




I have never let my son cry about anything, since day one I have made sure that my son never had a reason to cry! and could never understand why any mother would want to hear her child cry, my son learned on his own how to soothe himself when the time was right (ex: putting his own paci in his mouth). The whole reason you are a mother is to take care of your child, diapers, baths, feeding, emotional, and mental development. I will never understand why people have babies and not want to hold or soothe a baby because some Dr Crackpot said it is the only way your baby will learn!! I am a mother I listen to my own instincts, God gave all of us the capeability to take care of our own children!!! I really feel bad for all the mothers out there that did that to there babies!!

Amy - posted on 01/12/2010




we never let our babies cry like that until they were well over a year. and it was when it was bedtime and we were firm on bedtime.there is a difference between an "i need you" cry and an "i want my way" cry. people have been telling me recently to let my baby cry it out and i tell them at this age [9 months], it's teeth and i will soothe him back to bed - even if it takes hours. it just makes sense not to wake my whole house up anyway with him crying. it's consideration for him AND the others in hte home. crying it out is usually something that is used on 18 mo/2 year olds from what i know of it - not on infants. that's sad if people are really using that as a way to get a baby to bed.if htey're saying brain damage for a toddler and the crying is about toddler trying to get their way....sorry. i'm not sleeping in my kid's room because they'll cry if i leave. that's silly. they do need to know that they will not always get their way and that they can't manipulate mom and dad. i'd be interested in reading more than one website if you have it. from what i read they were talking mostly about infants under 6 months. and honestly, why wouldn't you cuddle a crying infant? obviously if one that little is crying - something is wrong.

Merry - posted on 01/12/2010




thankyou!!!!! erynne i always knew that crying to sleep wasnt the answer and now i have the proof to show everyone who says im "spoiling" him

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