It is never ok to hit, spank or intentionally hurt your child!

Tamara - posted on 06/04/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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I just read the conversation on 13 month olds hitting, biting etc. So many of you thinkit is ok to hit a child. What is wrong with you people? A child doesn't know any better, you do. You are the grown up so suck it up and act like one! Really, it is not ok to hit your child no matter how frustrated you feel. If you feel that out of control, maybe you are the one who needs a time out! Seriously!



I know we've all seen/heard the advertisements "Never, Never Shake a Baby!". When did it shift and become ok to hurt your child?



They are looking to you for guidance and actually asking you to give them boundaries. They are trying to understand them and you are thier teacher. Every child should be lucky enough to have a safe environment to test out these things so they know how to handle things in the real world later. It starts with you. They are counting on you for the "right" information and if you teach them to hit by hitting back, you are just setting the stage for more violence in the future, including against you.



It's not ok to hurt and it's up to you to teach them that!!!



I hope that you will all think about this seriously and then pledge to me, your spouse, your best friend, your mom or dad, anyone... that you will never hit, spank or hurt your child!



I'm sorry if I sound preachy but I just couldn't let it go. I just had to say something.



I swear to you that I will never hit, spank or hurt my child intentionally. Now it's your turn!!!

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Jennifer - posted on 06/13/2010

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Spare the rod, spoil the child is NOT from the Bible - they are actually lyrics to a song. It is not meant to literally hurt your children, but that you shouldn't spare them from discipline. The idea of a rod is a metaphor, as Christ was seen as a shepard. I don't think Jesus would like us to hit or slap our children.

What baffles me about this topic is that everyone is quick to say "give 'em a whack" if someone wants discipline advice, but when the tables are turned the same respect is not given. If a mother wants to say that she doesn't spank or hurt her children, where is HER support. Why must we only give support to the women who use physical discipline? In some ways, using gentle discipline needs more support, because it's more time consuming and requires the utmost patience. You can't tell me that giving a child a spanking requires the same patience.

This idea of "I was spanked, and I am fine" doesn't hold water, either. It's all relative, as your definition of "fine" is different from someone else. Technically, yes, I am fine - even though I was spanked, formula fed, left to cry it out, and any plethora of parenting devices that fall under that umbrella. But what about me would be different, if any of those things were changed? Why take that chance? What if I didn't turn out fine?

Ineke - posted on 06/13/2010

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i think that people who want to smack their kids will do so no matter what anyone says. I understand the anger people feel when they feel they are being told how to parent. That's not the point. With all due respect its not about us, its about what we teach our kids. Some, if they come from a good home, are resilient and feel loved can probably live quite happily afte having been smacked once in a while at home. The problem arises when all those safety nets aren't there. That's when you get kids who are out of control. I work with young people and almost every one with a criminal record has had some sort of physical discipline at some stage. Clearly that hasn't worked, and in some cases made them more violent. The argument of 'to each his own' worries me because that mentality has maintained and perpetuated abuse for decades. I am not saying that all people that say that abuse their children, that's ridiculous-but what we each individually do does make up our collective mentality. Considering that the majority of people think its ok to smack and we still have children walking the streets who are violent and disrespectful, does raise questions.

Katie - posted on 06/13/2010

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The AAP says that spanking increases the likelyhood of a child being violent. They don't recomend spanking but the majorty of people do it. If most people do it why are our youth still "out of control" I think it has more to do with the lack of time in a structured family than the need to hit more. Maybe we should be looking at the number of sit down dinners and broken homes rather than point the finger at parents that choose to not strike their children.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cg...

Susan - posted on 06/11/2010

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I think this is like talking about religion or politiics at a party... you shouldn't talk about it... many different opinions and no one will ever agree. I, personally, don't believe in hitting or spanking, and am of the generation where many were spanked, but I never needed to be. A raised voice and the D word was enough for me (disappointed)... I do STONGLY believe that if you try to redirect your child by doing what they just did back to them, i.e., of they bite you you bte back, that you are teaching them to do so when faced with similar situations as they grow.... you know.. he hit me so I hit him back. I caution those of you who use that tactic, it could backfire- no pun intended.

Ineke - posted on 06/09/2010

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i really don't agree with hitting-would you hit an elderly relative if they needed your care and guidance when they can't take care of themselves? What's wrong with us as a society that we think its ok to hit our children? I was hit as a child and it still affects me every day. It started with a smack here and there and ended with me not being able to go swimming with friends for the shame of all my whelts and bruises.I remember how scared i felt when my mother hit me, how small and how alone...i will never ever make my children feel that. Never. There are enough horrible people in this world and my children know that their body and soul are loved, nurtured and respected in this house.

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»-(¯`v´¯)-» Yanira (ñïå) - posted on 01/09/2012

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I have spanked my baby and I feel extremely awful... this morning at work I was talking and drilling my self - crying and asking my self why?? I KNOW I LOVE my daughter and I would never hurt her. My husband and I don't have parents or anyone that we can depend on let alone trust with our daughter so its just us... we LOVE our baby girl and we are PROUD first time parents - perhaps it can become overwhelming but we take turns. I notice it happens when I'm alone. I don't practice (religion) and so I don't ask any higher being for help... I don't want to be judge but I need an outlet. I found this website and I registered. I know I'm a great mom but perhaps I'm not a perfect mom?!

I swear to you that I will NEVER hit, spank or hurt my child intentionally!!!! Thank you for this post...

Sincerely, First Time Mom

Danielle - posted on 06/29/2010

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This thread was just instigating an argument and it should be locked. Furthermore, people who choose to spank their children are not necessarily abusive and it is insulting to deem some of the wonderful mothers in this forum as such.

Merry - posted on 06/28/2010

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ok after that id like to add that the rod is used to guide the sheep, like you hold the rod out to direct the sheep to turn in a direction you want. like guiding their path, showing them the way. NOT TO HIT THEM

you dont hit sheep! that wouldnt do anything but make them scatter. If you hit anyone alive the tendency is for the one who was hit to run away, to hide, to stay at a distance from the one who hit them.

You wouldnt hit a sheep to tell them where to go and thats what the rod is describing in the Bible.

If you hit your dog you can be fined for animal abuse, even if you werent angry, even if the dog destroyed your house. Hitting animals is illegal.

I think that my child is more precious then any animal and i will pledge not to hit him ever. ever. ever. Hitting is wrong.

When he was young and he touched something bad i would say no and touch his hand until he looked at me and made the connection that i said no about the thing his hand was doing. no force in it, just to show him what i was saying no to. now if he gets into saying bad things or backtalking i will not "tap" his mouth because by then he knows what i am upset about. physical direction is only about teaching them what we are saying no to.

Merry - posted on 06/28/2010

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1A wise son heeds his father’s instruction,

but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.

2From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things,

but the unfaithful have a craving for violence.

3He who guards his lips guards his life,

but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

4The sluggard craves and gets nothing,

but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.

5The righteous hate what is false,

but the wicked bring shame and disgrace.

6Righteousness guards the man of integrity,

but wickedness overthrows the sinner.

7One man pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;

another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.

8A man’s riches may ransom his life,

but a poor man hears no threat.

9The light of the righteous shines brightly,

but the lamp of the wicked is snuffed out.

10Pride only breeds quarrels,

but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

11Dishonest money dwindles away,

but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow.

12Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

13He who scorns instruction will pay for it,

but he who respects a command is rewarded.

14The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life,

turning a man from the snares of death.

15Good understanding wins favor,

but the way of the unfaithful is hard.a

16Every prudent man acts out of knowledge,

but a fool exposes his folly.

17A wicked messenger falls into trouble,

but a trustworthy envoy brings healing.

18He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame,

but whoever heeds correction is honored.

19A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul,

but fools detest turning from evil.

20He who walks with the wise grows wise,

but a companion of fools suffers harm.

21Misfortune pursues the sinner,

but prosperity is the reward of the righteous.

22A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children,

but a sinner’s wealth is stored up for the righteous.

23A poor man’s field may produce abundant food,

but injustice sweeps it away.

24He who spares the rod hates his son,

but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

25The righteous eat to their hearts’ content,

but the stomach of the wicked goes hungry.

Whitney - posted on 06/27/2010

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"Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell"..."He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him"..this IS in the Bible, and is NOT a metaphore. I think where parents get it wrong is JUST spanking & spanking out of rage or anger. The parent needs to have control of themselves so that they can be respected by their children. THEN the correction comes in. TEACH your children the way they should act and what they need to do instead of whatever they are doing in rebellion. DONT just leave it at spanking, otherwise they'll never learn anything and just grow up to be those ones who say "my mom beat me for no reason when i was little, and now im traumatized"

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I can't believe so many people here think that society has so many criminals because they aren't being spanked as children! Are you kidding me? There are other ways to discipline and get the attention of a child that do not involve hitting them. Kids do not need to fear their parents... this is totally bizarre to me. I'm with you Tamara.

Betty - posted on 06/17/2010

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I don't know about you but I follow the bible and the bible clearly says to spank your children. The reason so many children are out of control now a days and why schools are getting so bad is because people no longer follow the bible and no longer spank their children. My son is just fine, in fact compared to most kids his own age he's pretty well behaved. When he throws tantrums I just let him get it out and then I swat him on the butt after that no tantrums for the rest of the day. So while your kid is screaming their heads of at Wal-Mart my kid is behaving hmmm wonder why? I love my son and I am agaisnt child abuse in every way but there is a difference between punishing out of anger and out of love, I tell my son everyday tons of times through out the day that I love him and he knows that in fact he's actually a momma's boy! If spanking my child keeps him from getting hurt than I shall continue...since he has gotten older I really don't need to spank him as much since he has learned his boundries and follows them pretty well. My baby is wonderful and sometimes he just needs a reminder that some things are dangerous! Discipline out of love not anger!

Francesca - posted on 06/16/2010

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I do not agree with spanking as an everyday form of disclipine. I think there that its for lazy parents and its wrong. But I also think that there is a difference from spanking and abuse.



Judging other moms for spanking when there are serious neglectful and abusive parents out there is just silly. I don't see all you anti-spankers advocating for children's rights! Unless you're willing to get off your high horse and stop judging and actually do something, its not beneficial to anyone.



So great, we taught our children not to hit. Fabulous, we only taught them how to bash and judge others over the internet.

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2010

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How in the world does no smack = a pushover parent? No means no because I back it up with an action, not necessarily a hit. I tell my daughter or son "No" and then I remove them from the situation, take away the toy, or give some other appropriate discipline. Do you work? What if your boss said no, that he didn't like something in your performance. And instead of giving you the chance to redeem yourself, he just smacked you.

Skye - posted on 06/16/2010

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If u dont give ur child a little smack after u tel then no ect they wil learn how to win over u no smack means they can play up as long as they want coz they know that no smacks happen. I bet u got a smack from ur parents and that didnt make u grow up abusive did it? think about that

Jamie - posted on 06/12/2010

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I'm with many here. I was spanked as a child and I turned out just fine. There is a line between spaning and abusing your child. I agree with others that not taking the time to discipline their children. The youth of today is out of control. They have had no discipline and they walk all over their elders. Smacking your childs butt to get their attention is one thing...discipline...smacking your child and leaving marks is another...abuse. Discipline teaches respect and they learn from it. Sometimes time-ot is not enough!

Melanie - posted on 06/11/2010

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I would just like to point out that if people today have trouble controlling their temper dont be so quick to blame your parents because they smacked you, I'm afraid that if you cant controll your temper thats your problem not your parents. I was smacked all the time by my parents and have never wanted to hit someone just because I'm angry. No parents is perfect and if you dont like the way they raised you then raise your own kids differently, you can either blame them for the way you are or you can chose to be who you want to be.

Jessi - posted on 06/11/2010

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Discipline is completely different than abuse...abuse is done for no reason and to injure the child, discipline is done to set boundaries and to teach the child right and wrond. I do not agree with abuse but have no problem disciplining my child. I was "disciplined" as a child and come from an AMAZING family that loves and supports me in everything I do...that is not abuse. I use it as a last resort when talking, redirecting, etc does not work but am not afraid to use it when it comes to the safety of my child.

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ok if you hit your child and it leaves a bruse thats WAY to much force! and if you were hit like that when you were little thats called ABUSE! nothing should leave a mark or bruse that you can see hours later. i don't hit my child i give her taps on the butt to get her attention (when i'm changing her diaper and shes trying to grab her poop or try to roll over and fight it) or when she's acting up i tap her on the butt and put her in time out untill she learns to stay there and knows not to do that again..they are all testing us, its how we respond that is key to them behaving and not to throw fits.

Alicia - posted on 06/11/2010

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it is down 2 personal choice. You can blatently see the kids that are not disciplined. If a child knows if they do something wrong and there are consequences such as a smack they wouldnt do it because they know what would happen. I know if i didnt get smacked when i was younger i would of probably been a tearaway . i personally feel that kids need 2 learn from a young age that there are consequences for certain actions.

Ali Marie - posted on 06/11/2010

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^^I agree. Don't tell another parent how to discipline their own kids. Period

Brandy - posted on 06/11/2010

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different things work for different kids and all kids need a healthy fear of their paents: a fear of dissapointing them and a fear of consaquences if they don't fear you they won't fear anyone else and you will be the one with the bratty child that no one likes..it doesn't work for all kids I know but it does for some...didnt your mother ever tell you to never say never?

Katie - posted on 06/11/2010

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I compleatly agree not to hit( swat, smack, ect) I grew up getting spanked, swatted on the head, ect. Never anything abusive and the first though in my head when I get mad is getting physical with someone. How does it make sense to tell a child, "Don't hit" and then turn around and hit them? They learn that when someone does something wrong you simply hit them. 13 months is far to young for a child to understand why mommy or daddy just hurt them. I grew up with 3 brothers that were all disiplined with spanking. They constantly got in fist fights when they were teenagers because they learned to hit when they wanted to teach someone a lesson. My brother broke my other brothers nose going down the hwy at 60mph. My mom lost control of them when they turned into teeenagers because they knew she could not hit them anymore. Do you wonder why you feel the need to hit if you were hit as a child? I pledge not to hit a baby. And yes at 13 months your hitting a baby. Be the smarter and more evolved person by keeping dangerous things away from baby, explaining to children why we don't touch things after they learn to talk and express themselves. I have a 13 month old that loves to get into everything and yes pushes me to the limit sometimes but this is where the chain of hitting stops in my family.

Ineke - posted on 06/11/2010

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choosing not to hit your children does not mean they don't get discipline, i run a tight ship and my kids know when they do something wrong by the tone of my voice and through consequences for their behaviour. Not hitting your child doesn't mean they will grow up to be a menace to society or that they are rude or disrespectful. Some kids that get smacked lash out at other kids because its what they learn. Kids learn by example, its the very nature of parenting. It takes a lot to counter the message of hitting being ok in a child's mind, some parents do it, some can't.

Clara - posted on 06/10/2010

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Sometimes a little spank on the butt is what's needed to get their attention so that teaching can follow and they will pay attention to your words. Seriously, look at the the younger generations in the world today and tell me that they have respect! I just don't see it. The older generations however, that were spanked, not abused, is much more respectful of the earth and the people in it. I have no problem giving a spank or a little push back if my words are not sinking in. As my children's teacher in life, I do believe they need boundaries, they seem to understand actions more than words at this stage in life. To each their own.

Raelle - posted on 06/10/2010

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There is a big difference between hitting and smacking. I have 3 kids and the oldest 2 have had smacks. I know that every parent makes the decision on how to discipline their kids but please don't push your decision onto other people. I have family and friends who don't believe in smacking their kids and that is fine with me. I was smacked as a child (and a lot worse than my kids get!) and I am not a danger to society. My husband does not smack the kids and they listen to me more than him! Please don't preach or try to push your opinions on others.

Erin - posted on 06/10/2010

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If you never discipline your child then they will never know their boundaries and they will not know right from wrong. Hitting your child and hurting your child IS wrong. But spanking a child to let them know that you mean what you say, so that they do not get hurt is not wrong. No we are not to discipline in anger but with love and actually correcting them when they about to hurt themselves is guiding them and teaching them. You say they don't know better..well that is true for the most part but babies are smarter than you think. They may not be able to talk to you but they know when they are doing wrong. Just watch your child sometimes before they do something wrong and you will see them look to you to see if you are going to let them do it or not. Your child will actually love you more if you discipline them. My parents spanked me..never hit me and left bruises..that is where it is wrong ..and I loved them for giving me boundaries. Also hitting them on the hand does not teach them how to hit and if you are afraid of future violence then you will discipline them because study after study shows that children who aren't disciplined are more likely to have problems in school, with drugs and violent behaviors. Pray about it and let God lead you. Hope this was helpful to you.

Anna - posted on 06/10/2010

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Theres a difference between disciplining and abusing. No I don't think you should ever hit your child when you are mad. But a little swat on the butt when they are being disobedient is not going to make them grow up to be women or child abusers. I do believe some parents are out of control and just strike out when they are angry and frustrated and that is wrong. You have to learn to control yourself before you can teach your child to control himself.

Charmaine - posted on 06/09/2010

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your opinion is your opinion and people can do as they chose.. if they are making their child black and blue or are spanking for minor reasons then maybe they should try an alternative but once in a while i little tap on the ass wont hurt them especially if they could have seriously hurt them selves or another child in what they were doing without listening to u.



we dont need any more teenagers and older children running around talking back the their parents and running the house... I was spanked (only when i was super bad) and I turned out respectful to my parents and everyone around me and me and my siblings were the best kids in the rink (hockey rink)

Rachel - posted on 06/07/2010

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It's up to each parent to decide how to discipline their children and I don't think this is a topic in which there is one right way and one wrong way. Every child learns differently, but for most who are toddlers the best way to teach is through a little physical pain. This should always be done out of love and not anger. When my 13 month old does not obey after the first "NO", he either gets a swat on the hand, or put in "time-out". I make sure to not raise my voice or yell or slam doors. In the end I always give him a big hug and tell him how much I love him. I have no doubt that he knows I love him and would never hurt him out of spite or anger. So the pledge should be to never touch your child when you are angry...the best course of action when this does happen is just to step out of the room and calm down, then return and appropriately deal with your child.

Melanie - posted on 06/06/2010

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Trisha, Angela - Well said!!!
Personaly if my child is doing something dangerous I would rather smack her so she knows thats such a big no no and is less likely to do it again then if I just said no. If my child ever got hurt because all I kept saying was no please dont do that, I would never forgive myself.
I grew up in a strick house and all three of us were smacked. I look back at my childhood as a very happy one filled with love and kindness and security from both my parents. I have never been abused by my parents.
I can't belieive this topic has even been posted, it is all over circle of mums to not post contoversial topics such a smaking.

Angela - posted on 06/05/2010

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Wow!!! So im definately not taking this pledge. Why do you think our society is so messed up now. My husband and i were both spanked and we turned out to be great citzens in this crazy society we call the world. Yes the kids are trying to figure out what the boundries are when they cross that line after pushing so many times they need to figure out where we draw the line. Sometimes we need to do the action back and they figure out "oh that really hurts, so thats what that feels like. YES abuse is unacceptable but a smack on the butt, hand, or slight bite back dind't hurt my husband or I or the generations before us!

Trisha-Ann - posted on 06/05/2010

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"spare the rod spoil the child" read the bible lady! no it is not okay to abuse your childern but a little smack across the but or a tap on the wrist never hurt me.

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