I lost custody of my son at the age of one because I was military

Virginia - posted on 03/12/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )




I had over nine years of service with the military when I gave birth to my son. I paid all of the bills and financed everything in my name. Basically I was like the male but, I just gave birth.

While I was pregnant I had heard of his affairs and behavior but I chose to ignore the rumors because I had no proof and honestly I did not want to deal with if they could possibly be true. Unfortunately when the women began to approach me with details and confirmations I could no longer turn the blind eye. After the pregnancy I was 70 pounds overweight, depressed and hurt. It only got worse after I had my son and because I was in the Army I had to go back to work less than 42 days from giving birth.

When I filed for the divorce less than one year from giving birth I was uncertain of what was before me. Although I had worried about my weight during the 3-4 months of filing the divorce the weight left me immediately. Every one was concerned and I have no close family and friends for while I was married I never went out or had friends unless they were mutual friend of his.

I became promotable the same Spring and got called upon to attend career advance schooling and out of the embarrassment and want to leave I took the option. Although when I petitioned the court to take our one year old son I was denied and given only one week of visitation per month. I also took a deal that I would take all martial debt in agreement that he could not go after my military retirement. Little did I know that he was not entitled to it.

Upon the final court hearing I lost primary custody of Jackson. Although since the ruling I have called 3xs a week as allowed in the court order, sent monthly care packages CERTIFIED MAIL, paid $1048 a month in child support to include providing medical benefits and diligently attempt to co-parent. I have been denied visitation, equal access and communication with Jackson. Although I did not deploy in 2011 I only saw Jackson 45 days and I paid for 75% of travel from Texas/Virginia.

Emotionally and mentally exhausted does not even touch how I feel. I think the best want to say it is I am numb. I do not want or care for understanding but to carry a child for 10 months and have it take from you is ....

I am now out of the Army and seeking unemployment. I need to find myself and some sanity. I know that I have to let go, stop calling 3 times a week only to be denied, given tons of excuses or ignored and try to move on with my life because I doubt Jackson knows how much I have fought, tried or attempted to be apart of his life; nor does he care. I just pray that he knows that I will always love him.


View replies by

Angela - posted on 09/19/2013




I am so sorry to hear this. I also have lost main custody of my sons because I was deployable and they said it wasn't a "stable" enough environment because i was deployable. But not because of drugs or alcohol or abuse. Because i chose to serve my country and now i am paying the worst price a mom could pay. My sons dads gang up on me and treat me horrible. They have two diff dads and they both treat me bad and dont let me get to see the boys when I am supposed to. The worst thing is my baby daughter with my new husband misses her bubbies and doesnt understand y they leave. Just know that you are not alone. There are more of us out there than u think.

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012




File a new petition to get modification of custody legally the court probably erred in changing custody according to the law here ( not sure in your state) a pperosn must be given custody back that they had after military service. If the district court denies your petition to get custody of your own son or at least 50% custody file a for Certiorari (an appeal to the appellate court) if that doesn't work file for Cert. in the supreme court. The father should be ashamed of himself.

Cari - posted on 05/16/2012




I will be praying. I cannot beleive how you have been treated! Are you able to seek legal advice? can you fight this anymore?

I am so disgusted that the father treated you like this and even more disgusted that the army and the legal system allowed this to happen to you!

User - posted on 04/28/2012




I also lost custody of my Autistic 5 year old son. Like you, I never did anything wrong. It's been 13 months since I was forced to hand my son over. Please contact me at monicapeters30@gmail.com

God bless you and your precious child.


Nicole - posted on 03/22/2012




Document everything. Print off phone records showing that you've called. Get back on your feet and get a lawyer. Custody is never a pretty thing..believe me I know. My ex filed an emergency custody order and showed up at my house one night at 930 with the cops to take her away. Fortunately some paperwork wasnt filed correctly and so he couldnt get her. It costed me over $7000 to get everything back to normal. Don't give up. If you want to be apart of his life then its going to take a lot of time, money and patience. The court probably wont give you primary custody but they can't take all your rights away from you unless you're a drug user (and only if they can prove you use drugs while you have your child or have lots of charges) or something equally bad. If you really want this you HAVE to keep trying. Like I said get back on your feet get your life together and get a lawyer document everything!

Louise - posted on 03/12/2012




You seem to of been treated terribly! I know in England the mother is always (nearly) given custody of their child unless there is signs of abuse or neglect. The fact that you have lost your child because of your job sucks!!

Is there no free help from the army to help you gain access at least to your son (as it is there fault). Is there no charitable orgainisation that can mediate for you? This seems so unfair.

I would not give up calling for your son. In fact I would write to him because at his age he can read. Just let him know you are still around for him. I just cant get my head around your situation, really is there nobody there that is willing to help you. You fought for your country and they reward you like this. Wow.

Good luck. I hope the future brings happier times for you and your son.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms