What are your thoughts on spanking?

[deleted account] ( 678 moms have responded )

I'm just wondering what the general thought is on this. You hear so many issues on it, what do you think about it with your kids? When do you start it, why, and what for? If you don't do it, why not?

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Joe - posted on 06/01/2015

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Hi moms, I am a boy of 14 and I have done a lot of bad stuff and I really need a spanking to set me straight. Every day instead of doing my homework I watch porn. I need moms who believe in spankings to tell me the spanking I should get. For example, how many smacks, fully naked or in pants, that sort of thing. Tell me your email address and I will email you a video of my spanking that I will give myself according to what you deem fit. If the spanking is not satisfactory then I will give myself another one as you see fit. Please respond with a

Nichole - posted on 02/03/2010

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Spanking is not a very effective form of discipline. It IS abuse. There are plenty of studies that show spanking when they are little makes a child more aggressive when they are bigger.



It's not effective and is essentially the parent losing control and taking it out on their child. You are teaching your child to FEAR you, is that what you want? You are also teaching them to not trust you.



Typically children act out when they need MORE attention from their parents. Time IN is better than time OUT. If you spend more quality time interacting with your children you are likely to see a positive behavior change and your child will likely stop seeking out negative reinforcements. Remember, any attention is attention... good or bad.

Shayna - posted on 01/28/2010

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We do spank. When she does not listen or throws a temper tantrum she is first talked to and time out. If she repeatedly does it she is then spanked once. Open handed on the butt. Our theroy is if we need to spank her more than once at a time then we are too angry and need to put her somewhere safe and us go to another room to cool off for a moment. She was about 1-1/2 maybe older when we started. When in public we stop what were doing and take her to the bathroom. Because I had a lady come up to me one day in Walmart and tell me that spanking my child was child abuse and she was going to report me so I gave her my full name, my daughters name and my address and told her to do so. She never reported. I think it is your choice as a parent and only you can make that decision for you and your child. But if you ever feel it is getting out of hand you need to speak up or take a moment to see why it is getting out of hand and reevaluate if spanking is right or wrong for your situation.

Misty - posted on 01/29/2010

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we spank, usually for not listening after being told several times, or when they do something they can get really hurt by, like running out in the street, or such dangerous behavior. or if they talk back or swear, they get their teeth brushed with soap, usually i try to relate the discipline tactic with the bahavior.

[deleted account]

Hi, my name is Katie and I'm 14. I know this board is for moms raising kids, but I read some of these and I wanted to post. I know moms argue a lot about if spanking is good or not and I think most of the time it gets a bad reputation. I feel like if you could hear from a kid who is happy she's been spanked, maybe you'll see my point.

My mom has been a single mom for many years, so obviously, from a young age I had to step up. I've been having to do chores from a young age, and I got spankings anytime I didn't do them on time. I didn't like it at first, but I learned very fast and I always cleaned my room up on time. I would go over to houses of other friends and see their messy rooms and wonder why they weren't clean like mine. I don't think my room has been a mess since I was about 3, and it's thanks to my mom spanking me.

When I was little I would be spanked with a switch that my mom kept on the fireplace in the living room where I could see it, so everytime I saw it, I would remember. It's still there today. I don't usually get switched anymore, but on the first day of every month I still get a spanking on my bare butt as a "reminder". It's no big deal to me, really, because I know it's coming and I know it's for my own good. Everytime my reminder spanking comes around, I go right to my mom, take off my jeans and panties, and then I brace myself. Yes, it does still hurt, but it's supposed to, it helps remind me!

You might be wondering how many it took to convince me of this, but honestly, other than my reminder spankings, I've only been switched a few times since I've been 10 because I'm starting to learn how to act.

The last few times I was switched were once when I was 11 and again when I was 12.
When I was 11, I thouht it was unfair that I had to do my own laundry when most of my other friends didn't, so I just stopped doing it. My mom gave me one warning to have my laundry done by the next day, and I didn't listen. When I got up the next morning, my mom sat me down over her knee, took out the switch, and gave me a super hard spanking. It hurt A LOT. At first I felt really upset, but after it was over, I realized that I had earned it! I was acting like a spoiled brat when I should have been thankful that my mom makes me do my own laundry! Even thiking about it now, I'm shocked that I didn't just do it. That spanking helped me to learn that.

When I was 12, I was still in this stage of not wanting to listen and my grades started to suffer. I brought home a report card that had mostly C's on it. I knew what was coming. I brought it to my mom immideatly and took my jeans off. I was right too. She switched me just as hard that time. Did it hurt? yes. Did it leave marks? small ones. Do I think it was abuse? NO! Because guess what happened? It helped me to think about what I did and the next term, I had all A's!

I know how I need to act and what I need to do, but sometimes, like all kids, I need to be reminded. I'm not perfect, I know that, and that's why I'm always trying to do better. So that's why I think it's ok that my mom spanks me, because it honestly helps me do better and I'm glad. A few weeks ago, I got a spanking out of the routine of my reminder spanking because I forgot to do the dishes the night before. The reason I hadn't done them was because I was too busy doing my own thing and forgot about them! After my mom spanked me for that, I thanked her right afterwards because it really was a big help! Now I'm a lot more thoughtful about what might be in the sink and getting the dishes done.

So do you see what I'm saying? Spankings are good for me, and they can be good for your kids too. You don't have to spank if you don't want to, but they help me out a lot and I'm glad my mom gives them to me. The first of the month is coming up and I'm thinking about what I need to improve in, and I know my reminder spanking will help me out too. So just keep that in mind that some of us teens are thankful and happy that our parents spank us. :)

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Helen - posted on 08/15/2017

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I honestly do think that you should be able to spank your children. Keep it on the buttocks or the palms, and don't do it repetitively, all the time. When I was little, I got paddled with a hairbrush, bare bottom. I learned my lesson! Then again, children nowadays can report you, and many people think it is wrong. I think there is discipline, then there is abuse. Giving a 7-year-old a few swats on the hand or buttocks with a wooden spoon because she pushed her little sister, for example, is discipline. Smacking a 14-year-old in the head because she cries over, say, a breakup, or being yelled at, is abuse. I'd say give the kid a couple warnings (warn them that they'll be punished), a couple minutes (give them a few minutes to think and hopefully reform) and then a couple swats.

I've only spanked with my open hand, but two or three swats with a light instrument, is, in my eyes, okay. A light instrument is something like a slipper, or a light cane, or a small hairbrush. Not something ridiculous, like a belt or whip or something else utterly horrible.

The object of spanking is to discipline/punish a kid, by showing them disapproval through moderate pain. Not to torture your kids, and not to leave scars and bruises. Spanking doesn't always work. If your kid continues to misbehave after a spanking or two, then it's clear this method is not for them. Don't increase the level of pain or the amount of swats; there are other ways, and the one you use clearly doesn't work.

So yes, I think spanking is okay, but only if it's SPANKING, not WHIPPING (or other things).

Mira - posted on 07/09/2016

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SPANKING SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!!!!!

It is a HORRIBLE way to "punish" children, especially when there's alternatives! How would you feel if your husband/wife were to start doing it to you? That's sexual assault! So, it's okay if we do it to CHILDREN, though?!

I have a younger cousin, whose parents used to spank him with a wooden spoon, and put soap in his mouth. He grew up with depression, anxiety, and never goes to parties or anything. He doesn't even go to the f**king supermarket because he's now afraid of people....and he's 24! I think that this is a coincidence, considering the fact that as a kid, he was naturally social! In fact, that cousin of mine never even deserved punishment—his older brother was just a b**ch and blamed him for everything. And now, my poor, lonely, sad little cousin is just.....like this.

Spanking doesn't teach kids to listen to parents. It teaches them to FEAR parents.
Spanking doesn't teach kids to do good in school. It teaches them that no matter how hard they try, 100% is not good enough, either.
Spsnking doesn't teach kids to follow directions. It teaches them to run from the person giving them the directions.

So basically, you're taking this kid's childhood, and twisting it into some spiral of fear and loneliness.

The very thing that you punish them for, is going to get worse, because of you.

Coleen Anota - posted on 03/16/2016

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I think everyone is just whining. Go back 30 years. Everyone was spanked then! My mother gave me one more chance to fix my mistake if I was misbehaving (cussing, or if I hit my little brother), and then she'd pull me over her lap and spank. I turned out FINE. I got spanked plenty as a kid, and look at me now. Masters degree, the mother of a straight-A son, and no "mental disturbances" or anything. Sure, there are MUCH better alternatives than spanking, but, if all else fails, a few slaps on the kid's buttocks will get the job done.

TGR - posted on 12/25/2015

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But HOW did you go about it? The physical pain is easily gotten over, but the mental scars last. The act is meant to humiliate. These are your babies! This sounds like something that happens in places like Iran or Afghanistan. This is 2015. Spanking an adult outside the consensual realm of a sexual relationship has no place in this country.

TGR - posted on 12/25/2015

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Spanking is criminal. It's assault and a last resort for people who need to feel "in control". I was 15 was the last time I stood for it. Let me preface by saying that I was a good child. Never drank or did drugs, didn't stay out late. My parent felt like I needed an "attitude adjustment", they went about dealing with it but having me strip off my pants and boxers and whipping me on my behind and legs with. Thick raw hide leather strap. I've never been so angry, and literally hurt to my soul. The fact that they wanted to humiliate me. These people are supposed to love me. I had welts, bruising, I refused to scream or cry. I swallowed the rage. But I swore to myself that it would never allow it again. About a year later my father tried to spank me again in the same manner, and that moment changed our relationship. I looked him in the eye and I told him that would never bare my own backside, expose my genitals, and submit to being spanked like a child. Furthermore I told him if he wanted to hit me, it would never again be with a belt. I said to face "I'm gonna make you put your hands like a MAN. You want beat up your 16 year old son? Let's get to it. I won't even punch you back." But I was going to make him put his hands on me like a man. And I wouldn't even fight him back. Of course he'd never bee spoken to like that by one of his sons. He lost it . He threw me into a rusty ladder, slammed me into a wall. I didn't throw on punch. I didn't retaliate. I looked at him, almost with tears in my eyes, not from the pain but over the fact that my father who I loved needed to feel dominant over me to the point of assaulting me. I was small for me age and I knew I wouldn't win a fight with him, but I've never felt more proud of myself for drawing a line in the sand. He threw me into the headboard of his bed, it nearly knocked me out. My 3 brothers and my mother watched the whole thing and didn't intervene. But the moment of truth came he went for his belt, grabbed my wrist so hard that he bruised it and attempted to spank me again. As he swung the belt back, I called on all of the strength I had in my little body and grabbed the belt and threw it across the room. I remember staring him dead in his eyes, with so much near hatred in my eyes. I simply said "Not today. Do you feel like a man? You're going to need to finish like a man. You're gonna need to hit me with a fist. Do it!" And sat up and put my face right there for him to punch. He cocked his fist back, but he couldn't do. Finally, my mother acted like a mother for the first time all day said "No". She took him out of the room. But did she check me out to help me stop bleeding? Did she look me over to look at the bruising on my arms and knees? No. She loves that man so much. I'm supposed to be her baby. She was supposed to protect me and she did the absolute minimum. And she didn't protect me. She supported him. Yes they have a rock solid relationship but she was my mother. My relationship with both of them was lost for about 10 years after that. I hated both of them for a long time. It'll never be fixed completely. After that he got even cocker around me. It made me lift weights, get stronger, take up boxing. Unfortunately we did have some confrontation and we get physical a few times. I'm proud to say that I may cursed him out and let him know that anytime he touched me he was flirting with getting knocked in his own house but I've never thrown a punch at him. But I'm still kinda heart broken even 17 years later we've worked on our issues. Because of his mental make up he can't apologize to me specifically for what he's done. He can't come out and say "I went too far. I hurt my own child physically and mentally and he didn't deserve that." I wasn't a kid who was bad by any stretch. My grades were good, I got into every college I applied to. I never been suspended, arrested, a drug user. I never was a party person. I was never out of hand as a teen. I was home by 5pm everyday. I answered my parents "Yes dad. No dad. Yes mom, no mom." I was the oldest and set a good example for my little brothers. I loved everyone with everything I had in me. But I was undersized, I was picked on for it, but I got threw it. I didn't do things that warranted be spanked in an humiliating fashion. My dad knew what I was dealing with and instead of being the safe haven I hoped he would be...he played on those insecurities. Being forced to strip naked and take a sound spanking in front of my whole family was so mean and mentally humiliating to the point I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. That's mental abuse. My mother was supposed to love me, and protect me even from the man loves so much. She let it happen. They want forgiveness now. I don't know that things will ever be what they could have been. If I'd been a really bad kid, and gotten arrested or gotten DUIs or cheated in school. Or truly been out of control and deserving, then I would have accepted the spankings. But I didn't deserve it. Parents I'd urge not to spank your children. At least not past a certain age. It's a level of humiliation that mental scars. Doing it in front of people is wrong. I honestly believe that it's criminal. It's assault. Don't do it, is proving your point or or asserting your dominance worth losing you child over? Our criminal justice system doesn't even employ corporal punishment. Your children may end up hating you that's real. And, do want your child be in the type of mental pain that I'm in right now? Is it worth it?

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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Your example of when to spank says a lot about you. You would spank your child to teach a lesson alright. You are using running in to traffic as a justified reason to spank? You are spanking your child for being unaware, impulsive, or just plain stupid. It is abuse to spank a child for being stupid. If you were to spank a child for running in to traffic then it is because they worried you and you decided to act on your impulse,but not for any real purpose.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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Kristal you are an idiot. If the spanking doesn't hurt then the child will brush it off and not take you or your "discipline" serious. If your spanking did hurt then how do you know when it hurt too much? Because you are not very bright, I will explain. It is not the spanking that worked, it is the conversation afterward that worked. When you sit with someone and speak to them respectfully and explain they are more likely to want to reciprocate and make you proud of them by fulfilling your request. If you try to take their liberties they will surely regret you and rebel. It is the level of involvement that counts not the mindless spankings. Speaking firmly to a young child will have an equally effective result when punishing than spanking does minus the uselessness, dumbass. People love to earn respect. People do not want to be bullied by anyone for anything.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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You are simply justifying your violent acts. Crimes and violence is down not up. Anyone who has been beaten as a child knows that it was bullshit. Most people spank their kids because they want authority and control over them, not because they want them to grow and be happy. Most people that are in high positions in the world were not beaten or taught how to take orders. The elite people of the world were taught how to give orders. You idiots who justify spankings are teaching your children how to be weak, submissive, and how to fall in line and follow the orders of people who were wrongly awarded imaginary authority over the masses. Teach your children how to coincide with other people. Do not teach your children how to follow someone else's direction.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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Robbyn, I have been reading your posts and you are full of common sense. Who are these moronic people who believe that their children appreciated being physically punished. It is a humiliating, self empowerment draining, liberty stealing act, to have someone literally allow you to strike them for doing something you did not approve of.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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Black people in the projects constantly hit their kids. Black people in the projects swear by physical confrontation as a means of resolve with everything. The majority of black people from the projects become violent drug addicts that never achieve anything. Even if the parents do not use physical punishment, the people who live there do hit each other as a way to punish one another for what they believe was wrongly done to them. Physical punishment is not a loving gesture. Physical punishment is primarily and only a defense mechanism. You are indirectly teaching your children to not defend them self when someone they perceive to be of authority over them reprimands them violently. I deliver food to different projects around pittsburgh and many of these people that inhabit these places are antisocial and attempt to use violence, or threats of violence, to get their way.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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I don't think you sound like a nice person at all. Violence is violence and you are teaching violence as a means to an end. There are times that strangers need to intervene because you are wrapped up in your self-righteousness, and lame self empowerment. There is a difference between spankings and beatings but the people who understand the difference does not use either because they realize that that it's effectiveness is majorly flawed. Your child is not your possession. Your child is a free human spirit who was conceived simply out of one of your passionate nights. Children are not put here for you to control and mold in to whatever you see fit and by any means you dean necessary. You are here to guide your child through life and how to think for them-self.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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These women talk about using canes, leather straps and making "spankings" more harsh for something other than disobedience. These people hide behind the word spanking because they don't want to sound abusive. You must not read the posts.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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You are not tough or cool. You are a cold hearted cunt. Your children will never stand up to any type of opposition in their adult lives because you are maliciously teaching them to be weak, timid, and to accept physical abuse because someone else does not approve of their behavior. Basically you are raising a soon to be loser. Don't worry, they will depend on your tit for the rest of your life. That is what you want is it not, helpless people being afraid of you righteous authority? They will probably either never speak to you again or become antisocial weaklings who live in your basement forever.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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Your children are bigger than you now and will soon challenge you. I hope that they kick your ass royally. Maybe they will allow you to choose between getting punched in the face and the stomach. Normal people realize that hitting their kid dumbs them down and crazy people discuss how they abuse their kid and which methods on forums.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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After reading your post a second time, I realize that you are a mean cunt. I am sure your children do not respect you, like you, and once the fear wears off will get even with you. You are raising your child to be dysfunctional and will probably have life long self esteem and trust issues.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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You give them the slipper? What are they rodents? Physical punishment is for people with superiority complex. When you are older and they are taking care of you and you break their rules I hope that they give you the cane, slipper, leather strap.

Jason - posted on 02/21/2014

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You are abusing your child. You use your leather strap and keep going, and make installments. You are just a person with an inferiority complex. A conversation with removal of fun activities will more than get the point across. Your child will kick your ass someday soon.

Terrihamet - posted on 11/04/2013

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Spanking is child abuse plain and simple. Adults are bigger and stronger than children. It is anger taken out on children...it is wrong to beat a child!

Ebere - posted on 09/22/2013

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If you spank when they are little, it'll be a lot easier controlling them when they are teeneagers

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2013

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I am going to have to start doing a 3 step discipline with my kids cause they are beyond my control. 1 minute in time out per age, one swat on bare bottom over knee per age (they are 3 and 5) and then a creative discipline I found some nice ones on focusonfamily.com and once I gain control of my children back I will slowly eliminate/decreese the punishment until I feel he still learns his lesson. My kids are pretty bad right now to where swats over the pants don't do anything. and I heard ppl saying that spank kids behave better and that kids who aren't spank are unruly. just gonna let everyone know that I have met some very disrespectful brats that it is hard for me to be around, act up all the time ad they are spank and I have met some very well behaved children that are not spank.

Ashley - posted on 01/26/2013

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Sad to say but yup.. i did Spank my Daughter.She just didnt listen to me after many,many times of repeating my self..like as if i was talking to a brick wall. I did,and still do feel Guilty about it..But im sure she will forgive me..and i was also spanked and slapped across the face when i was little, about her age.and Im okay,im not a Psycho path..I love both of my children.IM a single Mother of two Beautiful Children.Dont regret ever having them.., But I do regret everyday of having them with there Dad..( Which he donest even have the time to call them or even drive 500km to see them)
But im looking for so idea's on how to say" Im sorry " and try to different things with both of them to show them that I do Love them and Im trying to make it up to them..that im not perfect.And ill do what ever it takes to Make it up to the both of them

Lois - posted on 01/26/2013

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I like your post. Thank you for sharing your journey.

I agree that a parent should NEVER spank out of anger or frustration or mood.

That would dreadful and vengeful. That would contradict the concept of disciplining the child in love.

If parents choose to spank, it should be in love, controlled and specific. It should include a clear explanation of the offense and then a statement of the punishment. It may include an apology from the child and a prayer if applicable. Then reassurance of love and kindness/ commitment shown by parent.

My dad talked for a while before I ever got a spanking. Actually it was a loooong while. It was clear he also dreaded the event and wanted me to learn my lesson. He would cool off first after mom told him what I did. Then come to start the discipline process.

User - posted on 01/26/2013

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Amber,

If your child trusts you and you have a secure relationship (i.e. your child doesn't have to worry about you hitting them), then actually showing alarm and talking to them is the most effective way to stop that behavior. Research shows that spanking works no better than saying "no, no" and it is harmful in ways that talking to them and expressing your fear and concern is not.

Do you want me to bend you over my knee and pull your panties down and hit your bottom? Can't you see how disrespectful and gross this behavior is? Your children are human beings just like you and they deserve the same respect.

Hitting your child may relieve your feelings of upset, but the risk to your relationship with them, and the risk for damaging negative outcomes later on is much too great. There are better more effective ways. Your methods were popular in our parents generation, but if you believe in science, if you believe smoking is bad for you, if you believe that carseats are important, then you have to consider the science.

http://stopspanking.org/2012/12/05/what-...

I think it is important to question your beliefs and be open to learning.

Amber - posted on 01/26/2013

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I think spanking is effective, if only used when your child is put at risk / Danger.

Lets say you went in the kitchen to do the washing up, and then walked into the other room for 2 minutes and then came back into the kitchen and saw your child holding a sharp knife in their hands.
Sharp knifes are dangerous what would happen if your child accidentaly slips with the knife or drops the knife and falls on it??

That is SO dangerous, In my books, That would be an instant spanking. Upstairs in my bedroom, explain why they are getting spanked. Bend your child over your knee, pull down their panties and spank their bottom about 5 times if they are under 8 years. About 10 spanks if they are under 13.

I don't agree with spanking but if its something dangerous, a spank is most effective.

If its only a small isue, ... Take away their toys, Give them time outs (Naughty step, Naughty Chair, Naughty Corner, Naughty Room).

Julie - posted on 01/11/2013

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I found spanking to be an old school approach and not effective with teaching any long term lessons in life. I decided physical pain for emotional behavior was not a solution either. It then became an oxy-moron when you are going to spank your kid for hitting his brother?
Bottom line for me, our hand are made for hugging not hitting our kids.
My 10 year old said it best, "The only thing spanking teaches kids, is how to spank there kids when they grow up."

Barbara - posted on 01/08/2013

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I agree, Samantha. Small children are learning everyday and as parents it is our job to teach them acceptable behaviors. I can't get how spanking a child reinforces these lessons.

Samantha - posted on 01/07/2013

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Yet again we are brought here-

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/spankin...

Can anyone tell me one good reason, honestly, how spanking can be phsychologically beneficial? I hear time and time again studies proving to have adverse affects on children's well-being. It is sad that such a high percent of children are suffering from the affects of being spanked. How many children being harmed emotionally will it take to get through to people that this form of punishment is not the answer? Is it honestly worth the gamble? What is wrong with consistency with redirection and time-outs? No one ever said child rearing would be easy, and consistency is the key and you might just have to put that child in time-out 101 times before they get it. Whats wrong with talking it out and helping them understand, listening to them? This is my last post in this room. Good day all and good luck with your little ones because we only have them for a short time and then they are on their own.

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2013

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I don't like to spank often, but there is a time for it. If time outs aren't getting the point across I'll take it a step further or in dangerous situations it's my first reaction. I started spanking my son when he was old enough to know what he was doing was wrong. He was probably at least 1 1/2, but I'm not quite sure. I don't use it at a first for most things, but it's another type of punishment that can be affective if not abused.

Lucy - posted on 01/06/2013

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I believe discipline is important, but I don't think spanking is necessary. Right now, I have a toddler, so we're doing time outs. It is exhausting, but it is working.

I was spanked as a child, and I do not agree with it. And I'm not going to say that spanking in and of itself is abuse, but there is a very fine line you can cross where it gets out of hand. I have awful memories of corporal punishment. I believe it had a very negative affect on me, and I don't think it is effective. How do you tell a young child not to do something like hitting, but then hit them? I'm just not going to do that to my child. I don't even like raising my voice. I don't want to model aggressive behavior and teach my child that it is okay to act that way.

As he gets old, if he does something wrong, I plan on taking away privileges and putting him under restrictive (grounding).

Barbara - posted on 01/03/2013

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I think you are on exactly the right track here! Let him know he can have a swim at the beach with you as a special reward for following your rules, easy simple rules like 'ask mommy first' about things that you give priority to. Spankings really provoke feelings of inadequacy and resentment in children this age, who think spontaneously and react to those thoughts without processing like a much older child would do. Great work for finding the positive out of this.

Angela - posted on 01/02/2013

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DaisyLea,
Your son shows an interest in water! If you and daddy have time, take him for a swim teach him how to swim. All three of you would enjoy it but please keep it as a fun game for him. Before you go make rules for him how to swim in the water. If he is outside playing and especially where he could get to the beach, it's a great idea to be out there with him.

The way you described how his father spanked him is how my mother use to take a belt, paddle or switch to our bare skin. My mother didn't call this a spanking, she would say beating.

I like that you did some research and changed to the rewards charts! Give it some time it will work.

Tammie - posted on 01/02/2013

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I think some of these issues are getting crossed. 1. Who in their right mind would spank a toddler as some would an older child. A small pat on the hand or diaper is sufficient. Most importantly, get down to their level and say no, not nice; whatever words are effective. 2. Spanking a toddler or infant with very much force could cause brain damage. 3. Issue of time-out has not caused injury unless your violent and your holding the child too harshly. 4. I advise any parent if the child is getting on their nerves to that severity; a couple of hours in day care or a babysitter.and find someone to talk to.

DaisyLea - posted on 01/01/2013

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I used to be against spanking. Until my son turned 3! Just a light smack on the bum as the extreme consequence of naughty behaviour after timeout didn't work, which wasn't really that often because he didn't like it much. But as has just turned 4 and can be a challenging child sometimes and today he was the naughtiest he had ever been- He went across the road to the beach without asking, for a swim (he can't really swim yet). You can imagine how scared and angry I was!
He was playing with his friends next door which I permitted because I can see and hear him at all times, but then he was quiet for 5 minutes so his Dad went looking for him and found him walking back across the road wet. He was happy he had been for a swim! He didn't get the message the day before when he walked to the beach by himself for the 1st time ever with his 8 yr old friend and her 4 yr old sister, that he was not allowed to go across the road let alone near the water without Mum or Dad- even though he was spanked a put in timeout for 5 mins and not allowed to play with the neighbours for the rest of the day. which was the worst punishment really because ever since the family of 5 kids moved in a couple of weeks ago, he ALWAYS wants to play with them.
Well today I was so angry and scared he got a real spanking from his Dad- 3 real smacks, not the hidings we used to get from our parents, but that smack on a bare bum that is loud and humiliating and a little bit painful. He also went to timeout and couldn't come out until he could tell us what he did wrong.
But I went through all that yesterday and thought he understood only to go through worse today- like he wasn't even listening or paying any attention to what we had to say yesterday, even though he had apologised and made us think he understood that going by himself was extremely naughty because he could get hurt, and he went and did it again today.
So after he went for a nap, I went through a lil mum-breakdown-moment, where I over analyse the situation and think Im a bad mum and realised I needed to research how to change these behaviours. And I realised that it was time to stop spanking, it is no longer effective, so I have made up reward charts and when he wakes up, we will begin a positive way to discipline him that encourages him to be independant and control his naughty behaviour.
Wish me Luck!

Samantha - posted on 01/01/2013

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I will be honest, it really ticks me when people try to use the bible as an excuse for hitting their children •Hosea 13:16 "they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with children shall be ripped up." Wake up people! I am a christian and KNOW that the bible is full of metaphors and people try to pick and chose what to believe. The 'rod' (yes I read all verses) could mean a form of discipline, because I choose to believe it in that context. So before condoning hitting your child as part of a religion you should really think about why YOU really want to hit your child. You are angry and see it as relief on your end, why else cause your baby harm? Make them feel pain from your hand, spoon, belt? Get real! It is teaching them nothing! Stop defending it , there is too much research from prominent well informed health organizations advising against it and talking about how detrimental it can be. I really wish the USA would outlaw it, they outlaw physical harrassment and adults from hitting one another, why is it okay to hit a child? It's harassment. I am so sick of hearing the bull crap people try to use as an excuse, it hurts me to watch a parent smack their child, see the pain, humiliation, and anger in the LO. It is so outdated and a form of bullying.There are many other non-corporal punishments that are proven effective if executed correctly and consistently. i have three boys, all very different personalities, and no I do not lay a hand on them, I talk to them and issue punishments and no I dont look like a pathetic helpless mommy in the grocery store when my children misbehave. I am not perfect, but I sure as heck would not lay a hand on my child to send a healthy message. My ranting is officially done. Good day :)

Miriam - posted on 01/01/2013

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I have never needed physical punishment to "drive home the message". I have strong willed kids both of whom have special needs. They can be the most difficult kids on the planet if you're not careful. Guess what, my son is nearly 16 and my daughter will soon be 13 (both have birthdays in February) and here's what I hear from their teachers and other people who work with them, "They are kind, empathetic, caring and very very smart. They work very hard to do things that are easy for other kids and keep on trying and keep on going despite their difficulties. I don't mean to say that they never have behavior issues. Their behavior issues are often bigger than other children's behavior issues. We overcome one issue and another one happens and we keep on working and I can see progress and change and growth and once we're past a problem it's done. My kids KNOW I want to help them. They trust me and know that even if I'm enforcing a rule with some consequences I still love them. So whatever other people want to do, it's really none of my business, but I think that if I can teach my kids the appropriate behavior despite all their difficulties I am quite sure anyone can do it.

User - posted on 01/01/2013

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Spanking toddlers is the most dangerous time to hit a child. It damages the brain. Ladies, you might be interested in Alfie Kohn's work. "Unconditional Parenting, moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason."

http://www.alfiekohn.org/index.php

Shannon - posted on 12/31/2012

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I spank my kids for harming others, or for doing something they could get hurt doing. Time out and talking works in a lot of situations, but spanking really drives home that something is over the top unacceptable.

Angela - posted on 12/31/2012

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I was raised thinking spankings are ok and that's how you discipline your child. That has quickly changed with a child who has Autisum and a two year old. I spanked my daughter at a year old and found out that she had Autisum thereafter and I felt so bad. Also my two year old son I would spank him for being disobedient or defiant, a least I thought. He would go and pull all the toys out in his room and wouldn't clean up, as well as daycare. I would tell him time after time to go clean up and he would cry. I thought at two you should know how to clean your toys up. So the daycare set up a time for a behavior specialist to observe him. The specialist found that it was a stage that he has to overcome. Specialist also mention he may be a child that reaches a stage that there may be a struggle for him. He however had troubles with teething, cleaning up, and keeping his shoes on at daycare. I would spank him for some of the same things at home. Which these things are developmental for two year old.

So now it's take things away, count 1,2,3 and timeout for the two year old. Taking things away form my daughter, since she is too old for timeout. As a parent I feel it's our responsibility to teach our child(ren) because they are not born into the world knowing how it works. I feel better as a parent to explain why not to my children. When he finds interest in something I try to explain what it is, what it's use for and why he can't play with it if I can.

I think parents spank their children when They are frustrated, angry or in a bad mood. What parent spanks in a good mood? If this is your form of discipline it is your choice as a parent but NOTE you can be charged with child abuse if there is proof on a child's body!!!!

Christine Elizabeth - posted on 12/30/2012

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I just started butt spakings till she was 2, I only use them till nothing else works and I am careful not to spak her when I am upset in any way possible.

Silvana - posted on 12/30/2012

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Started the hitting of the hand then she hit me back so ive been using timeouts since then

Tammie - posted on 12/29/2012

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I do spank but not on a daily basis it it mostly on the circumstance if he shows disrespect toward an adult or rude toward another child. I think it it more effective to ground, take away their certain cartoon, favorite game,no outside.or their favorite toy. Time out is very effective for children 6 and under.

[deleted account]

I never spanked my children. Time out was about it. Just don't believe in spanking or hitting a child. I feel it shows the adult is not in control, Worked for me....my kids are grown.

User - posted on 12/28/2012

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Lois,

I read your article, and also see a reference to Dr. Dobson who is extremely outdated as far as the research is concerned. His advice is not respected by the peer review process of the psychological community. All major child development and medical associations warn against spanking.

There is quite a bit a research to show that spanking is extremely common in the African American community. A friend of mine who works in Harlem with African-American parents tells me that it is an epidemic. She has devoted her life's work to helping families. She is amazing. Her name is Asadah Kirkland and she wrote a book, "Beating Black Kids" that I encourage you to read and share with people you know. http://www.beatingblackkids.com/

This is one of those issues where I think you just have to respect the research that has come out in the past 10 years. We know more about the child's brain and the effects of violent forms of discipline than our own mothers knew. We need to raise our skills and stop hitting our children. We have an obligation to our kids to learn and grow as parents. If you avoid smoking around your children, if you make them wear helmets, and put them in car seats, then you are responding to SCIENCE. The current science on spanking (of any kind) is it has significant negative long term risks and you should never do it. If you continue to do it, you are being stubborn and foolish at the price of your child.

Check out what the researchers have to say about spanking. Educate yourself and help your children be more successful, loving, and capable than our generation! http://stopspanking.org/2012/12/05/what-...

Cecilia - posted on 12/24/2012

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So you know in some states, such as New York, it isn't legal to spank with anything but your hand. So before you pull out a belt or a paddle you might want to check the laws.

Lois - posted on 12/23/2012

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I actually wrote an article about this for a friend who had young children. My dad spanked me as I grew up but there were methods. He heard the grim news of my latest antics from my mom. I was a good kid but I had a few turbulent years in there that were a challenge to say the least.
First dad would take a loooong time to come after talking to mom. He later told me that it was his cool down time. He did not spank me in anger.

Then, he gave loooooooooooooooooooooooog speeches. Discussing with me something about my behavior. I could not tell you anything except they seemed to take forever.

Then a spanking with a belt.

Then it was over. If I really acted up a punishment followed.....much worse than the spank.

Here is the article with details if you wish=)

http://parentingtwinsandmore.com/2012/10...

Cecilia - posted on 12/22/2012

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Here's how i see it. It's not a clear answer.

First i guess we start by defining spanking. To me smacking the hand or butt is acceptable. Only when it's needed and the child might be in danger. For example, the child is about to touch a stove, go ahead and pop their hand. They then associate pain with the stove. They are about to run into the street, go ahead and pop them on their rear. This is acceptable for toddlers.

An important rule for me is- never hit in anger. NEVER.

Spanking as in pulling down the pants and using your hand to hit the rear more than one time... That is iffy to me. If it's done i think the child must be older than 3. You must explain why before hand. Tell them that you are not angry with them.(because you shouldn't be, even if this means the spanking is put off while you cool down)

I have spanked my older children. All were 5 or older. I cried more than they did but i felt in each case it was needed. I would never leave a mark.

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