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Only wants Daddy - broken hearted Mommy

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2010 ( 43 moms have responded )

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OK, I know this is normal but I still need to hear that other mom's are going through the same thing. I do all the routine stuff (I'm fun too) but my husband is the play toy for the most part and in the past couple of weeks my son only wants his dad when were both around. He will actually say "no mommy" and push me away and I have to say it makes me want to cry. I know that I am the adult and this is probably a phase but I need some good advise to help me understand and not take it so close to heart. I work full time so it's not that he necessarily spends more time with me than my husband and I swear my husband is getting a secret rush out of this b/c up until now, our son has really only had eyes for me.
Talk some sense into me ladies....please.

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Christina - posted on 07/06/2010

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My son does the same thing. He is going to be 2 in August but, he has been doing it since he was 1. He doesnt like to lay next to me, I dont get hugs or kisses like daddy. He doesnt want to go to the park with me or even go to the store.

His new thing is he wont eat anything I give him until daddy is there.

Its very upsetting, but because its already been going on for 1 year Ive learned to get over it. I look at it now as I get to do my errands without having to worry about my son.
It sounds horrible but thats what he wants & I cannot force it.

It does make me want another child to start over with.
Its very sad, and I cry almost every night.

Hopefully one day he will get tired of daddy and Mommy will be here waiting for him..

lol.

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2013

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My 6month old seems to favor her father more, she smiles at him more then me. She makes eye contact with him way more then me. When i first had her was always tired so he fed her more then me and talked to her more then i did. I was depressed and tired and now i wonder did she sence that from me? maybe thats why she favors him more. And he sings to her is more outgoing then me and he told me that I'm not outgoing with her.

Day - posted on 05/01/2014

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Joel smith.

You are absolutely vile. How dare you come onto a forum and attack somebody who is clearly feeling vulnerable and upset and has asked for advice.

You are an absolutely sanctimonious little git and I hope anybody who comes to this forum for advice and reads your vitriol realises this. Horrible little man.

Joel - posted on 04/17/2014

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@Christina from 2010:
I am a new father of a 13-month old daughter. Said baby girl has just recently begun favoring me over her mother and it has caused my wife grief that has made me start to worry. My wife regularly makes comments about how our daughter doesn't like her or how the baby likes me more than her. It doesn't give me some competitive joy. It makes me scared of things like postpartum depression and the like - hence the reason I began searching the internet for solutions in the first place. I feel guilty every time our child reaches for me first or cries and reaches for me when mom picks her up. From what I've gleaned looking elsewhere it seems to be more about the child learning about independence and expressing it in terms of declaring her preference for one parent over the other. It's not a personal affront toward the other parent, merely the child trying to grasp and express an emotion. Mom and I share equally in the feeding, diaper changing, middle-of-the-night coddling, disciplining, etc. So it's not a case of a 1-year old understanding how to manipulate parents; she isn't that smart yet. The fact that you would say that you want to have another child to "start over with" is about the scariest thing I could ever hear from a parent's mouth. So let me get this straight: you are saying that you're just giving up on this one thinking that things will be different next time? What happens if the next one shows a propensity for preferring dad? "Screw it! Let's have a 3rd! The first 2 were probably duds anyway." Everyone has these problems. It's probably the toughest hit a parent can take to their ego, but this is not a case where you just throw up your hands and say "better luck next time." Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that kids have no idea why they are doing what they do. There's no ulterior motive when they're an infant/toddler. They're trying to make sense of all these new thoughts running through their young minds. Your comment was absolutely no help to me or anyone potentially looking for help from this site. In the 4 years it's been since your post, I hope you have either re-thought your position or have gone barren since your first child. People with your mindset don't deserve to procreate. There are plenty of couples who can't have children (my brother and his wife included) who would take your child in a heartbeat and be thankful for the opportunity. You have a lot of growing up to do. Take a look in the mirror. You're not that special - but your child is. Ignorance is no excuse.

Ashley - posted on 06/28/2010

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I understand what you are going through, My daughter is 22 months old and she only every wants her daddy as well, She will push me out of the way and say "no only daddy" all the time. It makes me said but i just hope one day (one day soon!) she will get over it and mummy might feel the love. LOL

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Tiffany - posted on 06/02/2017

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I know this is an old post.. but I dont know how, or where to post on here. I have a similar topic to discuss. But more situational and serious. Please let me know it would be much appreciated.

Ginabeans77 - posted on 08/13/2016

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Joel- I don't think she was trying to replace her child by having another but instead felt that she missed out on the fun of having children. It really isn't that much different then why I had my third. I had two wonderful boys and I really wanted to have a girl. Had my daughter been a boy I would have been disappointed for a brief second and then loved him as much as I love my daughter. Just like children parents can't help their feelings, they can only hide them better. She feels hurt, rejected and if she wants to have another child so that she didn't feel like she missed out on anything who are you to say she shouldn't. I think you are the one that needs to grow up. Wait until the day that your child says they don't want you and then you can see how that feels. I know from experience it isn't fun and hurts like hell. But you keep preaching from your soap box because you obviously have this whole parenting thing all figured out. Must be nice!!

Freebird0107 - posted on 04/17/2016

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My husband spent the first 9 years of our daughters life traveling a lot. When he was home his time with us was limited, mostly because of his alcohol use. He chamged jobs 2 years ago, and then our relationship changed. My daughter and I moved out a month ago. She seems to prefer to hang out with him and expresses a lot of anger towards me. I encourage her to spend time with him, but at the same time I feel a little hurt. However, as a child of divorce I didn't have a great relationship with my Dad. I want hwr to have what I didn't, that's why I stayed in an unhealthy marriage so long. Now that we're seperated my husbamd and I seem happier and he is developing a better relationship with our daughter. She's 12 and I know at this age she needs her Dad, so I try to use that time to better myself, instead of worrying about her feelings towards me. A child needs one on one time with each parent,, whether they are married or not.

Wendyjaros - posted on 02/09/2016

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Brandi- I have two and I had hoped my second would have eyes for mommy. He did until he hit 2.5 but He is now in daddy mania mode too. It hurts and I cry often although I try not to let it show. I've tried everything and honestly thought it was having the second child that made my daughter only want daddy. She hasn't let me put her to bed for well over a year. It sucks, hurts, and makes me feel awful. I want to run away. All I wanted in the world was my babies. And no matter what I do... They prefer their dad.

Brandi - posted on 01/23/2015

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Christina- I'm hoping your still on this forum and you can tell me if things got better with your son. Mine would have been 2 as well when you posted your response. He's 6 now and still favors his father. It's THE worst pain I've ever experienced. And I'll be honest, it makes me want another child as well. NOT to start over with or to dump my son and get another before anyone says it! I wondered if anyone else going through something like this had ever felt the same way and you saying the same thing made me feel a little better...thank you for that. I adore my son. Having him is THE best thing thing that I've ever experienced. He's the center of my universe. I'm think that if maybe he had a brother or sister he wouldn't pick my husband over me all the time? I love kids and would like another anyway but I think I've waited too long (I'll be 42 in 4 months). God, if I could only go back and tell my stupid younger self, don't be scared!!! It will be hard but it will be the best experience of your life!!! But you can't do that.... Anyway, Christina, if you're out there, I'm sending out a prayer for you in hopes that your life is better now with your son. And thank you again for honestly sharing your life enough to help someone else.

Rebecca - posted on 07/18/2014

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@Sohini

You are amazing. It is not easy to raise a child. It's especially hard when it feels like our children don't want us, and when you are undermined and demeaned in front of your child. Being a mother is truly the hardest job in the world! As mothers of boys, we have a chance to show our boys how they should treat women when they grow up...even when we that's not the example they see from their dads. You're right, life doesn't work out perfectly -- so your little boy is lucky to have your love and care to guide him through! Whether it feels like it right now or not, he is internalizing that love every day, and he will be a better person and a better man for it. Hang in there, and hold your head up high! You are going to get through this. You are worth more than gold! Thoughts and prayers and best wishes for you!

Sohini - posted on 07/04/2014

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My 5 yr old son is quite similar in many ways. He always wants to be with his father and imitate his dad. To the extent that he tells me that he hates to be like me when he grows up. Even if it's a boring documentary that my husband is watching my son will sit next to him and pretend to watch the same. He even talks exactly like his father. For all the times that I have brought him clothes,toys,books,games taken him out to fun places....at the end of the day he still runs back to his father's arms. My husband says that I don't know how to tackle my son. My husband frets over the way I deal with the boy and openly declares in front of the boy that I am not a good mother. Now my son has learnt to understand many things including the fact that his father demeans me frequently and he has started behaving the same way with me. It breaks my heart because I believe I have equal right as my husband over the boy, but life just hasn't panned out that way. I do believe that it's important not to be disillusioned by the way our own children treat us, it is important to be patient and wait..because every cloud has silver lining.

Heather - posted on 03/10/2014

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My son is only six months and favors his dad way more than me my son has never had eyeys only for me its always been dad i feel so sad about it and i am sure it dose not help that i am going through postpartum depression/anxiety.

Amber - posted on 04/13/2012

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OOh how I know what you mean.. I am a stay at home mom who is taking online courses. She is with me all day or staring at the tv when I am in school... as soon as daddy comes home, there is no mommy. Every time we go out to eat she sits on the same side as him and she will only hold daddy's hand when we go out. She will even say rude things to me when her daddy is around, even though she gets corrected. Sometimes it has even made me want to cry.. and I sometimes think that daddy is getting a secret rush from it as well. But it is true, whenever something bad happens she comes running to me. I do have a girl so I tell her daddy to soak it up cause in a few years she will be all mine...even though it means puberty. lol

Porsha - posted on 04/12/2012

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that's my lil' boy and he's been like that since i was pregnant!!!! my son was awake while i was trying to sleep during my pregnancy so my husband would talk to my stomach all night while i was sleeping..... and now everything is daddy daddy daddy, but he is more likely to come to me when he's sick or wants a story read to him.... my son even calls me daddy sometimes cause he's so use to going to him first(he always corrects himself though)

Sarah - posted on 02/20/2012

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My daughter who is 4 is such a daddy's girl she always wants to be with him and she like's helping him cook dinner, play fight you name it, but when she hurts herself, when she is not well or isnt happy she always wants mummy.

So dont worry you will soon have him wanting you again.

Her stepfather loves every minute of it and i think it is great that they have such a close relationship.

Kimberly - posted on 02/15/2012

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Awww Hugs to you!! :) I was just telling someone the other day how my daughter (who will be 2 next week) always says "no" to her daddy, and she is definitely a "mommy's" girl, which I love!! Well, all of a sudden, she is all about being with her "Daddy". everything is "Daddy"!!!! lol...I actually felt sad about it too, and it made me realize how my husband had felt when she was always saying "mommy"- I told my husband it would pass, and sure enough now Daddy is her best friend. I am happy that my hubby is finally getting so nice one on one time with her, and they are bonding, but it does make me feel sad that she wants to be with him all the time. This just started, so I am hoping it will pass. I have read this is very common, and it goes back and forth. So hugs to you again, and anyone else needing one! Your baby(s) Love you!! :)

Kara - posted on 07/26/2011

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every one was right toj ust relax.now my 5 yr old sneaks in my bed to sleep with mommy. yeah!

Corinne - posted on 08/12/2010

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This too shall pass! It goes about like swings and roundabouts. I'm currently juggling a 4yr old daughter who has suddenly become mummy's girl again (starting big school in september) and a 2yr old boy who wants daddy and daddy's car all day! Have to admit though, I was upset the other day when he wanted to watch the Red Arrows on the computer instead of play with me. My own fault, took them to an air show at the weekend!

Elise - posted on 08/11/2010

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I know the feeling... I've been there.. I remember crying because of that.. But whenever he likes to milk, or feels sick, or got scared he only call my name.. And it wipes the pain away.. I gave him quality time by playing with him things that they usually play.. I made him think, that mommy can play like daddy can.. Now, he's more into me, than his dad!! ^^

Charlene - posted on 08/08/2010

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my son is the same he only wants me if hes poorly or tired, he says no mammy all the time to me he just wants daddy all the time it upsets me too, daddy is like a big kid to him tho, i do play with him but daddy seems to be more silly lol

Ashley - posted on 07/14/2010

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I understand completly what you are going through. This year has started out rough for me. After my grandfather passed in Jan. all I wanted was when I got home from work was for my little boy to run up to me and say momma good day come see. and drag me by the hand to his room. But he stopped doing that. I would walk through the door and expect him to be sitting on the couch by the door looking out the window waiting on me and he would be in his room. I'd call out Will mommas home come say hi all he would do is just continue playing with his toys or just sit there with his dad and after the third or fourth time of saying it hed just look up and say hi and go back to whatever it was he was doing. HE used to come to me and ask for a bite or juce. (thats how he says juice) and he got to the point where even if his dad was sleeping hed open the door go in there and say dad i bite. It did pass but theres a lot of nights I would just look at his father and just start crying. It did pass and now hes all momma. I cant even go to the bathroom without him following me. On the rare occassion that he is awake when I leave for work at 4am I have to sneak out of the house. I cant let him see me. His dad said the other day he cried himself to sleep becuase he just wanted momma. If I come home on my breaks I have to sneak out or get his dad to distract him from momma leaving. I understand how much it hurts but it does pass. And soon you will be wishing that he did spend more time with his father.

[deleted account]

My sons are the same. Dad is the flavor of the month at the present. I also noticed the same when my second son was born, that the first one clinged more to his father. In my case though, my husband is only home for short periods of time because of his work commitments, so I figure that when he is home that they both want a piece of him..

Maria - posted on 07/06/2010

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I have the same problem myself and my partner works full time as well I only have 2 days off where as my partner has 4 days off so my little boy wants daddy most of the time. I do get upset as well sometimes but it is just a phase and next month he could be looking for mammy so get too upset about it.

Meredith - posted on 07/04/2010

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I went through the same thing. I stayed home with my son for the first year, so he actually saw me more. But he wasn't talking then. I went back to work when he was 12 months and by 13 months he was walking and he said "dada" way before saying momma. He lit up when daddy came home but when I came home, he would ignore me or actually run over (I thought to give me a hug) and hit me. As if I was intruding on his daddy time. It did hurt, and my husband did enjoy it, except that it wasn't all fun being the favorite. He had to do a lot more for him because he would only accept him. He also prefers grandpa to grandma--just a boy baby in general. However, now that he is 22 months, it is starting to change. So don't think dad will always be the favorite. Now he wants me more than dad a lot of the time. And now dad knows how it feels. But now I know how hard it was to be the favorite--I always have to hold him, etc. So I would say just enjoy the freedom that not being the favorite brings and know that in a matter of time, you will probably be the favorite and your husband will know how it feels.

Crystal - posted on 07/03/2010

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I have 3 and they are ALL like this.When their daddy walks through the door,it's like Elvis entered the building.They ALL 3 said daddy first,even as I breastfed till my nipples bled.One is 11,one is 5 and our baby is exactly 22 months.But the way I see it,I hear horror stories from friends and even my own relatives going through situations with daddy's that don't care or when they divorced the Mom,it's almost like they divorced their kids too.This is what makes me thankful and feel better.Plus I never knew my dad,we always want to give our children what we "never" had..I did,they have an amazing father,it's ok if they love him more than me.I never want them to feel the hurt I went through.Take care :)

[deleted account]

My daughter was the same way. When daddy comes home, she starts dancing and jumping. I saw this as a break and asked my husband to sneak in a little "routine" stuff while he's at it, like feeding, bathing, and putting her to sleep. And now daddy stopped being ONLY about fun.

Vinace - posted on 07/02/2010

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my view: sometimes they say opposite sex attract each other but in some cases it might be the way you handle your child, if you are being too hash on her then probably it must be reason, but sometimes it is not the hashness as such: you know ladies are most people who are ready to do anything for the kids like preparing them to school, feed them, false them to bed and so forth, some kids dislike this they want to do this at their present time. But still they have the love for you, what is needed is just to understand each other.

Charlotte - posted on 07/01/2010

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My little girl is the opposite and is still all about Mummy. She tells her father, "Don't touch" or "back up" and I can tell it bothers him and it certainly bothers me. I love my girl but I need a break too. If i'm at work, she LOVES hanging with her Dad, he takes her to the park way more then I do and he's goofy with her. I keep hearing her preference will likely change and I can't wait to be the less sought after for a while!

Melinda - posted on 06/30/2010

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My older son was like this at that age too. Boys are fascinated by their daddies. I used to get all sad and sensitive when my son rejected me, but now I am starting to "get it" that boys and their daddies have special relationships. It's kind of sad, but my son will obey his daddy much better than he obeys me, and it's not for lack of me disciplining him. He is just a daddy's boy, he wants to be like daddy, he identifies most with daddy, etc. But there will be days when your son is daddy's boy, and then he'll turn around and be mommy's boy again, LOL. He doesn't love your husband more than he loves you, and I guarantee there are still LOTS of situations where only mommy will do!

Hope - posted on 06/30/2010

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I had it really bad.. I was the one working all day while he and daddy got to play all day at my work. (I worked at Disneyland.) So he would see me once in a while but I was always busy and of course I couldn't go on the rides with him like daddy could so he got really used to daddy and not mommy. Then he would be mad at me on my days off and not want to be near me. I quit working so my husband could ship out to boot camp. Those 8 weeks were the hardest weeks in my life. Alex was so mad at me, he thought I made daddy go away.. He cried and threw fits all the time and all he would say is daddy. Eventually, on like week 7, he got used to it.. but would still have fits of daddy once in a while.. Now.. he is really used to mommy because daddy is in school and gone all the day. He still wants daddy more though. I can't wait til deployments.

Shawna - posted on 06/29/2010

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I feel your pain right now...my little girl, 22 months, is all about her daddy. Just like some of the other posts, when she hears his car pull up in the drive, she yells, "Daddy home!" and she runs to the back door to wait anxiously! And yes, the others are right, daddy is the guy who does anything and everything they want to do with not a lot of resistance. She will do the same thing that some of the others have said, the "no mommy, daddy do it.." I told my hubby one time that I was a little jealous, b/c I felt like even though I was the one who did most for her, she only wanted daddy...he, of course, gets a high off this...but I know that she loves me, too. I think it is a phase they go through, b/c just looking at the posts, all are about the same age, even though my little one hass been a "daddy's girl" since the beginning. He has even gotten her to do this little thing: He says, "What does a cow say?" and of course she says, "moomoo" then he asks what does a dog, cat, and duck say, and she tells him, and then the last thing he says is, "What does Campbell say?" and she says, "I LOVE MY DADDY!" He loves doing this when other are around! I think it's great that she loves her daddy, and there are times that it gives me a break to watch a show on tv, look at a magazine, cook dinner, do some laundry, or mess around on the Internet...so even though I get a little green-eyed about it sometimes, I know that I am very blessed to have a man who is such an awesome daddy who loves his little girl and enjoys his time with her! Just make the best of it and be grateful that daddy loves him just as much as he loves his daddy! It's a huge blessing! :)

BILLIE - posted on 06/29/2010

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Sorry, I don't really have that issue with my son. I always thought it was daddy's little girl and mama's boy. My son is a mama's boy and actually being that I am 7 months pregnant, it would be nice if he got more attached to his father .... tell me your secret!!! I agree with Maggie, enjoy the slight freedom because before you know it he will be hanging on to you like a monkey.

Maggie - posted on 06/29/2010

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it's so rough when they do that! Both my sons went through that phase but it wasn't very long.
Whenever they NEEDED something, though, they still always ran to me. If they got hurt, scared, hungry or just needed snuggles I was the one.
Just enjoy the time you get for now - he'll come back around!

Dacia - posted on 06/29/2010

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I wish. My son is so stuck on me and won't do anything with his dad. I would love to have a second to breath. My daughter who is 4 is stuck on me too so to have a break from one would be great. Both my kids fight over me. So i guess i say be thankful.
But i guess i would be heartbroken if he didnt want me at all. I say its a phase and will pass. they change so much. and then onto the next thing.

Shannon - posted on 06/29/2010

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My First Son is a mommys boy through and through but my second son only wants daddy. my son was 6 mo. when my husband lost his job and was outta work for a year so he stayed home with the boys...and like some of these ladies have said they play cars and get dirty better then we do and husbands r just a jungle gyms and wrestling partners...it killed me at first cuz i was so use to my other one loving me so much that i had to learn to do things with him that only we did together. i read to him everynight and we watch sprout on the couch before bed and he love it and only wants to do it with me! just find some small things that u only do together without daddy and ull see thats i love u sparkle that melts ur heart everytime. Hope that helps some

Patricia - posted on 06/29/2010

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I would say the same. My little girl has been daddy's girl since day one. It has caused me some heartache and tears when she does the same thing and pushes me away. But I have realized that she loves me too it is just she wants to be around daddy more. We are both full time working parents and we are both around her and yet it is dad she wants. I have come to appreciate the bond that they have and look at it very positively. She will have a bond with her father that I never did with mine and that is amazing.

Sindus - posted on 06/28/2010

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You're not alone dont worry. My husband comes home from work and she runs into his arms and when I leave my daughter with my in laws, her grandparents, and go out for a while, and come home, then she'd be pretty happy when I come back and she even blabs to me as if she's trying to tell me what went on while I was gone. It's normal. Take care ;)

Cassie - posted on 06/27/2010

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My son is the same way I have a really hard time with it as well :O) He's been this way since birth :O) I don't know how to help you other than to say " I understand " LOL Good luck :O)

NICKI - posted on 06/27/2010

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MY SON STAYS HOME WITH IS DADDY ALL DAY, EVERYDAY...MY HUSBAND IS DISABLED AND I AM A FULL TIME STUDENT RIGHT NOW...I USED TO BE THE ONE THAT DID EVERYTHING UNTIL MY HUSBAND HAD TO QUIT HIS JOB...MY SON WENT THROUGH A PHASE WHERE HE ONLY WANTED DADDY, BUT EVERYTIME HE WAS TIRED OR READY FOR BED HE CAME FOR ME...WHEN HE GOT HURT OR HUNGRY, HE CAME TO ME...SOMETIMES HE WANTED DADDY TO FEED HIM....DONT WORRY, BOYS ARE USUALLY "MOMMA'S BOYS" IN THE END ;-)... THIS TOO SHALL PASS...

Shelly - posted on 06/23/2010

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No worries, my daughter did the same thing. When daddy would get home she would light up he would pick her up, toss her around and thats what did it.. Daddys are just like a jungle gym so kids like to play with them. However anytime my daughter got scared or hurt she wanted mommy which always made me feel good. Dont worry most all kids go through it..

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