Any mothers of an adult child with Aspergers?

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Maribeth - posted on 06/13/2017

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My 22 y/o daughter was diagnosed with aspergers back in elementary school. Now of course called ASD. Are you still out there? I'd like to communicate with other moms of adult children with ASD.

In particular, what is your experience when it comes to delivering a consequence when your adult child has done something in the home that truly warrants a consequence? Removing the phone, car, internet doesn't work because without those things, her ability to function deteriorates as do her organizational skills.

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Melissa - posted on 07/04/2017

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My 34-year-old daughter and her 9-yr-old son live with me. She has high-functioning autism, constant obsessive thoughts, and meltdowns aimed at me, as she has alienated most other friends and family members. She loves her son, and tries to,do well with him, but being rigid and giving a barrage of orders does not help. Most meds make things worse, but we have had some luck with some of the amino acids such as L-Carnitine, which is key for people with mitochondrial disorders. I have learned many people with autism have mitochondrial problems as well, which are often linked to gut issues, fatigue, muscle tone, mood, diabetes, etc, which describes many of my daughter's problems. So this could be a good avenue to pursue. When she takes the L-Carnitine, I usually see a huge improvement within the hour. Problem is, she is very oppositional and may refuse or forget to take it. I feel very much alone in this effort. No services for adults nearby, including housing, as she desperately wants her own place.
One suggestion that might helps others is the "coaching" scenario, as most people with high-functioning autism improve as they learn social skills from being in a variety of social situations with someone who can coach or mentor them through those situations. Works better if the coach is not a parent. For me that isn't an option, as we have moved and don't have those community connections, and my daughter has strong sensory issues and often manic moods which interfere with her ability to fit in. This also makes it hard, if not impossible, for my grandson to have friends over. I have been feeling pretty sad and hopeless, but can't afford to give up. Am dreading the start of school in Aug, as I go back to work then and will be dealing with my daughter's crises while I'm at work. Sorry to be such a wet blanket, but would like very much some connection with other moms who understand.

Ramonita - posted on 06/18/2017

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Hello. I have a 23 year old who was diagnosed with autism at age 3. She did well throughout her earlier years and even graduated with a regular high school diploma. Now at 23 is a different story. Services for adults with autism are very limited where we live and even over the internet. She has always suffer from obsessive thoughts and we have worked very hard to help her control this behavior. Recently, her obsessive thoughts have gotten more frequent and she could spend the entire day talking with me about whichever subject is on her mind, usually ideas that are not always age appropriate. Many of her friends from school have gone on to college or moved away. So she spends a great deal of time by herself, which she seems to enjoy but concern me because of her lack of social interaction. I joined this site in hopes that I can connect with other parents of adults with autism and who are willing to share their experiences. Sometimes you feel very alone and its hard to be hopeful about the future.

About consequences for unacceptable or inappropriate behavior, we also find it difficult to come up with ideas that will teach her about behavior without limiting access to those things that provide some mental stimulation. Whenever she shows interest in something new, we let her know that it has to be earned and this works sometimes, but not always. I'm sorry I don't have better ideas to share with you.

Sogden2007 - posted on 06/15/2017

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Hi all my name is Sue and I am a parent of an adult child with aspergers/ADHD/severe learning and she was not doagnosed till she was 12 years old. I dont have to tell you it is frustrating and challenging and you do need support. She is now 27 years old and have 3 lovely boys unfortunately the eldest has mild intellectual and second has ADHD which I am not totally convinced. When she was first diagnosed it took me 34 doctors before I found one that actually explained what was happening and it made it difficult as she was going through puberty which changes everything as meds dont always work and she was not medicated so I had my fair share worry especially with boys....I did alot of reading and studying her temperament and behaviour, school was really no help as she was placed in a school with 30 boys and she being the only girl as the educational system was not equipped to handle this special needs or wanted to. Anyway if you are having trouble you do need to stand up for your child and educate everyone that comes in contact with that child. My daughter with alot of consistency on family completed her year 10 and got her licence she was lucky one as she was not as severe as some and now raising children and she is going through the same with her eldest, he is eating at night hiding food and borrowing things that are not his....see how I said borrowing not stealing as they do not distinguish between the two. It is like saying "stop" to them they do not understand stop what breathing etc. Mothers try Sue Larkey website out she has some helpful tips and dvd books etc that you might be able get at library. You have to be consistent and remove things off them when they misbehave even phones but only short time limits to teach them. DO NOT TREAT THEM ANY DIFFERENT THEN YOU WOULD A NORMAL CHILD the difference is time limits. Also explain the way they will understand chose your words carefully so there is no misinterpretation keep it simple and direct.

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