For how long can the weapon of love fight autism?

Shadow - posted on 05/01/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )




First of all I'd like to say since I joined this site I have realized it is such an amazing community. If my own Møm had access to it when I was a kid raising me up would be much easier.

Now back to my question:

I am in love with the most perfect guy ever. He is sweet adorable understanding and considerate. We met online and at first I thought it would be a quick ending long distance relationship but it proved differently. It was like we changed eachothers lives. He motivated me through my last year of highschool and I motivated him to get a job which turned in to two and he began saving for his trip to come see me. He keeps telling me all sorts of nice things and he never ever stops asking what can he do to mAke things better.

He is innocent sweet and honest and he is ... Autistic.

He was part of the cadets which has been the best thing in his life except for meeting me, but the question is: if we get settled and decide to get married how are the chances of our children to be autistic?

I have been trying to find some info of the genetics of autism but no luck yet.

I'd love to know your experiences and view points and advice on this.

Thank you


User - posted on 05/02/2011




Hi Shadow,

I don't know the likelihood of having children with autism...but, in terms of long distance romances here's my two cents:

Live in the same city for at least 18 months...NOT together...just be in the same city. See him at his best, see him at his worst...and he gets to see you the same way. When you are apart, any time you see each other is "heightened" because time is precious.

Autism is a part of who he is...and clearly, he would be considered in the "mild" end of the need to know and educate yourself about the entire spectrum. You need to hear from him what his challenges growing up were, what challenges did his parents have...educate yourself.

Enjoy learning about this man and give yourself time. There is no rush.

Good luck,


Theresa - posted on 05/01/2011




I don't know what the stats are on the genetics and autism. I do know they have see some evidence that it runs in families. But since they don't know what causes it I don't think there can be any stats to tell you what your chances are of having children with autism. i guess you just have to weigh your decision on if you will or won't have children. There are plenty of people with no history of autism in the genetics that have an autistic child. There are no guarantees when having a child. If you feel the risk of having a child with autism is too great, then you could always choose to adopt, however since it's not detectable until later and can't be predicted you can't be guaranteed that an adopted child wouldn't have it either. If you should end up with a child with autism the his/her daddy would be in unique position to understand exactly what that child will go through and deal with in his life. Good luck.


View replies by

Shastin - posted on 05/06/2011




I wouldn't live in fear. Be happy, get married and have children. If they end up autistic at least you are with someone you love and don't regret your decisions in life because of fear. If your child(ren) are autistic who could understand better but you and your husband? How lucky they would be to have such understanding and loving parents in spite of it!! Rise above challenges in life and look to the future without holding back! I also suggest that you look to God and lay at His feet your concerns. It was Him that commanded that we be fruitful and multiply on the Earth. After all you are obeying Him and can expect his full support if you will just give Him the opportunity to be in your life and heal. Have a little faith in the woman you are and in the beautiful desires you have for your family and future.

Tina - posted on 05/06/2011




I do't know whether not your children would be autistic but as you probably have learnt yourself it's not a big deal what people lack in some areas they make up for in others. It's not the end of the world it might be some what difficult at times but so is rasing any child. I think the main thing is finding their strong points and focusing on them. Austisic or not everyone has their downfalls and weaknesses.

Shadow - posted on 05/05/2011




I completely understand where u are coming from Kay. Unfortunately all my family is full of gossip and people make it hard for one to live his/her own life without being attacked and spoken behind his/her back.

But i get what you mean its a matter of thinking and choosing myself

Diane - posted on 05/02/2011




Kaleigh, look up Wendy Lawson - she has her own web site-, she has led a full life and had a family while being autistic.

I have the same fears for my son that you have, but after watching Wendy ( and I will attend a workshop with her in a few months) my fears are lessened, although I must admit still there.

Shadow, best of luck and follow Sheila's post, it is terrific advice.

[deleted account]

Yeah my mother isn't a fan of my son's diagnosis of ASD but the bottomline is she doesn't not accept my son as her grandchild, she's just not equipped to wrap her mind around his autism. This is something that has been worrying me since my son was diagnosed, will he ever find love? Will a woman ever accept him with this diagnosis even though he is high functioning? What kind of future is within his reach with this stupid diagnosis hanging over his head? I know adults with high functioning autism are capable of maintaining careers, friendships, their home,
but no one ever mentions anyone with autism having a wife, kids, grandkids, and that worries me. To me family is everything and I want my son to have it all, is that not an option because even if he does meet the right women her parents might look down at him or they might fear his children will have autism too.
My hubby has ADD, thats perfectly fine with me :) you cope you deal you research and try to understand and if nothing else at the end of the day you just love them for who they are. I'm not telling you what to do this is a very personal and important issue to think through, all I can add to the conversation is that only you know if your love for him trumps the extra obstacles, the judgement of others, and that friggin label AUTISM. I will tell you though many people have overcome much worse for the sake of their love for someone, and people have ended relationships based on a lot less, only you know whats right for you hun best of luck!

Shadow - posted on 05/02/2011




Thanks. It was fairly useful. I do understand the difficulties of bringing up an autistic child. I do not see myself prepared to be a mother yet (I am very young barely 20 and in our family the marriage age is minimum 26)
What I am concerned about is my parents' viewpoint. They seem to be unable to accept his autism. Let alone the possibility of having and autistic grandchild.

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