Hating School

LINDY - posted on 03/04/2012 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Hi does anyone else have problems with their child going to school

Im son is now in Year 1 and Kinder last year most of the time was him holding on to the couch at home crying and holding on to the car

Now this year he has started again crying before school

When he is there they say he has a great day and he is happy though when he get near me he says he misses me and hates school this morning he is crying again this morning i just dont want it to keep going for whole year does anyone have any tips or if anyone has going through this

Im just at a loss of what to do now

Thanks Lindy

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Cindy - posted on 03/13/2012

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I too had that problem...we did a treasure box full of things he loved(dinosaurs)plus the school started a new program where if u went to school u got "magic" money...if they did their homework they got more magic money...at the end of the day or week they can buy things with their magic money. That was a huge motorvator for my son.

Misty - posted on 03/09/2012

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I just remembered something that used to work for my son and now he doesn't need it, but it was a great thing for him when he was upset.... a comfort bag.... we used to send a large ziploc bag filled with a small blanket, a stuffy (one similar to a loved one from home), a couple of toys he liked and an introductory note for whenever there was a substitute teacher in the class..... the note would introduce him and give ideas on how to help him stay calm and when to call home for help.... it was a very helpful thing for him and often helped him through some tough transitions when he was out of sorts....He doesn't keep one at school right now but I'm always waiting for the time when he will be in need of something to help calm the anxieties and what will be helpful...

Janet - posted on 03/05/2012

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My daughter also hated going to school for kindergarten, but now she's in grade one and we don't seem to have the issues we had last year. That said, here's what we did and what possibly changed between last year and this year to affect her like/dislike of school.



She loved going on the school bus, and every day she went to school on the school bus, there was a "surprise" waiting for her. Something from the dollarstore/dollartree that reinforced her going on the bus and getting to school. If she didn't go on the bus, or didn't go to school, she didn't get her surprise. This was actually a pretty big motivator even though she never knew what the surprise would be and it would always be something small like a bracelet.



Her teachers have always been wonderful, but this year her teacher takes a special interest in learning who my daughter interacts with better than others, and avoids placing her with a child she does not get along with. No one enjoys feeling disliked and I'm really fortunate, and very glad, that this teacher has taken the initiative here with that. Everyone has to work with someone they don't enjoy sometimes, but its good that its not a regular occurrence for her.



The old school she was in has been torn down, and while they are building a new one they are in another local school. THIS school has two things that Winnie really enjoys - ONE is that they don't use a bell or buzzer system. They use music instead. When its time to go outside or its the end of the day, music is piped over the PA instead of a bell or buzzer. The second thing she enjoys is that the play structure is huge and varied. That was all she talked about when they were prepping to go to the new school.



Also, the light in the classroom is different than last year - I noticed that, while its still a cheery room, its not as bright and does not get as much direct sunlight as her previous classroom.



However, these are a lot of things, and things that were taken into consideration when assigning her with a particular classroom and teacher for the year. Every year I meet with her "School Team" a few times a year to set up how her school year will go and evaluate how she's doing and any special needs she has, or if any have changed.



Good luck!

Misty - posted on 03/04/2012

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I'm not sure where you are but within our school board is an Autism Team that comes in and assesses needs of diagnosed children so that they are receiving all the resources they should be.... there may be an issue within the classroom that your little guy is unaware of and it could be as simple as lighting or the number of children.... my son doesn't like school either and it's because of all of the sensory input that he has to manage with. So his teacher has arranged his seating to minimize the stimulation and he receives body breaks.... if you don't have an education plan for your son, you might contact your school's principal to see about getting a solid plan in place to help him feel more confident going to school....

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User - posted on 05/11/2012

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I am currently experiencing the same thing with mine but my scenario is a tad different. My son is 4 years old with aspies and he hates one of the teachers in his classroom. He comes home crying that the teacher yells and slams books. One scenario he wanted to come home and they just let him cry himself out. After that every other night he has nightmares about loosing me or he docks his head down as soon as i park in the school lot! Im grateful he can talk a bit and explain things specially when most of the 6 students have sever autism but usually it takes a full day to get a whole story well understood. In my case im taking him out of special pre-k. Reasons why:

spoke to the teacher and issue has not been resolved...Knowing about how teachers get away with murder (figure of speech) i doubt anything will be solved. Might be wrong but that's fine ill take my chances!
last and for most no matter what he hates school and is frightened i don't see why i should force him back specially since if i do he will become more frightened.
Im currently looking up other sources like aspie & autism day cares where its part day school.
Im also taking upon me to sit down for 3 hrs in a day mon - thursday and teach him stuff just like these teachers do without the yelling at him or slamming of objects!
Going to school is a must, but going to hell is diff not required specially with kids like ours and i plan on making his pre-k experience a better one

WJ - posted on 05/11/2012

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Hi Lindy, my son is 10 and it is still a struggle, but it is getting easier. For us it was/is all about the transition. Once he's at school he's fine, and he's fine at home, it's the getting him out the door that's the problem. When he was little we turned it into a game with things like...race you to the car! Or bet I can get dressed before you. His need to win at the challenge took the focus off the fact that it was time for school. That worked for a while, but now that he's older I've had to become creative. He gets stickers for getting ready quickly and after 10 stickers he gets a reward of his his choice (usually he chooses a pajama day, or a trip to the park). Also I don't allow tv, or video games first thing in the morning, otherwise I would never be able to motivate him lol
Good luck! And honest it does get easier.

Julie - posted on 03/13/2012

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Oh dear. It's certainly not easy is it? I hope the school step up to the mark and help as much as they can.

Ttilcox - posted on 03/13/2012

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Thanks. We've had many meetings with the school. They have had assemblies re: Bullying and even had Kinark come out and give all gr. 4 students a seminar on Aspergers. Unfortunately once children are labelled, by other kids, it's hard to change their opinion. I'm trying to get an older student to volunteer as a "guardian" at recess times. Hopefully the school will find someone to fill this role so my son is not so intimidated or anxious at recess.

Julie - posted on 03/13/2012

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Hi Tanya. It's really sad that your son has no friends and the other children are mean to him and I think this is one of the hardest aspects of autism. Might it be worth having a meeting with the school to try to get their support a bit more and perhaps they could do an assembly themed around bullying, or that it's not nice to exclude children just because they're different. This way the whole school is told in an informal non-threatening way that this kind of treatment is unacceptable. My son had one teacher who really cared about that side of things and helped him find others who would include him in their activities and there was a very caring lunch time supervisor who used to keep him company if no-one would play with him, and in this way he was ok-ish. But this was just one issue we had with the school and we eventually took him out and he's been home schooled for 3 years now, but it's not an easy option that's for sure. I hope you manage to sort something out for your son.

Ttilcox - posted on 03/13/2012

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My son is in grade 4 (9 years old) and hates school. He does very well academically, but has alot of stress and anxiety when it comes to going to school, particularly with social situations like recess. He says he has no friends and the kids are mean to him. It breaks my heart! I'm trying to get him involved in some local Asperger's groups for children. Good Luck!

Tanya

Julie - posted on 03/06/2012

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Yes, my son won't do number 2s anywhere but at home if he can help it and he's 10. If the head of the school won't get with the program then it's very doubtful any of the other staff will unfortunately. It sucks! I really do hope the head changes their attitude for your son's sake. If there's no improvement in their attitude then you are probably either going to have to make a formal complaint and see if that gets you anywhere, or change school, or home school. Try to stay positive and keep fighting for your boy. Good luck.

LINDY - posted on 03/06/2012

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yes julie its very sad schools dont step up to the plate and do what they said and i have always got in the back of my head if school keeps gettin to hard i will change school or homeschool sounds like you are doing a awesome job with homeschooling i know a lady that home schools and she does a wonderful job too at the moment my son can only handle 3 1/2 hrs and has aide because he still in nappies for number 2s and his aide is awesome i just wish the head of school would get with the program and do what best for kids with autism there others at that school that hate that bell and thats funny you say about tummy aches cos he has them everyday he also holds on for number 2s when anywhere but home thanks for post darl

Julie - posted on 03/06/2012

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Sensory problems come in all shapes and sizes, and if he's not getting the understanding, help and support he needs then shame on the school. Unfortunately often schools don't want the responsibility of providing what's needed or say they don't have enough staff, etc, to help these children, so they just keep on suffering and becoming more and more miserable. We took our son out of school 3 years ago and it was definitely the right thing to do, but that's not for everyone as it's a huge responsibility and hard work, but I wouldn't change a thing. He hated the school bell, the fire alarm, the lights, the smell of the toilets (which were in the classrooms), the noise and chaos of all the other kids both in the classroom and in the playground, he hated getting changed for PE (also done in front of everyone else in the classroom), he needed help with some subjects and wasn't getting it, he had no friends to speak of and cried every morning before going in to class. He had more or less constant tummy aches due to anxiety. Since he's been at home 24hrs a day, 7 days a week again we've helped him work through all kinds of sensory issues so he is now better able to cope in various situations and doesn't get so upset about them. He doesn't get anywhere near the same amount of tummy aches, only gets them occasionally now, and he's much happier. Your school should be doing more to help your son and I hope you can get that across to them and start to see your son feeling happier. Good luck.

LINDY - posted on 03/05/2012

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Thanks so much Janet for that post That so interesting about the bell last year they were going to change it and talked about it but of course it didnt get done and i have told them and told them that he needs his ear muffs and i dont know if they give them to him i will make a appointment with them and ask about bell again and will have a look at lighting in class to lately i have told him if he goes to school he get a surprise after eg treasure hunt or dvd from dvd shop or little present from cheap shop somedays this works somedays it doesnt maybe like you said i will try the present when he get to his class anyway Thank again darl:)

Misty - posted on 03/05/2012

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hmmmm..... if his school is not too opposed, maybe he can wear earmuff or headphones when the bell goes off?? as for the smell, maybe he can keep hand lotion in a smell he likes on him or even some of those scented pencils?? Sensory issues can make a normally good time very difficult I know... I ended up having my guy pulled out of kindy for 6wks last year because of anxiety that triggered IBS.... I hope things get easier for you very soon :o)

LINDY - posted on 03/05/2012

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Thanks Misty for commenting we do have someone that comes to see Ethan in school and the teacher and aide are awesome school haunt done a program for him this year if he keeps this up I will have to ring them I have just put him on meds because of anxiety disorder maybe they need increasing I really don't know if this happens with other kids with autism I do know he hates the bell it hurts his ears and he says it's scare at school and stinky and he hates it in morning he gets so upset I really hate seeing him like this in morning fingers cross I can find out what's going on poor little darling thanks again lindy

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