Hi...I'm really hoping someone has answers for me. My son is almost 14, and is only in school part time...grade 8. He is a high functioning autistic child, very intelligent, etc. Lacks severly in social skills, will tell a teacher off if he feels that teacher is in his face. Needless to say, he has been in trouble a lot. Talking with the schools all these years hasn't helped. The only interest they have is changing him. Meds, forget it. He was originally diagnosed with ADHD/ODD when he was younger. The older he gets, the more apparent it is that he Asperger's. He really doesn't realize that his actions and words affect those around him. Has anyone else had this problem? If so, how were you able to deal with it? We live in a small town where there is very little help in the way of therapy, etc. Any ideas are welcome!!! Thank you!

Wanda - posted on 01/17/2009 ( 50 moms have responded )

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Help for my 13 yr. old who is Asperger's...with school.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

User - posted on 02/01/2009

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Hi Wanda,



People learn something new everyday as long as you remain calm & positive. So don't give up, its never to late. My three children 17, 11 &1 along with my husband, all have autism of varying levels.  I'm the odd one out, being "so-called" normal.



At one point in time we tried using a white board at home, I introduced it one night at dinner when very inappropriate language was used. The idea is to draw your child ( a stick figure is fine) and in a speak bubble, write what your child said or did that was offensive/ hurtful/ naughty. Then draw you (the mum) & in a speak bubble write how you felt ( That upset me because... it made me feel unhappy because .....) People of all ages with Aspergers find it very difficult to understand what someone else is feeling until you make a point of it. The idea is that you find a different way to communicate using happy face/sad face. You said this, I thought you meant this......you could spend 10 mins or 1/2 hour without speaking - both writing/drawing.  It is a fun way to bond, quality one-on-one time with your child. While they learn to appreciate your side of the story.



I'm hoping you have a good relationship with your sons teachers, it only take one to make a difference. It is helpful if they understand that this is not simple bad behaviour but an illness / communication problem. That what he says / does is not deliberate or intentional.



My daughter would growl at the person beside her every time her desk was bumped accidently. I suggested to the teacher to put my daughter on the end & leave a small gap between her desk & the one beside her -problem solved. She became aggressive if the volume of chatter in the classroom became louder. I suggested she leave the room for a couple of minutes to have a drink of water to relax & re-enter calmly. Having the overhead fans on distracts her & impedes her concentration. Knowing some of the triggers is an advantage.



Your son is a little old to role play with dolls ( hello, whats your name? my name is...) But a talking exercise is helpful. Pick a relevant topic, petend you are a school teacher who just confiscated his mobile phone, what is his response? Tell him what you would have said or done in this scenario.



I hope this is of some use to you. Good-luck



 

Bridget - posted on 02/08/2009

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Wow, lots of replies.  I don't know if you'll get to this but I feel for you.  I am a teacher and have a child with asperger's now and it is very difficult for me to take any time off because I get frustraited at the other teachers lack of knowledge on this subject.  They don't care to try to adapt to the child but expect him to adapt to them.  I leave very detailed instructions but always have troubles.  The school systems NEED to have a teacher conference on how to help these children and adapt to them.  He could be a wonderful help in the class if only he had a teacher that would adapt to him.  If he can't handle someone in his space then stay out of the students space.  I hope that you can find a teacher that is interested in helping your child and not just teaching for a job. 

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HEIDI - posted on 06/11/2011

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I have a son who is now 15,sounds alot like my son.Heidi Overton-Toowoomba Qld 4350.It's frustrating,its hard,and its confusing to know what to do isn't it.Schools just don't understand because they're taught to educate a child yes,but not educated in behaviour issues and disabilities and vice versa,maybe if they were,we wouldn't have half the probs we do at times.sSchools and teachers lack so much understanding.I reckon it's about time they learn't about things like this in uni,so folks like us and our kids don't have it so bad.I'm still learning and I just go day by day,some folks hate us,some love us.Anytime u want to talk just find me on Facebook.Regards,Heidi Gene Overton(Heidi Gene Davis) from Toowoomba Qld.In fact i would love to also talk/add mums with kids with aspergs/autism to my facebook freinds...I know their is so much I could learn...sometimes its so frustrating!...Heidi.o.

Sonya Voi - posted on 05/25/2011

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My son has aspergers and he's never been on meds How ever he is taking supplements such as a good multi and omega 3.It so hard I know, but their just wired differently that's all

K - posted on 07/15/2010

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I know this is a lot, but schools keep this info close at hand and that is how they continually deny Aspie kids, they do little things to pacify the parents and they know full well they are doing the worst thing for these kids.

I used the IDEA act to support the notion that Asperger adults are more likely to find it hard to get and maintain employment and that the IDEA act specifically states the schools have to prepare all children so that they can find meaningful work after graduation. Dealing with the schools is like dealing with a car dealership: your trying to get the best deal and they are trying to give you the least.
I took my daughter to private OT for months because the school still refuses to provide any, she has Developmental Coordination Disorder, so she is physically akward her hands tire while writing, and she HATES P.E. and that is usually where she gets embarrassed and then the teasing and sublte peer bullying occurs from her being who she is.
Best of luck to all of you, I hope this info helps you! Information is Power!!

K - posted on 07/15/2010

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Our school refused to do any testing of our daughter because her grades were so high (although they were slowly slipping downward in 4th grade-she was being bullied and no one ever knew until she went to a private pych dr). We got a private diagnosis and they still denied her anything in terms of treatment or IEP. We formally requested an IEP testing, which we found out that if you formally request it they have to do it!! During the review meeting they denied her an IEP because according to their assessment of her (which matched our private testing) she didn't meet ALL the criteria for an IEP under Autism. We filed an appeal and got her an IEP.....after two years of back and forth, wasting precious time.
In our county they determine the need for an IEP under these following criteria: (answer must be Yes).
1. Does the child have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)
2. Social Interaction: Does the child demonstrate impairments in social interactin? (for my dd they noted her fleeting eye contact, difficultly interpreting others emotions, difficulty initiating social interactins, and lack of social/emotional reciprocity).
3. Interests & Behaviors: does child demonstrate restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interest, and activities? (for my dd they noted her preoocupation wit certain subjects, her inflexibility in thinking and her inability to "think outside the box")
4. Communication: does the child demonstrate impairments in communicatin? (this was the reason our initial IEP was denied, the teacher thought she comunicated fine, I argued that her teacher was not qualified to make that assessment cause a non trained person can not see what is wrong with her or the subtle ways that she struggles within the classroom-she is very compliant and rule driven and is otherwised percieved as a sweet natured child)
5. Educational Impact: the disability adversely affects the child's education? (for my dd she hasd difficulty working in groups, inflexible thinking impairs her ability to infer from information, doesn't understand social reciprocity neccesary for academic activities)
6. Emotional Disability: emotional diability can be ruled out as the primary cause of the adverse effect on educational performance.
7.Observation: committee considered relevant behavior noted during the classroom observation and the relationship of that behavior to the students academic performance (for my dd she played beside her peers but not WITH them).
8. Exclusionary Factors: Lack of appropriate instruction has been ruled out as the determinant factor (I doubt any parent could say yes to this).
9. Limited English Proficiency has been ruled out.

Determination: Need for Special Education: Specially designed instruction is required to meet the unique needs that result from the child's disabilityand to ensure acess to the general curriculum (they offerred us a 504B).

Shasta - posted on 07/13/2010

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hi wanda, i honestly didnt read all the replies but i seen where u say u r having problems at school. have u had him certified through the state? if so the school has to do their part. as soon as my son was certified they turned everything around and it was all about him. he is now in a class that helps him with his social skills. he does most of his regular work n a normal class and then does the social skills separate. jakob blows up at me and others and they work with him on how to get along with others and how to use his manors and all the things a normal 7 yr old should already know. jakobs 1st grade teacher actually told me she is moving to 2nd grade and jakob will b with her again so he will not have to go through change just yet..she loves jakob and goes above and beyond to help him...i hope things get better for u soon!!

Hedi - posted on 07/13/2010

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Hi Wanda, my son is 19 and has no empathy toward others. You may have to explain and PLANT the chip that is missing, like: " How would you feel if someone makes these comments about you?" and you have to make him think and answer. Because he has to re-think his actions and reactions and it will teach him how to make comments and think twice before saying them if he learns this technique. Good luck, it takes time and patience. Hedi

Pamela - posted on 02/08/2009

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Hi Wanda - I have the same problem with family who just don't understand at all. Jhett is exactly the same at school and also enjoys the fact that some of the kids laugh at his antics. He loves nothing more to be on the computer and also play playstation. At home he keeps the blind closed all the time in his bedroom and I have often referred to him as my little vampire child (before I knew he had Asbergers). I am waiting for Jhett to be statmented so that we can get him into a special school which will make a world of difference but this takes so long and in the meantime he will keep on being excluded which is really upsetting. I will keep you updated on the progress and would love to stay in contact. Take care and regards Pamela

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Hi! I have a 14 year old son who has the asperger traits but because he had a speech delay he was classified as PDD/NOS. He was homeschooled for a couple of years with a program called Switched on Schoolhouse. It was awesome! My 16 year old daughter is being homeschooled now with it. It is completely on the computer. Lesson plans are already made up. It automatically checks itself but you can customize any part of it that you want. If you decide to homeschool it may be something you want to check into. Right now I am trying public school for 8th grade because he wanted to go back to school. He is better socially now that he was before but he struggles with the organization and paying attention with the schoolwork and homework. I wish the best for you....

Heather - posted on 02/08/2009

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my son is 10 and has an aid. In the beginning she was not trained on PDD or any ASD, I contacted our local ISD and got her and the staff at his school some assistance. When he is struggling or refusing to go to a certain teacher his aid steps in and takes notes for his so when he is deescalated and ready to work he has the basis to do so. It is a struggle just when you get 1 person that understands him, they change, or the other staff doeasn't get it! His aid is helping a lot, but she herself is struggling to get the teachers to accept his adaptations needed for him to be able to stay in a mainstreamed setting. He too LOVES the computer, we use this a lot for different things. he is upset his school does not have a playground or fund thereof to get one, so when he got irrate discussing it with those of us around him, this or any ohter argument that may set him off, we send him to the computer to RESEARCH and find better ways to get his voice heard!

Kerry - posted on 02/02/2009

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hi all, hey wendy,  My darling son who is now 21, got better if i told him the REAL story.  I would tell him from a young age to keep his hands and feet to himself.  If he needed to leave the classroom the teacher would give him an errand to help her out (even if she had to make one up) so the other kids didnt notice that he was always sent on errands.  In high school we tried to keep distractions to a minimum, and it was the aides job to be at the class he was heading to, so she was always in the classroom when he got there, not following him around noticably.  My son was not into academics at all and i was surprised one day at how much he did know, what was being absorbed without us picking up on it.



But if i told him the real story it worked to get him to keep his mouth shut.  such as one day we went to the doctors surgery when he was around 10.  There were other patients inthe waiting room.  He said "gees mum look at that kid hes got a really BIG head" I was  so embarrassed at him pointing and saying that, so instead of smak or telling him off, i told him "yes dear, but it is not polite to point and talk about someone else, if you have questions it would be better to ask the young boy or his parents"   He saw logic here and went to the parent and asked why does your kid have a big head.  He then listened to the explanation of the reason, shook his own head and said, wow at least people dont think you are crazy like me.



So then I went to the next step of teaching him that he can THINK what he likes about people, or say what he likes but he must not act mean or say things that are not nice especially when the person is around.  eg he doesnt like some of my male friends (single mum here) so sometimes he goes off, deliberatly to make them go away.  I tell him that i do not care if you hate whoever, you are allowed to not like them, but you are not allowed to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with, and you will show them respect while you live in my house.  You also will shut up while they are here, if you dont like whoever, YOU are the one who has a problem YOU go to your room and stay there while my friend is visiting.



he will try the story that "jack is a di$#@% and ugly" and i will say thats ok, Jack is MY friend and not here to visit YOU.  The only problem YOU have with Jack is YOUR attitude, so if you cant keep it to yourself go to your room/ go away"



Repeating the same system for a lot of years, got him to see that some of the issues were his own problem and he learned quickly that i would not let his thoughts of people, control who i did or did not talk to.  he learnt that he should leave the room (he still trys at 21 to tell me that i care more about whoever than about him, i now jsut tell him that maybe thats right, so how about you go live in your own flat somehwere you dont have to see my friends, move out.) he wont  move out, and he knows that he wants to stay with mum, he has to let her get on with life however she likes.



Gradually it got through to him, but i kept the same way all the time, I didnt change any of my rules.  And use the word polite and respect (rude in autistic means showing your genitals, my son tells me that) I kept calmy telling the as children that i dont care what their personal thoughts about someone are, they are entitled to an opinion, but I dont want to hear it and any disrespect to an adult in MY house, would be punished.  **as a result of this weeks disrespect to a friend of mine, my house has been moved to the gfcf diet, and its hurting them in the tummy.  I have my ways to punish them, and with any luck gluten free casien free will help with behaviour as a lot of people say it does.  so far changing out around half the gluten products has me feeling more calm and stable and the kids are calmer.I  have great hope that this will help where the few behavioural training things that i had acess to, did not.



Here in regional areas of queensland australia we have no resources help or much in the way of OT.  Australia is slack with help for disabled and unfortunatly our education system is very badly behind the times.  The schools keep treating the aspie kids as if they are adhd or just naughty (no matter how many tijmes i tell them that the difference is that these as kids DONT CARE, they dont give a rats if they hurt jimmys feelings *he isnt bleeding so he is fine).

Wanda - posted on 02/02/2009

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I need to thank everyone for your awesome responses, and to know that I'm not alone in this world of Asperger's is a HUGE help...I suspect that everyone who has posted something on here has helped others as well.
For now, my son is going to school part-time, and a tutor is being hired for an hour after school to catch him up on what he's missing.  He is on an IPP program, but, the difficulty isn't the academics...it's the social, as we all know too well.  There aren't resources available in my small town...none.  What's available is counselling through Mental Health, but, that's a big joke.  There are no counsellors as experts in Asperger's.  I did place a call and am waiting for a reply from someone I just heard about who travels to my small town once a month or so...and she is a specialist with Autism/Asperger's.  I'm hoping she can give me some idea on how and where to get my son the social help he really needs.  I do what I can, but, I'm only MOM, and what I say goes through one ear and out the other.  I repeat, repeat, repeat, and he "gets" what I'm saying logically, but, doesn't necessarily put it into practice.  He'll even say to me "You do so many things for me, why do I talk to you so mean?"  Frustrating, indeed!
Thanks to each and every one of you again...it means a lot that you cared enough to respond.

Dana - posted on 02/02/2009

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Hi Wanda,



    My son, now 21, had similar problems in school when he was that age.  Ricky started out like your child diagnosed with ADHD/ODD then they changed it to add on Aspergers and ultimately he is now PDD.  It was a very tough struggle and he went through a lot of therapy that he still needs at age 21.  It isn't an easy road.  Take full advantage of the resources in your area.  Ricky was lucky in the fact the 2 school districts here in my area worked together one school being a school for special needs children.  That helped sooo much.  Got him through school and graduated.  Go to a school counselor see if they have a resource to find help for your child.... like here where I live we have the Judevine Center. 



Dana

Tia - posted on 02/02/2009

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This sounds exactly like my younger brother. He was diagnosed ADHD at 4 and put on ritalin at 6. He went through the gifted schooling system because he was very bright, but he gradually grew worse with problems in school from dancing on his desk in early elementary, to telling teachers off because he didn't understand why you weren't allowed to wear a hat in school, to actually throwing a desk at a teacher, he felt was in his face. Thankfully in Alberta, at the Ponoka Mental Institution, they run school for kids exactly like that, and managed to get my little brother through several years of school.  Unfortunatley we believe my dad has some part of the autistic spectrum as well and unfortunatley still believes my brother has nothing but ADHD and my brother is in his early 20's now. You could always talk to his school, and find out if there's anything they can do, to get some kind of resource worker to work with your son on some of the core areas he needs help, that they're unable to provide, particularily social skills. Hope that was slightly helpful, I know my brother was a complete handful forever, but knowing what the problem is and being able to to even work towards a small goal each day makes life a lot easier!

Melony - posted on 02/01/2009

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It must be rare, but my kids are in an awesome school system.  They have helped us for 7 years now and have always been interested in what's best for the kids.  Thank God!

Mara - posted on 01/29/2009

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My son is 8 years old and in 3rd grade. He was diagnosed (by the school district's psychologist) in the 1st grade with Asperger's, and had an IEP created with goals specific to his needs as a child with Asperger's. He started out with speech--they got together to play board games (which was fun for all), and he was invited to speak using socially accepted language. Until that point, he just repeated information he had read in astronomy books and nobody was interested in listening to him. Then, he started having "lunch buddies" with the counselor, where they use scripts to learn to talk about things that other people are interested in; he gets to invite two people from his class each month. This year, he started working with an occupational therapist to increase his attention span, improve his handwriting and learn to sit in his chair appropriately. My son thrives on very specific rules--you must do this at this time; in this situation you would use these words; this happens at this time. If there is a change in the schedule, he has a difficult time transitioning, but by keeping in constant contact with his teachers, therapists and principal (through email and telephone), we are able to give him a heads up.

You might want to meet with each of your son's teachers, explain to them what Asperger's is and what your son has difficulty with. Given a little bit of information, they may be less shocked at his behavior. Prior to my son's diagnosis, he was in the principal's office every day, and he hated school. Since that time, his teachers and school administration gives him a little more slack, which allows my son to go through his day with less anxiety, thereby helping him slow down and think through his reaction choices. He calls out/interrupts his teachers less, he has made some good friends (!), and he even has the opportunity to teach what he knows to his class about astronomy (which is considerable) on special occasions.

I think you said you live in Nova Scotia? I would check with the special education law, and see what your rights are as a parent, and what your son's rights are in school. (Does Canada have anything like our bill of rights?) I live in Southern California, and we can call a meeting with our son's teachers any time we want. And if we don't like the way his services are being carried out we have a right to request a change.

I would especially consider checking to see if your son can have the SAME aide throughout the day. Consistency is very important to kids with Asperger's. He needs time to bond with him/her (although not necessarily to LIKE the aide), especially since it sounds like the whole point of the aide is to give him extra attention, not educational support. And when he needs a break, the aide should hang back and give him some time alone (although I understand the school's need to have him in sight). Having the aide hover could be continuing his overstimulation... These are some of the things that you should be able to discuss with your son's principal/teachers.

I should also mention that I teach 1st grade. I currently have a student with asperger's in my class this year. It is so important to figure out what each child with this perplexing syndrome needs! My son is so different from my student, yet they each need consistency and very plain language (no strong emotion, especially no yelling!). I believe that given more communication and proper support, your son could have a successful and even fulfilling experience at school.

Laura - posted on 01/26/2009

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That was one of the hardest things I had to come to terms with. I consider myself very social and love lots of friends but my son (and my husband as well, now that I think of it) does not feel the need to have lots of friends. One or two are more than enough for him to keep up with. He's good for a short time then needs time to himself. Alot of times it's us that should be adapting to these WONDERFUL and misunderstood kids. If the other parents on this site are from the U.S., you really need to get in contact with an advocacy group (through the local Autism Society chapter). Alot of those things are illegal in the U.S. (don't know what the laws are outside the U.S. - but they will). That's another good thing about having an advocate. They can be great at making the needs heard and laws abided without having the emotional factor involved. We can get incredibly angry when it's our child and that anger can sometimes make situations worse and divide parent/school even further. But again, I've just begun. Who knows what I'll encounter. Believe me, my advocate's number is in my phone book.

Wanda - posted on 01/26/2009

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Thank you for your info!  I will be checking those out for sure.  He really does need an advocate (besides his mom) .  I have heard of Temple, and did read part of her book a few years back.  I remember how she'd written where she doesn't like being social, prefers being alone.  That stuck with me.  I'll have to go look for that book again.
Thanks for you help!!!  And for your prayer.
Regards, Wanda

Angela - posted on 01/26/2009

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After rereading my above post, I realized that I indicated that Tommy had a similar diagnosis, but did not say that my William is not NT. William has high functioning autism or Aspbergers (we've never been able to get an absolute determination on that front). My younger son Eric (age 12) has autism with limited communications skills (an improvement from the nonverbal diagnosis he carried 2 years ago). Tommy also has a little brother with mild autism. All four of these boys are big on the computer and don't tend to be involved in extraciricular activities. I think they find comfort in finding someone "like' them that likes them.

I just thought I should clarify this. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to understand something that I have only hearsay experience with.

Angela - posted on 01/26/2009

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Your son sounds almost exactly like my son's best friend. William and Tommy are both 8th graders although Tommy (my son's friend) has already turned 15. Is there even one student that your son considers a close friend? So often, our kids feel so ostracized by their peers that they act out. Tommy's behavior greatly improved when he knew he could turn to William. His parents also used William as a "treat" (I hope that doesn't sound bad because i completely understand what they were doing) so if Tommy had a particularly good week, he could invite William over for a sleepover and if he was having a really bad week, reminding him that William wouldn't be allowed to visit while he was acting up usually helped getting him back into line.

Tommy's parents recently started homeschooling him because the school was not being as helpful as they should have (we also live in a very small community), but William is still the incentive that gets Tommy to cooperate better with his parents. It's amazing the difference that a good friend can make.

Andrea - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hi my son is 11 and just started at secondary school. He has the same problems at school. And of course the teachers don't like it when he challenges something he thinks is unfair. They wanted him to apologise for calling a teacher a rude name but as he felt justified in calling her it he didn't feel he should apologise. He has Aspergers and like your sons' school I feel the school want to 'cure' him. If he had no legs or a broken arm you can do things to make life easier but you can't do that with Aspergers and I have been trying to get the school to see that he can't transfer skills from one situation to the next, he may never look them in the eye - why are the so hung up on that? They want to divide his behaviour up between 'bad boy' behaviour and Aspergers behaviour. I calmly explained that the two are linked, he behaves as does because of his Aspergers and that his behaviour may be bad but he is not a bad boy. Schools need to be educated by someone who either lives with Aspergers or has experience of child with it. In the UK Special Needs Schools have Outreach workers who go into schools to educate teachers and other staff who come into contact with the child. Social Stories are great at helping my son to understand social situations like going out for a meal or even a family party. You know your child best and will know what he needs help understanding. My son has no empathy with other people and we did one story about how people might feel when they are called a rude name but he may never understand that and that is where your love and suppoirt comes in. I am a youth worker and one of the courses I run for parents is about raising childrens self esteem and confidence. find some thing he is good at and use that to do this, get the school to send home a Positive Praise back, my sons behaviour improved when he could see that the teachers saw the good side of him. Each child, teenager and adult needs 40 praises to counteract 1 negative comment per day! praise your child for every good thing he does no matter how small - Thanks for getting up when I asked, thanks for brushing your teeth, thanks for getting into the car etc you get the idea. By getting the school to do a positive praise book they will be forced to look at your child in a different way - only PRAISE and POSITIVE comments are allowed. Ignoring behaviour you dont like and praising the good works to. Children with Aspergers need to be taught the things we take for granted, my son asked me how do you start up a conversation - I assumed he knew so we did a social story about conversations. Another thing to do is to look at the school legal obligation to educated your child. In the UK we have the 'childrens Act' and 'Every Child Matters' these are legal documents and the school has to abide by them. The school should also have a policy for children with special needs ask to see a copy and contact the governors of the school, the body that makes sure the school is running smoothy, if ou are not happy with the way the teachers are handling your childs education. It's not easy but it's one avenue to explore .

I will end on a positive note. my eldest son also has Aspergers but was never diagnosied, graduated from university last year!! He struggled thro school and college but found his niche at university everything come together. Hope some of this helps.

Laura - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hi all, I am a mom in Michigan with an autistic son that is just starting the school system. I haven't had as much trouble with the school as I've heard from many of you (so far - but he's only in the first grade). Wanda, I was wondering if you've checked out the Autism Society of Canada website (I noticed you were from Nova Scotia, correct?). They have links to regional sites that get you specific services for your geographical area. One of the things they do is help in getting a specific diagnosis and then from there they help with advocating for you. They know the laws inside and out and help families in dealing with schools that don't know or aren't willing to get with the program. One last thing, I just wanted to encourage you that there is no end time in getting help for your son. Not sure if you have ever heard of Temple Grandin or Sean Barren. They are both adults with Aspergers/Autism. They have great books that talk about growing up at a time when therapies for autism didn't exist. They also talk about their struggles in school and social settings and how they dealt with it. It might be something to read for encouragement. The idea that they made it through and you will too (maybe get some ideas for your son). Hope that helps in anyway. Will be praying for this group and all the many families still facing school challenges!

JoAnn - posted on 01/22/2009

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Like some of the others. I do "Social Stories" with my son. He had an episode yesterday where he says bad things, hits and spits. He had to be restrained. I wrote a Social Story telling him that hitting, spitting etc. are wrong, and if he doesn't want to be restrained he needs to go to his "safe spot." He has a safe spot designated by himself in every room and outside. He can escape to his safe spot until he is calm to return to the class. I have told the teachers to allow him choices. You cannot demand things from an Aspie or at least my son. He has to be allowed to make the correct choice himself. I am reading many books as well including "Geeks, Freaks, and Asperger's Syndrome" and explaining to the teachers why he does what he does and how to prevent it. I have found that I have to be a resident expert and constantly explain what brought on the aggression and how to prevent it. The Social Story helps explaining to my son what he did wrong so he can try to learn to correct his behavior on his own. I hope this helps.

Wanda - posted on 01/21/2009

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Wow, wow, wow!!!  What can I say?  I'm so overwhelmed by all the responses and all of you who are going through the same thing.  It gives me strength, you have no idea!!!  My latest challenge with my son is his sleeping patterns.  He hasn't been in school full-time for so long that he's used to sleeping in late, and falling asleep even later.  He says he lays there and basically rolls around for hours.  It can be 5am before he falls asleep, and the latest he goes to bed is 1am.  I do have a book that was recommended to me by a Mental Health counsellor...Geeks, Freaks, and Asperger's Syndrome.  It has ideas in there  that were written by a 13 yr. old girl with Asperger's.  I've only read a bit yet, but, it certainly looks like it will be a great  help.  I'm going to give it to my son to read after I'm done with it.  I thank every single one of you for your sharing, it really has helped me a lot. 
Regards and best wishes to you all!
Wanda

[deleted account]

Susan - SO good to hear that your daughter is doing so well.  I am VERY involved in every aspect of my kids' schooling...and I can only hope that my son's will be able to do that same as you daughter.  I know how difficult it is with more than one that is special needs. My middle son is very combative, so I'm hoping is just another facet of Asperger's.  His tactile disorder is more defined than the other two, so when we have the IEP meeting, I'm hoping for the best.


We, too, live in a small town, but we are within an hour from 3 larger cities with many resources.  It's stressful at times, but seeing stories such as yours helps me keep my head up :)


~ Angela


Quoting Susan:





WOW, so many stories that sound like my life.  My now 20 year old daughter, diagnosed at 5 with aspergers is now attending university with a major in drama.  It was a combination of teachers, drama coaches, friends, doctors and lots of reading.  You have to fight hard for your children and they will make it.  Her drama actually helped her learn to relate and she was mostly passive although at times her fits and seizures were difficult to live with. 






My now 24 year old son, diagnosed with ADHD/ODD etc never did make it in school.  Was so violent that I unfortuantely had to remove him from the home for awhile to protect my daughters.  We also fought for every breath and went to evey meeting and court date and mediation.  The story takes to long.  Being in a small town make it very difficult to get the help you need and I at times thought I was going to explode.  Between the two of them I really don't know how I made it but, commitment with my husband, good friends and family, determiniation and always love.  I thought at times I might get a phone call, you know.






One doctor told me to believe what I knew in my mothers heart and follow my instict, that helped alot.  Take time to reboot yourself or you will not be able to make it, I hae health issues from the stress.  Keep looking to the new research and be open.  As in our case the drama lessons and speach arts helped in ways I could not have imagines.





 

Susan - posted on 01/21/2009

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WOW, so many stories that sound like my life.  My now 20 year old daughter, diagnosed at 5 with aspergers is now attending university with a major in drama.  It was a combination of teachers, drama coaches, friends, doctors and lots of reading.  You have to fight hard for your children and they will make it.  Her drama actually helped her learn to relate and she was mostly passive although at times her fits and seizures were difficult to live with. 



My now 24 year old son, diagnosed with ADHD/ODD etc never did make it in school.  Was so violent that I unfortuantely had to remove him from the home for awhile to protect my daughters.  We also fought for every breath and went to evey meeting and court date and mediation.  The story takes to long.  Being in a small town make it very difficult to get the help you need and I at times thought I was going to explode.  Between the two of them I really don't know how I made it but, commitment with my husband, good friends and family, determiniation and always love.  I thought at times I might get a phone call, you know.



One doctor told me to believe what I knew in my mothers heart and follow my instict, that helped alot.  Take time to reboot yourself or you will not be able to make it, I hae health issues from the stress.  Keep looking to the new research and be open.  As in our case the drama lessons and speach arts helped in ways I could not have imagines.

[deleted account]

I saw a book at Barnes and Noble that looked useful in helping teens with aspergers improve their social skills. It was a workbook, with different scenario stories and questions about what went wrong and how the teen should have acted differently to his peers. I'm sorry that I don't remember the title. I saw it on an endcap in the teens section of the store. I hope this helps!

Andrea - posted on 01/21/2009

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WOW!!! This is soo much like my 10 yr old son. He was origionally diagnosed with ADHD and then as he started to go through grade school, the teachers that were working with him were the ones that told me that Asperger's was a better way for him to be diagnosed and so I had the psychatrist do all the paper work and he made the official diagnosis, which was great. So from then on, his IEP was in place for what he needed. SOCIAL skills for him is a major down fall for him. Like your child, mine yells at people that same way and doesn't feel that he has done anything wrong. He has NO friends other than my friends children. He has been through so much over the past 6 yrs. that I wish I could take a lot of the other pains away for him. My thoughts and suggestions would be to find someone, anyone that can help. Goto the principle, don't let him fall between the cracks of the school system. That is what made the change for my child in school. I saw that he was going to fall behind and I called the principle right away and he set a time for us to meet to see what we could do to help him out. Does your child have an IEP in place at school? If not find out what needs to be done to get one in place for him. That is where I would start.



Andrea

[deleted account]

All 3 of my sons are ASD/Asperger's. They are ages 8 (as of tomorrow), 5 and 3. I feel very lucky to be in a school system where they are very aware of the needs of my boys. I also am very involved in what goes on at school with my oldest two boys. When the schoolwork wasn't getting done, I finally made the move to medicate them. As much as my pride didn't want to, it was the BEST decision. My oldest now gets 80% + on every assignment, where as before completely blank pieces of paper were coming home. Social interactions are still awkward, but the meds are helping them with that too. It's been helping to eliminate some of the anxiety they have with dealing with others.

My oldest son also is in Cub Scouts, and started basketball (which consists of most of his Cub Scout friends) this spring. Also, in the spring/summer, he plays baseball. It keeps the touching on a minimum, but it still teaches him how to work as a team. In school he gets Occ. Therapy, teaching him about social skills and other fine motor things. If I find they are doing something that isn't working...I just call them and we talk. It's a great system :)

My middle son takes Focalin XR, and his behavior in school has improved exponentially. We are going through the child study process with the school to determine any services he may be eligible for. They have psychologists in the schools here in Virginia, so if there are any questions/issues, it can be addressed quickly.

My youngest son was recently confirmed ASD thru the school system, and as of right now, they are keeping him on child study and re-evaluating every 6 months to monitor his speech development (he's 3 and has a hard time articulating). One he's old enough for their 4 year old preschool program, we'll go through thte IEP process and make sure he gets the help he needs.

On that note, I'll say, my oldest had learned to take advantage of his services, so I very frankly told him, if he continued to abuse them, I would have them taken away. (ear plugs/sunglasses for over stimulus in class) Since that discussion, we've been good.

Good luck with whatever you decide...but I'd be glad to talk to anyone who has similar issues. :)

[deleted account]

Hi - new here.



My 12-year-old son was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 8. The school he was in wasn't willing to accomodate him and he spent the entire year working in the office. I pulled him out of that school and into another but they didn't understand his behaviour either. When I had the psychologist release her report to the school they finally realized they didn't have a 'bad kid' to deal with like they'd been told. They did a lot of research into how best to handle his disorder and have gone a long way to accomodate him, even to the point of eliminating the need for note-taking as this was something he was unable to do.



He used to get into a lot of trouble for fighting at school. Even the slightest confrontation would turn into an all-out brawl. Switching from one subject to another during the day would provoke a argument between him and his teacher. Since learning of his diagnosis, however, the teacher now gives him a 10-minute warning for when they're changing subjects, allows him time to read (his favourite pasttime) between classes and role-plays through confrontations to teach him the appropriate reactions to unpleasant situations.



He still has difficulty opening up to other kids. Talking to him on the phone is a challenge because he has to be prompted to participate in his half of the conversation. I home-schooled him for a year but the psychologist said it was unhelpful in the long run due to lack of social contact. The school counselor, upon hearing that his older brother was in cadets (like ROTC) recommended that I enrol him in it as well. I initially argued against this because he doesn't like being bossed around and rarely follows instruction well but she insisted he would enjoy it. I was surprised to find out she was absolutely right. He loves the structure and organization and is eager to participate each week.



I know it's going to be difficult for him when he graduates into high school as I'll have to find one that is willing to make the same or similar changes but I'm hopeful that by the time he gets there he'll have enough learned skills and a big enough support group to make it through alright.

Cybil - posted on 01/21/2009

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i have a 13 year old who is also very socially challenged . she has a very hard time speaking to anyone. even people she has gone to school with for 7 years!  she can look the iin the eye if she does talk to them and if she does have to talk she figits alot and her eyes roll around funny like she has somthing in them. some kind of nervous reaction she gets. she is in middle school and never goes anywhere or does anything or talks on the phone all because she is so backwards. she gets very good grades without hardly trying. but she is also having the behaviour problems like you said to,. she would argue about anything and everything and she lies alot to. but the thing is she only has this sort of behaviour at home not at school. does anyone else have this problem. can the behaviour be selective like this? i think the only reason she doesnt do it at school is because she is to scared to death to talik to people . lol

Elizabeth - posted on 01/20/2009

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I don't mean to push a product, but go to this website. http://www.celebratecalm.com/

Sign up for their free newsletter, and you can ask questions via email. There are workshops, etc.



At this point, your son is old enough that he needs to 'figure himself out'. ESPECIALLY when the school is not being helpful. The insights on this website and in the CD's they sell is priceless!!! It is not too late to help your son help himself in spite of the school or others in his life. I wish I had this information growing up! I wish you well.

Janet - posted on 01/20/2009

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Wanda, what state do you live in? It sounds like your son's rights are being violated. He should be in school all day, with an aide if necessary, and all his teachers should be aware of his accommodations. Additionally, if teachers are having trouble "dealing with him" then the county needs to provide education for them about autism. Also, Federal Law stipulates that they can't kick a child out of school who has a special neends diagnosis. They can't. That's the law--Tell you school to look up Honig v. Doe (1988) which the Supreme Court ruled on stating that even if a child is considered a danger to others, the public school system must educated them. It further stated that a child with disabilities who has behavior problems cannot be expelled from school.

User - posted on 01/19/2009

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Wanda, have you heard a company called Reliv International?  You can go to reliv.com and check out the products.  I have heard so many amazing stories regarding children with Autism, Aspergers, and other learning disabilities having remarkable results after taking these nutritional shakes.  If you would like to get some information from Mom's who have their children on Reliv, let me know and I can three way us together. 

Wanda - posted on 01/19/2009

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Hello, Karen!  Yes, your blathering helps...ha ha!  Actually, my son did manage to have one teacher who understood his need to just "get away" at times, and it worked well.  He is allowed to do that now as well.  He can walk the halls if he wants, but, his aide is always following and that really irks him.   It's never the same aide, either.  He goes part-time, and for the most part it works well...but, there are those times where he's just too distracted and can't follow the class.  Given homework, he's on the ball and does very well academically.
Having the older child compared to yours?  Well, at least you've pretty much determined at this point what your child's diagnosis is...ours was just this year.  He's always been looked at as ADHD and oppositional.  You child will have a lot more going for him because of the early diagnosis.  With mine, he was basically looked upon as a bad kid, with very little understanding of how to make things work for him.  I find that public schools can't or won't tweak the program enough...there's still the expectation that he will follow what the other students are doing, to a point.  I think you will be okay, given the early start you've had.  My son has improved immensely, and it has a lot to do with maturity as well as his awareness that when he says or does certain things, he may hurt someone's feelings.  He still has a lot of trouble with self-control, but, it's definitely better than what it was.  I still hold out hope that he will succeed in whatever he chooses as an adult.
Thank you again for responding, and best regards to you and your son.
Wanda

[deleted account]

Hi Wanda,



We are going thru the same thing with our son, Andrew. My husband and I are positive he has Asperger's but we are on the waiting list to get him officially diagnosed. Andrew is 5 and in Kindergarten. Like your son, he is extremely bright. He's one of the best, academically, in his class. But, emotionally/socially he is an extreme discipline problem.



Please keep in mind you have to find what works for your son's individual needs but things that have worked for us: Andrew only goes for 1/2 days, otherwise the stimulation gets to be too much and he overloads. He thrives on lists and routines-we tell him, "It's the 10:15 buzzer. It's time to use the toilet. It's 4:30, it's time to do your homework." We try very hard to make every-day-life things just matter-of-fact. "It's just the way it is" instead of "I want you to do this" cuz he wants control of the situation at all times. If he feels he doesn't have control he freaks. He also has a list of "good options" (i.e. taking deep breaths) that he can choose from to use instead of hitting, screaming, throwing things. He absolutely has to have a choice. So instead of "You have to finish your work in class" it's "you can finish your work now or do it during recess. What do you want to do?" He has to have a "safe zone"; somewhere he can go and take a break when he overloads. Andrew has a corner with a beanbag in it. He puts his coat over his head and literally shuts down his senses. My brother-in-law has a student who is allowed to walk the hall when he overloads. Andrew has to have something immediately challenging in front of him to do or he zones out and gets disruptive. So his teacher gave him a dry-erase board, marker and eraser. Andrew gets to draw and write on in it in his own chair while the rest of the class is on the carpet reading from the easel board. Andrew is extremely visual-he has a picture schedule that he can constantly refer to so he knows what to expect that day. Look at the way you do things at home. You will probably find the things you have in place at home to cope can usually be tweaked and adapted to a public school setting.



Every school district is slightly different but there are federal laws they all have to abide by because of the "No Child Left Behind Act". Our district has Individual Education Plans (IEP), find out what it is for your district. It's a plan for his education fitting his specific, individual needs. Once Andrew is diagnosed by a recognized doctor we can demand certain things happen as he goes thru school (like being able to have a snack in the classroom) because it is actually crucial to him learning.



Socially, I agree with you. There's a part that just doesn't recognize what they say and do can hurt others. A lot of the time Andrew says one thing and means another because he associated it in one situation but is applying the lesson universally. Hence the odd comments he makes at times. (he gets a hug and says "they love me" cuz this is what his dad and I do) This took me a long time to understand and get. I have to admit it still hurts when he says things like "I don't like you." But I realized he means "I don't like what you're doing." You have to teach him a specific healthy, constructive response for each situation; exhausting but worth it when they get it. The blessing of Asperger's is that they usually have astounding memories/ability to recall details so they CAN actually remember a proper response to each and every situation. Use this skill to your advantage. We also expose him to group settings in small doses like going to the playground for an hour or two. He gets to expend some pent up energy (another crucial element) and be around other kids or play by himself but not get overwhelmed. The experience also teaches him how to act around others. He sees the other kids and mimics them.



The biggest tip I have learned is stay involved. You are your child's biggest advocate and asset. All the people involved with Andrew's schooling-his teacher, the school therapist, school psychologist, principal-have all said they don't see enough parent involvement. We aren't in a small town, per se, but we are in a poor district so we don't have a lot of resources either. I've had to go outside the system and incorporate those things in Andrew's schooling. But the officials welcome the involvement.



I hope my blathering helps.



Being someone with an older child, what can you tell me?



Karen

Wanda - posted on 01/19/2009

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Thanks, Patti.  We used to do all sorts of activities together, but, the older he gets, the less of an interest he has in those other things.  He will go swimming, but only in a swimming pool...he'll ride his bike, etc.  As for church, he used to go when his sister was living here but that stopped as well because he found some of the things hard to take.  If he's been treated badly by anyone, he won't want to see that person again.  He's a challenge, and I do know that I'm the expert.  I don't believe in the counselling whatsoever (unless it's specific to Asperger's or Autism, nothing here like that), nor medication.  Did that route when we thought he was ADHD and oppositional.  He hasn't been on any meds for about 2 years now.
I will keep plugging away.  Thanks for your support!!!

Patti - posted on 01/19/2009

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As for the friends and the extracurricular activities, my daughter has friends and activities through church. She also has friends at school because there where kids who finally saw her for who she is, not the Aspergers. At church she is involved in basketball, orchestra, youth group, and other activities. She also gets to serve which helps. I won't say that she hasn't been looked at as weird at church, but for the most part people tend to forget the weird or they just accept it. I also let the adults in her life know about her asperger's as it is neccessary because they help pave the way with others her age, and usually after a while the other kids seem to accept her. I hope that this helps. I took my duaghter out of counceling because I found that most of them where not doing her any good. I also took her off of medicine last year because it was making her depressed. try some extra activities outside of school and see if that helps. With those activities you can be around to help your son, and walk him through appropriate way to handle things. Keep trying, because I am learning the only experts out there on Asperger's are those of us who are raising these children.

Wanda - posted on 01/19/2009

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Hi, Patti...thank you so much for your response.  My son was tutored at home from grades 4 - 6, and the school board paid for the tutor.  I have wanted to homeschool him since then, but, I've received opposition from his father and the local psychiatrist.  Now, his school's principal is actually in agreement with me and I think my son would be willing to go the homeshooling route, only because he's realized that actually attending school (which he wanted to do) is hard on him.  He loves to learn, but, has trouble with the classroom learning...too many distractions, and he tends to blurt out things.  He has improved in a lot of ways, but, he still has trouble with the self-control.  He's looked upon as the weird kid because of things he says and does...
I'm just wondering, does your daughter have friends?  Is she involved in any extracurricular activity?  My son has no friends, and no supportive people in his life, besides me.  He doesn't seem to be bothered by that, guess he's used to it.  He seems to prefer just using the computer, and he's quite happy doing so.  He has a great love for animals, and is extremely sensitive.  He really is a neat kid.  I've advocated for him for years and years, and I do feel he's come a long way.  I haven't given up, I just wish I wasn't so alone in this.  Too many people pay lip service, but, no one really does anything to help.  I so wish there was a school nearby that catered to these kids' needs. 
I thank you for writing and have been very pleased with the responses so far.  It's great knowing there are others who have and are going through the same things.  I have two older children who have turned out wonderfully, but, they weren't Asperger's.  My older son, who is 21, doesn't get his brother at all.  My daughter does, she tends to be more in tune with him and loves him.  So, we keep plugging away.  I wish I could foresee the future!

Patti - posted on 01/18/2009

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I have a 14 year old daughter who has Asperger's, and some of what you are describing fits her as well. I have learned that the best way to teach a child with Asperger's to dothe right thing is by making them go back and do a situation right. My daughter is notorious for saying what is on her mind to people. I usually take her to the person she was spoke to and have her tell them what she should have said in the first place. This usually happens after I have spoken with her. The other thing that you will need to do is to make sure that the teachers, staff and administration, and sometimes those at the Board of Education have a colplete understanding of how Asperger's affects your child's behavior. It is important that you become your child's advocate at school because no one else will. The other suggestion I would have for you is to homeschool if that is an option. My daughter's behavior has improved significanlty over the last couple of years since I have been working with her, but she still tends to open her mouth when she shouldn't. She has requested that I homeschool her for high school. I don't know if that is possible for you but that is the best way to control the influences that have an affect on your child. I hope that this helps.  I will check back in a couple of days to see if you have any other questions. Don't give up. This is not a hopeless situation.

Wanda - posted on 01/18/2009

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Hi, Christine and thanks for your reply.  You have two boys with PDD?  Wow, kudos to you for staying sane.  I'm at the point and have been for a long time, that I believe the public education system is lacking greatly in helping these kids.  My son is so bright, and I feel that he's being set up for failure in this kind of environment.  It's just something I have to keep plugging away at, I guess.  I want him to succeed in life, and I think he will if given the chance.
I wish  you all the best with your boys!!!!
Regards,
Wanda

Wanda - posted on 01/18/2009

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Hi, Pamela...yes, we definitely have some similarities, don't we?  It's heartbreaking when your child is being ostracized instead of being included.  My son has no friends, except in class, there are a couple of kids who "tolerate" him and laugh at his antics (which he thinks is great).  He's found his niche on the computer.  He's not a social being, really.  And that's okay as long as these kids have something they can turn to.  It doesn't seem to bother him that he has no social life, it just seems to bother me and more so, his father (we are not together and he's no help, sees him maybe once every 3 weeks...pays a lot of "lip" service, if you know what I mean).  I have been my son's voice for years, although he can speak his mind very well, he's just so confused because he wants to pass his classes, but, doesn't necessarily  want to be at school.  He hates that he has to have an aide follow him everywhere, and will usually tell that aide (it's a different one a lot of the time) to go away and not very nicely either!  He's reacting to what he percieves as someone in his space...frankly, I understand that.  I'm not so sure an aide is a great idea.  He doesn't need help with the academics, just needs the teachers to pay more attention to him.  All the aide does is follow him around, and report to the principal if he's acting out...plus, keeps a log on his progress or lack there-of.  I wish there was a private school in these parts (I live in a small town in Nova Scotia) where they accept these kids and let them learn in their own way, supporting them, etc.  I don't think I've ever been so frustrated with anything else in my life.  Curious, too, how do your family and friends take to your son.  Mine like to tell me how I should discipline him...funny how so many people can give advice on something they know nothing about!  I really do feel alone with all of this, how about you?

Christine - posted on 01/18/2009

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HI, I have 2 boys with PDD. They both go to school full time. Schools can be very "Thick Headed" when it comes to children with disabilites that they can not see physical. The number one thing that parents can do is stay involved with what the school is proposing for your childrens education plan. There are laws for people with disabilities. The schools must follow the laws. I have had many PPT's at the schools - there have been time I have brought along a Dr. or councelor that the kids where working with at the time and the person gave their point of view also. Also, staying connected with your child is very important - even if the child will not speak - reading body language or mood changes will tell a lot. If changes are shown..check with the school and see what is going on. My oldest is now 14, it hasn't been easy but it has gotten a lot better.

Pamela - posted on 01/18/2009

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Hi Wanda - reading your story above is like reading my own story. My son is 11 and started secondary school in september. He was also diagnosed with ADHD but the older he gets the more apparent it is that he has Asperger's. He is continuously being excluded from school because they cannot deal with him and he just cannot cope in a mainstream school. We are in the process of having him assessed for Asbergers with a view to getting as statement so that hopefully he can go to a special school. For the next four weeks he is on respite from 9.15 till 12.15 at another location and is on the verge of being permanently excluded. I just don't know where to turn to at the moment. I am trying to keep down a part-time job as a Teaching Assistant but it looks like I am going to have to give that up which brings further worries financially. I just feel that there really is no support for parents with these special needs children. Take care. Pamela Kingham

Wanda - posted on 01/18/2009

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Thank you Michelle.  We have been in contact with the board on many occasions.  My son was actually being tutored at home for 2 years, which worked well except  that he was missing the social contacts at school.  They will pay for a tutor but not for a teacher.  There is a severe lack of understanding in the public school system regarding children who have impulse control issues...although, his Junior High is being pretty patient.  I also find he is being ostracized more than helped or accepted.  I just keep praying and hoping that he gains more control the older he gets.  I hope your son does wonderfully in the school he is in!  Regards, Wanda

[deleted account]

hi, my son has been diagnosed with odd with aspergers symptoms so far, i had many problems with the school putting him into detention for not controlling his anger, they do not seem to understand that he does not have impulse controll one things get to a certain level, i rang the board of education and put in a formal complaint and they have been wonderful even paying for joshua to have his own teacher this year, ring them they may be able to help in dealing with the school. keep strong the school needs to learn to change their stratagies to suit him not the other way around... goodluck

Wanda - posted on 01/17/2009

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Thank you Jennie and Beverly...I appreciate your feedback.  I'm going to inquire about the Applied Behaviour Therapy, and hope that it's actually available in or at least near our small town.  It's never been mentioned to us, but, after reading about it online, it sounds like it MAY help.  The problem is that my son is almost 14, and I'm worried that he may be past the age where anything would help.  It's been a frustrating ride for sure.  I know I'm the expert on my son...try telling that to the "educators"! 
Thank you again, and all the best with your children as well!
Sincerely,
Wanda

[deleted account]

Applied Behavioral Analysis Therapy, or ABA has been proven to be very effective with autistic kids, especially those who are high functioning like those with Asperger's. My daughter, who is 7, was diagnosed recently, and I have already seen improvement in her social and self management skills since beginning therapy a couple of months ago. We only do it about an hour a week and I have already gotten a lot of good new strategies for helping her and helping others to help her. Trying googling it and see if anyone in your area does this kind of therapy. I know you said you live in a small town, but it is proven to be about the number strategy for helping autistic kids. It is just so individualized to their specific needs. Also, if your son is in public school, I would consider taking him out-that is a social mine field for someone with good social skills. I think you said he goes part-time. My daughter goes part-time as well, but to a small private school. Anyway, that is just my opinion-you are the one who knows what's best for your child, not me, but that is part of my point-you know what's best, not the school either!

Jennie - posted on 01/17/2009

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My son is 9, and has ADHD/ CD and traits of ASD, we had a similar problem with school. One of the things we found helpful was to have available a collection of 'social stories' that you have written detailing exactly what will happen and when and how he will behave, eg,..At 8am we will put on our outdoor clothes, At 8.05 am we will walk to school, at 8.30am we will arrive at school,  at 8.35 you will take off our outdoor clothes and hang up your coat, at 8.40 you will say good bye to mum then line up at theclass room door, at 8.45 your teacher will let you into the classroom, you will say good morning to your teacher then find your place and sit down quietly...etc.  Read through the story with your son before school, and whenever you get the oppotunity as many times as you can.



  You canwrite a new story for each situatuion you need a little help with, eg, going to the dentist/doctor, going to the shops etc, and make them personal to your son, use his name and the names of people in his stories. It takes awhile to get together your stories and work out the best times to use them, but I found they helped my son understand how he was expected to behave in different situations



  I hope this is of some use to you, please let me know how you get on if you decide to give it a go...Good luck xxx

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