staying home verses working outside the home

Stacey - posted on 02/23/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )




Hi, I am considering quitting my job to stay home with my son,we are getting ready to start aba therapy and I feel I could devote more time to working one/one with him. He has been getting worse,less speech and more sensory issues. I just hope I can do it, I about lost it tonight,I started crying after taking him to get his hair cut. He screamed the whole time,flailed around,head butted me hit my jaw. He will be 5 in april and he is getting bigger,stronger. I worry how I am going to be able to handle it all. I am hopeful that by staying home I wont be as stressed with keeping up with work,housework,etc and just focus on him and his therapies. Anyone have any suggestions or ever been in a similar situation? I would appreciate any input. Thanks-Stacey


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Bernadette - posted on 01/20/2015




In my experience, routine is key. I think every asperger's child is a little bit different, but my son has responded so well to a strict schedule. If you have the ability to stay at home, it may give you an opportunity to establish a more stringent schedule for your son, and help him deal with day to day activities such as a haircut better. I also found that isolating my son's triggers helps immensely. For example, once we figured out that tests caused him a lot of anxiety, we developed coping mechanisms for him that didn't involve him walking out of the classroom or hiding under his desk. He is 9 so he has been able to help identify these. With your son being so young, you may need to work harder to find his triggers. As for your own sanity and patience- don't be afraid to reach out like you did today. I've been there- feeling like I"m a bad mom because I should be able to handle this. Just remember, there are a lot of other moms in your situation to help as well.

Grainne - posted on 08/31/2011




Hi Stacy, my name is Grainne, my son was diagnosed with aspergers when he was 9 and he is now 12 and was recently diagnosed with add/adhd. Like yourself I was completely stressed, trying to work full time and homework (hugely stressful at the time) plenty of tears..ect.. and during this time was going through hell with bereavements/ relationship probs. It was all too much for me so i made the decision to stay at home. I am much calmer, happier We have less money at the moment but that will not be permanent. My son is enjoying having me there (we hav a set routine on the go) and there are no arguments or major difficulties. I have learnt to become more patient, more tolerant and more at peace with life in general. We have started taking walks with our dog on a regular basis and it opens the lines of communication and we also have a laugh. His father left the family home three years ago and I strongly believe that he has gone undiagnosed himself and it led to a lot of the problems we were having in the home. It will also give you time to find yourself and enjoy the things you used to do before all the above.. wishin u the best and mind urself..

Amy - posted on 03/03/2009




If you can make it work i would say deffinetly stay home. My son is almost nine and there are things daily that im not sure anyone else would be able to handle with him. My son was very head sensitive to, he still is but he will get his hair cut now, i bought a floby and it didnt seem to bother him at all he just thought mommy was being wierd and trying to vaccume his head. that worked for us it might be worth a try. Staying home can still be stressfull, though its great because you can foucs more on them but it's like you live at your job. You might want to try music therepy to, i was skeptical at first but it really did help my son, a specialist came to work with him twice a week at first and he would listen the special cd's specific to what he needed and she would work wiht him and moniter his progess on certian things. I still play them for him and its great.

Stacey - posted on 02/28/2009




Cynthia-that was beautiful,it makes you have a different perspective on it,huh?! I hear women complain at work about their kids sports schedules and I cant help sometimes that I just want to say to them at least your child is playing with other children. I shouldnt feel that way but its hard not to sometimes. thanks for the post I appreciate it.-Stacey

[deleted account]

Mothers Are Given Special Traits

Most women become mother by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Cecelia. Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint, ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." Exactly, "smiles God. "Could you give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles, "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see . . . ignorance, cruelty, prejudice . . . and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

By Emma Bormbeck

[deleted account]

My advice is if you are going to stay home, do not attempt to "work" from home. You will not be able to give 100% to either job- being a mom dedicated to carrying over his therapy and working from home. Actually, being at home you will end up with several other jobs, if you know what I mean! If you can afford it, dedicate all your energy and time to helping your son achieve as much as possible before he enters Kindergarten. You will also need this time at home to start planning for his future services at school and start collaborating with everyone involved in the transitioning process. Once, he is in Kindergarten, maybe you can work from home, part-time?

Francine - posted on 02/25/2009




I too have a five year old son with Autism Spectrum, i left work, when he was 2 yrs old, it has been tough financially, but i think i did the right thing, staying home with him and concentrating on him and his improvement, it is a hard thing to be faced with,but just stay strong and stick with the therapy, things will get better.

Amy - posted on 02/25/2009




Hello Stacey,

I stay at home with both of our boys. My husband works full-time and I have found something that I can do part-time from home. We have two boys and they both have some separtation anxieties. It is just much easier for us if I stay home. Christian is 5, and has been showing some pink flags for ADHD, is now going to speech therapy. Ethan is 3, and has been diagonsed with PDD. he was a preemie and was born at 24.5 wks. He has to have all the well known therapies, speech, physicial, and occupational. We have also sought help with an ABA, considering some of the behavior issues that we have seen here recently. I think that's good if you can stay home. One on one attention is what some children. It is definitely a task to do both, but when you have a schedule and routine then it gets easier. Please let me know if you have any other questions. I will try to answer them as best as I possibly can. I will be praying for you and your family.

God bless,


Kim - posted on 02/24/2009




thank god someone who knows how i feel i quit my job yesterday
i just couldnt do it anymore sometimes you just have to know your limits because if you crack how will look after your child then .....................................................

needs must and you need to safe guard yourself

Alicia - posted on 02/24/2009




Funny.. I was just talking about this to someone.. I was a stay at home Mom for several years. Now I have Sam.. The one child I feel I NEED to be home with and I am forced to work part time.. We just can't afford the therapies unless I work.

On the plus side of working*** It's adult time and I feel human for a few hours a day. Also sometimes on my days off I get so bored.. Not that there is nothing to do. There is tons to do, but Sam just won't let me and consumes my energy and time. For instance I can't shower without someone else home. He would terrorize everything. My bedroom has needed painted and I can't do it because he just won't go and play. He will touch everything!

Good Luck on your decision and feel fortunate that you have this choice.

Angela - posted on 02/24/2009




I have just resigned from my job  1 week ago. Yeah, just found it so hard to do both. I also think that as my hubby in the army and goes away a lot there wasn't enough consistancy for our son.

He wasn't coping with the before and after school care and at times leaving the school grounds to go on adventures........ I just can't work.


Im hearing ya. I am so enjoying the me time too.


good luck

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