What should I do..My 16 yr. old Autistic son tells me he's sad and lonely

Lydia - posted on 01/10/2010 ( 108 moms have responded )

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My son comes out of his room sad and I ask him "what's wrong" and he answers he's lonely and starts to cry..All I could do was cry with him..I think he wants a girlfriend but what am I suppose to do? He has cousins but everyone is in there own world so I can't force any of them to spend time with him so pretty much he's a loner and it hurts me soo much because it's too hard to explain to him..any suggestions??

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Catherine - posted on 07/10/2013

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I thought I was alone in this! My son is 18 and autistic spends all his time in his room! Won't go out! Has no friends :-( his Xbox is his life! It's so sad to see! I've been in touch with the autistic society to hopefully get some help! I try to stay positive but it's heart wrenching isn't it....Cath.

Carol - posted on 05/31/2014

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I also have a son that is 22, soon to be 23 and is so lonely. He doesn't say it but I know he is. I would like to find some kind of website where he could go online and maybe meet someone. Any suggestions?

Hannah - posted on 08/01/2013

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Hi My daughter is 18 and all she does is spend times on her xbox or her laptop. she barley goes out anywhere as most of her friends live quite far away, she gets upset about how she doesnt have any friends who have autism. i dont know what to do!? :/

Christina - posted on 06/28/2013

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I have a 13-year-old son with mild autism. He functions well and I must say that I give a lot of credit to technology - online games and so forth - as a venue for finding friends who don't see the quirks, hear the stuttering speech, who learn to accept him for his gaming talents and his friendliness and good heart. Also (you don't have to answer this; just ask yourself): why is he in his room and not at the park feeding ducks or something, or at the movie theater enjoying pop corn with his parents and a cousin or two? It requires no interaction, really, but creates a sense of PRESENCE of others that might help.

Flor - posted on 01/29/2014

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Hi Lydia,
We have the same problem as my son he's 17 and lonely. I feel the same as yours.

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Chel - posted on 04/16/2016

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I need help or advice please. My 18 year old son with Autism pretty high functioning but not enough to be mainstreamed in public school, is going through a rough time with the "girlfriend" topic. He had one and just purely for the title. Not for hanging out etc. Its just the fact of having one that he wants. They broke up and now he has days where he's really upset and sad crying that he wants a girlfriend. And we tell him that he will meet someone he has to go out and do thing in the community and meet girls. But it takes time. And he doesn't take well to that answer. He says "I don't understand why I have to wait to get a girlfriend?" and I've tried to explain it but it's just not sinking in and he is just caught up on the script of the whole conversation. I think he talks about it when he's feeling sad. As something to fuel his sadness thats related to something different but he talks and acts mostly through scripts. But no doubt he is sad he doesn't have a girlfriend. I just don't know what more we can do with this situation or finding the right answer for him. If anyone could give insight to this topic I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!

Victoria - posted on 10/05/2015

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I think that adolescents and adults with Asperger's can bond with others who share their intense passion for a subject. In elementary school, for example, my friend Aria (who has Asperger's) and I would play with littlest pet shop toys at the playground sandbox and she enjoyed our playtime a lot, as did I! Aria was very sweet and imaginative, so it is a shame that she moved away later that year.

Christy - posted on 09/14/2015

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My 16yo Step-son (we have full custody)Who is High functioning Autistic Adhd &A touch Of Aspbergers Says he is gay but has Never had a relationship. Last year he wanted a girlfriend, then he Dressed in all black.This year he is wearing colors again but says he is gay.He came home from his mom's with Girl pants on & he just asked his dad & I to tell him to tell him how to lose Fat and Muscle when we asked him why he didn't want to tell us .I think he wants to look like a girl. His dad and I are at a loss we don't know What to do Someone please Help us !!!

D - posted on 07/31/2015

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I have an 18 year old high functioning autistic son who is downstairs playing his XBox. I am worried also. We are trying to find him a job through SWAP but nothing yet. Since he has graduated and we live on acreage, he doesn't see or hear from his friends now and he doesn't want to go out now. I make him. I tried to play his video games with him but OMG!! There are toooo many buttons.
I think it is a great idea if we all connect and even get them to play video games together. We live in Colorado.

Caroline - posted on 03/15/2015

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There. Is. A bill. Ca llef the kattie beckert bill. Helps you get specialized services. For your child .then fine a support group and a psychologist. And. Group consulting . you have done your part. Now get him help and support. Him in. His journey.
.

Rosemary - posted on 03/10/2015

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I think your response is condescending... You don't know my son or our situation, I'm happy your nephew has friends in his neighbourhood, I wish my son lived there too so he'd have friends, everyones situation is different

FYI, my son only plays one game on playstation and only started playing it recently.
My son loved to read, go for walks with us and do all kinds of things but when you have aspergers and depression things change, playstation did not cause his depression.

Yes humans are social creatures, but if you have Aspergers then you are probably not as social as everyone else

Mary - posted on 03/10/2015

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I don't understand. Why do your children have play stations and xboxes, iPads, smartphones, and other electronic devices?? Most say, Xbox is his/her life and their child is sad and lonely. if these devices weren't in the picture, your kids would have gone out to play instead. Humans are social creatures. Too much interference with the Xbox is of course going to cause depression. Building fake communities out of blocks and killing each other in RPGs is desensitizing and setting your children up for disaster in real life. No offense, but really?
My nephew has aspergers and has been diagnosed as such since 2 yo. He does not have an Xbox. He does not have a play station. He does not get to watch TV as he feels like. He has a tablet, but has a time limit and parental controls installed. He gets to use a computer, strictly for educational reasons such as completing online homework or typing an essay. To read books, we go to the library and rent them. No nook or kindle necessary.

He is 14 and makes best friends with all the kids in the neighborhood. I truly believe it's because these devices have not been brought into our home. Kids can not go out and obtain these devices in their own.

Rosemary - posted on 03/10/2015

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Hi My son is 23 and very lonely perhaps somehow we can connect so they will become friends, contact me...

Arupert21 - posted on 03/08/2015

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maybe you can plan one day out of the week to spend time together or find groups with children with autism that is going through the same thin. my brother has austism and goes to counseling groups

Sylvia - posted on 03/08/2015

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Hi just read your post about your son,I understand do you have any ideas for me, I need help I can't stand to see him sad and lonely

User - posted on 06/13/2014

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Hi I have a 15 year old son with aspergers...he spends 99 % of his time in his room ...his Xbox is his life.. The other morning he announced that he's gay . I told him that its not a problem and that i would suppirt him i asked him how long has he known and he said a week can he know in a week ..I'm wondering if its due to him always interacting with males playing on his computer...

Nikki - posted on 05/17/2014

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My 16 year old daughter is very lonely. She has no friends and she really would love someone to talk to. She loves talking on facebook but that is all she does really. I wish I could do more for her.

Becki - posted on 04/09/2014

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Would anyone be interested in a Facebook page? Are there any ideas on how to monitor this to keep out the creeps? Predators can be very good with earning trust- especially from someone who is vulnerable. Or maybe a yahoo group? That might be a bit easier to monitor. I don't know since I am not Internet savvy. I would love to start a social group like this that might lead to pen pals. Some info..I'm an aspie, my DS (12), and Dd(9) are aspies and I suspect my ds(2) is. I'm not sure about my dd(4). We homeschool but my son could not keep any friends he's made. My daughter is on the same road.

Angelia - posted on 03/26/2014

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My nephew has with Autism, he lives in Texas and needs a friend. Maybe they can call each other? Or meet on facebook he has a page on it.

Angelia - posted on 03/26/2014

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There needs to be an online meeting place for kids maybe with a site developed just for with Autism, Asperger Syndrome, and developmental delays. One with games and chat rooms with potential for them to call each other as well. Why hasn't someone done this?

Lynne - posted on 03/03/2014

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I am a grandma of an autistic boy who is about to be 13. He is expressing that he is depressed. I went back to school to become a naturopathic doctor and have a year and half to go. What I was wondering from you moms if it would be beneficial to have a charter school for these kids that helped them learn to be social and created this pen pal network... Please offer suggestions as to what you would like to have. I am going to focus my career on autistic adolescents and teens.

Shannon - posted on 01/17/2014

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Does anyone live close to Lake stevens wa. My son is 14 and high functioning autistic and doesn't have any friends. I just had to pick him up from the counselor a office at school because he was in there crying because he doesn't have friends. He is such a sweet kid and his heart is broken:(

Kathleen - posted on 01/17/2014

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Please please read the book "Healing the symptons know as Autism" by Kerri Rivera. Kerri has recovered 93 children to date including her own son & 3000 are on the Protocol right now. I have been searching for a cure for my 11yr old grandson for 6 years now and just discovered this book 4 days ago.I prayed for a cure and I received this..I dont believe in coincidence!Read the testimonials at CDautism.org you can also contact Kerri at Kerri@cdautism.org My husband and I are starting the Protocol this week before my grandson starts it in the summer holidays. I hope this helps ..please help your son, we have to do this ourselves as know one else is prepared to help our sick children.Let me know how you get on..good luck x

Brandy - posted on 01/12/2014

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Hiya,
Now I am in the UK, but there are loads of groups for kids with autism and aspies. Both of my boys are on the spectrum. One is higher functioning that the other.
What I would do is go onto the Autism website and look for groups in your area. They are everywhere.
You and your son both can join social groups with other families and do lots of great activities.
Both of my boys are in scouts.. they are great with welcoming children with diverse needs. please do not feel you are alone.. there is so much out there... if you ever just want to talk drop me a line. Im more than happy to help you hunt down groups and organizations to give a helping hand.

Jaima - posted on 01/10/2014

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U shld request me on fb. My dtr is 14 and is very very grown up for her age. She has no griends. By choice. She very tall and beautiful, but refuses to hang out with the general populatuon that cisses and drugs andvother various activities. My name is Jaima Adams. My dtr is lonely and tends to flock towards the lonely. She plays XBOX all the time. It is her current BFF. Makes me sad that she is sad.

Molly - posted on 08/28/2013

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My son is 16 and has a disability called Warkany syndrome. He was also dealing with feelings of sadness, not being accepted by others. He wanted friends so badly. I got him involved in Special Olympics. Now he has a place to go with coaches and friends with a wide range of special needs where he is not left out. I recommend everyone to look up their local S.O. it is national.

Adelina - posted on 08/20/2013

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We live in Covina, CA- Does any one live around this area?
My sons ( 14 yrs and 16 yrs old) have Aspergers and would like to meet with other kids that are wiling to be their frieds. Please let me know -626-261-9994
Thanks,
ADE A

LESLIE - posted on 08/14/2013

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MY SON IS IN HIS THIRD YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL IT DOES GET BETTER MY SON WAS ALSO BULLIED IN JR HIGH AND ALMOST JUMPED. IN HIGH SCHOOL IT DOES GET BETTER AND THEY USUALLY HAVE A PAL STUDENT HELPING THEM. GOOD LUCK

Connie - posted on 07/24/2013

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Hun there is hope my son just turned twenty and is autistic and is engaged :-) . Saddly he had to turn to the internet to find this sweet girl but she loves and excets my son for who he is and all of his challenges.

S - posted on 06/27/2013

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Hi where abouts do you live? My partners son spends his time on his Xbox but has no friends. We are desperate to help him in this.

LaTanya - posted on 06/03/2013

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I also like Melissa's idea of having pen pals, that is a great way for children and teens who have Autism to practice and refine their social skills. My son is 11yrs old, and I also worry about him becoming depressed as he gets older. He has five siblings and they all have common interests so he isn't physically alone, but I worry that he may become depressed as the older children graduate and move on to college. At school he speaks to classmates and interacts but his best friend is a great kid who he met through art therapy. He first started with individual time, then Miss Bonnye began integrating him into larger groups and now he is part of the class for kids his age. No one wants to be alone, and humans are pack animals, we need to be part of something, even if it's hard to find that group we instinctively crave it. My boy also loves being on the computer, video games (especially Mario and Kirby), anime (mainly One Piece, Zatch Bell, DBZ) and manga, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, art of every form, music (he's an Elton John fan, plus a lot of J-Pop). I would like for him to have as many pen pals as possible, the social aspect is mutually beneficial. Our kids don't have to feel so alone when they realize that they actually have their own "crew". Any interested moms can contact me. It looks like we've all been feeling the same pain.

Bless you all.

Danielle - posted on 06/01/2013

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wow, I have been alone all these years! I should have joined when my son was younger. He is 20 and undiagnosed. He was very alone through high school. I put him in orchestra, honor society, jujitsu and youth group at church. He still never connected to anyone. He went to counseling for social anxiety and was getting better in 12th grade until he met his girlfriend who also can't handle social interacting and now they are alone together struggling to live on their own. It is a nightmare.

There is nothing I can do except pray that he keeps in touch with us. Prey that he never hurts himself and ask for help when he needs it. I talk to him all the time but he looks at me as if he has no idea what I am talking about. He has a child like positive attitude even as his life is falling apart.

My heart breaks for my beautiful loving son...

Lisa - posted on 04/13/2013

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I am going through the same thing but my son is 12. Its heart wrenching to watch. Everyone tells me to put him in activities. He's in horseback riding /equine therapy.Had him swimming lessons last summer. He tolerates both..not really getting enjoyment though. He wants friends. Your son sounds like he's having the same issues as mine. Sad a lot. Cries because he is so lonely..I cry just thinking about it. I want to do something but what? I figure I will find or start if needed a group for kids with this situation. Like needs to be with like at this age. Kids avoid anyone different. Clicks start in middle school and get worse in high school. Is your son being bullied? I will take my son out of school and home school if that ever happens..so far it hasn't but..as they get older......I am going to try and get mine into a school that is just for autistic kids. Is there one around you? Vangaurd (the one in this area) puts kids together that are on the same level so they can make friends etc. Trying to get the school system to pay for it poses a problem but it is worth a try.

Karin - posted on 04/09/2013

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He needs to join some social skills groups to meet other kids his age- boys and girls. He'll learn some skills and they usually do fun things when they meet. There are Meet-Up groups for this, theater groups for those who like drama, groups run by psychologists/OTs/SLPs...all sorts of groups for kids to meet other kids and get some help w/ their social skills too! Look for some in your area.

Also- he can meet some online friends his age on wrongplanet.net.

Paula - posted on 04/07/2013

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I know how you feel. I truly sympathise with you. My son is almost 15 years old, he too is autistic and feels very much alone. It breaks my heart to see him so sad. I try to get him out in the community which is really difficult. We just have to stay strong and positive for them. Dies he have a buddy from the autistic team?

Lorrie - posted on 04/07/2013

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I think that Melissa has a great idea! We should try to figure out how we could set up a "Pen Pal" and match up our kiddos with each other!! I know that my own almost 10 year old son would probably get excited about having someone that he could share with but, at the same time, not feel pressured by the "you're in my space" feeling. Please know that I understand that this will not solve the social interaction problem, especially wanting physical friends to hang out. If anyone has any ideas on how to facilitate this, feel free to share through through this conversation link on Circle of Moms, unless Lydia would prefer we start a separate one.

Jenny - posted on 04/07/2013

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we are having the same issue with my grandson. He has no friends and its hard to find something he likes to do outside the house : we have tried many things but he socially has an issue with all the people. I am looking for answers also im so sad for him all the time . and its only going to get worse with him starting high school, the bullying thru jr high was awful I can only see it getting worse in the future. if anyone has an idea I would love to hear it as I am so worried about him.

Melissa - posted on 02/26/2013

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My daughter will be 13 in 2 weeks and recently has been crying out for someone to understand her, be her friend. She feels very lonely and empty because she is the only child in her school diagnosed Aspergers. I recently started seeking a penpal for her. She has trouble socially so I thought maybe a penpal would help her loneliness. Would your son be interesting in being a emailing penpal with my daughter? Her interests are writing, drawing, video games (mortal kombat), singing, music (currently obsessed with Eminem), she loves YouTube, and Troll face is another recent obsession. She is very funny and gets along better with older teens. If your son is interested I will message you her email address.

Mary - posted on 02/24/2013

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I have a 32 year old daughter who is autistic and very lonely. I don't know what to do. I am stressing out allot and she is too. We both have been getting anxiety and depression. We stay home allot, and the only thing we do is go outside for walks around the neighborhood. She does have behaviors that makes it hard for her to socialize. She gets very frustrated and screams. She like to stay in bed allot and I tell her to join us in the living room, but she refuses. I also like for her to come outside with us, but she runs back inside. Is there any hope for her. She is not on any treatment. I give her vitamins and healthy food. I would love it if she would focus and speak to us directly. I don't want her on any drugs, maybe something natural would be all right.

Colleen - posted on 10/07/2011

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art...try art. I have a theory that autism happens b/c there is a part of the brain that's so busy, the other part doesn't develop...art taps into the brain in a way most of us cannot understand. It could be music, drawing, sculpture. If he is able to find something which brings him passion and happiness, he will naturally meet people through the process, so long as you are developing him in those areas.

Marci - posted on 02/04/2010

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I wish my son could meet your son. I am having the same issues. I have a high functioning 18 yr old that looks very normal from the outside. He wants friends and a girlfriend. He has no problem attracting them but once they start to talk to him it is obvious he is not on an 18 yr old level. I am trying so hard to find something for him to meet people like him. Since he is out of school, he is now isolated an alone at home all day mainly playing video games. If you learn of anything, I would be extremely interested.

Barbara - posted on 01/28/2010

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My son is also 16 and has Aspergers. One thing that really brought him out of his shell was doing a Drama BTEC at our local theatre. He has made new friends through this and has even made friends with some of them on Facebook! He is going to college in September to do a Bridge to Further Education course and this college has a group for students who are on the spectrum. My son also has about 12 online pen friends and they keep him busy. I am a single mum and Alex is my only child so we got a cat just over a year ago to stop him from feeling lonely. This also has the advantage of teaching him about boundaries - when he cuddles her for too long she objects very loudly!

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2010

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Try to find some activities that'll benefit both him AND you. Look for the social service agencies. They're usually good at informing you on where to sign up for special needs clubs. Although children with disabilities are child-like in mind, Their physical self progresses normally. It's hard for a parent because we have to protect them from people that'll take advantage; Don't let that keep you from getting the necessary help that the both of you need.

Lydia - posted on 01/23/2010

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Aww I wish he had an older sibling that could take him out for a ride, but my son has a lot of cousins that I'm sure would take him out, but the Question is do I trust them NO I am so over protective over my son that I know they will probably give him something to drink and think he can hang with them like that and I can't let him go he only has 1 cousins that I trust and will take care of him but he is soo busy with his sports that I would hate to bother him so I will keep brainstorming

Lydia - posted on 01/23/2010

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yes, it is sooo sad that these kids don't have any friends I've already done the special olympics and have like a big brother program for him and Kungfu Academy but it really is just that he really wants to have a girlfriend just like all the kids his age at high school...he wants to do the holding hands all that cute stuff we all did, but it's not as easy for him so I can't do nothing but pray that he can continue to live a good life with his family...he is my life and I will be by his side for as long as I live

Lorrie - posted on 01/21/2010

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Does he have any interests or hobbies, that he and/or you can pursue, possibly together? It could be as simple as reading a book series together, playing a daily scheduled board game, collecting stamps/coins, organizing something in/for your community such as a fundraiser for a youth autism support group that features movie night, valentine carnival, bingo/bowling for autism, etc. I hope that maybe some of this will help. ;-)

Corine - posted on 01/21/2010

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Karen you have some great ideas depending on your area there might be programs thru the local park and recreation association here in Colorado there is a program called thrills and skills and there is everything from art classes to dances for the special needs community. One activity which is tactille stimulating is clay and it is something you can try at home to see if he likes it. Start by just letting him see and smell and touch and then work with him to do basic shapes. Depending on where you live there might be a local community college or pottery store where it can be glazed and fired so he can see his work as a final product. My son also found paper as an art medium. He literally made Davy Jones' hat from Pirates of the Carribean and it looked stunning. You could also organize a small play group from kids he might go to school with (it sounds a little childish but would increase his opportunity to interact in a social setting). Just some suggestions

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How about joining a church. I know our church always has so many activities for the kids to do where they are working together and it's a great way to meet good people. The older kids in our church do car wash fundraising and even go out as groups to help feed the homeless. There are many activities that would make great social scenes in meeting new friends. My 3 year old son has autism and I place him in the sunday school classrom with his age group and they are very good at accommodating his limitations in some of the group activities and projects they do in class. They are very understanding and very caring. I hope this suggestion helped you and the best of luck to you and your family. Your story touched my heart as I wonder if that could be my son telling me that one day. God Bless.

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