Baby only wants mommy

Tina - posted on 01/01/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )




I am a stay at home mom to my 3 month old daughter. She is with me all the time and it's totally understandable that she is more comfortable with me than anyone else. But Lately it's seems to have gotten worse. she is only happy with my husband and grandparents for a short time and if i leave the room she cried. It just doesn't seem fair to everyone else or myself. How can I help her relax with others. I try hard not to hog her at home or in public infact i hardly hold her when my inlaws are around. I have a wonderful husband who wants to be involved but he gets his feeling hurt when she doesn't want him.


Renae - posted on 01/01/2010




All human babies go through a stage of psychological development called separation anxiety. This happens when they start to understand that mum and baby are two separate beings, that they are their own person and that mum and baby can be separated. This understanding causes them fear and anxiety. SA usually peaks at 6 months for girls and 9 months for boys and then gets better after that. It gets better once they move to the next stage where they learn things like object permanence - that even if she cant see you you are still there; and also they start to understand that you will come back later - at first they dont understand that there is a "later" they only understand "now".

Reassure her, stay in sight and it wont be like this forever.

You can also try encouraging independant play. What you do is play with her, then you stop playing with the toys and just sit while she continues. Then you, still sitting with her, do something else like read or fold laundry so your attention is not on her but you are still there. Then after a couple of days of doing this, move a few feet away from her while you do something else. Then after a few more days, move further away. Keep moving further away until you can leave the room for a minute, then 2 minutes, 4 minutes, 10 minutes, etc until she will play for 20-30 min (the most you can expect at this age) on her own while you go and get something done.

Try to explain to your husband that he shouldnt feel hurt, this is just a normal part of development that all babies go through.

Lise - posted on 01/02/2010




Play with her together! Have your husband hold her while you talk to her, and visa versa. Lay her between you two and play with her. That will help generalize her comfort with you to him.

For everyone else, just introduce others in short little bursts. She'll get there eventually.

Jackie - posted on 01/01/2010




This is perfectly normal they aren't her mother. Mother nature has this great way of preparing babys for the real world. She makes sure they know who is their mother and gives them the uncanning ablity to smell us and to tell when we are too far away from them. She will outgrow this as she begins to move and be able to get to you herself. Just remember its a survival instinct and you really shouldn't discourage it since she is only doing what she is suppose to do. Let you know that she doesn't feel safe without you there. In a few short months she won't need you as much and you will be secretly wishing she was clinging again. So enjoy it while it lasts because the next time you blink she will be asking for the car keys!


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Shannon - posted on 01/02/2010




My 10 month old son is the same exact way and has been since about 4 months old. I'm a stay at home mom as well and I also breastfeed. Now, if someone reaches out to pick him up while I'm holding him or if I hand him to someone, he'll cling on to me and bury his face in me. Then, of course, he'll cry but I just walk away and leave him with Daddy or grandma or whoever, once he gets distracted he's fine until he sees me again. It hurts my husbands feelings too. It's hard but it's getting better. Just like the other mom's have said just keep letting the others hold him or be with him and you do what you need to do. Good luck, and I know how you feel!

Tina - posted on 01/02/2010




Thank you everyone!! That was very helpful. I guess i knew it but still needed to hear it. Jackie and Renae, Thanks

Carly - posted on 01/01/2010




Are you handing your daughter to these others at certain times? Like when she is hungry or sleepy? I no my son associates calm down time & feeding with me and when he is alert and wants to play he is all for my partner. If not & she is just a little clingy baby tell the people holding her to hold off for 10 minutes to see if she calms down. Maybe they should try interacting with her, talking, playing, feeding even! Then she may see they are not all that bad and you could get 10 mins to yourself :)

Lequita - posted on 01/01/2010




my son has been that way since he was born. he is now 7 months old. the thing that i find works best is just leaving them with the person they do not seem to like or want. give them about 10 or 15 minutes to calm them down. for my dad my son likes it when he makes faces and blows air bubbles at him. he also likes when my dad puts him in a little box for him to scoot around in as well as watch tv. for my mom he likes her breathing machine for her asthma.overall, i have found that babies who are super clingy just want something different for entertainment when they are not with mommy.

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