depression

Cynthia - posted on 05/14/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Need help with depression. Our son is one year old and great but I do not seem to be getting the best out of motherhood. Can anyone offer advice? They tell me I am a great mother but I do not feel it. I feel stressed and am having trouble identifying with this new life. I would rather hear from you guys than to pay a doctor or take a pill. Any advice is most welcomed. Thank you.

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Ez - posted on 05/15/2009

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The fact that you have reached out here is a good thing, but you should definitely seek further help from a doctor or counsellor. Post-Natal Depression is serious. One of my best friends became suicidal after ignoring it for months and months. If you are still feeling this way after a year it has gone beyond the normal mood fluctuations most new mothers feel. It may well have become a chemical imbalance in your brain and that can only be addressed by a doctor. Please don't feel there's a stigma attached to seeking help on this issue or taking anti-depressants. As others have said, if it helps you enjoy your son and be the best mother you can be, isn't it worth it?? Any treatment you have may only be temporary, but you owe it to yourself to look into it. Get this sorted out so you can feel the joy your son will bring you :)

Joy - posted on 05/14/2009

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Cynthia your depression may be stemming from something other than motherhood. It could be a chemical imbalance that is so easily fixed by a doctor. Just go and see one and talk it out and see if they can help as could be something so simple. Dont waste anymore time. You look like a great mum!!!!

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2009

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Hi Cynthia,
I had depression after my baby was born and did not realize it until my sister told me I was not acting interest enough in my baby. I knew I was at risk for baby blues because I have seasonal depression and I had a baby in October.
Anyhow, when I went to the doctor they did blood tests and I found out that I was anemic and vitamin D deficient. Once I got on the iron and vitamin D I was feeling a lot better. I eventually had to go on anti-depressants but these things did help. My point is you should go to your doctor because you could have other things going on.

Also, you can tell your doctor you would like to try other things before you go on anti-depressants. I have taken a multi-vitamin and B-complex vitamin to treat depression. In addition to the vitamins if you are not going to take an anti-depressant be sure to add exercise in to your routine. Maybe take your son on a walk. Sunshine and fresh air is also good.

I wish you well. Depression is the worst especially at such a happy time in your life.

Ashley - posted on 05/14/2009

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Hi Cynthia. I understand your reluctance to pay a doctor, but if you have been feeling this way for a year I think that is your only option. While it is normal to have a little "baby blues" for a few weeks after giving birth, with time your body adjusts to the hormonal change and you should start to feel better. Something is off and you need to seek medical advice on the issue. Think of it this way...why waste any more time feeling down when your son is so young? He will only be little for a short time and before you know it, they are not your babies anymore. If going to see a doctor is a step to possibly feeling better and enjoying your time with your sweet son, I recommend you don't delay. Plus, even if the doctor recommends an anti-depressant, for instance, it may be only temporary. I think it is worth a shot, you will miss this precious time with him. He looks like a sweet pea! Good luck to you!

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Francesca - posted on 04/30/2013

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take a deep breathe and relax. You are not alone. Motherhood is not like automatic feeling that comes over you and everything falls into place. This journey you are on is a process that will take you time to adjust to.Seek out a therapist. There is no shame to ask for help.

Leonor - posted on 10/09/2012

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Hi Cynthia! i know exactly how you feel! after having my first baby... the day i arrived home i cried in the bathtub like a crazy! it is overwhelming... then when he was 5 months old, i got pregnant again, and 12 months later i had my second boy! so now i was stock at home with two little ones, trying to do my best! There are women that i see and i think inside me "wow, they seem to be awesome moms"! but you know what? i bet they have their own struggles just like u and me! If you need a little help, try to get ur mom, or husband, if u have one! or a friend to help u out a couple of hours! and use that to go out wherever u want! at least to window shop! It is not selfish to spend a little time for yourself! Contrary! we are mommys 24/7; so we also need a break! Not all women find motherhood the best job of the world... and dont feel bad about it! You love your child like noone else is going to love him; that's for sure; but we are not perfect! But don't be afraid for asking for help! there will be always someone able to ease your struggle!

Lorin - posted on 10/04/2012

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Sometimes a counselor can help in a direct way...sometimes they can help in an indirect way that is not clear to the client at the time. Friends are great to talk to but they can only hear so much. Ithink you should continue to reach out to friends and build your community of support. I hope you will also consider seeking a counselor as it sounds like you might be a bit disassociated or possibly affected by post partum depression? BOTH might be the key for you? WHat do you think?

Hope you are doing well by this point.

[deleted account]

It's a hard adjustment I struggled a little bit in the beginning wondering what the hell i got myself into but I love it. The best of motherhood is just being there for your child, watching them do things, spending time with them. Stress is going to come and go, having a baby is a life changing experience and it takes some adjustment and will for a long time. Don't second guess yourself. You said your son is great and that's awesome, he's great because you (I know that sounds super cheesy but I'm throwing out there anyway). Anyway, don't know if that is helpful but I'm sure many other Moms have lots of encouraging and helpful advice for you :) Take care :)

Mel - posted on 05/14/2009

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it sucks that you have to pay a doctor over there but that is the only thing i can suggest is to see one and get some anti depressants or see a counsellor. i saw one after my daughter was born, although counsellors dont really help me, only friends do, but i know they help some people. i was quite depressed when i was younger even attempted suicide once , so please dont just let it go get yourself some help, even just talk to a friend have you got any other friends with kids. what about your partner if you have one?

I resented my daughter for quite a while because i could not do anything for me anymore or by myself. When i say this i dont mean going out on the weekends because surprisingly i dont miss that at all , i just mean being able to go down the raod for 5 minutes to grab some milk, without having to drag baby in and out of the car then back in and back out again, or going to the beach to relax, the movies or dinner.

Its hard adjusting to life with a baby. can some family give you a little time for yourself maybe go get a coffee with a friend or just have a nice dinner out or something. maybe it will help you feel less depressed.

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