Just to make me feel a little worse, this is what my husband said...

Teigha - posted on 06/07/2010 ( 49 moms have responded )

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I will preface my husband's stupidity by giving you a little background information. I went into labor on October 16, 2009, and after 14 hours, my doctor decided on an emergency c-section due to various complications. For some reason, and I know I'm not alone, I had a really hard time getting over the fact that I wasn't able to have my son vaginally. For the first several months, I really felt like a failure. I was able to get over these irrational feelings...I thought.



Now that you know my birthing story in a nut shell, this is what happened a few days ago. After walking a few miles one day, trying hard to push the stroller to weight loss as I know so many of us are trying to do, I got a gigantic blister on the back of my foot. My husband offered to pop it, and in the process of doing so, I was joking around, acting like a big baby, anticipating the pain to come. My husband called me a big whimp. I replied, "Hey, I've been through child birth!" To which he replied, "Well, kind of."



To say I flipped out would be a bit of an understatement. All those feelings of inadequacy came rushing back all at once. My husband is still appoligizing and says he "didn't mean it like that," but really, how am I supposed to take it? Have any of you had similar feelings and/or situations? I'd like to hear your stories and how you've handled it.



Teigha

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Michelle - posted on 06/09/2010

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birth trama is very real and a traumatic birth doesn't effect everyone afterwards. What makes a traumatic/difficult birth harder to deal with is insensitive comments and people who don't allow you to deal with your feelings by making you feel guilty or bad for having them. People who tell you just to get over it really need to pull their heads in and respect anothers feelings.

Angie - posted on 06/09/2010

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Well said Michelle. Of course ultimately the most important thing is that everyone is safe and healthy but birth trauma is real and it can be crippling. Personally I have had nightmares and flashbacks of my birth. "Getting over it" was not just something I could do. Teigha, allow yourself to feel the way you need to. There are people to talk to about birth trauma (i've worked with a great social worker). Also on mothering.com in the forums there is a birth trauma forum that has really helped and they can give you advice on how to talk with your husband about it.

Kathleen - posted on 06/08/2010

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i think if you have felt the pain of contractions you have felt the pain of child birth. ive had 2 baby and delivered them both naturally and the worst part of it to me was the contractions. i didnt even feel when i delivered them because i was in so much pain from the contractions lol so id say if you have been in labor you know exactly what childbirth feels like

[deleted account]

Toni, If you feel that strongly about it , go talk to a professional. Sounds like you have really deep issues here. I dont think the C section per say, is to blame for the way you feel. Sounds like you have major post par depression and it needs to get addressed right away. The feelings that you are having are not good for you or the baby. Go get help and talk to someone. I hope you get some sort of resolution.

Laressa - posted on 06/10/2010

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since when did the amount of pain you've gone through validate a woman????? Its about having a healthy baby not how much pain you can handle!

I personally had a wonderful vaginal birth and I hope any future babies will be too, but I have alot of respect for my friends who have had cesarians.Labour isn't easy but niether is giving up dreams and having a big incision to heal. I personally think that it would be more painful with a c-section.. I think it takes someone brave Like my friend nancy who had her baby by cesarian yesterday to make that decision that its the best thing for the baby and mom! I don't know if this is any help because I don't really personally know what a cesarian is like ... other than being threatened I'd have to have one like after 24 hours labour at which point I pushed that baby out as hard as i could because I wasn't brave enough to face the knife!

49 Comments

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Janelle - posted on 06/14/2010

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after carring your child for 9 months and have to deal with the aftermath on your body, i think that as a woman, you are amazing. Men just don't get it. But do not take what he said to heart. Cause your child is healthy and alive. Some people do not have a happy outcome as yours :-)

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2010

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hello i kinda understand where your coming from although i was a bit different i gave birth naturally but i couldnt breastfeed my hubbie says things like she only breastfed for a week which i did but what ppl dont understand i didnt have a choice i did what was best for my baby daughter so dont feel bad you did the right thing for your baby you had to make a decision and you made it anyways congradulationsx

Mary Renee - posted on 06/13/2010

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I feel the same way as you and I was able to deliver vaginally (with forceps) but I feel that way because I was induced and needed the epidural. I wanted to avoid being induced so badly, I had heard horror stories about pitocin induced contractions and I wanted to try to go naturally with out pain medication and I knew if i was induced I wouldn't make it.



My doctor scheduled an induction (knowing I didn't want one) and I kept calling him back to push it back a few more days hoping I'd go into labor on my own. I didn't. When I was induced I ended up having these horrible awful contractions for 45-60 seconds that were only two minutes a part for 8 hours (and those hours were from 9pm-5 am so no sleep for me or my boyfriend) and I was STILL ONLY A CENTIMETER DIALATED!



I gave in and got the epidural after finally realizing that there was no way I could go through another 8 hours like that. I was still in labor around 3pm the next day when all these doctors rushed in and one woman told me I HAD to have a C-section because the baby was in distress and if I didn't I would be risking the baby's life and I had never seen this woman before in my life. Then FINALLY another doctor came in and said "Calm down, this baby is going to come out on its own."



The problem the baby's heart rate was going down during my contractions and she wasn't able to recover because there was hardly any down time between contractions and I wasn't dialating. I think between 3pm-4pm I dialated 7 or 8 centimeters and then when I hit 9 a doctor came in and manually stretched me to ten and had me start pushing.



On my birthplan I said no inductions, no constant monitering preventing me from being able to change positions, no pain medication, no medical students... and all of it was ignore. But the worst part that was ignored? They took my baby away as soon as she was born and didn't let me hold her or try to nurse her.



It still breaks my heart that we missed that bonding opportunity and no one would listen to me when I wanted to be with her and see her. My boyfriend left to follow the baby while I had the afterbirth and was stiched up where I tore.



And you know what HE said to our daughter when we brought her home "You know me, I was the first one to touch you when you were born and I never left your side." Like what an asshole thing to say, right? Knowing how disappointed I was that I didn't get to hold her or try breastfeeding right away? Guys just don't get it.



And to top it off I'm having a hard time breastfeeding (but still have managed to feed her exclusively with my breastmilk) and he just DOESN'T get how hard it is when she bites my already sore blistered nipples and I have to keep feeding her or she won't get nutrition and she's on a hour and a half feeding schedule. He says "If I had breast, I'd do it." but the thing is... he DOESN'T and he CAN'T so can I get a little empathy!?!?!?



But anyway, I KNOW what those contractions prior to pain medication were like and they SUCKED and no one can say you don't know what labor was like or how painful it is, you were IN labor before you had a C-Section and you know what else? You carried your baby for nine months TOO and that's an acomplishment in itself!



Guys are just missing that sensitivity chip. Even when they don't want to be hurtful they say the wrong things. Don't worry girl, I feel the same disappointment about my delivery experience but the main point we have to remember is that they're here and they're healthy and they're not going to remember it anyway! If you love your baby you're a good mom.



Hope you feel better.

Candy - posted on 06/13/2010

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I have had two children, one naturally and lastly c-sec. I honestly cannot say that one way is easier than the other, they were both painful, although different in ways of placement and time-wise.
I had the thoughts somewhat, but I had to consider that I still carried and grew the child, my body was sacrificed none-the-less. I birthed a child, as did you.
Sometimes emotions and irrationality get the better of us, we are women, no matter what we are going through or in what stage of life, men will always be saying the wrong thing. He surely didn't mean to say that you didn't equally deserve the credit that you would in a natural situation, but sometimes that is the problem they don't think and they really(from my personal experience) don't know what they mean, just open mouth and let whatever spill out. :)

Lindsay - posted on 06/13/2010

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I agree with something someone said earlier. I was fortunate enough to be able to have both my sons vaginally, but for me the minute or two that it took for the baby to actually come out was the easiest part. If you went through labor, you had contractions, you pushed, then in my book you went through childbirth!

Shelly - posted on 06/13/2010

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I kinda know how you feel. I was never around babies or kids ever before I had Alexia. I was always nervous that I wouldn't know what to do or how to act. Well one day my baby's father was playing with her and something about how I was the boring one. And I freaked out on him. He didn't understand because he was joking. But it made me feel like a bad mother and he was throwing it in my face.
Males just don't understand.

Stacie - posted on 06/13/2010

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I have a hubby who I love very much but he is an insensitive dork and has said many random things such as you're husband said to you. I always chalk it up to the fact that....
Boys Are Stupid!
They really don't think most times before they talk and I'm sure that he loves you and didn't mean what he said in the way he said it. It is however nice to get a little bit of groveling when they screw up. You have a beautiful baby and you did the work during pregnancy and the birth process is not easy no matter how the child comes. Be strong in your mommy hood because you still succeeded in bringing that child into the world and that is something only you could have done!

Sarah - posted on 06/12/2010

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Both of my girls were c-sections because they were breech and too large to turn. I have never had any contractions, so I guess I don't know the pain of a natural birth but at the end of the day I have two beautiful healthy little girls. It may not be that way if I had chosen to risk there lives to give myself the natural birth that I had always hoped for. Sometimes when I tell people that I have had two c-sections I will get harsh criticism but I know that I did what on doctors advise was best for my children and I think that I would be a bad mother if I had chosen my own wants over there needs. So I am proud that I chose to have a c-section because I did it for my girls =)

Bethany - posted on 06/11/2010

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i would just like to say to all of you mothers who have had c sections you in no way should feel like less of a mother because you didn't get to give birth naturally. you should feel more so because you sacrificed what you wanted for the well being of your children let me tell ya there is nothing scarier then when you don't know that something is wrong my son had the chord around his neck and did breath for a whole min. seemed like a lifetime

Sarah - posted on 06/11/2010

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I;ve never had a c section and would be scared outta my witts to have one! that would scare me more than natural childbirth.. doesnt it take like double the time to heal?? so how on earth would it mean you kinda went thru childbirth?? men sometimes say the stupidest things!

Chantal - posted on 06/11/2010

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I had a natural birth, but only JUST, it was borderline, I had a back (OP) labour and bub was stuck fairly well until the last moments, the OB was threatening me with a C-section. I have a girlfriend who experienced exactly the same as you and feels just the same way. I will tell you what I told her; you experienced the whole contraction scenario for 14 hrs....the birth part IS easy, it is a relief and it is all over bar the shouting at that point. You are no less of a woman for not having bub naturally. Essentially you missed out on nothing. You did what you could and you did what had to be done, that is ALL a woman can do. You have a healthy bub! YOU ARE ALL WOMAN and don't let anyone take that away from you.

Toni - posted on 06/11/2010

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Teigha, I know how you feel. I went into labor at 1am ... I went through contractions till 9am and was induced till 11:45. For almost 3 hours I was in soo much pain, induction sucks! I wanted to do everything natural, no drugs and I wanted her to come out vaginally. My husband was with me since the beginning, but I wanted my mum in the room too for when I delivered, she delivered 5 out of 6 kids so I knew she knew what she was doing. So when I was induced, I was dialated 3 cm and I wouldnt dialate anymore then that and it didnt help my little one pooped in my tummy. I was booked in for a c section. It was such a quick process!!! I saw her for 30 seconds or less. The next thing you know my husband and my baby are gone and I was all alone. I didnt get to hold my little girl for 3 hours.

I was so upset and felt so disconnected from my new baby. I dont even feel like a mum.

My husband hasnt said anything like that to me and I hope he never does. I feel inadequate on my own. I sit at home alone with my daugther and I wonder when someone will come and get her, I feel like her babysitter and not her mother.

I sit at home alone and cry when my little girl sleeps. For the past 6 weeks I feel like I am in a dream, like everything is fake. I wonder if the c section is to blame for my feeling this way.

Some days I am happier then others, and others I feel like I dont even deserve my daughter. My opinion Teigha, is that no matter if your husband said that or not, you would still feel this way.

I wish I was mother, I wish I was more compassionate towards her, I wish I loved my daughter, and I hope one day I will.

Does this make me a bad mother? Because I dont mean to be, I am trying really hard, but I cant make my feelings stop.

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2010

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Luckily, I did not have a c-section, but I allowed the doctor's, and even my man, to convince me to induce! It was horrible, and I ended up having to have the pain drugs-I couldn't walk around or anything because of inducing, so I could not relieve my own pain, and the bed was so stinking uncomfortable, I think I'd have rather lain on the floor-I could not push him out, and after an hour the doc came in and used forceps, which we didn't want to have to do, or I would have had to have a c-section. I still feel inadequate also. I didn't really experience ANY of the things you are supposed to.

On a separate note, I am sure your husband didn't mean anything by it. He really can just never understand why you feel what you feel. He has never and will never even attempt to go through what you've gone through, so he can't really empathize and know how it feels to feel like "less of a woman." However, to be fair, I know that C-section rates in the US are on the rise, and I blame doctors and hospitals for this. I know C-sections are necessary at times, but doctors need to stop pushing this crap!

Bethany - posted on 06/11/2010

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I had my son by a c- section, so yes i know how you feel. But that doesnt make you less of a mother you just had conplications to where you couldnt have him naturally. your son still loves you the same no matter witch way he comes out.

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2010

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I've never been through what you have, so I have no words of wisdom. I have heard, though, that having a c-section is no walk in the park, so you have probably already gone through more pain and discomfort than your husband will have in his life. What he said is really insensitive. Especially if he knows of your feelings of being a "failure" (which you are so not!). We all kmow how our husbands can say the most wrong thing at the most wrong time. They are famous for that. So, take it with a grain of salt, and try to accept his apology with grace. Just know that the miracle of life that is your baby was created and delivered by you. Now that's pretty damn impressive if you ask me!

Claire - posted on 06/11/2010

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Everyone knows men were born without the ability to be sensitive when it comes to organs the dont actually have. No doubt he could have an hour long discussion with fellow gents about the pain involved in getting kicked in the nuts but has no idea about contractions and labour.



I have had two children. One was a 29 hour natural delivery which i ended up on a drip and being cut twice. My second was a planned C-section. My advice to you without sounding insensitive or harsh is you have a healthy baby that you carried for 9 months and if you had contractions then you have felt labour as long as the baby comes out breathing thats all that matters.



My natural delivery didnt go well. to cut a long story short he became distressed hospital didnt notice and when he was finally born he was so badly brain damaged he died when he was a month old. Now the C-section which a lot of woman seem so against would have saved my son and he would still be here today if i was offered one. so in a nutshell it may not be the delivery you had wanted but you still got the baby you wanted, which i didnt.



Please dont think im being mean i just think you should be proud of what you have accomplised and enjoy your baby.

Sarah - posted on 06/11/2010

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Men don't think before they speak. He probably didn't mean anything by it and was just having a laugh. But i don't blame you for flipping, i would have been the same. Sit down and explain to him how he's resurfaced all your old feelings about your labour and delivery.

Ive had two children vaginally, and trust me, you went through the hardest part. I think the contractions are worse than pushing. I was pushing for over a hour with my 1st and it was so exhausting, i felt i couldnt carry on anymore. With my 2nd, i pushed twice and she was out. But she tore me badly and i ended up going into theatre to be stitched. I went through both my labours with no pain relief at all, so to go through all that and end up having an epidural to be stitched, was quite devastating. But then i thought 'my baby girl is here. She's healthy and that's all that matters'

Every woman's body is different and not every woman can deliver naturally but it doesnt make you less of a mum. You carried your baby for 9 months, gave him everything he needed while inside you, you went through 14 hours of very painful contractions (you poor thing) and then you had to go through a c-section as well as the recovery process afterwards. I think you've done an amazing job bringing your son into the world and dont let anyone make you think otherwise.

Hope you start feeling better about yourself soon and hope you sort things out with your husband. Just remember, you've done an amazing thing bringing your son into the world and bringing him up :o)

Barbara - posted on 06/10/2010

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You know your husband best. Is he like mine and has the best intentions but some times just says something stupid? They can try to understand what us ladies go through but they just can't.
I have been pregnant 5x, had 3 C-sections, lost 2 babies and suffered with infertility problems. I think because of my history I look at things differently. I'm sorry you feel like you failed because you didn't. I didn't experience those feelings of failure with my C-sections but I did when I couldn't get pregnant and when I lost my babies. I don't know that there is anything I can say to make you feel better. It sounds like it is something you need to work through. TRY to look at the big picture. You have been blessed with a child and it will not matter to him how he got here. It was a long roller coaster road for me but in the end I feel lucky. Good Luck.

Karen - posted on 06/10/2010

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You went through 14 hours of labour! I had a completely natural 8 hour homebirth and you laboured for 6 hours more than me. In my books you did as much if not more than me, it's just that I was lucky (and I thank my mother for the awesome genes she gave me). And then you had to recover from major surgery! Anyone suggesting that you labour was somehow less doesn't know what they're talking about.
Even though my experience was different than yours, I have a friend who felt those feeling of failure after she had to have a caesarian rather than the homebirth she had planned. I don't know how you get over that, but I think time and talking about it probably help heaps. I'm sorry you've had to go through all this. You did an awesome job! Don't let anyone make you feel anything other than the great mum that you are :)

Lauren - posted on 06/10/2010

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I also had a c-section and while my problem is mainly with the fact that everybody around me had a perfect vaginal birth i think we go through way more pain than a person who had their baby vaginally. about two months of healing time versus ten hours of pain? I just ran a mile two weeks ago and am now training for a half marathon four months after a c-section , not many women who had a normal birth can even say that lol. pluss Im thirty pounds overweight. ;p

Sara - posted on 06/10/2010

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I know exactly houw you feel. Well, sort of. I had an unnecesarean. I was induced with pitocin, and my body and the baby weren't ready, and so they gave me an epidural to "help me progress and dilate," and I ended up with surgery. To say the least, I'm ticked off about it. Just because you didn't give birth vaginally doesn't mean you didn't go through any pain, or any labor. You went through the trial of labor, and most women who have cesareans have a harder, more painful recovery. Remind your husband of what you REALLY went through and ask him if he'd like to go through what you did, and then get sliced open. My husband has been supportive, even calls my stretchmarks beautiful because of what they represent. BUT if he'd said something like yours did, I'd tear into him like nobody's business. Not to belittle your husband or offend either one of you, but sometimes they just don't understand. :/

[deleted account]

Teigha, I was referring to your spouse and other people who have made ignorant comments. My response was not directed to you directly. Hopefully it will make more sence to you now. In no way am I "berating" you. Read what I said again and you will see or should see that I am on your side......I clearly am saying that you should feel good about yourself either way...I dont understand how you can take my reply any other way. Again, was not meant that way.

Danica - posted on 06/10/2010

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I can not empathize with you, as I have never had a c section. But hearing my friends stories who had emergency c sections, or even scheduled ones have told me the types of pain they have gone through, and to have the fear of an emergency c section taboot is scary. I wanted a vaginal birth so badly, funny I never thought at all about an e- c section at all, until the day I went into labour LOL I was so scared that it might happen and I wouldn't have been prepared for it (ok well who would be).
But anyways my point being, vaginal birth you go through the pain during the event. A little recovery afterwards, but honestly I had so much energy, and very little pain even having stitches. BUT recovering from a c section sounds like hell. I couldn't recover from that while looking after a newborn. Not to mention that you brought your child into this world no matter what. Do not feel like a failure there are to many things as a mom to feel like that. It must be hard, but don't stress yourself out about it. It is what it is, and you could always try VBAC if you ever want a second (or third).

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You know as someone who gave birth vaginally, Im sure you felt the pain as much as I did. You still felt contractions, and you still felt sore afterwards. While giving birth I didnt feel the pain of my baby coming out, just pressure. Also I give you credit because from what ive heard, women that have had c-sections need more rest afterwards becuase of the pain and swelling. I was good to go after a week and felt fine. So props to all of you that have had c-sections. And if your husbands want to mock you or tease you becuase of it, just think, whether it was vaginally or a c-section MEN could not handle the pain of either =)

Natasha - posted on 06/10/2010

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Hi! Can understand where you are coming from. Had both my girls by c-section. Yet to me it never mattered how, but that they are here with me now! I have the luck of not being able to dialate and had no choice. To me what makes a good mom is that your child is loved, well and healthy. If people have a problem with how I had my kids and say that it makes me a bad mom, then they have never seen mothers die do to birthing complications and the effects on the child. Just love your little one with all your heart

Ledi - posted on 06/10/2010

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ooh, i labored for 18hrs, had oxytocin for 8 of those and still ended up on the operation table. my son is 14 months now and am still traumatized by the pain and suffering i went through. am a midwife and knew through it all that something wasnt right, but kept going coz i wanted to do it naturally!! now, i think it is worse than natural delivery. whats with the scar that itches to date, peeing problems from catheterization and ooh i could go on! delivery is delivery. it all hurts and only a woman can do it. dont feel inadequate. my sister sort off made me mad by saying my delivery was a short cut!!! i must say, it is not any easier than vaginal delivery

[deleted account]

My son has the same birthday as your son's. :-)

Ultimately the decision on how your baby came out was not yours. Some things are out of our control and it is up to you to accept it and move on, even when the answer to why it happened the way it did is unknown. You'll grow from the experience and perhaps baby #2 will be exactly the way you'd always hoped.

As far as your husband... well they say the dumbest things. Men do not think before they speak many times. And many times when they do speak, they don't mean what they say. I am sure if he loves you (which I'm sure he does) he would never want to hurt you.

Jodi - posted on 06/09/2010

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It's totally normal to feel the way you're feeling sweetie! Ignore the naysayers...yes, even the ignorant naysayers on THIS post! I wanted to give birth naturally, 100% drug free SOOOO bad! I took classes and meditated and so one and so forth. When came down to it, I took the epidural because I thought I had HOURS more of the labor I was in. Turns out, my doctors were wrong, I was already fully dilated when I got the epidural which they had told me was not possible, I dilated 6 1/2 centimeters in little less than half an hour! I was so dissapointed with myself for not listening to my body instead of the doctors, I cried for weeks feeling like a big whimp, feeling like a failure for nto being able to do what I had trained myself for 30+ weeks to do. My daughter is 15 months and my feelings are better about it, but I hate myself for wondering if I'll succumb to the pain again with a future baby and take the epi. The doubt it has left me with is worse than anything.

Keep your head high, you did what you had to do, even when it's not what you wanted to do. You kept yourself and your baby safe, and in the long run, that's all that matters. *hugs*

Aideen - posted on 06/09/2010

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Men! Women! Men are insensitive, Women are too sensitive. You are wonderful! Even worrying about something your son will never even care about is sweet...and wonderful. Yes, you are wonderful.
Personally I found the pregnancy in general difficult and then the contractions difficult and the actual birthing part was not too bad, despite it being the part I feared the most. The 3 mths of puking, and 3 months of not sleeping are the parts you get the stars for. It's an endurance race and how we cross the finish line doesn't matter at all (once we get there), and even then it's merely a race to the starting line of motherhood. Now that's the race that counts, so get running, and it's a marathon so don't rush too much or stress about the little things or you'll burn out well before the end! Be happy! Having a happy mom is something your son will remember. Ah, you know all that! :) You are wonderful.

[deleted account]

Men can be insensitive. I don't think they quite understand the emotions involved with childbirth. Not the same thing, but I had a very hard time breastfeeding those first few days. I was in pain and exhausted, and my son just would not latch on. It took an emotional toll on me, and I felt like a failure. It made me feel 10 times worse when my husband said, "You aren't trying hard enough". Ouch. Men can be clueless!

Teigha - posted on 06/09/2010

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Wow, in no way whatsoever did I even hint that I think "U dont know pain til you have a child natural." I know pain. That's the whole reason I got so upset with my husband when he made that comment, like c-section was some easy out. I've "corrected" several people who think scheduling a c-section is the way to go. "Why [am I] feeling inadequate when your doing all the things as a mother that you should be?" In no way do I feel inadequate about how I am caring for my child or for the 40 weeks I carried him. He's perfect in every way to me. I felt that my body was not up to par when I wasn't able to vaginally birth a child. I realized that had cesarean not been available, I and/or my child have died. Thank God for cesarean! But even so, I would have liked to had him naturally. That's my opinion and your berating me is not going to change it, nor does it make me rediculous, ignorant or impy that I need to get a grip.

[deleted account]

U dont know pain til you have had a child natural? What are you ladies talking about? I had a c section as well when I had my daughter 4 yrs ago. By no means did I feel like a failure nor did I feel inadequate,. Its giving birth and thats it!! If you push or not, did we not all go through hours of labor pains etc??? We all have the same pains when in labor. Does not matter how you give birth. Shame on you for discrediting yourself just because you didnt give birth Vaginally. I am so sick of people acting like a c section is the easy way out. Its not. We deserve more than this !!! The recovery all in itself is difficult and I know so many whimpy moms including my own sister that always tell me, they would not be able to handle the pain that comes from recovering from a csection. Come on ladies, give your self some credit for giving birth period !!! Not to mention having major abdominal surgery to bring your beautiful child in this world. Stop the madness. Giving birth csection is just as special and important as vaginally !! Also, why are you feeling inadequate when your doing all the things as a mother that you should be? I think we all need to get a grip and learn how to educate those ignorant people that cross our paths when it comes to how women give birth and why. Empower yourself pls because this is the most rediculous thing I have ever heard a woman say. You need to pat yourself on the back.

Teigha - posted on 06/09/2010

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Thanks for all the encouraging words ladies. Above all, I am grateful and thank God daily for a beautiful, healthy son no matter how he got here. Angie, ironically, I am a social worker (LMSW)! So I at least understand what's going on with me and can at least talk about it with others and even joke about some of it.



As for earlier comments by Heather and Nikki; please keep your opinion to yourself next time. You ever heard of kicking someone when they're down? Congratulations, you certainly know how. People use this forum as a means of support and encouragement and if what you have to say doesn't fit into either of those categories, it's better you not post what you have to say.

Kathy - posted on 06/09/2010

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I can't really say I've had that happen, because my husband has been great about it. BUT I too had to have an emergency c-section and as quick as they had me in the OR and my daughter out because she was going into distress I still felt bad that I couldn't deliver her vaginally, and my biggest fear is that when we do decide to have a second child that I won't be able to do a VBAC. Of course I do know it was done for her, and that alone helps, because I know that there is a good chance that if they hadn't done the c-section she might not be here now, and that is an even worse thought than thinking that I couldn't give birth vaginally....

Nikki - posted on 06/08/2010

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Im sorry but I agree with Heather as well. I wanted labor to be a lot different then it was , I had a horrific one..... but Ive never dwelled on it. I dont care how bad it was I got to meet my son, whom I adore and I would do it all over again in a second for him. I think your husband was just joking around. I am a very sarcastic person and thats something I would say... my husband never seems to get the joke and Im left defending myself over something I didnt mean in the first place..... You need to realize your an amazing mom and who cares if u had a vaginal delivery or a c section if it was great if labor was hard..... your a mom now and you need to be strong and confident for your little one..... labor is over

User - posted on 06/08/2010

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Im sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think feeling like this is selfish. Big deal you had a c-section, what counts is your baby was brought into the world the safest way you could provide it. It happens! Just look at your child that you helped create! That is what counts is that you created a life, and it lived to see the world... Some babies and mothers never get to experience life or their babies.....

Virginia - posted on 06/08/2010

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At some point we as women have to understand that men are not as sensitive as we are. A comment like that would almost never come out of a woman's mouth.
You don't have to feel like less of a woman because you had a c-section. You still went through 14 hours of labor! By the time it comes to pushing, women have already endured more pain than they ever thought that they could. I had a vaginal birth and an epidural. I didn't have any pain when I was pushing because of the epi, but I sure as hell had it for the 16 hours prior. I don't think of myself as less of a woman because I didn't go "natural." Be proud of what your body did- you carried a baby to term and went throught labor - your husband could not even imagine being that strong!

Angie - posted on 06/08/2010

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I didn't have a csection but I did have a very traumatic birth with my youngest that did not go the way I had hoped (hospital transfer, vaccum delivery etc). I'm very sensitive now about it so I can understand where you are coming from there and also had the feelings of failure and being betrayed by my body. At first my husband wasn't very sensitve about it, he wouldn't joke about the birth or anything because I know it was scary and traumatic for him too but he didn't understand my feelings about it. I had to sit down and tell him how it felt and the reasons I felt that way. That really seemed to help him understand where I was coming from.

Jodi - posted on 06/08/2010

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I had my son vaginally he came out in 2 contractions and 4 pushes. The doctor pretty much caught him. So when I use the excuse "I gave birth ya know"...my fiance always says "omg big deal you practically farted him out!"



Growing a child inside you is an amazing event on it's own. It doesn't matter whether it follows with a 2 day or 2 hour labor,whether they come out vaginally or section, childbirth is childbirth. Every form is beautiful and amazing, every form is hard work, and we all should be very proud of ourselves for bringing beautiful babies into this world!



Choosing to get your baby out safely is the first and most important decision you make that puts your child before your own wishes. I was dead set against being induced but I knew it was best for Kaiden, so I went with it. I hope this makes you feel better.

Jessica - posted on 06/07/2010

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i cant say i know how you feel because i was able to give birth to my son vaginally but that almost didnt happen he was in distress and had they told me if the vacume didnt work they would have to do an emergancy c-section. but he came along with a bit of help. now i know its not the same but i felt a little disapointed that i needed help to deleiver him because i wanted to do it on my own but it was for his own good.



so just remember that even thought you didnt get to experience that part of the birth you still had a tiny merical born that day and that little bundle is safe and sound because you had to make a tough decision and as for your husband, well he is male after all and they are forever putting their foot in it and some times we need to give them the benifit of the doubt but thats not to say he sould feel bad for that. because there was everything leading up to that c-section like carring the child for 9 months and haveing to go through labour and also what your going through now.

Joshua - posted on 06/07/2010

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I know where your coming from and honey i feel the same way, i've told my husband that because I had to have a c section I feel like less of a mother to my son and everyone telling me that I don't know pain until I have one naturally dont help none. It takes time just hang in there. Mines going to be a year old next month and im still dealing with it.

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