mother to mother dilemma!

Toni - posted on 07/07/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )




My friend and I had our babys 3 weeks apart, her first, then me, both boys, both our first kids. Weve had fun sharing stories and tips and what not, but the problem comes in dealing with weight loss. I have always been thin, and being pregnant I gained only 25 lbs. She has had problems feeling insecure about her weight before pregnancy and gained 40 lbs during. I went right back down to only 10 lbs more then prepregnant after my son was born, shes having a more difficult time with it. It makes me feel awkard when we are together and shes complaining about her weight and using me as an excuse to feel bad about her self, or when we see people we know, and they compliment me on my after preggo body but dont say anything to her, and she talks about it negativly for the next lil while. I dont know what to say when she puts herself down......anyone can tell me what may be apppropriate to say... i dont wanna hurt her feelings, but this makes me feel uncomforatble and makes get togethers awkward at times!


View replies by

Eva - posted on 07/13/2009




Oh where to start. I am your friend in regards to being the "bigger" friend shall we say? Tell her you understand she's having a hard time but it makes you uncomfortable when she puts herself down. She's your friend and you love her and she's beautiful the way she is in your eyes it hurts you to hear her say such mean things about herself. Explain to her if anyone else said the things she says about herself to you or to her you would kick their butts and that's how it makes you feel when she puts herself down. Be honest about it and she'll stop. If she's a true friend she might be ticked off for a little bit but she will get over it and thank you in the long run.

Toni - posted on 07/12/2009




Thanks for the advice! Im happy to report that my friend has joined a gym and got an aawesome trainer and since has been so much happier about herself- and is doing so well.. it feels good to be able to offer her positive support!!! I think you guys are right we do need to be there for each other and keep an eye out!

Michelle - posted on 07/07/2009




awkward for you.....! i had a problem with a friend of mine years ago, i had my two girls and was lucky enough to have stayed pretty slim afterwards whereas my friend was a fair bit bigger than me, everyone used to just assume that my girls were hers. we were in a dress shop one day and the attendant was making some inappropriate comments about how it was just as well it wasn't her that was looking for something nice and was really surprised when i said that the girls were mine. i actually went back later and complained to the manager about it, people can be really rude sometimes and it may make a bit of a difference if your friend sees you sticking up for her, you know? i don't know...she might not care but it used to irritate me that people just made assumptions that she didn't really care how she looked and i looked good (even though it was actually the other way around, i am incredibly lazy when it comes to exercising and she really did try to look after herself!). i know how you feel must be really hard for those mums who can't just bounce back straight away but its not fair of her to make you feel bad for it, we are what we are. some people even seem to assume that just because you do bounce back quickly then you're just vain and more worried about how you look than taking care of yourself.....sometimes you just can't win! i'm sure you and her will be able to sort it out.....might just take a bit of time, thats all.

[deleted account]

Tell her the truth about how you feel and how it makes you feel when she says negative things. That is what being a good friend is, right?! Everyone is different, we all have our own issues. After my first 2 kids I dropped the weight pretty fast , but after my 3rd I haven't lost any weight and it's been almost 10 months. My friend and I are in the same boat, we were the same size to begin with and went through pregnancy together this last time and she is smaller now than we started...but my son was almost 4 pounds bigger than hers was too. So, she can brag about her size and I can brag about my son! :) If she is looking to you to make her feel better, then she has more issues than weight and it could be due to post partum depression, keep a close eye on her and advise her to talk to her doctor about weight loss. Good Luck and Congrats!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms