stay at home mom or get a job?any suggestions?

Brandi - posted on 04/15/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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i have a one month old and my boyfriend has recently stated that he wants me to stay at home and not get a job....any suggestions....i dont know what to do. I need to make a pro and con list.please tell me about your experiences...thank you!

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Emily - posted on 04/16/2009

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Quoting Brandi:



im very unsure... :) i would love to make money but i would love to be the one that raises her not a "stranger" but i think that her interaction with other lids is very important....i am just very torn.





I don't think babies need socialization especially at that age. If you decide to stay home you'll need socialization, though, and Mommy and Me groups are a great way to connect with other new moms. After that there are preschools and playgroups designed for 3-5 year olds that should take care of that aspect. I absolutely adore my daughter's daycare, though, and I think it has helped her personal interactions but I beleive the only socialization babies need is love,holding and bonding with mom and dad.

Emily - posted on 04/16/2009

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The decision should be your's not your boyfriend's. I was fortunate enough t be able to afford to stay at home with both kids when they were babies. I did take some classes when my oldest was 5 months old and she stayed two nights a week with her father. When she was a over a year old I started grad school and worked on a pretty part time basis and she went to daycare. I was able to stay home for two years with her younger sister. I can honestly say  that I feel staying home was the most rewarding experience ever and I loooove my job. I don't know if I will be able to afford to do it again but if finances were not an issue I would stay home with my children and possibly homeschool them. I like the freedom of working, I love the financial security, and I have the job I have always wanted so there are pros to working.  From personal experience, though, staying home was the best thing I ever did.

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Esther - posted on 04/21/2009

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I work full-time and it gets very stressful trying to balance it all. However, I was just thinking today that if I won the lottery and was able to afford staying home with my son, would I do it? My son is in a fantastic daycare and I do think he has benefitted from it greatly, as have I. They have been such a huge support for me during this first year as a parent. And he loves being there. I also enjoy my job and I like having that extra money to help provide for my family. However, I would like to reduce some of the stress on me with trying to do it all. Therefore, for me (again, IF I were to win the lottery), the right answer would probably be to work part-time. While I wait for my lottery winnings, I do everything I can to make sure that the time I spend with my son is really all about him. I don't worry about cleaning the house (I get someone else to do that), I make quick meals, I get up every night when he wakes up, I never rush or stress around him (if I miss my train, I miss my train, there will be another one) etc. I think there are pros & cons to every situation. You just have to figure out what works best for you.

Amy - posted on 04/17/2009

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I only work part-time. (3 days a week) two days are long days, which limits the time that i'm out of the house. Originally i felt bad for leaving, then i felt bad b/c i enjoyed going to work (i really liked my job). But after my second baby, i realized that although i love being at home with my children, it's nice to get out for a while too. I get to contribute to the household as well as take care of my kids. (i need to work b/c we need the extra money so it wasn't an option) I don't do the daycare thing either. i feel that children do better when raised by family. I do, however, have a cousin who comes to watch the girls while i work during the day then my husband comes home to take over until i get there. So i get to do both. We make time to visit with my sister (who has four children) and we go to the park as often as we can get there. So my oldest is interracting with other kids.

Sarah - posted on 04/17/2009

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I think I've been fornuate to be able to stay at home with my son til almost 1 year of age. I'm heading back to work myself next week (I teach so I'm the breadwinner in our family so it's more a financial issue). Thankfully, my husband & I have been able to organize our work schedules so that while I work during the day, my husband will be at home with our son. And once I get home, my husband will go off to work for the evening. Not easy for us...but we want to avoid daycare at all possible costs. Just not a good idea.

The decision is up to each individual...but in the best of all possible worlds, I would work part-time and stay at home with my son the other half. I do respect all the stay at home mom's out there. It is not an easy job in the least. But I want to show my son that I am a multi-faceted person who can do more than just be a mom. I have other skills and abilities & I help to contribute in other meaningful ways. I want him to see that and strive for that as he gets older.

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Catherine - posted on 04/17/2009

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There is no one correct answer. I love staying home with my son. I was thinking about going back to work at six weeks but the closer six weeks came the more upset I became at the thought of leaving my sweet boy for even ten minutes. I am fortunate enough to be in a situation where I don't have to work, so I am at home, currently with my beautiful son in his didymos sleeping on my chest and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you still want to work would working from home be an option? Alternately, if you are concerned about being able to get out and see other adults, find some play groups in your area or just learn to nurse in public and go out and meet people.

[deleted account]

Lucky! I wish I had the luxury to choose whether or not to work. I'll support our family and my husband will stay home. He's a wonderful guy and will do a great job, but I do wish it were me. Just didn't work out that way though -- I wound up with the more lucrative career.

Anyway, it's a wonderful thing to have options, even if it's tough to know what to do. Maybe make the best decision you can for the moment, agree to a trial run, and then reassess for the final decision?

Natalie - posted on 04/16/2009

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well remember you will always be the one raising her, i know what you mean but you will always make all the major decisions in her life and if you go back part time then you will still be the main person she spends the most time with and your her mum !!! so don't feel guilty, but the mummy groups are a great idea if you do decide to stay at home, thats great interaction for your child and a bit of much needed sanity for you ha ha !

[deleted account]

she does not have to be placed in daycare to have interaction with other children... try to go to some local groups for babies...

Brandi - posted on 04/15/2009

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im very unsure... :) i would love to make money but i would love to be the one that raises her not a "stranger" but i think that her interaction with other lids is very important....i am just very torn.

Natalie - posted on 04/15/2009

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Hiya,

well it's up to you my dear, how do you feel about it ? I feel lucky enough to have 6 months off with my daughter, and then in june she will go to nursery 3 days a week as i have to go back to work part time, because we need the money, but also i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, i like the fact she will get to interact with other children (don't get me wrong i will miss her like crazy and in an ideal world i would love to stay at home with her, just trying to make myself feel better about it) our plan is to try for another baby a the end of the year and then after that baby i won't go back to work, but you know if you can afford and want to stay at home then brilliant, but do you want too ? you sound unsure ?

Jennel - posted on 04/15/2009

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well im a stay at home mom and love every min of it. I still do miss getting out making the money but to me i never had kids for others to raise them, but thats my opinion there is nothing wrong with going back to work you have to do what keeps you happy. Happy mom makes a Happy family.

Emily - posted on 04/15/2009

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It's really up to YOU to decide. I'm a full time stay at home mom, and I love it. Sure it gets stressful somedays, it is the hardest job you can do, but I think its worth it in the end. I like that I actually get to raise my child and be with him as much as possible, instead of sending him off to daycare 5 days a week. It's a tough but very rewarding job.

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