Baby from rape. Custody.

Hi, I'm 22 with a 15 month old. Her biological father drugged and raped me. We had been in a relationship where he constantly mentally and physically abused me. He would threaten to kill himself, and other people with I left him. I was 20 and scared. I stopped having sex with him when he started to get violent. One night I left my drink on the table and left the room. I found out a month and a half later that I was pregnant. At first I was scared he was going to accuse me of cheating when I hadn't because the dates didn't line up. Eventually I figured out what had happened and went to the police, but by there was no physical evidence. And they wouldn't even take it to trial. I considered abortion but thats not something I'm for. I'm not against it in situations like mine, but it just wasn't something I could do myself. I stopped all contact after he threw a book at my stomach. But now he's fighting for access, out of nothing more than spite.That being the only way he can make my life miserable, and was granted unsupervised access. I not only fear for my daughter, but I'm losing my connection to her. Now when I look at her all I see is the man who raped me. And thoughts of giving her up have been running through my head. I feel like a terrible person, but having him in her life and mine is traumatizing for me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because if I give her up she goes to him. But if I don't I can't emotionally handle it, I want to end my life. I honestly regret not going through with the abortion. Not because I don't want her but because I don't want him touching her with the same hands he used to rape me. I feel like a terrible person for even thinking this way.