How to deal with Bullying

Martha - posted on 07/17/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Bullying is when one child picks on another child repeatedly. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or social. It can happen at school, on the playground, on the school bus, in the neighborhood, or over the Internet.

When Your Child Is Bullied

* Help your child learn how to respond by teaching your child how to:
1. Look the bully in the eye.
2. Stand tall and stay calm in a difficult situation.
3. Walk away.
* Teach your child how to say in a firm voice.
1. "I don't like what you are doing."
2. "Please do NOT talk to me like that."
3. "Why would you say that?"
* Teach your child when and how to ask for help.
* Encourage your child to make friends with other children.
* Support activities that interest your child.
* Alert school officials to the problems and work with them on solutions.
* Make sure an adult who knows about the bullying can watch out for your child's safety and well-being when you cannot be there.

When Your Child Is the Bully

* Be sure your child knows that bullying is never OK.
* Set firm and consistent limits on your child's aggressive behavior.
* Be a positive role mode. Show children they can get what they want without teasing, threatening or hurting someone.
* Use effective, non-physical discipline, such as loss of privileges.
* Develop practical solutions with the school principal, teachers, counselors, and parents of the children your child has bullied.

When Your Child Is a Bystander

* Tell your child not to cheer on or even quietly watch bullying.
* Encourage your child to tell a trusted adult about the bullying.
* Help your child support other children who may be bullied. Encourage your child to include these children in activities.
* Encourage your child to join with others in telling bullies to stop.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

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My son has been bullied since he started school. He's had some learning challenges and sometimes he encouraged the bullying to happen by starting it or not letting it go. He had very low self esteem. So we put him in karate, and that helped alot. Then he was actually sexually abused by another student in the locker rooms during PE. That was it for me, I got a lawyer, he went the school, and sent a letter to the parents. The school decided it was time to listen to me and stop the bullying. The next year, I homeschooled him. And shortly after that we moved clear across the state, to a new school. He has a few friends now, not alot, and got involved in FFA here. He still gets teased, but I have taught him to make comebacks. More kids his age respect that then they do the turn the other cheek. Which I'm a Christian and it goes against my grain, but this is my child and I'm going to do what I need to, to protect him. He's going into his Sr year and is very excited. So here are my suggestions:

Get your children involved in activities that they like and are good at: Sports, or FFA, or other activities through the school. Help sponsor those activities so your there to see how the children interact.

If the bullying is a constant get an attorney involved. Schools seem to pay attention when there is a legal ramification involved.

Just things that worked for us.

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2009

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Hi,i live on the upper north coast of new south wales.I have a 15 year old daughter who was bullied at her previous school for 4 years.We'd been to the welfare officer and school counsellor for advice many of times over a period of time.It got to the point where last year 2008,she was in year 9,she didn't attend school at all in 3rd term at all.Just to get her to leave the house was terrible.The school didn't help a lot.The principal at the time told me that my daughter needed to toughen up.I was disgusted to think that this man was a person the kids looked up too,he was as much as a bully as them.My daughter received a death threat over my space from a school friend,i spoke to the school and they contacted her mother and it was removed from my space but no apology was never made to my daughter at all.The school also did an in school suspension with this girl but that was for her to be with the welfare officer all the time and my ex-boyfriends son and friends were also causing problems.I'm a single parent and i feel that these kids that bully are jealous of the kids who have a stable home and family there for them all the time.As my ex-boyfriends son didn't have his father there and still doesn't,as his dad is a police officer and does shift work.I spoke to my ex-boyfriend whislt everything was happening and he said he had spoken to him,but i now realise that he was following his father's lead and only doing as his father does with his line of work,bully people.In the end,the beginning of 4th term i placed my daughter into a catholic high school.The kids are so much nicer.Yes,there are the few whom are jealous of her but that's not our problem.She has had counselling from a fantastic man whom we found thru the health clinic,who gave my daughter the tools on how to deal with these people and listened to her.The school's seem to punish the kids that are being bullied.There system on what you need to do if you get bullied is not practical at all.I've taken my daughter for spirtal healings (rheki and crystal)to help her relieve the pain she has been holding onto.She is a lot stronger from this it's given her more guidance on how to deal with things but we must move forward and give them the love and support they need.My daughter talks to me about everything,which i'm so glad.

Having the postive in your life makes all the difference.

The suggestions from the school for the victim in telling people to leave you alone and walk away doesn't always work.I was told by the school counsellor that i was teaching my daughter to run away from her problems,at what point do these kids need this.We as parents have the right to protect our kids.I took my daughter to the police and spoke to a liaison officer about our problem and he said we could get a AVO to keep this girl away from her,that required us to attend court.My daughter found that quite upsetting.

We on longer have these people in our lives and my daughter has new friends that are true and always there when she needs them and they don't judge her at all.

We move out of the area where we lived for 5 years,i placed my other 3 children whose ages are 11,8,6 into a new public school and even they are a lot happier with our new lease on life.

10 Comments

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Jane - posted on 02/16/2013

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Unfortunately, the kind of bullying that Seth and Kayla experienced is widespread. In national surveys, most kids and teens say that bullying happens at school.

A bully can turn something like going to the bus stop or recess into a nightmare for kids. Bullying can leave deep emotional scars that last for life. And in extreme situations, it can culminate in violent threats, property damage, or someone getting seriously hurt.

If your child is being bullied, there are ways to help him or her cope with it on a day-to-day basis and lessen its lasting impact. And even if bullying isn't an issue right in your house right now, it's important to discuss it so your kids will be prepared if it does happen.

Eliska - posted on 07/23/2009

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Jennifer,
Yes it is so hard to deal with that situation especially when it's your children because we want to protect them and you don't want to see them hurt. That really sucks with the man being a police officer and a person of influence in your children's life. We do the best we can as parents but aren't responsible for other's actions. Your doing everything you can for your kids and that's all we can do. My daughter went through that in 7th grade with a former best friend of her's and it was getting bad, she of course handled it in the most appropriate way (all that she was taught) but I also taught them that if hit they are free to fight back.....as it got to a point were I said "she might just need one good hit" that was at wit's end and her following my daughter home. During this time because of this other girl my daughter was surrounded by 5 BIG girls (they were bigger than me & not just weight wise) well my daughter was a small 105 lbs at the time so that would scare anyone....thank god a secatary at the school called me (when she wasn't supposed to) and told me, I left work went down there and those girls were in the office trying to actually intimidate me.....some kids have no respect. So the school wanted to down play the event and I would NOT let them I raised hell (sorry) I told them they responsible for my child & if any harm comes I will be all over their butts. I also quoted the stats in that school on fighting and so forth. During this time in our area there was a lot of probelms because they were changing the middle schools back into grade school. So the middle schools with just 7 & 8 th were horrible my daughter just happen to be the last 8th grade class at that school. Bad bad time.....Anyways I guess the point in telling this story is there is no one way to deal with this bullying and you have to be your child's best advocate and don't be afraid to rock the boat (this isn't towards you jennifer just in general) alot to get your point across and get some action and I do agree w/you they listen to legal stuff and going public like papers, superintendents, school board anything that draws attention in a public eye. Especially if there is a constant probelm or the principal is a bully him or herself.....

Good luck everyone.....we're in this together as we are all parents....take care!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2009

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Thanks Eliska,
Mixed emotions are always going to be there especially in my situation in having a man that was in my life for 5yrs and that was a police officer and a black belt in karate.
His son who was 15 was a green belt,i placed 2 of my 4 children in the class and his son treated my children with no respect at all,he didn't do it while i was sitting watching the class but when i left them to it he returned to his former self.
And my 8 and 6 year old looked up to this boy.
Bullyies put on a persona,a wall as they don't show there true selves at first.
They allow people to be friendly with them get there trust and then like a flick of a switch they turn on them for no reason at all.
Is it jealously,as you treat them how you ,yourself would like to be treated and also your kids.
I teach my children to be respectful of others and we with have great communication in our home.
I agree you don't need violence but the damage that the bullyies do takes a while to be repaired especially the self esteem.My daughter recently had an apology given to her over the internet,she in return couldn't believe it was happening.She spoke her mind and told this person her thoughts,they seemed remorseful but also she asked why,why say sorry now............Why not in person,then they make excuses again.
We have positive books and meditation cd's that really help us.
My daughter regularly has crystal healings with help her release a lot.
All we can do is be there for our kids and give them the love and support that they need and hope that they will express there feelings to us and not shut down and push us away.The counsellor that we were seeing was fantastic,he could see both sides of the problem,but unless these people see what they are doing and are remorseful for there actions.they will live there lives to be very lonely and aggressive people.

Eliska - posted on 07/19/2009

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You know I have mixed emotions about the proper way to handle bullying because what is proper and what we want to teach our kids in appropriate peer interactions & communication is not always respected by the other party. I have 3 kids ages almost 18, 16 & 10 (this coming week) & I've worked with high risk kids for 10 yrs and unfortunently the behavior with some children doesn't change regardless how well you teach your child to communicate. So I used to do groups in schools here in my area & counsel child victims (mainly of sexual abuse ) but bullying always came up because they target certain children anyways as I don't promote violence I do promote self awareness, self defense and self esteem. I always advise to parents and children who have been bullied to put your child in a self defense class, karate, kick boxing (for older kids) doesn't mean they will use this but it does help with self esteem and it is very empowering to children or adults that have been victims it restores their confidence and makes them feel like they can handle what comes forward, this is a inside work. As you know anyone that teaches these classes also teaches self restraint and not to use on other people. So don't be afraid that this will promote violence because it doesn't. I have also taken Kickboxing and oh man is it therapuetic for the soul....and to release stress and tension....so give it a try & maybe take a class with your child. There's no harm in trying...I also tell parents and friends if it doesn't work for your child that's fine but continue looking for some activity that does.....it totally builds the self esteem. Good luck and I know bullying is a toughie...you know we did a research while doing our groups and found that all the school shootings were done by kids that were bullied at one point or another...it is a major issue and no parent wants to see their child go through that I know because we've had this issue in my home.

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2009

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Hello Martha,

I am repling to your bulling strategies.

You know i understand about this subject so well.

I had my 15 year old daughter go thru it for 5 years and at what point we didn't get the help we wanted from the school.

I had so much negitive feed back from the school counsellor,welfare officer and principal.

I was informed by childs principal that my child needed to get tougher,at what point do these people have the right to speak to us that way.This man was a bully himself and didn't understand and was more interested in just brushing it under the carpet and ignoring the problem.My daughter was an A grade student at the school at this time. It was so frustrating and still is when things haven't changed to fix these problems at all.

Parent's follow the guide lines and do what is right but our kids are suffering by the ignorance of other's.

Imagine the thoughts that go thru our kids heads,putting themselves in a dark cave so no one can see them at all and they are invisible and don't want to communicate or join in.Tell me,have you had a child go thru bullying?

I'm a single mum and has 4 beautiful kids and has dealt with things in my life,that no one should go thru.

How do you explain to other siblings what there eldest sister is experiencing,they feel and see how she is,they can't grasp the concept of it,on why people would do what they did to her as she is not a nasty person at all.

We have moved on past it,but there is always something in our life that triggers the memories.....You have to keep positive and show them there is more to life.

regards jennifer

Yvonne - posted on 07/18/2009

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My daughter has been bullied by alot of girls for 2 years now, this past year she had professional counceling because of this reason. I have had meetings with her principal several times but apparently nothing has been done. I requested a meeting with the girls parents but the school kept giving me the run around! We thought of changing schools for this year but it only discouraged us when we found out some other girls disliked my daughter at the other school as well, the girls keep sending her threats on myspace! We are christians and I have taught my daughter to forgive them, but she can only take so much! her 6th & 7th grade have been a nightmare! Please Help!!! any advice?

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