Insane in the Mom-Brain

If I win this contest, the prize is a virtual badge saying I won. I will pawn that virtual badge at the virtual pawn shop & buy virtual drugs & hookers with the virtual money, and YOU will be a virtual enabler. THAT will rest on your virtual...

Patti is a winner of Top 25 Funny Moms - 2013

What's the funniest thing your child has ever done or said?

In the words of The Boy himself, "You are only famous because of me. I should have a blog, and if I did, nobody would read yours." Yes, he's a peach. I blog and FB about him all the time, because he's right, he's comedy gold.

The Boy is 11, and this one happened a couple of months ago:

The Boy: If I could time travel I'd go back to when I was 2 so I could stay home all day and poop in my pants.
Me: I'd go back in time and kill Hitler before he killed millions of innocent people.
The Boy: Oh....Well I still wanna sit around and poop in my pants.

Another one from last summer:

The Boy: WHile you are gone can I be the boss?
Me: No.
The Boy: Can I at least be the boss of the house since I know all the rules and stuff?
Me: Yes.
The Boy: Well, can you also grant me the authority to slap people?
Me: I think you know the answer to that.
The Boy: Crud!

What always makes you laugh?

See above. THE BOY! My boy makes me laugh. Even when he's being a turd, he is funny, and I often have to leave the room so he won't see me laughing at his turdiness. Also, Louis CK is my favorite comedian, and everything he does makes me laugh. I also have some hilarious friends that often make me pee in my pants. Just a little. Like a drip or two.

What's the funniest gift you've ever received?

See above and then above that. THE BOY! Technically, he was a gift from my uterus.

And in second place, My Flat Bieber. It's one of those life-size cardboard cut-outs of Justin Bieber. I often make jokes on my FB page about my love of The Biebs, so for my birthday last December, my friends surprised me at a restaurant with a Bieber party. Flat Bieber was blindfolded and sitting at a corner table waiting for me. We had backstage passes to wear around our necks, and Bieber curly straws, and a Bieberiffic dessert. Even the waiter was wearing a Bier pass. I was beyond thrilled and laughed my ass off all day, and especially driving home with Flat Biebs in my passenger seat.