tulip and thelma


nyc magazine gal turned ranting mom, disgruntled wife, stage mom, blogger, beauty/fashion/travel writer, bad driver. keepin' it real in sunny venice beach, ca.

janet is a winner of Top 25 Funny Moms - 2012

When you need a good laugh, where (besides your own blog) do you turn?

gawd, i hate to admit this, but i can always turn to my dipsh*t husband’s dumb blog for a good laugh. he actually started it in retaliation to mine...he was always complaining that “tulip and thelma” made him look like an a-hole (which he is), so i jokingly dared him to start his own to tell his side of the story. well i never thought he’d have the balls to do it, but he freakin’ did: www.mywifelies.com. the whole point is to make fun of me, but i gotta admit, it’s pretty damn funny. just don’t tell him i said that.

What's your child's weirdest habit?

lulu has one really weird habit: she tweaks my nipple to fall asleep. i know, wtf? since i stopped nursing her, the lil perv finds some kinda bizarre comfort in playing “tune in, tokyo” on my boobs. at first i let her do it cuz i felt guilty about stopping nursing at 11 months, but now, come on...this is just getting crazy. is she gonna be a teenager and have to reach in my shirt to start snoozing? dear god, at this rate she just might.
oh, and she also likes to poop on the floor. what can i say, i have a weird kid. :)

What's the most bizarre parenting product or children's toy you've seen or heard of?

first, there’s the stripper pole for little girls. what genius thought of that one? am i supposed to get that for lulu so she can unleash her inner sex kitten? ridiculous.
then there’s the poop plush toy. ummm, that’s exactly what i wanna teach my kid: to play with sh*t. it’s bad enough that lu wants to crap on the floor instead of the potty, but the last thing i need is for her to pick it up and play with it. jesus.
and finally, there are “baby bangs: created for baby girls who have little or no hair, to enhance their natural beauty.” really, people? lulu’s almost 2 and only has about 17 hairs on her head, but i’m still not gonna make the poor kid wear a wig. plus, what would that do to her self-esteem? it’s just nuts. now if she’s 3 and still bald, well...then it’s wig time.

What are your tips for organizing a child's closet so that you can stay ahead of growth spurts and seasonal changes?

janet d'oliveira

usually i'm a disorganized mess...except when it come to my toddler's closet. i have bins for everything: clothes that are too small for her, clothes that will fit soon-ish, clothes that will fit in over a year, and clothes that aren't too girly for her baby brother on the way to eventually wear. :)
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