28 months old lacking nursing manners

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

Actually, nursing manners might be the wrong term. I've just kind of never established any rules, when it comes to nursing, never felt the need so far.

But now my little girl is in the middle of 'tantrum-age' and screaming for her boobies in a hysterical manner seems to be one of her favourite weapons. She also does that to my partner when I'm not there and she hasn't gotten her way with something.
I'd also like to get to a point where we only nurse at home, but trying to enforce that when you are faced with a very loud and public boobie-outburst is not really what I fancy either. Also, boobs are kind of what 'fixes' a major meltdown and gives us a chance to have some quiet-time afterwards where I get the time and attention to talk to her about why she couldn't have x,y,z. But what do you do if it's the boobs themselves she can't have?

Sorry, I know this post is all over the place, I'm just not quite sure how to describe the problem I'm having. I guess, I feel she is sometimes using nursing for all the wrong reasons and I can't figure out how to give her a clear message of what is and what isn't acceptable - and how to do this without a major amount of upset and screaming.

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Jodi - posted on 01/05/2012

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lol, I had the same problem with my first, almost like she was manipulative with nursing or something. From my own personal experience, the only way to make CLEAR boundaries...is with a lot of upset and screaming. I know it's not what you wanted to hear...but that's how it worked for us. As for public outbursts, what works for us, and not just for "boobie situations", *any* outburst, is to just leave. If she can't behave in a way that is acceptable for a public place, leave. If she throws a tantrum, and you give in to her to appease the tantrum, she has learned that the tantrum will get her way. Thus, she will use the tantrum more and more, longer and louder to get her way...with whatever. I would let her get over her tantrum, my daughter has to be in her room to do her screaming and crying until she's calm, then we can talk. When all is calm, or at least calm enough to talk to her, explain it to her.

And don't forget, they don't call it the terrible twos for nothing! lol Best of luck, I know how frustrating this can be!

Lise - posted on 01/07/2012

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What about doing something (at other's houses) like saying, "Please wait 5 minutes." Then, in 5 minutes, excuse yourself for a minute and nurse her quickly? Then just increase the time?

Mindee - posted on 01/05/2012

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With my daughters we use the term 'snacks' instead of breast/boobs/mommy milk, etc. That way when my youngest does ask to nurse, most people have no idea! And I have to second Jodi's comment to just leave when she throws a tantrum. She's old enough to understand what you're saying and the concept behind action and consequences. I think it's just important to remember to talk to her about it often and in a positive tone so she doesn't feel like she's being punished. Perhaps you could take her to pick out a special little toy/blanket for her hold when you're in public and don't want to nurse her. It may help too to tell her that if she's a good girl then she can have 'boobies' when she gets home. Good luck!

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Alicia - posted on 01/08/2012

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I did the no boob outside the house at 24 months. quick painful but relatively easy. i didn't prepare either of my boys, just said 2 days after their b'days, no boob outside the house. I live in the US and the vast majority of conservative MI are confronted by BFing, so Bfing a walking talking child I found too judgmental. The only exception i did and do make is the car.
My youngest is 29 months and also in that terrible tantrum stage, occasionally he chucks a wobbly when we are out for some boob, and I usually turn it into a silly game and song. I just make songs up, but I always say what he can and cant have in the song. its a good distraction and at the some time it lets him know what the go is. and by the way i cant sing to save myself, but the kids love it, and it works so i dont care ;)
Good luck! its hard, and you will get through it. just like all those other moments we have hit along the way when we think it will never end/get any better/change etc etc.

Roxanne - posted on 01/07/2012

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Try being consistent with her nursing times. That way she knows when is the appropriate time to nurse. Then just try to not be out at those times. When she throws a fit you can just remind it is not time for that. Children thrive on routine. They like to know what to expect. You will both be more happy.

[deleted account]

Thanks guys! I think I just have to start making a proper effort. I have a problem with consistency because nursing has so many different functions. Also, when I say 'in public' I mean at other people's houses. She is generally fine when we are out and about (tantrums for other reasons...). I work, so I don't get to meet other moms all that often, and I'd be inclined to give in rather than leaving my very pleasant cup of coffee behind or be mortified by the boobie-screams in front of someone who thinks the whole thing is a little weird anyway. I think I just have to bite the bullet, probably won't even take that long once I put my mind to it.

Lise - posted on 01/06/2012

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What works well for us, too, is just being consistent - if I tell her she can nurse when she gets home, I always do it. Sometimes I am even the one to remind her. But I want to make sure she knows that I'll let her nurse when we get home if that is the deal set.

Jodi - posted on 01/05/2012

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I should mention that we tried to avoid this by distracting her with her favorite "forbidden" things. Things like painting. When she would ask, we'de try to get her to paint instead, or do something else fun. Unfortunately, those things aren't really possible out in public. lol And they never worked for our one track mind daughter...but maybe distraction would work, even if just occasionally for your daughter! Worth a try.

[deleted account]

I should really add, that most of the time we have quite a happy nursing relationship. Just re-read my post and thought it sounded a little negative...

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