Breastfeeding and low sex drive...anyone?

Glory - posted on 05/07/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )




I'm 5 months postpartum and am having a real issue with my sex drive since giving birth, in that, we haven't had sex since our daughter was born (!).
I've heard that the hormones that are secreted while breastfeeding really affect your libido - anyone else experience this as well?
I didn't have a really strong sex drive prior to giving birth from high stress levels with work, etc., but it's different now. I have zero urge to be close with my hubbie (poor guy), but I will have dreams of having sex with him. Weird!
Any advice would really help me out :)


Sally - posted on 05/08/2010




I never had a huge drive before, and I have only felt in the mood a couple of times, but when my husband and I have alone time we try to take advantage of it anyway. He's always in the mood of course. We have to be started before I finally get into it and really start enjoying it. I do it when I'm not in the mood for many reasons. First, because I know I'll be in the mood before it's over. Second, my husband appreciates the effort which makes me happy. I love making him happy. Third, I believe that for a marriage to be successful, you need to keep putting in the effort. Once one, or both of you stop trying, things tend to fall apart. Don't just love your partner, show them you love them, everyday.

That's my philosophy on the subject.

ps - the "show them you love them, everyday" part. I don't just mean making love. I mean the little things, like kisses and hugs, and helping them with the laundry without them having to ask, and taking care of each other in general.

Marabeth - posted on 05/08/2010




i think a lot of a nursing woman's diminishing sex drive has to do with the fact that you are cuddling with what you consider to be a perfect little person 8-12 times a day. (for a lot of women it's even more!) so when your husband tries to become intimate with you you've already been intimate with someone *all* day! your intimacy needs are met. i agree with the other posters about making yourself sexy, pretty or both. whatever you need to do to make you feel desired and hot. have a few glasses of wine. plan ahead a little for it so that it actually happens and by the time it does happen you can be where you want to be mentally before it starts.

Kristin - posted on 05/07/2010




Totally normal. With one of mine it was almost a full year, and the other it was a year. While I had no interest in sex, I was open to other ways to be intimate; dates and such. Sometimes you have to get to know each other and yourself again once baby comes. It really helped to get time alone to myself and then time with just my spouse, so it was all about the kids. At least we do try for it not to be all about the kids, it's hard.

Breastfeeding has a huge impact. In some ways, you kind of just have to jump back in to it. As odd as this sounds, just go for it. Get a bit of a make-over (haircut, nails done, facial?), pick up some lingerie or even pajamas that make you feel desirable, whatever other romance or lust inspiring items YOU might enjoy, and then settle in for some wooing on the part of your husband. You may give massages. You might act like a couple of teenagers and just make out. You might actually have sex. Just take it slowly and keep talking to your husband about what you need and want. Intimacy with your spouse is more than just penetration.

If you've tried a bunch of things to rev up you libido and it hasn't worked at all. Talk to your doctor, they have lots of things that they can do and probably some tests that might need to be run to check hormone levels.

Good luck, it does come back.

Hannah - posted on 05/12/2010




Oh and to Marabeth, you have hit the nail on the head with your comment, I totally agree with you about the cuddles with your babies fulfilling your intimacy needs.
I find I am actually craving a bit of personal space at the end of the day rather than more of someone wanting me for something. I feel like pushing him away sometimes. Poor men, they can't win!

Hannah - posted on 05/12/2010




My sex drive was reasonably low after our first daughter (not breastfed) just from lack of sleep and being so busy, priorities changed!

Now with baby number 2 who is breastfeeding with a vengeance, I tell my partner it is the hormones, and to not expect much until she is weaned, but to be honest I think the stress and sleepless nights are just as to blame!

I expect that I will want to do it when I feel relaxed, rested, and not annoyed with my partner because we have been arguing! So in about a year then??? Only joking (but I find it funny how men seem to think you will somehow be in the right frame of mind for sex when you are actually still seething about something he said earlier that evening!)

My only advice would be to keep talking to your partner and reassuring him that it isn't just you, it seems to be most breastfeeding mums, or just all mums with young babies! And keeping the subject open to discussion helps you both feel better and it doesn't become 'an elephant in the room' topic.

But one last thing, I have heard one way to increase your sex drive is to actually have sex............. it's just being bothered to try in the first place I struggle with, I think I am quite content with my low libido for now!

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Hibba - posted on 05/30/2012




oh god, what a relief to know that its normal to have low sex drive during bfeeding. my baby is 7 months old and i seem to have no desire whatsoever.i feel really sorry for him and hey, even i have sex dreams. really weird huh?!!

April - posted on 05/12/2010




is there anything a woman could take to increase her sex drive? i know there's viagra for men, but what about women?

Tracy - posted on 05/12/2010




Totally normal! My daughter is 18 mos old and still nursing and I have NO sex drive still:(

Tamara - posted on 05/12/2010




omg im so glad you asked this. we were talking about this last nigt. i didnt know why my sex drive was so low either. we figured it was the lack of sleep, but now hes been sleepiing way more, and i still have a low sex drive. good to know its common. we just have to wait for it to come back i guess, and hope the men dont get to upset in the meantime. poor guys. :(

Sara - posted on 05/10/2010




I am totally the same. My husband and I didn't have sex until my daughter was 6 months old. She is now 13 months old and I still feel the same way. I hope things get back to normal after I wean her!

Krystal - posted on 05/08/2010




Omg you just described me to a T. I have only just started 'wanting' it gain and Wil is 14mths old. Sure we have done it before now but it was like a chore not like it should be. Now that im weaning Wil it seems to be picking up again. Yay for Hubby the poor things!

Erika - posted on 05/08/2010




I was wondering the same thing. I'm 3 months postpartum and just can't find the energy to "give it up" I was thinking I just needed to give my body more time to get back to normal since the last time we had sex it was still uncomfortable. But after reading more of the post, I'm starting to think these feelings are normal. It's stressful for me not to have a strong sex drive considering that I had a strong one before getting pregnant. Now all I can think about is the baby. So, good luck to both of us! :)

Beck - posted on 05/08/2010




I agree with all comments, we tried after 8weeks but I was still too sore, we tried a few more times but it lead to vaginism (an over tightening) so sex was pretty impossible. 3 months of physio and things are fine! I would like to add that I could happily go forever without! but I do find I miss that closeness to my hubby and find he annoys me more when we are not having sex at least once a fortnight! I think the more we have sex the more I want to, its all about finding time where bub is in bed and asleep, Im not asleep and time permits! My bub is still 14mths and still bfeeding 3 times a day.

Maryann - posted on 05/07/2010




I have the exact son is now 5 months old and I am no longer interested in sex...period!!!! It sucks big time since it was strong prior to my pregnancy! Its just your hormones

[deleted account]

It took me 8 months with my first to have any urge and I was not even breastfeeding. I am 7 m PP with my second one and my sex drive is not very strong and I am breastfeeding.

Andrea - posted on 05/07/2010




I feel the exact same way! My poor husband. Sometimes I feel like I'm having an affair with my daughter, I just want to be around her so much. My libido was never very high, and now it's almost non existent. We have had sex a few times (probably can count them on one hand) and my daughter is almost 6 months old. Basically, we have to set time apart to be alone and relaxed - we go upstairs when my daughter is put to sleep downstairs - where it's peaceful. We watch a move together and then we just listen to nice music (usually good love songs) for a while and talk about fun things. It helps me to concentrate on HIM instead of everything else in life. I also have made a rule to not TALK about sex - if it happens it happens, and if it doesn't, we still get some nice relaxing romantic time together. Those times linger in my mind for days so that I think about him more often. It has helped A LOT.

Don't worry - just get some alone time. For me, my baby had to be out of sight to be out of mind.

Jennifer - posted on 05/07/2010




I had the same problem. From what I hear from other moms it is very normal.
For me, my sex drive came back around 6 or 7 months pp. It still isn't as strong as it was before baby (she is 9 months now) but it is definatly better then nothing at all.

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