Grandoa

Emma - posted on 12/04/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Long story cut short... I'm 24, have a wonderful fiance, our own home and we are financially secure. When I found out we were pregnant we were over the moon. I told my parents and they had a horrible reaction, they called me and my fiance to the house and lectured us screaming that we had to get married before the baby was born (etc etc, what would ppl think) we went against them and as we are already engaged decided to have our baby then get married. My beautiful boy is born now and we gave booked our wedding next year when he is 15 months.
Shortly after he was born my fiance snapped from their constant niggling and told them he wasn't happy how they spoke to us, THEY acted like the victim and he didn't speak for 2 months.. ( so they missed out on their grandchild) now we have made up they r constantly making digs that they haven't looked after him alone and they want him to stay over, saying he is their pride and joy!! Is it wrong for me not to b willing for my son to go over because of their actions in the past? Also- I don't think they are 100% trustworthy in listening to my rules, he's not weaned yet only breastfed and they always say he's hungry, I think trey would feed him behind my back without my consent) thanks in advance!! X

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Lori - posted on 12/05/2013

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He is YOUR son. As the Mom it is up to you if you want your son to stay anywhere. It is not up to the Grandparents. If you don't think they will abide by your feeding rules, you are probably right. Tell them that you want to wait until the baby is older before he spends the night anywhere.
My girls are 3 yrs and 5 yrs, and have yet to spend the night anywhere without me. A big part of that is because my parents live so far away. But when my oldest was little, the wanted to take her overnight one night when we were nearby visiting friends (we had visited them too). Since she wasn't weaned yet, I didn't allow it.
It's very hard dealing with parents when YOU are an adult now and they still want to tell you how to live your life. I wouldn't go so far as to keep them away from your son, but that doesn't mean you have to let them babysit. You can go visit them with your son, or they can come visit you. He is YOUR son and you are the parent now. They are grandparents now which means his care is YOUR responsibility. And if they can not respect your parenting decisions for your child, then they don't need to be babysitting. Try making it clear to them how important breastfeeding is to you. And remind them that they probably didn't like their parents interfering with their decisions when they were new parents (unless that's not the case). That reminder got my mom off my back about several things.
In general, rules will be different when your LO visits grandma and grandpa. And as long as those rules do not put your child at risk, it's one of the wonderful thing about having grandparents. But some things you need to be firm about… safe sleeping is a big one, and of course feeding what MOM wants baby to eat (as baby gets older, expect treats at grandmas that you might not generally allow or offer - but that's not appropriate for a baby)

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