How to nicely say WE'RE NOT READY TO WEAN!

Michelle - posted on 10/10/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I began breastfeeding my son with the limit of six weeks. It was very difficult for us because he had trouble latching. After the six weeks went by I felt like a pro. If I were asked (and many times I was) how long do I plan to breastfeed I'd reply six months to a year. Not to make the topic controversial, but my MOTHER IN LAW has made it very clear how "wrong" extended BF is. It began with a story of someone she saw breastfeeding a toddler aged in public. I always thought I'd let my son decide when to wean. He is 15mon and we still BF at least 3-4 times a day. Sometimes at night too. Not only am I still approached by my MIL, but my ped Dr. has said no child will self wean, and to stop the night feedings. My son knows how to sign for milk, and one day he signed for it in front of my MIL she of course asked if we were weaning yet. It makes me so uncomfortable. I have stopped breastfeeding in her home even if my son is signing for it. I just don't know how to deal with the outside pressure and opinions when it comes to weaning. I've said in the past that my mother BF me until I was 2.5yrs so I would do the same for my son. My mother in law never even BF. The worst part of all of this is that her comments are getting my husband to question me on the topic. I was never one to feed in public, but I fear I will be a closet extended breast feeder. I guess I'm looking for a little encouragement and advice. Sometimes I wish I could just tell her that I'm not asking for her permission to be a parent. That she already had her chance to raise her children and it's my turn to be a mommy now.

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Melissa - posted on 10/16/2010

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"Sometimes I wish I could just tell her that I'm not asking for her permission to be a parent. That she already had her chance to raise her children and it's my turn to be a mommy now."

Why don't you? And give your dh a kick in the butt for siding with his mommy over his WIFE while you're at it. ;-) Really, show your dh the research and ask him (nicely) if he can find something that trumps it. If not, to please put his support where it belongs (with you) and tell his mommy to quit the comments.

Melissa - posted on 10/16/2010

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Tell your dr that he/she is full of shizz. I have one very healthy 7 year old who very clearly told me one day she was done with bfing (at 4 years old tyvm). Kellymom's link is great and remember- never let ANYONE make you feel bad for doing the best for your child. Let your mama bear out and tell your mil that when you want her opinion you'll ask for it, and if she continues bombard her ignorant butt with info on how health full term bfing is and ask her to kindly present her info showing how "wrong" bfing is. List all the many health orgs that back bfing for as long as mother and baby wish and ask when she got a degree that tops all those docs. LOL And I'd do the same for your ped OR switch and let them know why. I have a low tolerance for willful intolerance and ignorance when it comes to bfing. LOL

HTH

Rachel - posted on 10/13/2010

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You could always say that there is a history of breast cancer in your family and since that puts you at higher risk of getting breast cancer, you want to nurse as long as possible to reduce both your and your child's risk of developing cancer. Most people don't want to continue to argue against reducing cancer risks :p

I sometimes tell people that since my husband and I doomed our children with our genetics, the least I can do is nurse them as long as they want so their risks of various things will be lower :p

Or there's the standard, "that is between me and my child!"

Michele - posted on 10/10/2010

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I think your own advice at the end of your post is one you should follow. It stands up to the test of reason and good taste. You have many years to go yet while raising your child. When bf is done there will be other issues that will come up that she will likely feel compelled to provide commentary and advice on. If you don't stand up to her now, this kind of intrusiveness into your child's life and your marriage will continue and likely increase, especially if she sees an opening with her son. In addition to the words you already have prepared to say, you might add that she is entitled to her opinion and you realize this is her grandchild but having an opinion does not suggest it is correct or better. I refer you to Dr. Green's website on the benefits of bf. I definitely think it would be helpful to get your husband firmly on your side. Ask him to read the information at the link. Then ask him if he will support you in a kind but firm word with his mom "please allow us the opportunity to raise and feed our child as we see fit. In the end, it will be our decision anyway and we will do what we we feel is best. I just thought it might make family gatherings a little more pleasant for all of us if you leave parenting our child to us." You might even ask her to read some info on bf if you think she would be willing. PS. Your Ped is wrong about self weaning. See the dozens of posts from ladies here who have talked about their babies self weaning.;

http://www.drgreene.com/qa/benefits-brea...

This website is fantastic for providing the clear and scientific benefits of bf over formula.

Good luck!

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