I HATE BREASTFEEDING!!!

Nellie - posted on 09/29/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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My daughter, Kayla, will be 4 monthson the 14th, and from birth, breastfeeding has been ABSOLUTE HELL! A good chunk of it (but not all) has to do with the idiotic doctors who have no idea what they`re talkin `bout. I dis-like my doctor bcause she has no idea what she`s talkig about, so I would go in the walk-in instead and see a different doctor instead, but usually i was the same, oh, it is normal for the babies to do that. I kept telling the doctors that my daughter was eating too much, (her record for breastfeeding is 6.5 hours non-stop and would SCREAM whenever I tried to soothe her with my finger or walk around) crying a lot and spitting up all the time. After two months, I FINALLY found a doctor who said it was acid reflux and the medicene did help a lot for a bit. But then when Kayla was almost three months, things got really bad, she would pretty much refuse the breast. She would start sucking on her fist so I`d try to feed her but she`d sream for hours before she finally settled down. The doctors just said that I wasn`t burping her right and that I was young and inexperienced. Couple days later, I noticed white spots in her mouth so I did some research and discovered that it was thrust. I went back to the doctor, told them this and why and they put us on medication and, once again, the medicene did help. But it didn`t help 100%, it just kinda took the edge of. So, today I went back to the doctor who weighed her and then gasped and was like you`re feeding her waaaaay too much. I`ve been to the doctor at least every two weeks and the doctors have always ignored me when I said that. So now I`m on a waiting list to see a pediatrician which could take a month. Kayla is now completely formula free, but I had to give her some in the begining because when my breastmilk got down to just a few drops, she would completely refuse the breast and just scream and scream and scream until I gave her a bottle. I continued to try and pump and tak medicene to boost my milk and she`s been off of the formula completely for a while now but I am so exhausted. I absolutely HATE breastfeeding, it`s a horrible experience for me and the ONLY reason I`m planning on continueing to breastfeed i because it`s the healthiest thing for her. I`m going to try and make it to the six month mark and then wean her off but I feel sooooo horrible for doing it. Everyone keeps telling me, oh it`ll get better but it hasn`t and it keeps getting worse. I swear, if I wasn`t so stubborn I wouldn`t have made it this far. Oh, ALSO I`m doin this 100% solo. I`m a single mom with no support.

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Mandy - posted on 10/03/2010

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My LO use to scream for hours usually 3-4 in the afternoon until 10-11 at night and would be fussy during the day. I tried prevacid for reflux..nothing, so then starting cutting food out ( alot of food ) dairy, wheat, chocolate, caffeine, yeast, rice, and soy. These are a just some of the ones that really affected him, after about 1-2 weeks of cutting out he was completely different(it takes that long with some food to get out of your system). He is now 9 months and still BF'd and I LOVE it now !!! Maybe if you can get her "happier" and it starts going well you can keep it up, I am so glad I did. It has gotten so much better, I really wanted to quite when he was going thru that screaming stuff also but like you I know it is for the best and now I'm thru and he and I are doing great :) And I'm back to eating what I want and he can handle pretty much about anything..except wheat and rice yet. Good luck you're doing great ;-)

Jessie - posted on 10/02/2010

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ask for a different medication and make sure you are BOTH taking it for the thrush/yeast infection because you will just pass it back and forth. been there done that and it WAS hell that made me almost quit nursing. the medication we got at first (nystatin) we were both immune too. we had to get diflucan (fluconozole (sp?))- its what they typically give you for a vaginal yeast infection. I was actually on a steady prescription of this for several months to keep the nasty crap away. Also discuss YOUR diet with the doctor because something you eat may be upsetting her tummy. we didnt discover that my son was allergic to cows milk until he turned 1 this summer and we introduced it in a cup ( that was a whole other fiasco!) and now looking back some of his fussier times as a newborn may have very well been from my ice cream binges or the millions of bowls of cereal I ate (hey, I was hungry and making milk takes calories) so in short the milk I was eating most likely upset his little tummy too. good luck and you should be proud for sticking it out so long. I know i had to make myself month by month goals for a long time and now we are at 14 months. I NEVER thought I would get his far.

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Lindsy - posted on 10/06/2010

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(Hug) You sound just like me with my first. I had a reeeeally hard time BFing my daughter. EVERY time I put her to breast it felt like a thousand pins and needles and a knife right though the nipple. They say if you are doing it right then it shouldn't hurt but trust me I KNOW that's a bunch of b.s. Your doc. sounds like an ignorant butt head. See if you can get in contact with La Leche League I know they can help you. DO NOT worry about breast feeding her too much , as it's impossible to do. All of my children had an awful first 4-5 months, where I felt like they were permanently attached to my breast. Thrush and acid reflux are hard things to go though whether you are breast feeding or not. Hang in there and see if you can't make it to 6 months as planned. But if you really feel like you can't go on by all means stop. Breast is best for your baby , but you know what's even more important? A happy healthy mommy! Take it easy on yourself , and good luck! :)

[deleted account]

I am so sorry to read about the hard time you are having! Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, but it doesn't come naturally at all! It is even more difficult when we can't find a skilled person to help us. During my pregnancy, I had a midwife who is also a lactation consultant, and she was very helpful. Breastfeeding has also been difficult for me, but not as hard as what you are experiencing. But you know, it seems that it's not directly the breastfeeding in itself that is making it difficult for you, but rather the thrush and the reflux. You are gaining great experience and next time around, you'll handle verything, even your friend's problems! But to get proper help, maybe you could find out if there is a La Leche League near you, have you ever heard of them? Here is the link to their website: http://www.lllusa.org/
Hope it helps, keep it up, you are doing the right thing!

Angie - posted on 10/05/2010

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sorrry im only replying now, just saw your post. I envy you, going through all that and keeping your head up still is brave. I would have done the same but i had yet to find someone who also had so much courage to keep going,well done you are doing well.

Kathy - posted on 10/05/2010

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Wow! Way to go. We had a horrible time at first too, before my son was born my goal was one year, by day three I just wanted to make it six weeks. Then I decided to stick it out until six months. Then back to a year. My son is now 19 months and still nurses once or twice a day. I never loved breastfeeding, even when it did get easy (which for use wasn't until around a year, it did get easier over time, but there was always some issue), but I can't bring myself to wean him now. He gets such a big grin on his face when I say yes he can have mama milk.

If you want to keep going, do try a La Leche league meeting if you can find one. Does your hospital/clinic have any certified lactation consultants on staff? We saw two different ones, the first was dreadful, but the second made it possible for us to keep going. Good luck, and if you do switch your baby to formula, she will do just fine, because she has a caring mama who will go to great lengths to do what is best.

Alex - posted on 10/05/2010

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try putting a metal spoon in ice water to chill it then hond it on her gums my son loves that. also put wet wash cloths in the freezer and give them to her to chew on. these thing have both worked for both my boys
(2.5yrs &6months) and they r almost free.

Lauren - posted on 10/05/2010

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Wow, you poor thing!!!!!!! :( Sorry it's been so hard on you. Sometimes the drs just make it so much worse huh? *sigh*
I'm glad things are a bit better now, but keep in mind that a great cure for thrush and mastitis is Grapefruit Seed Extract! It saved my life when we had persistent thrush with my first (battled it 3 months!), and it's taking care of my mastitis at the moment! :) It's amazing. It's available in pill or liquid form, and is VERY bitter so I prefer pill form!
The best of luck to you!

Monica - posted on 10/05/2010

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You are an amazing mom...i didnt experience the things that you have but breastfeeding was hard for me at first, it took a few months for me and my daughter to finally be comfortable...i use to say i was gonna at least nurse till she was 3 mos, then 6 mos. by the time i hit 6 mos we were doing so good that i ended up nursing her till she was 17 mos. i cried alot at the beginning because i was so stressed out, and i cried alot at the end because i didnt want to stop. You are a very stong women to be young and single and still doing all this for your baby. Just remember, you wont be a failure if you have to stop, i really hope that you can continue but you also have to take care of yourself also, and it's not healthy for either one of you if you are stressed out...you have already done your best and thats all that matters. Good luck and i hope things get better.

Merry - posted on 10/04/2010

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oh, wanted to add, that I too was hating breastfeeding for a few weeks, it hurt and was weird and hard. but now hes 1 1/2 and my aim is 3-4 years and i couldnt be more pleased, i cant imagine parenting him without my trusty boobs, and I know he will find his fulll potential through my breastfeeding him an average amount. for me i never set goals, i said this is how it is, i can either work to make it better or just stick it out but theres no other option, i never let formula tempt me, i just was determined to give him his fair start in life and i knw formula wouldnt give him that. being a bit hard headed helps sometimes! i would say to myself "failure is not an option" and that helped me in the hard times.

April - posted on 10/04/2010

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i think you are doing a great job!! sometimes i love breastfeeding and other times not so much, but i would like to make it to a natural duration ( 3 to 7). he is almost 2 and it has been the most rewarding experience, yet tiresome and a struggle at times. We had lots of nursing strikes, lots of blocked ducts, lots of marathon nursing, and milk blebs! not to mention, for long car rides, i've learned to be an acrobat. you go girl!! there will be times when you won't enjoy it as much but it WILL get better! see how you feel at 6 months and maybe try to make it to a year (that's what i did. i kept on telling myself just a few more weeks and here we are at 21 months!)

Jessica - posted on 10/04/2010

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wow! You are a trooper. I don't know if I could have kept breastfeeding after all that. You do what is best for you and your baby. If you can get to the 6 month mark - great! But if you can't - know that you gave her the best start you could and try not to feel bad about it.

Leslie - posted on 10/04/2010

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That is great that you keep going on, keep up the great work hun. You are doing a great thing for your baby. Try giving a bit of formula if you get too tired of it. Give yourself a little break, then the next feeding BF. I know it's hard going through this especially when you are single. You are doing a wonderful job and that baby is very lucky to have you as their mommy. ♥

Donna - posted on 10/04/2010

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God bless your heart, you have had it rough. But your milk is healthy for her and You need rest. Are you laying down to nurse with the baby beside you? they feel our stress. I had this problem with my first baby, I was single and alone like you. I resented it, but I pray you pull thru with good results and tha things fet better. Message me if you need to talk.

Merry - posted on 10/04/2010

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Nellie, just from one of my friends experience her daughter had acid reflux and was on meds but was always crabby and slept badly, waking up a ton. Around her birthday her mom took her to a different dr and he noticed straight away that she was on too small a dose of meds, that week she started sleeping 14 hr strait at night! Just a thought, to get a second look at the meds if it turns out to still be bothering her.

[deleted account]

Congrats on doing the best thing for your baby despite all the hardship and stress it's caused. =)

Nellie - posted on 10/03/2010

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I`ve been on medicene to boost my milk fora long time now. I wrote this post as soon as I got back from the doctors, again, so I was extremely stressed. Now that I`ve had some time to think about it, I`m going to force myself to make it to the six month mark, and after that I`ll just take to day to day. I haven`t heard of any La Leache organistions in my area, but I am still in contact with the public health nurse. The thrush is now gone, but now Kayla is teething, which is great, but once again she`s fussy with the eating because of it and will scream lots. The medicene for thrust we were on was some kinda purple dye for me and orange stuff for Kayla. I have, not all at once, stopped eating every type of food and nothing helped. Being a single mom, I don`t have a lot of money so as of right now I can`t afford a dummy but the good news is she is FINALLY sleepin in he crib! Thank you all for your support, it really has helped! Kayla still has the acid reflux and is now teething so she`s still very unhappy at most feedings, but I`m surviving, (so far)!!!

Kristy - posted on 10/03/2010

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Well done! I completly agree with Charlotte, and I just can't beleive that you ar still breastfeeding. The exuses women come up with not to breastfeed and look at you go! Does she take a dummy?My newborn was similar, feeding constantly all day! I just sat there and watched DVD's all day and let him go, but gee it was stressful and so boring. Couldn't get anything done and I couldn't express either, he seemed to be taking every drop. After about 6 weeks of it, it started distracting him with a dummy, and anything else I could, for as long as possible and my breas seemed to simply catch up all of a sudden, to the point they were leaking. He was able to get a big decent feed, and wouldn't require another for a few hours. He's 3 months old now and I just love BF! I doubt this will help you, your situation is cleary much worse, but 3 cheers for you as your doing an excellent job!!!

Charlotte - posted on 10/03/2010

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omg. SO many women use ridiculous reasons for not breastfeeding that alot of the time are no more than justw excuses. it is rare to have major issues with breastfeeding as it is so natural. then you come along, who is having genuine difficulties and having such a horrible time and you perserve! you truly are amazing!!! i'm such an advocate for breastfeeding... it may seem ott.. but im proud of you!! well done. before you write it off all together at six month, please just take it day by day. breastfeeding is not easy, it seemed to just encompass my whole life when my one was little... and she took to it like a duck to water so i an only imagine how you are feeling. if at six months, it feels a little easy, go for another day, then another week. you have done so well to make it this far that it would be ashame for you to miss out when it becomes second nature (which, i really think it will) once you get all medication sorted etc. just try to relax as much as possible, and next time you feel stressed or down about... be proud of the amount of women who would not of even attempt to make it as far as you got!! you are fab!!!

[deleted account]

relax! you are doing a great job! it is very hard especially when they are tiny like yours. but just think, every pound that your child gains is purely down to you! you are doing something for your baby that noone else can do! try fenal tea to increase your milk or a breastfeeding supplement (excuse my spelling). good luck hun, i'm sure it will get easier, but if you are getting too upset there is nothing worng with bottles xxxx

[deleted account]

That must be just horrible, all those problems, arrogant doctors and no support at home. You are brilliant for keeping it going the way you do, your little girl is really lucky to have such a great mom! Is there a La leche league group meeting anywhere near you that you could attend? You could also give them a ring. They really know their stuff and might be able to help you with your breastfeeding problems - most likely better then any doctor you come across. It's also nice to meet other moms. It was the only place where I felt really well and not judged for the first few months. It shouldn't be that bad for you at this stage. By the way, doctors treat everyone like that - I'm 37 and I'm getting it too. They just dismiss you straight away because apparently breastfeeding doesn't come with problems - such nonsense! I hope you got rid of your thrush, I know that can be kind of persistent. Good luck and keep us posted!

Lise - posted on 09/29/2010

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If you change your mind, let us know! For what it's worth, I hated it for the first 5 months and at 11.5 months, it's my favorite thing. But you've had such a rough time, I understand how you feel. Vent away! :)

Nellie - posted on 09/29/2010

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thanks, but no. this post was mainly just me venting. i`m gonna struggle through until december and then wean kayla onto formula. i just wish i could have had the same positive experience that people keep telling me `bout. giving up was just not an option for me, only the best for my baby girl!

Lise - posted on 09/29/2010

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(Hug) to you! Is there anything we can help you with to make it smoother? Is your thrush gone? Are you pumping for her, nursing her, both? I feel SO bad that you've had such horrible help with the doctors. You're a superwoman to be sticking with this all on your own!

User - posted on 09/29/2010

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oh hun, im sorry you'r having such a hard time.. ur amazing to of gone threw all of that i know alotta mums would of given up (me included).. i cant really help i just wanted to say that i think you are brill for doing it for this long with all of these problems xx

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